How much alcohol is too much?

[Happyinwonerland]

I think it varies for everyone. I have alcoholic parents, so for me, I really limit my alcohol consumption and would not be comfortable drinking it every night. I drink very rarely, and limit myself to 2 drinks when I do imbibe. I don't crave alcohol and I don't need it to de-stress, and I'd like to keep things that way.

Other are more comfortable with a higher level of consumption. If you are truly concerned, talk to a doctor or mental health professional to be screened. Typically, the advice is that if you are questioning if you have a problem. you likely have a problem.

 

[cabanafrau]

You do realize that for some "Just stop" doesn't work. Just be grateful you don't understand the concept and be thankful you may never need to. Please don't be dismissive of those who may be on a bad path and need our encouragement not just empty words.

Addiction is a terrible thing thus many AA, NA and other Anonymous groups dedicated to helping people overcome it and stay sober. Support from loved ones and groups can be crucial for some to maintain. My DH after 30 years sober realized this when my drinking escalated for the same reasons as OP. He offered a hand of support and helped me see I could be on a bad path, he didn't laugh & dismiss. Luckily I could just stop but going to a few AA meetings opened my eyes to what many who can't live. Loss of jobs, homes, families, friends and health, it truly is tragic.

It's absolutely true that there's more to it than just stop. However it's understandable why those who are unfamiliar with addiction issues would see that as a reasonable response to all of the rationalizations that OP has laid out to convince everyone that she's in control.

Several others have already pointed out if you're questioning if there is an issue, there's an issue. It goes hand in glove with the idea that if you've got to rationalize and explain, there's an issue.

Having grown up with an alcoholic parent my patience wears thin quickly if I wade too deep into this type of discussion, so I will bow out at this point.

 

[dish rag]

There are guidelines for safe drinking. See link.

http://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/factsheet/drinking-guidelines-supporting-health-and-life

It sounds as though this might be a problem for you.

The Lancet came out with a study recently saying no amount of alcohol is truly safe. That study has been widely criticised, however, and adhering to the safe drinking guidelines is probably adequate.

I think if you are using alcohol as a means of relaxing, coping, it could be an issue. There are better ways to deal with stress. Find what works for you to enhance your health—running, meditation, prayer, therapy.

I found that link very interesting, thanks for posting it.

 

[GreatLakes]

You do realize that for some "Just stop" doesn't work. Just be grateful you don't understand the concept and be thankful you may never need to. Please don't be dismissive of those who may be on a bad path and need our encouragement not just empty words.

Addiction is a terrible thing thus many AA, NA and other Anonymous groups dedicated to helping people overcome it and stay sober. Support from loved ones and groups can be crucial for some to maintain. My DH after 30 years sober realized this when my drinking escalated for the same reasons as OP. He offered a hand of support and helped me see I could be on a bad path, he didn't laugh & dismiss. Luckily I could just stop but going to a few AA meetings opened my eyes to what many who can't live. Loss of jobs, homes, families, friends and health, it truly is tragic.

I was speaking to the "should" not the "how". The how is up to the OP. It sounded to me like the OP was trying to figure out if their relationship to alcohol is a problem. No matter how they decide to stop they first need to determine if they feel the need and have the desire.

 

[cabanafrau]

Simply because I think it might be a helpful consideration for OP I'll go against my instinct and add another response.

It might be helpful to step back, look at what you've said and what you've been doing to take a good look at this perspective -- you're purposefully, willingly, happily and apparently eagerly booking a standing date every weekend with something that down deep you have an intuition isn't very good for you. You're probably comforting yourself with the prospect of the "date" all week long whenever you're frustrated, dissatisfied, anxious and whatever else about anything that's going on. That's the path to destruction.

This isn't coming from the viewpoint of someone completely opposed to drinking. Went for dinner with friends within the past week and we sat out on the patio and had margaritas. Sometimes I'll sit down to a particular meal and just know it will be delicious with a glass of cab sav or savignon blanc. My husband is a homebrewer -- it's a source of sadness for him that I cannot stand beer. Even as someone who grew up with an alcoholic parent I'm not saying that drinking any alcohol ever is bad(excepting for those who cannot handle it whatsoever). If you've got to power through your weeks to get to date night with your beverage, that's an issue.

 

[MillauFr]

We always drink wine with dinner. My wife and I share a bottle and usually finish it off.

 

[Floridaman999]

We always drink wine with dinner. My wife and I share a bottle and usually finish it off.

I drink wine with dinner almost every night too. A good wine with a good meal is something I enjoy a great deal.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

So OP here would be my concerns:

1) You state you never used to drink anything at all and then 'bam' a rough going years caused you to.

2) You crave it and use it to destress

3) You drink every week it sounds like twice a week

4) Control means nothing really and is a false sense of "I'm ok" in this context

For those who say "I have a drink with dinner" that is vastly different than the OP's situation. That is something that was socially done without a catalyst in one's life to cause someone to use the drinking as a means of coping with stress. The reason for the drinking of the alcohol does matter in certain contexts, and IMO this is one of them.

As an aside my husband's company uses wellness exams for health insurance premiums. Nowadays we have to do 2 things: complete an online health survey and have bloodwork done (finger prick or vial depending on where you get it done). The health survey is designed to ask questions multiple times in several ways to assess your truthfulness. One of the points is how you deal with stress, do you feel stressed a lot, do you drink a lot and do you use drinking as a means of dealing with stress.

So my advice to the OP is to seek assistance on stress management. It's not the alcohol per se it's the reason why you're drinking. You may find that with better stress management the dependence on alcohol to serve that purpose may lessen and hopefully that occurs.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

There is a lot of evidence of alcohol consumption being linked to a higher risk of cancers:

https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/alcohol/alcohol-fact-sheet

For women, it increases the risk of breast cancer, in particular:

https://www.breastcancer.org/risk/factors/alcohol

If you want my opinion, OP, I'd say there are concerns with your drinking. I do wish you well.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, I have not read any of the replies at all.
I don't want to be suaded by other comments.

Here is my take.
When it comes to 'daily' yes I think that is a lot of alcohol.
You mention that you have been able to limit and control that, when you want.
But, I am thinking that the 'control' and illusion of control, and 'limits'.. that is going to be common with anybody who might be experiencing a problem with alcohol. That is like 100% classic.

I would recommend going cold turkey for a considerable amount of time. Not days, but weeks...
Then revisit the topic.

 

[wenrob]

Being perfectly honest and having a DH that went through rehab years ago(almost 30 now). You are on a very slippery slope if the bolded is true. If you are using alcohol to mask problems or stress you are really in danger of falling off the cliff.

Your husband should not be laughing about this. I found myself doing this in the last couple of years and it was a huge trigger for my DH. He actually started doing AA meetings again. He was so concerned he asked me to go with him and I gotta say it was enlightening. You don't have to be fall down drunk to have a problem. I no longer drink, promised my DH I would take a year off, it was actually kinda tough at first, I like my wine. I am not saying you do but if you are questioning it yourself you may want to take a sabbatical from alcohol.

If you are questioning the amount that you are drinking, and the fact that you are asking for what is acceptable is a sign that you know that something is wrong. Terms like control myself, or craving to have a drink are key words, that you might need to re-evaluate drinking all together.

You might want to talk to someone, find other outlets for stress, walking, running, swimming, hit the gym, yoga, breathing exercises and simple body stretching, get a massage. As well look at your diet.

Drinking is sometimes a sign of depression, I would suggest you might want to have a chat with your doctor.

I think anytime you "need" a drink you are closer to a problem than not. If you "need" a drink because of stress or to wind down or whatever I would step back and find a better way to relax. I look at it the same as stress eating. Food isn't supposed to "make you feel better" and neither is alcohol in my opinion.

All of these. If you are questioning it deep down you know you have a problem.

Addiction runs wide and deep in my family. About 25 years ago when I realized I was drinking every night “to relax” I quit. I only drink on occasion now, usually an event or out to dinner once in a blue moon. I do not gamble for the same reasons. I was a very moderate player but that “high” I got was very dangerous for me. I knew these things about my family history and myself so was able to nip them right away and not look back. Others in my family not so much.

The thing about thinking you can “control” it is that you’re only in control until you are not. My stepmother was a raging “functioning” alcoholic in control until she was not. She could go weeks with only having a glass of wine here and there and then BAM back to blackout drinking. That she has been sober on her own the last 15 years is something of a miracle. She started by having a glass or two of champagne every night. Then is was the bottle/bottles and then “control” and then it started all over.

I’m not saying this is you but it sounds like you’re aware that it could be. It doesn’t matter if others don’t think you have a problem. If you’re feeling you do then you need to be proactive about it.

 

[emer95]

OP here. I really appreciate all of the thoughtful, kind responses. Just the fact that I felt compelled to post this shows me that it’s on my mind too much, and it is indeed a problem.

This really is not like me. I’m very healthy and I watch what I eat. I love to exercise. I should not let alcohol derail my health, mental or physical.

There is a situation in my life right now that is incredibly difficult, and it probably won’t end. It will be my new normal and I need help getting through it. I started seeing a counselor last year but it wasn’t a good fit. I need to find a new one.

I like what a previous poster said about it being more about the ritual. Soda water with lime in a fancy glass would be a great alternative. A hot cup of herbal tea and diffusing essential oils could be a Friday night routine that I look forward to.

I’m going to quit. I’m also going to ask my husband to help me. He is very supportive and loving- I’m sorry if I gave the impression that he’s not. If there is no alcohol in the house, it will be much easier for me to stop. He can have his beer in the fridge. Beer doesn’t tempt me in the least.

Thanks again everyone. Some things are hard to hear but very necessary.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I’m reminded of an episode of MASH when Hawkeye was trying to cut back. After a hard day, he ordered a drink at the OC and said he needed it.

He then paused and said, “I’ll be back when I want it, not when I need it”.

 

[Ben E N]

OP here. I really appreciate all of the thoughtful, kind responses. Just the fact that I felt compelled to post this shows me that it’s on my mind too much, and it is indeed a problem.

This really is not like me. I’m very healthy and I watch what I eat. I love to exercise. I should not let alcohol derail my health, mental or physical.

There is a situation in my life right now that is incredibly difficult, and it probably won’t end. It will be my new normal and I need help getting through it. I started seeing a counselor last year but it wasn’t a good fit. I need to find a new one.

I like what a previous poster said about it being more about the ritual. Soda water with lime in a fancy glass would be a great alternative. A hot cup of herbal tea and diffusing essential oils could be a Friday night routine that I look forward to.

I’m going to quit. I’m also going to ask my husband to help me. He is very supportive and loving- I’m sorry if I gave the impression that he’s not. If there is no alcohol in the house, it will be much easier for me to stop. He can have his beer in the fridge. Beer doesn’t tempt me in the least.

Thanks again everyone. Some things are hard to hear but very necessary.

Absolutely an excellent call. I'm so glad you realized the role that substance use was playing as a coping mechanism and how you felt you were becoming dependent on it and took control of it before it took control of you. My dad went through something similar, with my brother being diagnosed with autism while his mom, my grandmother, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and he was the only possible caretaker for her. He had already been comfortably and non-abusively using alcohol, but it quickly turned to a coping mechanism for him and it got out of control for years before he was finally able to stop. Seeing how something simple and fun turned into a nightmare for him, it's always something that I try to keep in check. A bad day at work may lead to an extra drink with dinner, but anything beyond that and I instantly step away to make sure that I am still in control. It sounds like you are doing the same thing here, even though it is tough to do due to higher than normal outside stresses. You will feel so much happier and in control knowing that you can manage this, though.

 

[ronandannette]

OP here. I really appreciate all of the thoughtful, kind responses. Just the fact that I felt compelled to post this shows me that it’s on my mind too much, and it is indeed a problem.

This really is not like me. I’m very healthy and I watch what I eat. I love to exercise. I should not let alcohol derail my health, mental or physical.

There is a situation in my life right now that is incredibly difficult, and it probably won’t end. It will be my new normal and I need help getting through it. I started seeing a counselor last year but it wasn’t a good fit. I need to find a new one.

I like what a previous poster said about it being more about the ritual. Soda water with lime in a fancy glass would be a great alternative. A hot cup of herbal tea and diffusing essential oils could be a Friday night routine that I look forward to.

I’m going to quit. I’m also going to ask my husband to help me. He is very supportive and loving- I’m sorry if I gave the impression that he’s not. If there is no alcohol in the house, it will be much easier for me to stop. He can have his beer in the fridge. Beer doesn’t tempt me in the least.

Thanks again everyone. Some things are hard to hear but very necessary.

There was a similar thread recently where the consensus was that at a certain point, we just need to "feel our feelings" and try to be at peace, although that does not always mean feeling fine. Oftentimes situations we find ourselves in legitimately suck and emotional pain is a very normal, even healthy response. Time does soothe some things, even if it just means getting used to what is very unsatisfactory. You yourself say your circumstances won't change and I'm sure you don't envision just "numbing out" forever. Take solace in the blessings you do have (sounds trite, I know) and find new areas of comfort and fulfillment. There are a number of things in my own life that are so beyond my control and I will grieve them forever, but that doesn't mean I need to be chronically unhappy, and neither do you. I wish you well.

 

[Squirlz]

We enjoy cocktails every evening and neither of us have any problems. It really has to do with the individual. Last year I had to go on antibiotics that didn't mix with alcohol so I just stopped for about a month. The only weird thing was not knowing what to do with my hands!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I will second the idea that one needs to find a counselor that is 'good' and is a good fit.
I went to one once, and in the end, vowed never to walk back into their office!

That is why I am always hesitant to recommend counseling as a blanket recommendation.
It can be very, very, hard to find a good/decent counseler.

 

[Marchand63]

OP here. I really appreciate all of the thoughtful, kind responses. Just the fact that I felt compelled to post this shows me that it’s on my mind too much, and it is indeed a problem.

This really is not like me. I’m very healthy and I watch what I eat. I love to exercise. I should not let alcohol derail my health, mental or physical.

There is a situation in my life right now that is incredibly difficult, and it probably won’t end. It will be my new normal and I need help getting through it. I started seeing a counselor last year but it wasn’t a good fit. I need to find a new one.

I like what a previous poster said about it being more about the ritual. Soda water with lime in a fancy glass would be a great alternative. A hot cup of herbal tea and diffusing essential oils could be a Friday night routine that I look forward to.

I’m going to quit. I’m also going to ask my husband to help me. He is very supportive and loving- I’m sorry if I gave the impression that he’s not. If there is no alcohol in the house, it will be much easier for me to stop. He can have his beer in the fridge. Beer doesn’t tempt me in the least.

Thanks again everyone. Some things are hard to hear but very necessary.

I am so glad of this. Sometimes you have to make a loved one close to you really see that there may be trouble brewing. It is hard to see what is right in front of your face especially if you have deep love & respect for that person.

We enjoy cocktails every evening and neither of us have any problems. It really has to do with the individual. Last year I had to go on antibiotics that didn't mix with alcohol so I just stopped for about a month. The only weird thing was not knowing what to do with my hands!

This is very different than masking feelings & coping with stress with alcohol. Again - Just Stop - sometimes just doesn't cut it. I am glad you can but I think OP is saying something very different than a drink with dinner.

 

[scoutie]

I don’t know if craving a drink means you have a problem. I crave chocolate and pizza and it doesn’t mean I’m an overeater. I do drink and crave a glass of wine or a martini after a stressful week, and I crave a good workout daily. Exercise keeps me off of antidepressants (which my body has a terrible reaction to). A drink a glass of wine once a week and a stronger drink on the weekends helps me decompress and relax. I don’t need it but I enjoy it. I think everybody is different but what you’ve described initially doesn’t raise red flags for me. I may have to go back and see if you’ve shared additional information in other posts on here after skimming a few responses.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Burrrrrrrp. Re onwy time I havearinkin probem iswen I spill som.