Hello all, I don't know if there is anybody out there with problems like me but just maybe there is. I had an extensive stomach surgery when they found free air in my abdomen. They never found any perforations so the surgery turned out to be for nothing, but ever since then I have suffered from a lot of bloating, constipation and reflux. It's as though my stomach didn't like being touched and it just doesn't want to work like it used to. It has been suggested I have possible SIBO from the surgery and antibiotics. It could also very well be scar tissue getting in the way of my intestines working properly. Now I must tell you I also have a very big fear of medicines and artificial ingredients. This makes recovery even harder because I am afraid to take the breath test for SIBO. I am afraid of the antibiotic that could help. I am afraid of almost all food, espeically carby sugary things that could feed the bad bacteria (if I even have SIBO). It has gotten to the point where I am eating nothing but salad and peanut butter and occasionally broccoli. I know this must all sound so stupid and silly but it is true. I have lost a tremendous amount of weight and can't afford to loose anymore. Many times I have gone to disney world to put my "disney hat" on and forget it all and have managed to gain a lot of weight. This time feels different though. I havent eaten meat or fish in so long though I am not sure how it would feel in my stomach. I do not want to go to an eating disorder clinic. I don't always know whats in the food at disney world either. I am 34 years and old, extremely shy and don't have any friends except for my mom. I really don't know what to do at this point. I'm not sure what to expect posting this but maybe there is somebody out there with a problem similar.
Hi
@Little_Mouse. I'm an old, grey-haired Rabbit who usually can be found over in the DISabilities forum around here.
I just wanted to tell you a couple of things.
First of all, please always remember that "normal" is just a setting on the washing machine. *No one* is perfect, despite how their Insta looks, and *no one* has a perfect life. That's important, because sometimes it's really easy to fall into that trap of "I'm weird - I'm so weird that the world can't deal with me, and I can't deal with the world". Words have weight and value - and most importantly are what *you* make of them - and for my family, "weird" means wonderfully, beautifully, different and unique from everyone else. (or, as the old bumpersticker says: "Be you! Everyone else is taken!" )
My adult daughter is not that much younger than you are, and she and I are best friends. We have been close her entire life, and as she matured into an adult, she also became a beloved and treasured friend. I consider it a blessing; we are truly lifelong friends. We were recently discussing how difficult it is to make friends once you leave school; so often we absorb this notion that you can't make friends after your 21st birthday, so you better get out there and make ALL of your friends before then or you will forever be alone! That is reinforced time after time by TV and movies, and if you stop to think about it, it's just plain silly. I have been making friends my entire life, and while I do have a lot of friends (and acquaintances as well) many of them are online, and I will never meet them in person. I still feel close to them, and I often share with them (especially one of my DIS friends) things that I don't share with any of my RL friends.
So, don't ever stop looking for friendship. It's like growing a plant - you have to find the right seed, and then nuture it into something greater. When it blooms (and remember - not every seed will blossom!) it makes the resulting fruit that much sweeter.
And don't worry about being shy. That's not a bad thing at all - it's just another wonderful, special part of who you are! My husband was so shy when we met that it's a wonder we ever made it to our first date, and yet we celebrated our 33rd anniversary last year! Being shy is like having brown eyes, or a natural talent for playing the piano - you didn't really have anything to do with being that way... It's just another part of all of the amazing things that make you who you are!
It sounds like you have really had a hard time with your GI issues. And that is possibly being compounded by your fears of medicine, artificial ingredients and antibiotics. I wasn't there, so I don't know what happened to cause you to fear those things, but what I have learned about fear in all of my trips around the sun is that often when we are afraid of something, it isn't really the thing we are afraid of... it's what will happen if things change. Let me explain: For a long time, I resisted taking a particular medication that I really needed to take. Didn't want to, I already took enough medicine, thank you very much, and I did NOT want to take any more. Every time I would see my doctor, she would offer it, and every time, I said "no thanks". Eventually I hit a point where I was afraid that if I *did* take it, there would be a horrible consequence of some kind - I would have an allergic reaction, or it would cause terrible side effects. It because such a Big Deal in my mind that I couldn't see that there was a flip side to the possibilities - that it might actually work the way my doctor said it would; it might help, and I might wake up feeling better, and stronger, every day. And I would never know unless I tried...
Now, I had already been on Google, (HUGE mistake) and I knew *all* of the bad things about this particular drug. I knew the nightmare stories told by others about reactions and interaction and and and...
What I didn't search for was success stories.
Ultimately, I realized that I had inadvertently created my own echo chamber, where I could only hear bad things about this medicine,
because I was only looking for bad things about it. Even realizing that, however, I had no idea how to get out of the echo chamber - and how to get past my fears.
So, I finally decided to speak openly with my doctor about all of this. She and I had a *long* talk about it, and she told me that I didn't have to take the medicine - it would always be my choice. But she also told me that (in my case, with this particular medicine) I could "ramp up" my dosage, and increase it on a schedule that I could be comfortable with. She gave me a recommended schedule, and then she wrote out an extended (slower) version as well as an accelerated version. I was in complete control - I could start with any version I wanted, and as long as I stayed in touch with her (I called her office every week to give her an update) I could move at the speed I wanted to. It let me feel like I could try out the medicine I knew I needed, but also be in control, and able to stop if I did experience any unhappy side effects.
Of course, I had zero side effects, other than an improved quality of life. I felt kind of silly afterwards, but also grateful, because it *has* improved my quality of life significantly, and I felt heard and validated by my doctor.
Now, I'm not saying this is how *you* overcome your issue(s) with medicines - especially those that contain artificial ingredients and/or antibiotics. It's only a suggestion, based on something that worked for a real person that you (now) know!
Maybe just start by thinking about all of the possible *positive* outcomes if you can bring yourself to take the antibiotics it sounds like you need to. You don't have to take any action until you feel ready - but just allow yourself to think about that path, and how it could look, and most importantly, how it would feel to to reach that goal.
(also remember that - for example - there are things that are really "natural" like probiotics that you can take alongside antibiotics to help with some of the possible side effects/issues that can occur. I know you probably already know about them, but just a gentle reminder
I understand not wanting to put anything into your body that you don't have to/need to. And I understand not wanting to use any artificial ingredients. But I hope you will remember that (technically) *
everything except breast milk* is an "artificial ingredient" to humans. So, limiting yourself to salad and peanut butter is OK if that's what you really want to do, but I sense that you want to eat more than your currently (somewhat limited) diet, especially if there's a WDW trip in your future! (fingers crossed for you!)
You said that you didn't want to go to a clinic for eating disorders, and that is certainly understandable, as it seems that your limited diet is the result of your GI issues, and so a clinic might not be the best path for you. What is clear is that you do probably need some form of professional assistance with safely expanding your diet - I certainly would *not* recommend that you just haul off and start eating willy-nilly, because your tummy won't be happy at all with that. Have you talked with your GI specialist about working with someone - maybe a nutritionist, or a dietician - who could help you sort out where the best place is to start for *you*? If you are no longer seeing your GI specialist, maybe reach out to your primary care professional, and work with them?
Don't stop trying. I know it's hard, and I am *not* taking any of your concerns lightly. But I also know from many years of experience that sometimes we have to find the right person - the one who "fits" our personality, or situation, or even budget - to help you create a thoughtful, curated approach to your medical issues. I am very fortunate that I have a doctor on my team who I am very comfortable with, and who takes the time to work with me when I need her to. I'm quite aware that not everyone has that blessing - but if I had not kept looking for her, I would have never found her, either.
In the meantime, you are not alone.
(((hugs)))
MamaBunny
