Starting over at 47

[Buckeye218]

So my wife of 23 years told me recently she is filing for divorce. She just kind of grew apart from me and now that the kids are older and will be leaving soon she wants to go her separate way.

So....wow. Here I was looking forward to our empty nest days and all the Disney vacations we had planned for just the two of us.

Instead I find myself in the uncomfortable position of starting over at age 47 (almost 48). I am not a naturally outgoing person and I don't think I will do well trying to get back into the dating arena...a place I haven't been since 1987.

So I'm looking at spending the rest of my life single. I guess I'll go on a few Disney solo trips as I live only 45 minutes away, but unlike many of the travelers on this board, I don't think I'll be able to enjoy it much. A lot of the fun and magic of a Disney trip is sharing that fun and magic with someone you love.

As I mentioned, I'm not all that comfortable socializing with people I don't know, so meeting up with other singles doesn't appeal to me either. I would be happier spending that time with a woman who shares my love of Disney experiences.

So I suppose I'll add my profile to the singles thread once our divorce is finalized, but it seems like a longshot. People spread all over the country and many of the singles skew younger. I doubt 47-year old introverted men who like to vacation at Disney are in much demand.

Sorry for the pessimism and self-pity. Solo trips probably won't be as bad as I imagine and who knows....maybe I'll even look forward to these trips in the future. I just can't see it from where I am now.

 

[Smile&Nod]

So sorry for the upheaval in your personal life - I went through the same thing about 8 years ago - husband of 25 years pretty much said he didn't love me anymore.

After counseling and trying and then realizing we didn't want to work hard enough we divorced about 6 years ago.

Give yourself time to grieve the marriage and then move forward. I have a wonderful home now and found I like myself, I like the freedom to do what I want when I want to and there are some advantages to being single. I never understood why a single friend of mine never dated after her divorce - it is a lot of work! and again, given time, you will find a new network of friends.

I have been lucky in that my now 24 year old DD loves Disney and is my traveling buddy. I have my first short solo trip this June after a work conference and actually am looking forward to doing some stuff that we usually skip because it is not of interest to her. Who knows - I may find I like doing it solo! I plan on some down time at the pool, sitting on a bench people watching etc. Even though I won't have someone right there to share it with I can share with friends via social media etc. I'm even taking a tour one morning!

Give yourself time to get used to the new "normal" and move forward from there! Good luck!

 

[JennyKS]

I think everyone feels the way you feel at the beginning. It's all new to you now, it will get better.

Heal then enjoy some time by yourself.

 

[Pooh2]

I am sorry you are feeling so down! Perhaps a friend,one of your kids, or niece or nephew might want to occasionally do a park outing with you? I hope things improve and you find joy in the near future!

 

[RDawn]

My husband was 45 years old when we married. I am told that when he was newly divorced he claimed that he would NEVER marry again. I am blessed that he changed his mind! Although you face sad times, things will get better...

 

[dennadis]

Sorry you are going through rough patch. I am a 56 female who is a Disney fanatic. I go on solo trips and a few trips with friends. There are older folks out there that love the Magic as much as the younger ones. Give it some time and hopefully the magic and pixie dust of WDW will change your mind! WDW is my happy place.....alone or with friends. Nothing like it!

 

[LaLalovesWDW]

oh wow, I know how hard that can be, but as "magical" as Disney can be, I am sure in time you will enjoy your solo trips and maybe find a friend, companion, or lover at some point down the line. I did a thread a few years back about how Introverts can totally do Disney alone and have a blast! I truly believe that. Of course, Im not an extrovert so Im sure they can also, but we are very introspective and appreciate the quiet moments within ourselves, and this will be a great chance for you to have the best bonding experience with yourself that money can buy! Really, after my divorce I realized that I needed to find and fall in love with the person I am now, rather than who I was back then. Sending you strength and blessings!!

 

[Buckeye218]

Thank you all for the kind words. I will hold out hope that once the dust settles, I'll be able to find "her"...somewhere, somehow.

 

[DaisyDuck001]

Among single Disney fans there are probably at least twice as many women as men, so a single man in that age group has a great chance to find a special lady. I agree that being introverted makes it harder to meet people. But there is hope. Focus on your strengths and positive attributes.

 

[ndorrien]

I am single in my 40s and I went to Disney World by myself and had a great time. I am on the quiet side so when I went during The Flower and Garden Show, I took photos and just enjoyed things I wouldn't normally see if I was with others. Single rider lines are a.great way to hop on lines but I didn't worry about being in a car with others since everyone was paying attention to the ride. Don't worry! If I can do it so can you!

 

[Disneylover99]

I just wanted to say, I know it's hard, especially if you are introverted, but it's never too late to start over. And actually, don't think of it as starting over, think of it as moving forward. . Good luck!

 

[Bete]

First, try to find someone else to go with you. Maybe, a neighbor would be willing especially if you do the driving. A work friend may do it. Try a family member, as well. There may be someone you know that you can go with to Disney. You don't have to find a female to go with you and you should expand your search for a companion to Disney that way. Maybe, you could take a niece or nephew with you.

Keep yourself busy at Disney. Plan your day very well; so, you are on the move and you won't be able to think about being alone. Bring a book or whatever to keep yourself occupied if you eat there.

As other posters have stated time should heal some of what you are going through and maybe, you can get over it all. Then, you may be ready to try a dating club or similar.

I feel it's worse to stay home and not go any where. Give it a try and you may be surprised.

 

[Dani C]

Maybe try going when a Dis meet is going on. That way you will have a ready group to associate with if you choose.

I know what it is like to be introverted and uncertain about meeting people. I tend to keep to myself most of the time but I have done a solo trip (for a week) and had a great time by myself.

Change is always difficult, but you can get through it. You always have your Dis friends that are here for you too. Good luck and hang in there.

 

[Vivianne]

I'm so sorry for the pain you're experiencing. Sounds like the wound is raw and only time will help you. When you are ready to open your mind to doing Disney solo, I suggest you do your research find different things to do at Disney. Things you may not have considered before. Don't force yourself to talk to people, that may come naturally because you'll find people won't even notice you're an introvert. Some people love to chat away but take your time to grieve over your marriage. You'll find that once that's resolved in your mind you'll be ready to move forward.

 

[dachsie]

Right now with the pain of your situation still fresh, things seem really bleak to you. I am sure it will get better with time. I am 47 and headed for another solo trip in a few days. I am approaching this as a new way to look at the parks and getting to do what I want instead of corralling others. I intend to enjoy every minute alone.

 

[mickeyworld]

I am a 59 year old widow. I lost the love of my life 11 years ago. I went on to raise 2? Wonderful women by myself and care for ailing parents... Now?
I have an interview at casting next week for a Disney job, found a house I. Florida I love, and am starting to live my dream. It will never be okay that you are hurt and feeling down. But do hang in there... Dreams do come true!!

 

[lisaviolet]

I am a 59 year old widow. I lost the love of my life 11 years ago. I went on to raise 2? Wonderful women by myself and care for ailing parents... Now?
I have an interview at casting next week for a Disney job, found a house I. Florida I love, and am starting to live my dream. It will never be okay that you are hurt and feeling down. But do hang in there... Dreams do come true!!

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your great love and at such a young age.

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I did smile at the rest of your post, mickeyworld. Good for you for all the joy that you've surrounded yourself with - really made my day to read it.


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Buckeye,

I'm sorry for what you're going through. As others have said it's perfectly normal, and healthy, to feel the loss of what you thought life would be.

But I also wanted to express a couple of things to you. I truly believe that everyone deserves someone who thinks that they are the be all and end all in the world. And I hope this doesn't come across as callous or uncaring but although this is very painful, it is good for you to be free to have that in your life.

I know that it doesn't seem all that *pretty* right now. But maybe this will be a very exciting time for you, after you've gone through your feelings. You don't know. Turn it around in your head. Tons of people are introverted and feel insecure to jump back in again. You're certainly not alone.

All the best to you,

Lisa

 

[Buckeye218]

Lisa, no I didn't think your comments were insensitive at all. I will just have to trust in God and know that everything will work out in the end.

I like twists and turns in the storyline in books and movies...not so fond of them in real life, lol.

So I guess we'll see what happens.

 

[misskari]

Sending good thoughts and warm wishes your way. Time truly does heal all wounds and sunny days will be yours in time!

 

[MerMom60_94]

Hi Buckeye. I am going through a lot of the same emotions you are but for a different reason. Three months ago I lost my beloved husband of thirty years to a heart attack. Right now I cannot imagine ever remarrying or being in another relationship - but, I am 53 years old. I presumably have a long life ahead of me, as do you. Like you, I am an introvert and pretty low key. If you and I were able to meet people and go on dates 30+/- years ago, there is no reason we can't now if that is what we want. I read a quote yesterday in the AARP magazine that I think applies to us both. "You have to be willing to let go of the life you planned in order to make the life you're meant to live" (Maria Shriver). In the meantime, spend time with your children. Develop your friendships. Spend time on yourself and what you want in life. These difficult days we are going through will make us stronger in the end. Best of luck.