Help some first time parents: what do you wish you knew then?

[yoopermom]

If your child develops a favorite, immediately go out and buy multiples of that item. Do not presume that a later edition/type will seem the same to him/her. Our DS's favorite stuffie was a dog ("Scrappy") that I bought at a friend's craft show. As soon as he became attached to it, I asked her to make three more out of the same exact material. My DM bought him "Scrappy's brother" who was a different color, but DS knew the difference . Scrappy's clones lived at the grandparents, babysitters, etc.

Terri

 

[Turn the Page]

inter change a blanket or toy they favour , that why if you lose one you have a back up they will still like.

Don't turn on the lights when feeding at night. Feed mine by street light or dim light in room...lol Because it was not play time it was feed and go back to bed time. My sister used to stay up and play with hers and then asked how mine went back to sleep...lol

Enjoy that baby they grow up so fast that is no lie. Blink and they are a teenager.

To add to this, one tip I got when DD11 was born was that during nighttime feedings change their diaper BEFORE you feed. Oftentimes they will fall asleep while you are feeding or burping them and then you have to change their diaper after which wakes them up and then you have to get them back to sleep. Take the two minutes to change their diaper first. It worked great for me.

Every stage has its pros and cons. Enjoy the high points while they last and realize that the lows will also pass in their own time.

You do NOT have to run to a baby every time it makes a peep. Even a newborn. I'm not telling you to leave your newborn to cry for an hour straight, just that when they wake up fussing at 2 AM it's ok to give them a couple of minutes, say 5, to see if they will go back to sleep or not. It's ok. There is a world of difference between letting your baby cry for a few minutes and neglecting them.

Tummy time is crucial for brain development. As your newborn gets a little older, make sure there is plenty of tummy time.

Don't kid yourself. You absolutely CAN spoil a baby. The younger they are the harder you have to work at it but yes, you can spoil babies. Again, there is a world of difference between neglect and just not carrying them around every moment of every day and rushing to their side every time they make a peep.

Like most things in life, moderation is key. It's not good to be fanatical about any parenting practice or philosophy.

Your baby is tiny but is not as fragile as you may think. Even at this age they are resilient and you will NOT destroy your baby's life or health by making basic mistakes. They will happen. You will laugh at them later.

Like a PP said, the first time your baby sleeps through the night you will wake in a panic thinking they have died of SIDS. It's ok. We've all been there.

ETA: When DD11 was born I was also told if I put some whiskey in her last bottle every night she would sleep really good. While I'm sure that is probably true, I don't think that is actually good advice to follow.

Take each piece of advice with a truck load or two of salt.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

1) Formula is just fine if breastfeeding doesn't work out for whatever reason. Bonus: someone besides mom can feed baby sometimes!

2) Find a way to get some time for yourself. Most self-care goes out the window for the first few months. Even if you can leave the house for an hour to sit in peace and quiet at a coffee shop.

3) Learned this one with my second and third--sleep training at 5 or 6 months is OKAY! My second was a crabby, fussy baby who never wanted to sleep. At my wit's end, I did Ferber method sleep training with her at 6.5 months and it was a godsend. Baby girl was sleeping 11 hours straight at night by night 2 and never looked back. Did it a bit sooner with my third. It means the world to be able to put your baby to bed at 7 or 8pm, have an hour or two to yourself, then get 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

4) Don't beat yourself up for not keeping up with a baby book.

 

[kerry1379]

I think the quote "The days are long but the years are short" can be one of the truest things spoken. When you are in the thick of a difficult phase (i.e. baby not sleeping through the night, teething, etc.) it seems like the days can be very long and hard. (But worth it-absolutely worth it!) But then after that time passes, you look back and can't believe that time is gone-and often times you miss it. Then you blink again and suddenly they are all grown up.

I would also encourage you to write stuff down. There are so many things that I thought that there was no way I would ever forget and then my parents bring up a memory that I don't remember at all. So write down the big things, but also the little things. Things that made you smile, things they say-mispronounication and all, things that made you stop and think, and the special moments that made your day.

The advice on this thread is great. Congratulations!

 

[tzolkin]

My advice: ignore the strangers who feel the need to tell you what you are doing wrong.

This is very important.

One I remember as being particularly ridiculous was a woman who insisted that my baby was crying because she was cold since I had been so neglectful by removing her socks. She was 5-6months old and it was summertime in FL. She was certainly not cold.

Many years later I was shopping with my middle daughter (2) and my sister’s baby. This woman was intensely whispering/gesturing and I finally figured out that she wanted to know why only the baby’s ears were pierced. She seemed to think that DD was going to be traumatized because we loved the baby more or thought she was more feminine than her “older sister”. I just replied, “umm, that’s not my baby”. Probably the most bizarre encounter I’ve had with a stranger.

 

[mom2rtk]

If your child develops a favorite, immediately go out and buy multiples of that item. Do not presume that a later edition/type will seem the same to him/her. Our DS's favorite stuffie was a dog ("Scrappy") that I bought at a friend's craft show. As soon as he became attached to it, I asked her to make three more out of the same exact material. My DM bought him "Scrappy's brother" who was a different color, but DS knew the difference . Scrappy's clones lived at the grandparents, babysitters, etc.

Terri

And swap them out regularly so they get even wear.

 

[Klayfish]

This conversation so much reminds me of this commercial. I have to say I laugh at this one, because it is oh so true. Our poor twins...we coddled DS13 when he was a baby, especially me. When they were born, I had learned my lesson.

 

[NAB]

Oh another one I thought of you can put your baby in the crib to sleep if they are awake . If you hold them until they are asleep your going to have to keep doing that. They will learn to fall asleep on there on. Saw parents freak out because there baby was still awake when put down. If they are not crying they are fine.

 

[smiths02]

Remember that even as infants, they are people with their own personalities, wants, needs. I enjoy looking at research and trends, but all research doesn't work out on an individual level. Not every "failure" is about what you did or didn't do.

 

[luvsJack]

You have gotten a lot of good advise but remember that none of it is a "rule". It's what worked for others. Do what feels right for you.

Nothing wrong at all with trying to let a baby cry it out but if it doesn't feel right to you or stresses you more--don't do it. It will be ok.

Rocking my babies was my thing. I heard all the time how I would be rocking from then on. Well, they are 35, 33 and 19--and I wish I could go back and rock them one more time. If you enjoy it, rock them. If it stresses you, find another way. (And honestly I really only rocked them until they stopped taking a bottle).

If you try to breast feed and it causes more problems than not, stop and get a bottle and formula. It will be ok.

Feel the need for sleep training? Try it. Makes you crazy and you would rather let it happen natural? Do that. Either is fine.

Your baby is going to learn to sleep through the night, get on solids and off the bottle, potty train and all the other things that take them from babyhood to toddler years to childhood. It is going to happen and on HIS time frame. Just don't let it stress you.

 

[quandrea]

I’d say, don’t sweat the small stuff during this stage. Every decision seems mammoth, but really they aren’t.

I believe in a good sleep routine. With my three—especially the twins—it was my key to maintaining time with my husband and time for myself.

Everything in moderation.

The newborn stage is tiring, but really, it’s the easiest time of parenting. It only gets more challenging. The problems get bigger, so hang loose.

Adolescence is when it really gets tough.

 

[dish rag]

Keep a journal and try to write something daily.

 

[bjscheel]

I will third the idea of keeping nighttime feedings dark and boring. I can't say if this is the reason my kids slept through the nights easily, but it can't hurt. Just you and baby in their quiet dark bedroom.

 

[MrsDuck]

Thank you all SO much. This is fantastic!!

 

[paisleys]

I wasn't prepared by how competitive other parents were. I regret thinking I needed to have mine in Gymboree Play and Music at 2 (UGH) to get them 'socialized'. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have. I was surprised at how everything was a competition. That was just the beginning. Mine were late potty trainers (3.75) and I really stressed about it and was hard on my toddlers as a result. I wish I didn't listen to the comments 'They aren't potty trained yet???" to my passive aggressive MIL "oh your husband was a late one too-he was almost 2" but the other moms were the worst. The stress made it take longer as my twins became a united front against potty training 'We WON'T DO IT!' I really came down on myself for every comparison but I regret the potty training the most. Mine are 12 now and I so wish I could relive the days before they were in school, sports, music.. enjoy the quiet times and don't feel you have to subject yourself to mommy groups all of the time. Our best times were spent doing little solo things, like driving 45 minutes to see a triceratops skeleton to early mornings at the park with them in pjs, just us or the beach. Good times....

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I am a planner, and I went into parenthood with all of these plans, and things I would and would not do, and I quickly learned that the most impprtant lesson for me was to be flexible. My natural birth changed to an emergency induction, strictly breastfeeding turned into supplementing with formula after feedings, not co-sleeping quickly turned into using an arm's reach type basssinet. Babies don't fit any sort of mold, and there can be considerable pressure from these warrior style mom bloggers to only do things a certain way. It is ok to do things your way, whatever works for your baby to be as healthy and happy as it can be.

Listen to your instincts and your baby and you will be an amazing parent!

 

[mjkacmom]

I wasn't prepared by how competitive other parents were. I regret thinking I needed to have mine in Gymboree Play and Music at 2 (UGH) to get them 'socialized'. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have. I was surprised at how everything was a competition. That was just the beginning. Mine were late potty trainers (3.75) and I really stressed about it and was hard on my toddlers as a result. I wish I didn't listen to the comments 'They aren't potty trained yet???" to my passive aggressive MIL "oh your husband was a late one too-he was almost 2" but the other moms were the worst. The stress made it take longer as my twins became a united front against potty training 'We WON'T DO IT!' I really came down on myself for every comparison but I regret the potty training the most. Mine are 12 now and I so wish I could relive the days before they were in school, sports, music.. enjoy the quiet times and don't feel you have to subject yourself to mommy groups all of the time. Our best times were spent doing little solo things, like driving 45 minutes to see a triceratops skeleton to early mornings at the park with them in pjs, just us or the beach. Good times....

I did tons of mommy and me classes, and playgroups, and I never once thought it was to benefit my kids - it was for me! I was a SAHM to a gaggle, and getting out of the house and socializing kept me sane. And I loved having other far from perfect moms to commiserate with (those were my playgroups). It was far from a brag fest!

 

[cabanafrau]

I wasn't prepared by how competitive other parents were. I regret thinking I needed to have mine in Gymboree Play and Music at 2 (UGH) to get them 'socialized'. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have. I was surprised at how everything was a competition. That was just the beginning. Mine were late potty trainers (3.75) and I really stressed about it and was hard on my toddlers as a result. I wish I didn't listen to the comments 'They aren't potty trained yet???" to my passive aggressive MIL "oh your husband was a late one too-he was almost 2" but the other moms were the worst. The stress made it take longer as my twins became a united front against potty training 'We WON'T DO IT!' I really came down on myself for every comparison but I regret the potty training the most. Mine are 12 now and I so wish I could relive the days before they were in school, sports, music.. enjoy the quiet times and don't feel you have to subject yourself to mommy groups all of the time. Our best times were spent doing little solo things, like driving 45 minutes to see a triceratops skeleton to early mornings at the park with them in pjs, just us or the beach. Good times....

Yeah, don't try to trophy parent. Instead try raising them to be the human being you'll enjoy being around as they grow to adulthood. When the thought of spending extra time together at the holidays makes you smile, that's all the "trophy" anyone could ask for.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I wasn't prepared by how competitive other parents were. I regret thinking I needed to have mine in Gymboree Play and Music at 2 (UGH) to get them 'socialized'. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have. I was surprised at how everything was a competition. That was just the beginning. Mine were late potty trainers (3.75) and I really stressed about it and was hard on my toddlers as a result. I wish I didn't listen to the comments 'They aren't potty trained yet???" to my passive aggressive MIL "oh your husband was a late one too-he was almost 2" but the other moms were the worst. The stress made it take longer as my twins became a united front against potty training 'We WON'T DO IT!' I really came down on myself for every comparison but I regret the potty training the most. Mine are 12 now and I so wish I could relive the days before they were in school, sports, music.. enjoy the quiet times and don't feel you have to subject yourself to mommy groups all of the time. Our best times were spent doing little solo things, like driving 45 minutes to see a triceratops skeleton to early mornings at the park with them in pjs, just us or the beach. Good times....

Oh my, the competition! Every kid does things at different times and that's ok. DD was an early talker/very social child. She is always early on the "mental" milestones. But physically, she is always on the tail end of the normal side of development. She hated tummy time, rolled over late, didn't crawl until 10 months but then walked 2 weeks later, and still has difficulty with some fine motor activities. But my close friend, whose daughter is opposite- advanced in the phsyical type milestone ( could operate a phone/remote very young, walked early, could build with blpcks and climb, dress and undress dolls early), was always lamenting that her daughter wasn't as social and didn't talk as clearly or as early as DD. I always remind her that we all have different strengths and its ok to celebrate your kids for who they are and not pressure them to keep up with someone else.

And then there are the moms who claim "My child has NEVER had regular juice/sugar/fast food." I'm like girl, I saw your kid at the last party stealing other kids' juicy juice and nuggets, so don't even try to play that.

Just enjoy your little person for who they uniquely are and try to not compare them, or yourself, to anyone else. You'll both be happier and healthier because of it.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I did tons of mommy and me classes, and playgroups, and I never once thought it was to benefit my kids - it was for me! I was a SAHM to a gaggle, and getting out of the house and socializing kept me sane. And I loved having other far from perfect moms to commiserate with (those were my playgroups). It was far from a brag fest!

We did do Gymboree and some other early childhood things. I do think they benefitted DD. She was exposed to social and physical development that most other kids her age were getting at daycare (she never went to any childcare beyond grandma's house!). But I also really enjoyed it. It was a fun time to get out of the house, away from distractions of housework, and spend time with my baby. It certainly wasn't necessary though.