Anxiety causing low self-esteem or low self-esteem causing anxiety?

[DiannaVM]

Ok, I don't know exactly why but I've been in a bit of a rut for the last two weeks with absolutely no prompting that I can think of. Since I was like 10, I had on and off dealt with some anxiety issues, except I only ever saw a therapist as a child, not as a teenager or an adult.

I think the main reason why I get anxious is because I am so self-aware (as in, I feel as if I can feel everything that happens to/in my body and therefore I am constantly afraid I am sick or feel like I am dying and stuff. Very annoying to say the least).

However, I have found myself feeling depressive and extra down on myself lately. I've always had a low-self esteem and as a child my teachers would give my mom advice on ways to get me to "break out" but none of them really worked to be quite honest. I always figured as I grew I'd slowly come out of it, but now as an adult I just feel like I am getting worse. Because I have low self-esteem I have had run-ins with persons who took advantage of this or even made me feel worse by holding me overly accountable for my actions because of my low self-esteem (not that I am saying that being this way should be an excuse, but I just wish sometimes people who are supposed to know me well enough would be a little more understanding). Because of this rut I have been in, I have thought about the possibility that the anxiety and low self-esteem maybe correlated and wondered what others thoughts were on this.

Before my wedding, I told my primary care physician about my anxiety and she prescribed some Xanax saying that we should probably consider putting me in therapy down the road. I don't feel the need to take the Xanax all the time (she told me only to take it when I felt I really needed it), but because I am so self-concious I don't want anyone being aware that I go to therapy.

In all honesty, I just wish my mind would stop turning on me. Every time I do something wrong or make a mistake, my brain turns it into a big deal. Like earlier I did something at work that I immediately regretted, and while I don't think anyone feels like it was a big deal or anything to fuss about, the mere fact that I did it is tugging at me. My mind keeps playing scenarios on what my co-workers might say behind my back or if I'll be confronted by it, and because of that every other thing I've done since then I feel like I am just making even more mistakes or effing things up more and more, eventhough rationally I am not because I've followed protocol. When I have moments like this I feel like utter failure, and I feel constantly at war with my own mind. I only wish I knew why although I know no one will ever be able to give me that answer.

 

[wilkeliza]

Please go see a therapist who has the ability to write prescriptions and change PCP if you can. They should not have prescribed you Xanax so easily. Thre is absolutely nothing wrong with going to see a therapist and if you continue to not go things will just get worse.

Either scenario is possible that your anxiety is causing the low self esteem or the low self esteem is causing the anxiety but also they could be independent of each other.

 

[mommasita]

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I have very low self esteem, and am in constant battle with these things daily. So sorry you struggle .

Why wouldn't you seek some therapy now? Is it available to you? I started about 2 years ago, sadly I let it go, I really should pick it up again, it helped me so much.
Just talking these things out, having someone outside your circle, unbiased.

I wouldn't say no one could ever give you this answer, maybe you just haven't found the right person/therapist for you.

 

[DiannaVM]

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I have very low self esteem, and am in constant battle with these things daily. So sorry you struggle .

Why wouldn't you seek some therapy now? Is it available to you? I started about 2 years ago, sadly I let it go, I really should pick it up again, it helped me so much.
Just talking these things out, having someone outside your circle, unbiased.

I wouldn't say no one could ever give you this answer, maybe you just haven't found the right person/therapist for you.

Thank you. I know that even in as forward countries as the US it is still seen a taboo, but here in the Bahamas, mental illness is seeing as the same thing as being crazy. I have friend who went through a very public bout with anxiety and the way people talk about her or even the way some people treat her, I just dont know if I could take it. Not to mention this is not something that is covered by my health insurance so the cost is another fear. I know I could benefit from it (it stopped my panic attacks as a child), but I am afraid of the stigma. I am afraid that if it becomes known, the little respect I have earned for myself will be lost or I wont be taken seriously in places like work or church.

I know of one or two reputable therapists here, I am just afraid that price tag will be too much and what others will say/react.

 

[ArwenMarie]

Many many many people take low-dose daily benzos for anxiety (Xanax is one) and unless you have a history of addiction you probably don't have anything to worry about.

Sounds like you have some barriers to accessing therapy which won't be resolved anytime soon. Sometimes therapy is the answer and sometimes it is just our brain's wiring. Since therapy is out right now, I would work with your primary care doctor on a medical solution that may alleviate some of the discomfort, whether a Xanax-type med or another medication.

 

[danny1649]

I say anyone who could write a well written post and explanation of your problem.. Should not have a excellent help you have a excellent chance , with a little help, I thimk you should be fine.