How Do you Tell a Busy Body to Mind Their Own Business?

[low-key]

Them are are old school busy bodies, today busybodies lives online

 

[Flowers12]

Ignore. Ignore ignore ignore. Develop a resting ***** face. It helps. No one approaches me.

 

[Flowers12]

Had a customer where I work (who was not being assisted by me. Another employee was working with him) lean over the counter towards me and tell me "try SMIlING a little bit!".

Seems I was unaware, as I was doing whatever paperwork I was doing, that my face was serious. This is not the first time this guy had said something like this to me or to other employees.

I took a deep breath, looked him in the eye, and said...

What would ever make you think that is something okay to say to someone? You have no idea what their day has been like. What problems they may be experiencing. Why does someone need to smile FOR YOU? How do you know im not sick...or a family member is sick?? Would it make you feel better about my no-smile to know my dog died in my arms yesterday? So maybe you just reconsider going around telling people to smile for you.

He apologized. And has avoided me ever since. Mission accomplished. And my dog had died in my arms the day before.

Anyone anywhere telling anyone to smile is wrong. Like just straight up wrong. I hear it all the time
At work and I’m on the phone most of the day. Like no. I won’t smile so your not uncomfortable. It’s so wrong

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I hear it all the time At work and I’m on the phone most of the day. Like no. I won’t smile so your not uncomfortable. It’s so wrong

Generally we were told to smile when we were on the phone because it can truly impact your tone of voice. When you're in front of people facial expressions and tone can be more clearly read. When you're on the phone not so much. DIdn't have anything to do with not making someone uncomfortable.

 

[crazylady]

This goes back to the Men are from Mars, women are from Venus theory. Men talk about things expecting advice and a solution and women talk about things hoping for empathy.
Now I am showing my age.

I did a double take when I saw someone reading this book yesterday. It must be making a comeback

 

[theluckyrabbit]

... #3 is different though. What was the OP expecting when she opened the topic of conversation? A poster upthread mentioned women just wanting to be heard and there’s some validity to that, but choose your audience!! A couples dinner out should be a time where everybody expects to engage in group discussion.

I think it all depends on what kind of "advice" the other person was offering. There is helpful advice that comes from a sincere desire to help. Maybe that other woman had experience of some kind with a similar situation? And there is know-it-all arrogance pretending to be advice, which isn't really all that well intentioned. And sometimes it can be nosy gossip pretending to be "advice." And all kinds of in between gray areas... If this couple just wanted a sympathetic ear from friends, but got something quite unexpected in return, sometimes a quick turnaround into a different subject can be the best alternative.

 

[SaintsManiac]

Had a customer where I work (who was not being assisted by me. Another employee was working with him) lean over the counter towards me and tell me "try SMIlING a little bit!".

Seems I was unaware, as I was doing whatever paperwork I was doing, that my face was serious. This is not the first time this guy had said something like this to me or to other employees.

I took a deep breath, looked him in the eye, and said...

What would ever make you think that is something okay to say to someone? You have no idea what their day has been like. What problems they may be experiencing. Why does someone need to smile FOR YOU? How do you know im not sick...or a family member is sick?? Would it make you feel better about my no-smile to know my dog died in my arms yesterday? So maybe you just reconsider going around telling people to smile for you.

He apologized. And has avoided me ever since. Mission accomplished. And my dog had died in my arms the day before.

Ugh that is a huge pet peeve of mine. Your response was perfect.

 

[Heather07438]

Do you have any pithy comebacks for any of the above? I'm sure the people meant well, but I would really like to be able to shut down a busy body the next time I encounter one.

Sometimes it helps to step back and remember: What they are saying has much more to do about them and not you. It's often an over-spill from their own struggles in life, whether they have good intentions or feel the need to lash out. That's what I tell my son at least Thinking about it this way helps us not stress over it and take it personally.

 

[disneyeveryyear]

My DH and I didn't have our first child until we had been married 7 years. He is the General Manager at a very family oriented club and had worked there since he was 17, so many of the members felt VERY invested in our life.
I finally came up with what I thought was the perfect answer to "When are you having kids?" I just smiled and replied "We are practicing right now." Most stopped asking at that time.

 

[Disney Doll]

I’d generally say “ thank you for your concern”. Except #3. If that were brought up at a dinner party I’d expect conversation about it. If I didn’t want conversation about it then I’d change the subject.

 

[amcnj]

#1 I was at a grocery store slouched over my shopping cart and a total stranger came up to me and told me to stand up straight or some day I wouldn't be able to. huh?

#2 A family member was at the same grocery story (maybe we shouldn't shop there any more?) and an acquaintance came up to him and said, "You look like a type 2 Diabetic. You should try the Keto diet." The acquaintance is not a doctor.

#3 DH and I had dinner with a long-time friend and his new wife and were updating the friend on a troubled (derelict, scoff-law) family member, and the new wife thought she was being helpful by advising me what to do with the black sheep of the family.

#4 At Costco I accidentally parked too close to the motorcycle parking area and a total stranger started shouting that the area was reserved for motorcycles. This woman was not a motorcyclist -- just a passerby. I had to wait for another car to move so I could park in a more suitable area. The self-appointed parking police came closer and repeated that I was parked incorrectly. I was in a really bad mood and sneered right back at her that I was waiting for another car to move. She gave me an uppity look, surprised that I would have the audacity to tell her off, and told me to "have a nice day."

o.k. DIS. Do you have any pithy comebacks for any of the above? I'm sure the people meant well, but I would really like to be able to shut down a busy body the next time I encounter one.

Depending on the way such things are said, I usually let them slide. But if your desire was to be rude right back at them, how about:

#1. Thank you, but I am the bell ringer in this really big church and am just here while it is being rebuilt.

#2 Oh, you were so close, I am actually type 1. But we have some lovely parting gifts for you.

#3. If she was really trying to be helpful I would have let it slide. But if she was being rude about it and you wanted to shut her down and be rude back, how about “I guess it takes one to know one”. Of course you might lose her long-time friend husband too!

#4. For your information, this is a four wheeled motorcycle.

Going for pithy humor here, so don’t shoot the messenger!

 

[kaytieeldr]

#3. If she was really trying to be helpful I would have let it slide. But if she was being rude about it and you wanted to shut her down and be rude back, how about “I guess it takes one to know one”. Of course you might lose her long-time friend husband too!

Or, you know, change the conversation to one where all four diners can participate.

 

[ZZBane]

I would use sarcasm and probably a few swear words. It’s just how I am. Depending on the situation and how old the person is, I may let it slide. It truly depends though. When I was pregnant, it was the worst. People were just awful. I was not the least bit nice and I honestly didn’t care.
As far as your #3 goes though, I’d likely change the conversation if I didn’t want their input. I have no problem with being nasty or sarcastic to idiots, but it sounds like they were just trying to be a part of the conversation. I can’t knock them for that

 

[Nolcrest]

For all situations: "Thank you for your concern. I will take it into consideration."

 

[emer95]

Ignore. Ignore ignore ignore. Develop a resting ***** face. It helps. No one approaches me.

Now, my problem is that I absolutely have Resting “Witch” Face, and it makes people approach me and tell me to smile! In one year I had THREE different people stop me at stores while I was shopping. They said:

“Why don’t you try smiling?”

“Oh honey, you could be so pretty if only you would smile.”

“Smile! It can’t be that bad.”

Each time it made me feel horrible. I was not in a bad mood at all until that happened, and then I definitely was! My mouth naturally turns down at the corners. I legitimately can’t help it. Plus, who walks around the grocery store with a smile on their face?
People need to mind their own business. I think if someone says that to me again I’m going to tell them I just found out I have only one week to live.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

For the new friend's wife, my question would be:
Did you expect no conversation from her? I see nothing wrong with her "joining in" .

I have a friend who talks to everyone and I do mean everyone. If you're in the same aisle as her in a store, she'll probably say something to you. It's all friendly.

Looking "diabetic" that's a "crossed over the line" comment IMHO

The parking lot, I would shut my mouth, too afraid on any consequences.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Now, my problem is that I absolutely have Resting “Witch” Face, and it makes people approach me and tell me to smile!

Tell them you made that face when you were little and your mom was right - it froze like that.

 

[okeydokey]

Now, my problem is that I absolutely have Resting “Witch” Face, and it makes people approach me and tell me to smile! In one year I had THREE different people stop me at stores while I was shopping. They said:

“Why don’t you try smiling?”

“Oh honey, you could be so pretty if only you would smile.”

“Smile! It can’t be that bad.”

Each time it made me feel horrible. I was not in a bad mood at all until that happened, and then I definitely was! My mouth naturally turns down at the corners. I legitimately can’t help it. Plus, who walks around the grocery store with a smile on their face?
People need to mind their own business. I think if someone says that to me again I’m going to tell them I just found out I have only one week to live.

This is so a pet peeve of mine. You were not put on this earth to make other people feel good about your face and you don’t owe anybody a smile. Nobody has the right to tell you what to do with your body. Honestly, what is wrong with people who think they can dicatate how you look,

 

[SaintsManiac]

A coworker told me to smile once. I said, “no” and he never said it again.

 

[MIGrandma]

We had comment cards for people to fill out at the restaurant I worked at. Someone once filled one out on me and said “she didn’t smile enough.” Really? Wow. Obviously I did smile, just not enough to suit her. What she didn’t know was that I had a horrible head cold, had tried to find another person to take my shift but couldn’t so I drugged up, sucked it up and worked my shift even though I felt miserable.