Starting over at 47

[LaLalovesWDW]

Hi Buckeye. I am going through a lot of the same emotions you are but for a different reason. Three months ago I lost my beloved husband of thirty years to a heart attack. Right now I cannot imagine ever remarrying or being in another relationship - but, I am 53 years old. I presumably have a long life ahead of me, as do you. Like you, I am an introvert and pretty low key. If you and I were able to meet people and go on dates 30+/- years ago, there is no reason we can't now if that is what we want. I read a quote yesterday in the AARP magazine that I think applies to us both. "You have to be willing to let go of the life you planned in order to make the life you're meant to live" (Maria Shriver). In the meantime, spend time with your children. Develop your friendships. Spend time on yourself and what you want in life. These difficult days we are going through will make us stronger in the end. Best of luck.

Wow, this gave me "Goosies" as Jennifer Lopez would say... great post!

 

[Waiting2goback]

So my wife of 23 years told me recently she is filing for divorce. She just kind of grew apart from me and now that the kids are older and will be leaving soon she wants to go her separate way.

So....wow. Here I was looking forward to our empty nest days and all the Disney vacations we had planned for just the two of us.

Instead I find myself in the uncomfortable position of starting over at age 47 (almost 48). I am not a naturally outgoing person and I don't think I will do well trying to get back into the dating arena...a place I haven't been since 1987.

So I'm looking at spending the rest of my life single. I guess I'll go on a few Disney solo trips as I live only 45 minutes away, but unlike many of the travelers on this board, I don't think I'll be able to enjoy it much. A lot of the fun and magic of a Disney trip is sharing that fun and magic with someone you love.

As I mentioned, I'm not all that comfortable socializing with people I don't know, so meeting up with other singles doesn't appeal to me either. I would be happier spending that time with a woman who shares my love of Disney experiences.

So I suppose I'll add my profile to the singles thread once our divorce is finalized, but it seems like a longshot. People spread all over the country and many of the singles skew younger. I doubt 47-year old introverted men who like to vacation at Disney are in much demand.

Sorry for the pessimism and self-pity. Solo trips probably won't be as bad as I imagine and who knows....maybe I'll even look forward to these trips in the future. I just can't see it from where I am now.

Buckeye, you haven't been back since your initial post but I hope you do. I think a lot of people have said some really good stuff.

I had to respond because I am going through the same thing right now. Our situations are very similar with just some minor differences. I am 40 years old. My wife of 15 years (been together almost 20) told me just days before my 40th birthday she wanted a divorce. Now, I had a feeling it was coming, where it doesn't sound like you did from your post. That was last September. I was crushed, afterall she has been my life for 20 yrs. So, we went to counseling. That lasted about 10 visits before she gave up. Once that happened and I knew there was no hope I was feeling bad for myself, I was scared (I have NO family, so it will literally be just me and my kids).

Here are the differences: I have 4 small kids as opposed to yours who are older. I have been a stay-at-home dad for the last 5+ years so now we have to live together until I can find a decent job and get on my feet financially. So, I am currently financially dependent on her, which stinks.(We don't hate each other, we just grew apart). No family to turn to, as I mentioned.

But, like you I am an introvert. I was convinced I would never be able to meet anyone. And, for the last few years I have been working extra hard to try and make her happy. So, I lost touch with who I was. After she gave up on the counseling in November I went into panic mode. But, after I calmed down I started working on some goals for myself. I got back in touch with what it was "I" liked since it has been all about us/her for 20 years. You notice I joined this site in January. I LOVE Disney. We went there on our honeymoon. It was my first time ever. But, I fell in love with it. She still likes it but I just love it. So, I joined here and there are so many nice people so far.

I'm looking for a job (not going well). But, I decided to work on the things I can control for now. I am eating better, exercising, reading a lot more, etc... I realized I have been missing out on a lot of what life has to offer and despite being introverted I am not going to let the rest of life pass me by. I signed up for the Tower of Terror 10 mile race through runDisney in October. I HATE long distance running. But, I am tired of living in fear so I am doing it to challenge myself. This quote from MerMom60_94 is perfect for everyone who goes through a hard time, "You have to be willing to let go of the life you planned in order to make the life you're meant to live" No, maybe things aren't working out the way you had planned for them but it doesn't mean you can't still have a great life. Now you have nothing holding you back go MAKE the life YOU want.

As far as meeting people goes. Dating is not the same as it once was. You can go on a dating website. Match.com, eHarmony, or whatever. They are made for introverts, in my opinion. You can sit in your house, write down exactly what you are looking for, and then be patient and wait until you find it.

Also, there is a site called Meetup.com. You can go on there and look for anything you are interested in and join a group of people with the same interest and they schedule times where you can "meet up" to hang out. They have dating groups to help meet people or just about any other subject you want. And, if you don't see a group you want you can start one yourself. I joined a dating group, a fitness group, a divorce/separated support group, etc...

It is only a couple months since the wife gave up on counseling and I went from crying myself to sleep to waking up and hoping to find a job so I can move on with my life even faster. I know it is hard now but it will get easier.

And, if you want to come to Disney in October when I am there, I'll hang with you. In the past I would have NEVER even thought of talking to strangers but this will be my 3rd solo trip. In each of the first 2 I ended up talking to families next to me at the parade and on this trip I will find someone to talk to because I have missed out on so much until now and I won't let it happen anymore. It is hard to do for me, but I realized it is even harder to just be an observer from the sidelines of life.

Sorry for the length, but this is actually short compared to what I wanted to write.

 

[LaLalovesWDW]

Inspiring! I hope he gets to read it. Congratulations on all you've done. Keep those positive thoughts and visualizations out the in the atmosphere and it will happen.

Buckeye, you haven't been back since your initial post but I hope you do. I think a lot of people have said some really good stuff.

I had to respond because I am going through the same thing right now. Our situations are very similar with just some minor differences. I am 40 years old. My wife of 15 years (been together almost 20) told me just days before my 40th birthday she wanted a divorce. Now, I had a feeling it was coming, where it doesn't sound like you did from your post. That was last September. I was crushed, afterall she has been my life for 20 yrs. So, we went to counseling. That lasted about 10 visits before she gave up. Once that happened and I knew there was no hope I was feeling bad for myself, I was scared (I have NO family, so it will literally be just me and my kids).

Here are the differences: I have 4 small kids as opposed to yours who are older. I have been a stay-at-home dad for the last 5+ years so now we have to live together until I can find a decent job and get on my feet financially. So, I am currently financially dependent on her, which stinks.(We don't hate each other, we just grew apart). No family to turn to, as I mentioned.

But, like you I am an introvert. I was convinced I would never be able to meet anyone. And, for the last few years I have been working extra hard to try and make her happy. So, I lost touch with who I was. After she gave up on the counseling in November I went into panic mode. But, after I calmed down I started working on some goals for myself. I got back in touch with what it was "I" liked since it has been all about us/her for 20 years. You notice I joined this site in January. I LOVE Disney. We went there on our honeymoon. It was my first time ever. But, I fell in love with it. She still likes it but I just love it. So, I joined here and there are so many nice people so far.

I'm looking for a job (not going well). But, I decided to work on the things I can control for now. I am eating better, exercising, reading a lot more, etc... I realized I have been missing out on a lot of what life has to offer and despite being introverted I am not going to let the rest of life pass me by. I signed up for the Tower of Terror 10 mile race through runDisney in October. I HATE long distance running. But, I am tired of living in fear so I am doing it to challenge myself. This quote from MerMom60_94 is perfect for everyone who goes through a hard time, "You have to be willing to let go of the life you planned in order to make the life you're meant to live" No, maybe things aren't working out the way you had planned for them but it doesn't mean you can't still have a great life. Now you have nothing holding you back go MAKE the life YOU want.

As far as meeting people goes. Dating is not the same as it once was. You can go on a dating website. Match.com, eHarmony, or whatever. They are made for introverts, in my opinion. You can sit in your house, write down exactly what you are looking for, and then be patient and wait until you find it.

Also, there is a site called Meetup.com. You can go on there and look for anything you are interested in and join a group of people with the same interest and they schedule times where you can "meet up" to hang out. They have dating groups to help meet people or just about any other subject you want. And, if you don't see a group you want you can start one yourself. I joined a dating group, a fitness group, a divorce/separated support group, etc...

It is only a couple months since the wife gave up on counseling and I went from crying myself to sleep to waking up and hoping to find a job so I can move on with my life even faster. I know it is hard now but it will get easier.

And, if you want to come to Disney in October when I am there, I'll hang with you. In the past I would have NEVER even thought of talking to strangers but this will be my 3rd solo trip. In each of the first 2 I ended up talking to families next to me at the parade and on this trip I will find someone to talk to because I have missed out on so much until now and I won't let it happen anymore. It is hard to do for me, but I realized it is even harder to just be an observer from the sidelines of life.

Sorry for the length, but this is actually short compared to what I wanted to write.

 

[Waiting2goback]

Thanks. I hope he gets to read it too, not just because I think it will help him but maybe because he and I, and anyone else in the same situation, can help each other through it all together.

It's funny though, I have never really been a positive person. My family was very negative, and my wife is too. I always knew she was, and she even admits she is so it's not like I am just saying it now because of our situation, I just never realized how much it has impacted my life up until now.

I have been reading a lot of self-help books and other books with a positive message (which she makes fun of me for and says they don't help so why waste my time. But she also says exercising is a waste of time too? ). I have read them in the past but they never helped. For some reason something clicked and it all makes sense now.

 

[Disney Frenhines]

Just want to add I'm 50, widowed nearly 17 years ago and until 2007 would go to WDW with my daughter, she is now grown up and I visit regularly from the UK and I love my solo trips, if I lived as close as you did I would be there every week as I have a whale of a time. I go on rides, get a coffee and cake and people watch, take lots of photos of unexpected things and generally have a brilliant time on my own, no one to tell me what to do, you won't feel lonely although you will have some people looking at you for being alone, however, they are the losers, not you and are probably jealous of the freedom you have to do what you want, when you want and how you want. Yes, I know I'm female and I think it is easier for a lone female to feel comfortable at WDW, which is one of the few places I can do that, but, ignore the looks and have fun. Besides, there is always the single rider line BONUS!!!

 

[ejmdoesn]

Buckeye, you haven't been back since your initial post but I hope you do. I think a lot of people have said some really good stuff.

I had to respond because I am going through the same thing right now. Our situations are very similar with just some minor differences. I am 40 years old. My wife of 15 years (been together almost 20) told me just days before my 40th birthday she wanted a divorce. Now, I had a feeling it was coming, where it doesn't sound like you did from your post. That was last September. I was crushed, afterall she has been my life for 20 yrs. So, we went to counseling. That lasted about 10 visits before she gave up. Once that happened and I knew there was no hope I was feeling bad for myself, I was scared (I have NO family, so it will literally be just me and my kids).

Here are the differences: I have 4 small kids as opposed to yours who are older. I have been a stay-at-home dad for the last 5+ years so now we have to live together until I can find a decent job and get on my feet financially. So, I am currently financially dependent on her, which stinks.(We don't hate each other, we just grew apart). No family to turn to, as I mentioned.

But, like you I am an introvert. I was convinced I would never be able to meet anyone. And, for the last few years I have been working extra hard to try and make her happy. So, I lost touch with who I was. After she gave up on the counseling in November I went into panic mode. But, after I calmed down I started working on some goals for myself. I got back in touch with what it was "I" liked since it has been all about us/her for 20 years. You notice I joined this site in January. I LOVE Disney. We went there on our honeymoon. It was my first time ever. But, I fell in love with it. She still likes it but I just love it. So, I joined here and there are so many nice people so far.

I'm looking for a job (not going well). But, I decided to work on the things I can control for now. I am eating better, exercising, reading a lot more, etc... I realized I have been missing out on a lot of what life has to offer and despite being introverted I am not going to let the rest of life pass me by. I signed up for the Tower of Terror 10 mile race through runDisney in October. I HATE long distance running. But, I am tired of living in fear so I am doing it to challenge myself. This quote from MerMom60_94 is perfect for everyone who goes through a hard time, "You have to be willing to let go of the life you planned in order to make the life you're meant to live" No, maybe things aren't working out the way you had planned for them but it doesn't mean you can't still have a great life. Now you have nothing holding you back go MAKE the life YOU want.

As far as meeting people goes. Dating is not the same as it once was. You can go on a dating website. Match.com, eHarmony, or whatever. They are made for introverts, in my opinion. You can sit in your house, write down exactly what you are looking for, and then be patient and wait until you find it.

Also, there is a site called Meetup.com. You can go on there and look for anything you are interested in and join a group of people with the same interest and they schedule times where you can "meet up" to hang out. They have dating groups to help meet people or just about any other subject you want. And, if you don't see a group you want you can start one yourself. I joined a dating group, a fitness group, a divorce/separated support group, etc...

It is only a couple months since the wife gave up on counseling and I went from crying myself to sleep to waking up and hoping to find a job so I can move on with my life even faster. I know it is hard now but it will get easier.

And, if you want to come to Disney in October when I am there, I'll hang with you. In the past I would have NEVER even thought of talking to strangers but this will be my 3rd solo trip. In each of the first 2 I ended up talking to families next to me at the parade and on this trip I will find someone to talk to because I have missed out on so much until now and I won't let it happen anymore. It is hard to do for me, but I realized it is even harder to just be an observer from the sidelines of life.

Sorry for the length, but this is actually short compared to what I wanted to write.

Wow, it sounds like our situations are really similar! My divorce was final in July of 2013, I am a 40 year old Mom of 4 young children, I was a stay at home mom until my divorce. I planned on being married forever, until my ex admitted that he had cheated on me, with men. He wanted to try counseling, we did and he never took it seriously. I told him I was willing to try but if it happened again I was gone, it happened again. Unfortunately he has also been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, so he has a lot of issues. We were going to try living together for the kids, but it didn't work out, I had to move out and get a job, it wasn't the life I planned, but everything is working out well now! You are on the right track, things will get better for you, even though it seems hard to believe now!

 

[Buckeye218]

Buckeye, you haven't been back since your initial post but I hope you do. I think a lot of people have said some really good stuff.

Actually, I have been back (see post 18). I've taken to checking this board every day. I've read every single post. Even though I don't know any of you, I guess it's comforting on some level that I'm not alone. There are good people here on the DIS.

I guess I kind of knew it was a possibility. Our relationship has had extended periods of ups and downs over our 23+ years. She slowly distanced herself from me a little at a time. She is throwing herself into her work. Although I knew we were in a rut, my hope was that once the kids moved out and it was just the two of us, things would be different.

As it is now, we will be selling our DVC and are working on fixing up the house to try to sell it this summer. We had a cruise scheduled for October that we'll be cancelling. Once that is done, we will go our separate ways.

Like you, we don't hate each other. But it is kind of awkward and for lack of a better word, chilly. But when she told me, there was no emotion, no tears...no nothing. And she is a very emotional person. I knew then that there wasn't any level of counseling that would help. She just wants out.

The first few days (when I posted initially) it felt like there was a crushing weight on my sternum, as though as I couldn't breathe. Not that I was shocked, but I guess just the finality of having her actually say it. That feeling has slowly passed.

So even though we're still married, I feel as though I've been single for a while now. As strange and indifferent as it may seem, I'm already ready to meet someone new and we haven't even filed any papers yet.

As far as the dating websites, I imagine that's where I'll start. I haven't heard of meetup.com....I'll have to check that out (thanks). Filling out the profile will be the easy part. It's the socializing that comes next where I am at my most awkward.

I'm sorry to hear that your four young children will have to go through this. My parents divorced when I was 9 and I grew up without a father. When the topic came up, we promised our children when they were young that we would never get divorced. While they're old enough now to understand, I still hate that the promise is being broken.

When we finally tell them, I know they'll both choose to live with her and I think that's for the best. They are both very close to her. I will still visit with them regularly and be a part of their lives. But I never wanted this awkward family portfolio...who do we spend Christmas with....who did we visit for Thanksgiving last year...how do we explain to our future grandchildren why there are so many grandparents, etc, etc....

My wife and I are fortunate that we are both securely employed at present. Although she earns about $10k more than me, we can both support ourselves. So instead of being upper middle-class together, we'll be middle-to-lower middle class separately. There will definitely be financial stressors with having two houses, two sets of furniture, two sets of well....everything. But even though we won't be as comfortable as we were before, we'll be okay. And I know we're both blessed to be in that situation in this putrid economy.

And now I think I've out-rambled you. I'm not sure there was a point to this disjointed narrative...except to say, thank you to those of you out there who have let me know that you went through the same thing and came out okay on the other side. Doesn't mean I will, but at least there's a chance.

Thank you for all the words of encouragement. I think I'll still lurk on this board daily, even if I don't always comment. I do read every single response to my posts. Have a great Friday evening all!

 

[Buckeye218]

Just want to add I'm 50, widowed nearly 17 years ago and until 2007 would go to WDW with my daughter, she is now grown up and I visit regularly from the UK and I love my solo trips, if I lived as close as you did I would be there every week as I have a whale of a time. I go on rides, get a coffee and cake and people watch, take lots of photos of unexpected things and generally have a brilliant time on my own, no one to tell me what to do, you won't feel lonely although you will have some people looking at you for being alone, however, they are the losers, not you and are probably jealous of the freedom you have to do what you want, when you want and how you want. Yes, I know I'm female and I think it is easier for a lone female to feel comfortable at WDW, which is one of the few places I can do that, but, ignore the looks and have fun. Besides, there is always the single rider line BONUS!!!

Thanks, I'm actually okay with going to the parks by myself, even as a guy. I don't really pay attention if other people are staring at me...so even if they are, I probably wouldn't notice it. My kids and I use the single rider lines extensively, even now when we go as a family..and I agree, they are great!

I'm just not sure I want to go the parks by myself. I want a wife to be able to enjoy the parks with. (That sounds awfully needy when I type it out...oh well; so be it) So while I'll have the freedom to go by myself whenever I want, I'm not sure I will after a while. As I said in my first post, I'm not sure there will be the same magic without someone to enjoy it with.

I'm sure I'll go every once in a while with my kids, but they're getting to the point where they don't necessarily want to vacation with Dad any more.

At least if I do go, I'll get to see a whole new set of Disney resorts...we've only ever stayed at DVC resorts since 2004. After looking at the rack-room rates, I've got the feeling I'll be a value-resort guest from now on, lol. (and yes, I know there are FL resident specials all the time).

 

[Waiting2goback]

Wow, it sounds like our situations are really similar! My divorce was final in July of 2013, I am a 40 year old Mom of 4 young children, I was a stay at home mom until my divorce. I planned on being married forever, until my ex admitted that he had cheated on me, with men. He wanted to try counseling, we did and he never took it seriously. I told him I was willing to try but if it happened again I was gone, it happened again. Unfortunately he has also been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, so he has a lot of issues. We were going to try living together for the kids, but it didn't work out, I had to move out and get a job, it wasn't the life I planned, but everything is working out well now! You are on the right track, things will get better for you, even though it seems hard to believe now!

Well, some things are similar. I am very fortunate that as far as I know my wife hasn't cheated on me. Although, where I am at now, I don't think I'd care if I found out she had. If I found out before when I was still invested in the relationship it would have crushed me. I am sorry to hear that happened to you. And, while cheating is never good, when you hear that it happened with a same sex partner I would think it had to be worse because then you find out you didn't really know that person at all (unless you suspected he was gay?)

It sounds to me like you made the right decision to move on and not live together for the kids. I am not staying with her for the kids. We haven't told them yet. There is no reason to tell them until we can afford to move on. But, right now it is just financially driven.

 

[Waiting2goback]

Buckeye- sorry I missed that you had come back. I read your posts but on my phone it is hard to see everything. There is so much that you said that I would like to comment on but I just don't want to bore people with lengthy responses. But, I guess if they are bored they just won't read it, right?

If I am doing my math correctly you and I got married around the same age, 24. I think that has a lot to do with my initial feeling about the divorce and how you feel now. I am like you, I like being married. I pictured myself walking through Disney in our older age, holding hands, and just enjoying life. Our honeymoon was at Disney. We stayed at the Floridian. So, each time I go back I make sure to take a walk around there. It was one of the happiest times of my life. But, the fact that I will be going back in October knowing I will be getting divorced doesn't make it less magical.

Maybe my vision of walking through the parks in my old age holding hands is still going to happen. Maybe it will just happen with the person I was actually meant to spend my life with. Maybe there is a woman out there that will actually enjoy being around me. Someone who will actually willingly give me a hug for no reason, etc... Because when I was sad about the divorce it was when I always pictured the EARLY years, when my wife did all the things I liked, and did them happily. The truth is the last 10 years or more have been a battle just to get the simplest of affection from her. She sits on her own couch and shows no affection. Ever since she got her iPad all she does it play on that stupid thing. My point is, divorce wasn't part of my plan but when I really took a step back and looked at things for what they actually are, my plan hasn't been happening for a LONG time.

I went from thinking I was starting over at age 40 to feeling like my life is finally beginning. Now I am older. I have all the kids I want. (Not meaning I have too many, I just mean no matter who I meet going forward I don't want anymore kids). I see that living to make HER happy has made me unhappy. I was an athlete growing up and I have spent the last 15-20 years living in fear of experiencing life and becoming a couch potato.

Running a 10 mile race was never a part of my plan when I got married but I am doing it in October. I am doing something I am afraid of (running 10 miles) over a 1000 miles from my comfort zone (my house) surrounded by thousands of people I don't know. This does not fit into my couch potato comfort zone mentioned about. But, I am excited.

I understand how you feel about meeting new people and it being awkward. The truth is though, anything outside of our comfort zone is awkward at first. I think that is why meetup.com is perfect for you, or people like us. If your interested in gardening, for example, you join a meetup like that. Then when you meet the group you already have something to talk about. It takes the majority of the awkwardness out of it. They have, at least up here in MA, groups for introverts. Then you are no more awkward than anyone else there. Who knows, you might meet your next wife in one of those groups.

I think one thing us introverts think is that it is hard to meet people because we are introverted. I read a book called "The Introvert Advantage". I learned that being introverted is not what I thought it was. Basically the difference between an introvert and extrovert is that we like more quiet and less hectic places. We "recharge" our mental batteries in quiet environments. Extroverts like the chaos and that is where they recharge their batteries.

If I meet someone in a one to one setting I can hold a conversation on most topics. I will never be the guy in the middle of the dance floor being the center of attention though.

I have a long story but I will keep it brief. I have no family, as mentioned before, because my parents sued me for $30K (their 1/2 of my college they said they'd pay for) right after I got married. I settled with them, paid them off and changed my last name so they could never find me again. That was over 15 years ago. I have been in and out of different counselors. They assured me I had depression and social anxiety disorder. I wasn't happier with any of the different counselors. They put me on every medicine out there and nothing worked. Finally, after being on one of the strongest medicines out there (lithium) and getting no results I stopped cold turkey last summer. Everyone was concerned. They thought I was crazy for doing it.

I am sharing this because once a doctor told me I had these issues I BELIEVED him. I started to live like a depressed person. I stayed away from people. Afterall, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. Normally, finding out I was getting divorced would have crippled me even with all that medicine. Now, I have no medicine. I am working out. I talk to people so much more than I was before. I am trying to get a SALES job.

You know what my problem was all this time. Poor SELF-ESTEEM. When my parents sued me I thought I was worthless. I mean, the people who brought me into the world clearly didn't care about me or they wouldn't have sued me. All the negativity I heard from my wife all these years, that I just accepted before because afterall, she was my wife and she "loved me" so she must be right. It all changed for me when I got yet another book. Don't have the title memorized for this one but can get it for anyone who wants is. It was on self-esteem. In the book was an exercise on making an "accurate self assessment".

I did the exercise and made my assessment. I realized I am worth it. Once I realized I was worth it I started taking myself seriously. My wife's insults just bounced off me. I am 20 lbs lighter, with 30 more to go and you can bet I will make it to my goal this time because I now see what kind of life I REALLY want to live. I was living a life I THOUGHT I wanted because it was SAFE.

My wife said last week she wasn't 100% sure she is doing the right thing getting a divorce. She has her doubts. She then asked me if I was sure. Before I would have tried to convince her to stay married. This time I said, "I AM 100% SURE!" She was shocked and asked why. I said, "I deserve better than someone who is so negative. I want to get out an enjoy life rather than sit on our separate couches for another 30 years."

My whole point is, if you believe the magic is gone with Disney because she won't be there, then it is. If you think it will be awkward to socialize, it will be. If you think you are worth it and people will be LUCKY to be part of your life then your life will be full and enjoyable. Not because of the other people but because YOU believe in YOU.

Disney is magical for me because a guy, whose parents didn't believe in his dream and talent, went on to fight the battles to make his dream happen. He didn't resort to a couch when things got difficult. As a result, he started a place that billions of people have enjoyed over the years because HE believed in HIMSELF!

What kind of things do you like to do? What are some of the things you didn't do over the last 23 years because you were married and she didn't agree. Make a list, and start doing them NOW!

Hopefully I am not coming as preaching. Hopefully I am not boring anyone. Just trying to help.

 

[Waiting2goback]

By the way, that long post from this morning that I wrote doesn't mean I have it all figured out and I don't have my bad days. Today is one of them.

 

[DisneyDiana]

Waiting, your attitude will get you through. I went through a similar situation many years ago. Time really does make a difference. As you know, the bad days will come but you will get through them and you will be a stronger person than before.

Buckeye, make sure to find plenty of time to do things for yourself. It sounds like you have already made a great start. The more activities you do that interest you, the more of a chance you will meet someone that likes things you do. It will all come together in time.


Hang in there guys!

 

[Waiting2goback]

Thanks. I know things will be fine. But, until I meet someone else, those Saturday nights I spend by myself will feel lonely for a while.

 

[Inmyhappyplace]

I am getting bold. This is my second post but I just wanted to say to you, Buckeye that a good life can be had and Disney is a wonderful place even for solo visits. I love going solo. I am introverted and enjoy the freedom of doing what I want. I wish you the best. There is life after divorce--GO for it.

Waiting-Doing the 10K sounds like you are motivated. I am going solo and doing the 5K. I admire all those that can run distances.

 

[Waiting2goback]

Inmyhappyplace- I wish it was only a 10K. A 10K is 6.2 miles, roughly. I signed up for a 10 MILE race. I haven't booked the flight and hotel yet, as I am waiting to see if I can get a better deal, so I am hoping I don't talk myself out of it. I am dying to get out and start training but this morning it was 15' here and we are potentially getting a foot of snow tomorrow into Wednesday. Makes for difficult training.

It is so ironic how many introverts seem to like going to Disney alone. By definition you would think that is one of the last places an introvert would go alone given the amount of people there, even during slow times. Just more proof that you can do anything you set your mind to.

 

[fifthrider]

These are all some very powerful and plainly honest stories. I find them as inspiring as they are depressing, but I mean that in a good way. Depressing in the sense that it seems many of us aren't living that life we planned, but the life we were meant to. Sifting happiness from the ashes is just one of life's many tests.

I have to throw in my 2 cents about going to the park alone. I've noticed if you let it slip that you're there by yourself the majority of people give you an "Aaaww" either out loud or with their eyes. I hate to lie, but I hate that pity from strangers even more so I just tell them my group broke into smaller groups to meet back up later. It avoids their pity reaction, which really doesn't serve any helpful or beneficial outcome.

When you go to a park by yourself, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT. Go look at all the things you can't when you're with someone. Even if it's just one other person, your attention is on them and what you do as a team but when you're with yourself you CAN stop and read every plaque, look for hidden Mickeys, try to find every window on Main Street and look up who they were and why they're there, etc. Being alone is the perfect time to enjoy life in the little details you can't experience as a group.

Yes, there's a lot of pain that comes from being alone but if you know how to be happy no matter what life throws at you then you can sift the happiness and upside from it as well. Now's your time to enjoy things at your pace, on your time. In the relatively near future you may not be alone again and while that's great, you'll look back and think "Ah damn, I should have done (item x) while I had the chance!"

You know what's NOT ironic about so many introverts going to a Disney resort? It's happy. People are in pain. People want to feel happy. There's nothing ironic about Disney making you feel good when you are a bit low on vitamin D. Disney is one of the few entities I know that's perfect for a marriage, an anniversary, a divorce, a birthday, a recovery place, etc.


"I didn't say it was your laughing place, I said it was MY laughing place Br'er bear!" - Br'er Rabbit

 

[happymommy]

I just wanted to say to you, the OP, that I'm sorry about your situation, but hope you find some very good days ahead!

My DH doesn't love Disney like I do, but he does like it a bit (he has a stressful job and deals with people all day, and of course has been many times). I actually have taken many trips without him (but with our 2 kids, starting when they were 4 and 6 without him). He comes on about 1 out of every 3 trips now. And, I hate to say, but when it's just me and the kids we have a lot of fun too! I would honestly go solo or with a nice friend when the kids are in college (I would love to see the F&W at Epcot some day). I find it's nice to talk to cast members and other guests too. So, if it were me, I'd rather go to Disney alone than be home!

Hoping you find some better days soon!!

 

[FiggieFan]

Hi Buckeye. I am going through a lot of the same emotions you are but for a different reason. Three months ago I lost my beloved husband of thirty years to a heart attack. Right now I cannot imagine ever remarrying or being in another relationship - but, I am 53 years old. I presumably have a long life ahead of me, as do you. Like you, I am an introvert and pretty low key. If you and I were able to meet people and go on dates 30+/- years ago, there is no reason we can't now if that is what we want. I read a quote yesterday in the AARP magazine that I think applies to us both. "You have to be willing to let go of the life you planned in order to make the life you're meant to live" (Maria Shriver). In the meantime, spend time with your children. Develop your friendships. Spend time on yourself and what you want in life. These difficult days we are going through will make us stronger in the end. Best of luck.

Great quote! Hang in there Buckeye and to all the others. There have been a lot of great posts on this thread and I have found them encouraging and am thankful for them. I am a 43 year old female who LOVES Disney and very recently my fiance passed away - very suddenly - fine one minute and gone the next. Buckeye, it is not the same situation, but everything is so new and emotions are so raw, in time wounds will heal and things get better. I am a person that keeps very much to myself and am very private. I had an anxiety attack going back to work just because I didn't want the attention and wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. We already had another vacation scheduled 11/29-12/12 because I always wanted to see Disney at Christmas. I decided to keep the trip if the funds are possible (hoping for some pixie dust). I am hoping to relax and to try and enjoy the time to myself and maybe meet some new Disney friends. I know parts of the trip will be hard, but I am trying to make some adjustments to make it a little easier. I changed our regular hotel, POFQ, to WL which I always wanted to do. Don't want to stay in a value during Pop Warner week. I am also trying a lot of new restaurants and avoiding some that may be painful like Sci-fi which was his favorite. One of the great things about WDW is that there is so much to do, I am trying to make a list of all the things I haven't experienced yet, big and small, such as the Jungle Cruise at night, the Christmas Party and the Main St Electrical Parade. I have always wanted to see the Electrical Water Pageant so this next trip I will and eat my first Dole Whip!
One of my favorite scenes from Once Upon a Time was from the mid-season finale where they had a flashback to when Mary Margaret gave Henry the book and she said "and what exactly do you think fairy tales are? They are a reminder that our lives will get better if we just hold on to hope. Your happy ending may not be what you expect, that is what will make it so special". Then she says "believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a powerful thing".
Yes, it is a Disney show and some will knock me for it, but I think it is a powerful quote and never give up HOPE!
Some people are disturbed that I am already on Disney sites and use them as my comfort, but it is my escape and I think only other Disney people can understand that.
Here is my favorite scene, some may think it is corny, but while I have good days and bad days, I am trying my hardest to hold on to HOPE:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHU_GJ-RdhI

Love and pixie dust! May things get better in your future and your burden be lightened!

 

[Buckeye218]

fifthrider, happymommy, FiggieFan, thank you all for your comments (as well as all who commented before)

I do appreciate all your wishes for better days, your personal stories and your advice. I do take some comfort that many of you have gone through much worse situations than I have and have persevered. I don't post often, but I do read everything. This has been and continues to be a rollercoaster of emotions for me, having never gone through anything like this. It definitely makes you do a lot of soul searching.

I'm sure I will go to the parks from time-to-time...I know when you travel solo you can see things in a different way and have different experiences than when you're in a group. I'm sure I will continue to visit with my teenagers and maybe even when they're adults. But now that our family unit has been fractured, I don't see how it can be the same. I knew the kids would grow up and leave, but I wasn't expecting to be alone when that time came.
So now I have to redefine what coming to WDW will mean to me. Part of the magic to me is sharing that joy and excitement you feel when you're there. It's corny, I know.

But if nothing else good ever comes from this, I have gained one amazing new friend who came from out of nowhere that I have found I can lean on. As someone who doesn't make friends easily, this has really meant the world to me lately. So the world is a little less lonely when you have someone to talk to.

When I first discovered the DIS it was just a resource for touring plans, cruising tips and insider information. But it's really more than that. There is a community here full of great people and I appreciate that now more than ever.

So thanks for the concern, guys.

 

[Waiting2goback]

FiggieFan: Sorry to hear about your loss. Hopefully you can still afford the trip. Maybe you could just shorten it a couple days, as it looks like you are going for a couple weeks. Maybe that will help save some money.

Buckeye: That's great you met someone new. You didn't mention if it is a female or male friend???

I am personally having a rough time. I wish I could meet a new friend. Still can't find a job, which only delays how long me and the future ex have to live together. I hurt myself playing racquetball a couple weeks ago so it has made my other, regular, workouts harder to do. But, I just keep plugging away. That's all I can do, right.