Colleen27
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2007
My marriage is work. We've been together since I've been 15 and he 18 and married for 22 years. It is work because we are totally different people than we started out as.
We really don't agree on much. We've been really rocky this last year and we keep trying to keep it together. I love him but I think my love is beginning to turn more brotherly/sisterly than romantic. I have to work on it being romantic. He over reacts and I walk on egg shells to keep him calm, I work on that. We don't communicate well - either of us. We have talked about ending it and moving on but we come back -it's all we know. We work on it. There are times we are happy. We don't laugh much or make time for each other. I guess typing this out I feel more like we are roommates than husband wife and I am sad. I was over the moon in love with him but life has really gotten in the way.
We work on it. Every day. It's exhausting some days. I guess we need to do some communicating to figure out if we want to work on it anymore or not.
I think many relationships go through that stage during the super-busy parenting/career years. The trick, from what I've seen in relatives with successful long-term marriages, is to keep in mind that it is just a stage and put in the work during the years when even making time for dinner and a movie does feel like work so that when the rest of life's obligations begin to wane you have a basis for reconnecting with your spouse.
I agree with the poster who said it takes work, but it isn't hard. Compared to raising three kids...marriage is a breeze I love being married
I think it is just the opposite. Marriage is much harder work than parenting. Parenting, now that we're past the baby/toddler stage, is quite enjoyable and therefore doesn't feel much like work. I'm one of those weird people who prefers teens over toddlers and I really like being Mom to three kids old enough to hold conversations, express wants without crying/whining, and with interests and opinions of their own. But DH can be exhausting, particularly at times of transition when we're renegotiating established patterns in our relationship and our household. Maybe it is because I'm a pretty extreme introvert to the point of hermit tendencies or because I grew up with a single mom who didn't have relationships, but I find it much harder to deal with a grown man needing me/expecting compromise from me than I do to understand and meet the kids needs.