How much alcohol is too much?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don’t know if craving a drink means you have a problem. I crave chocolate and pizza and it doesn’t mean I’m an overeater. I do drink and crave a glass of wine or a martini after a stressful week, and I crave a good workout daily. Exercise keeps me off of antidepressants (which my body has a terrible reaction to). A drink a glass of wine once a week and a stronger drink on the weekends helps me decompress and relax. I don’t need it but I enjoy it. I think everybody is different but what you’ve described initially doesn’t raise red flags for me. I may have to go back and see if you’ve shared additional information in other posts on here after skimming a few responses.

If you crave something because it's a substitution for something larger that becomes the issue.

If I craved chocolate whenever I'm stressed and ate chocolate all the time when I'm stressed instead of dealing with why I'm stressed..they call that stress/emotional eating-you're not using food at that point because you're hungry you're using it as a way to avoid/mask/deal with, etc things going on in your life.

In this instance the OP found alcohol helped cope with stress so in order to cope with the stress they crave the alcohol which gives them relief from the stress; It's a circle for which the root cause hasn't been effectively dealt with. Hopefully you can see the difference in you craving chocolate or pizza on any given night and what the OP is doing. It's not a simplistic "I'm craving...." that's the issue.

 

[Marchand63]

I don’t know if craving a drink means you have a problem. I crave chocolate and pizza and it doesn’t mean I’m an overeater. I do drink and crave a glass of wine or a martini after a stressful week, and I crave a good workout daily. Exercise keeps me off of antidepressants (which my body has a terrible reaction to). A drink a glass of wine once a week and a stronger drink on the weekends helps me decompress and relax. I don’t need it but I enjoy it. I think everybody is different but what you’ve described initially doesn’t raise red flags for me. I may have to go back and see if you’ve shared additional information in other posts on here after skimming a few responses.

ITA with MCM

drinking a glass of wine once a week and finishing a whole bottle due to stress is different. One is an enjoyment the other is masking. If you drink to forget a problem then that is not social drinking. Needing & wanting are 2 very different things.

What OP describe is on the slope of having a problem, if she cannot stop and "craves" that drink just to shut out the day. Addiction has a very subtle way of sneaking up on you. I give the OP all the credit in the world for just even posing the question.

If you never seen addiction up close it is very hard to understand. It can be a physical craving as well your body is missing that daily fix, which is why detoxing alone or without medical can be extremely dangerous. BTW I don't think for a minute OP is at that level at all.

 

[Colleen27]

I think there are two different questions here: how much, and why.

The how much doesn't sound inherently problematic to me. A drink with/after dinner each night isn't necessarily indicative of a problem. Likewise, I don't think enjoying a couple of drinks on a Friday night is a problem (assuming a few drinks isn't code for getting stupid-drunk)

But the why would be enough to concern me. You started drinking because of a stressful period in your life, you crave it, and you use it to relax. All of that sets up a problematic relationship with alcohol regardless of how much you're actually consuming or how well you control yourself. And on some level, you know that - if it wasn't outside of your own comfort zone, you wouldn't be asking your husband or us for opinions on how much is too much. I'm not a big believer in the "rule" that if you're questioning whether it is a problem, it is (probably because I come from a family of addicts and have always questioned my consumption, no matter how little), but in this case it does seem to apply.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Op: your Question was what do we think is an acceptable amt to drink.
Imho, having a wine with a meal at nite or afterwards, is no issue.

red flags to me would be
if one Needs a drink, craves a drink,hides a bottle or denies/lies about having a drink, if routine changes to accommodate alcohol, and others.
I think that If you are questioning yourself, please don’t dismiss it.. ur Gut is telling you something.
Have a visit to your doctor, Honestly explain the changes you ve noticed and the relationship your having with alcohol ..
Ur Health is worth it! Then heed his advice.
While we all have opinions ... a medical professional is who you can reach out too...and why not? You have Nothing to lose,and you canGain Perspective.

 

[Domo]

My Uncle, RIP, drank himself out of his wealth, out of his marriage and out of life itself. I remember, my Dad went to rescue him one night and he came back complaining that the stuffed toys were talking to him. When life becomes about alcohol, then you have a problem.

 

[scoutie]

If you crave something because it's a substitution for something larger that becomes the issue.

If I craved chocolate whenever I'm stressed and ate chocolate all the time when I'm stressed instead of dealing with why I'm stressed..they call that stress/emotional eating.

ok. I understand where you’re coming from. I guess I’ve always thought that it’s a problem if it follows the alcoholism checklist (do you black out, does your drinking affect relationships, work, etc.) but I see that drinking to cope is on there as well. I have family members who are alcoholics and wha the OP described didn’t necessarily fit with that.

 

[MamaLema]

I grew up with alcoholic parents so I’m sensitive to this topic.

OP, I think you’re borderline to having a problem but I respect that you are realizing and questioning yourself before it becomes serious enough to control.

 

[mummabear]

I'm not a big believer in the "rule" that if you're questioning whether it is a problem, it is (probably because I come from a family of addicts and have always questioned my consumption, no matter how little), but in this case it does seem to apply.

A friend once td me a good rule to go by, and it covers everything.

If you have to hide, lie or sneak it's not right.

Whether that is drinking, eating, gambling, texting a workmate....

 

[longboard55]

I like to drink and we drink a lot, but follow of few rules. Never during the day, never at family or work events, never alone, never while watching TV unless at a sports bars, but the biggest one is not every day. I think that is the mistake people make, drinking every day, it builds up your tolerance so you drink more. Be sure to take a couple days off between. If you do not drink every day, a full bottle of wine will put you under

 

[disneychrista]

I, like you, never used to drink. But after going through a rough patch I started to drink. My drink of choice is craft beer. I drink not only for "effect" but also because I like to try new brands/styles. In fact one of my hobbies is brewery hopping (I plan entire trips around breweries). So I may not be the right person to ask this but...
I see nothing wrong with a drink or two several times a week. From a health stand point there are studies that will show how even one drink a week is bad and others that say two drinks a day is great.

It is too much if you think you have a problem. If you feel you have to have a drink. If you start putting yourself in risky situations (driving after one too many), or regularly drinking yourself sick or to the point where you don't remember what you did last night.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I dont really think it is a problem unless it interferes with social or occupational functioning. I used to drink a lot of wine myself, and did it for many years. Nowadays I have a glass or two every now and then (like a couple times a month). I don’t feel any different really. I domt think it ever really was a problem. It really isn’t now because I so rarely do it.

 

[lifesavacation]

I don’t know if craving a drink means you have a problem. I crave chocolate and pizza and it doesn’t mean I’m an overeater. I do drink and crave a glass of wine or a martini after a stressful week, and I crave a good workout daily. Exercise keeps me off of antidepressants (which my body has a terrible reaction to). A drink a glass of wine once a week and a stronger drink on the weekends helps me decompress and relax. I don’t need it but I enjoy it. I think everybody is different but what you’ve described initially doesn’t raise red flags for me. I may have to go back and see if you’ve shared additional information in other posts on here after skimming a few responses.

I thought of this thread on the way home today. I had a crummy day at work and craved my workout way more than usual. So I hear what you’re saying. To crave and/or need something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a problem.

No one here can tell the OP whether she has a problem or not. The person who spends the most amount of time with her isn’t even concerned. This is a discussion she should have with her medical professional.

 

[fauna74]

Well, I was married for 20 years to a highly functioning alcoholic. He only drank on weekends, but on Friday nights as soon as he hit the house he had a beer in hand and didn’t stop until he was passed out or asleep. He chose drinking over spending time with me, and his kids. He only enjoyed social activities that included not just drinking, but lots of drinking. Tailgating, sports bars.
You’re obviously having some issues with alcohol, and I applaud your self awareness and concern. It’s time to seek out help to learn healthier ways to cope with stress. Whether that’s therapy, meditation, time with friends- but you and I both know that continuing to use alcohol to deal with stress will lead you down a lonely road lined with empty bottles.

 

[cabanafrau]

OP here. I really appreciate all of the thoughtful, kind responses. Just the fact that I felt compelled to post this shows me that it’s on my mind too much, and it is indeed a problem.

This really is not like me. I’m very healthy and I watch what I eat. I love to exercise. I should not let alcohol derail my health, mental or physical.

There is a situation in my life right now that is incredibly difficult, and it probably won’t end. It will be my new normal and I need help getting through it. I started seeing a counselor last year but it wasn’t a good fit. I need to find a new one.

I like what a previous poster said about it being more about the ritual. Soda water with lime in a fancy glass would be a great alternative. A hot cup of herbal tea and diffusing essential oils could be a Friday night routine that I look forward to.

I’m going to quit. I’m also going to ask my husband to help me. He is very supportive and loving- I’m sorry if I gave the impression that he’s not. If there is no alcohol in the house, it will be much easier for me to stop. He can have his beer in the fridge. Beer doesn’t tempt me in the least.

Thanks again everyone. Some things are hard to hear but very necessary.

It sounds like you have the desire to put yourself on a good path. I wish you nothing but the best.

As far as the difficult situation you expect to be your new normal, you're absolutely not alone. Many, many people have walked in those shoes. Many, many turned to alcohol. When they seek recovery one of the first things most of them become familiar with is the Serenity Prayer. The first line should seem significant to you and remind you you're not the only person to go through this.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I think it’s subjective. If YOU think it’s an issue then it might be. Seems like you’ve recognized it and are taking the proper steps to prevent it from blowing up.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Are you drinking until your are impaired?
Are you hiding that you are drinking?
Is your drinking affecting your relationships or work?

No?

You are probably fine.

But, the craving and stress drinking is a concern to me.

But I'm not an expert. I have alcoholics in my family, but I am not an expert. Talk to your doctor.

 

[DLgal]

Agree. I personally don't understand the "I'm stressed, I need a drink" concept.

Just to respond to this, alcohol relaxes people. It acts fast and has very few side effects if you just feel all tense and keyed up and need to chill. I can get this effect with one shot of vodka or one glass of wine. Nothing wrong with that. I have anxiety and have been prescribed Xanax. Xanax knocks me out for several hours. A shot of vodka has the same relaxing effect without the drowsiness and inability to function. I'd rather take the vodka shot on occasion. And by that, I mean maybe once a month at most. Usually when I drink, it's socially when out with friends or my husband on a date.

However, when people self medicate with alcohol on a constant basis (like daily), it then takes more and more to get the same effect, and then it turns into 3 shots or a bottle of wine, or 4 beers before you get the relaxing effect. That is definitely danger territory, from a health and addiction standpoint.

 

[DLgal]

OP here. I really appreciate all of the thoughtful, kind responses. Just the fact that I felt compelled to post this shows me that it’s on my mind too much, and it is indeed a problem.

This really is not like me. I’m very healthy and I watch what I eat. I love to exercise. I should not let alcohol derail my health, mental or physical.

There is a situation in my life right now that is incredibly difficult, and it probably won’t end. It will be my new normal and I need help getting through it. I started seeing a counselor last year but it wasn’t a good fit. I need to find a new one.

I like what a previous poster said about it being more about the ritual. Soda water with lime in a fancy glass would be a great alternative. A hot cup of herbal tea and diffusing essential oils could be a Friday night routine that I look forward to.

I’m going to quit. I’m also going to ask my husband to help me. He is very supportive and loving- I’m sorry if I gave the impression that he’s not. If there is no alcohol in the house, it will be much easier for me to stop. He can have his beer in the fridge. Beer doesn’t tempt me in the least.

Thanks again everyone. Some things are hard to hear but very necessary.

You sound very much in control and I think you have a good plan moving forward. Good to enlist your husband to keep an eye on you and remind you of your end goals if you start to slip up.

I'm not sure what your life circumstances are, but you may find some help and support posting about it in general terms here. You may be surprised how many people are in your shoes and can offer advice or just a compassionate ear. I hear you on finding a good therapist/counselor. They ARE out there but it's often a lot of trial and error before you find a good match. Keep trying! Therapists don't take personally if you see them once and then decide they are not a good fit. In fact, most good ones will give you a freebie consult JUST for this purpose...to see if they feel they can help you and you feel comfortable with them. I needed a therapist for my teen son and she gave me a free consult to discuss my sons issues and to make sure I felt comfortable with her AND my son's first session she also did for free. She's amazing, but it took three tries with other therapists before we found her.

 

[Marchand63]

E

I thought of this thread on the way home today. I had a crummy day at work and craved my workout way more than usual. So I hear what you’re saying. To crave and/or need something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a problem.

No one here can tell the OP whether she has a problem or not. The person who spends the most amount of time with her isn’t even concerned. This is a discussion she should have with her medical professional.

Honestly sometimes the last person to know is the closet person. You don't want to see the flaw in your loved one. It seems if she is questioning then, stop if she can . Some can, some can't. I am pretty sure OP got this but some don't.

I have one friend who hid it so well her DH was blindsided when she checked herself into rehab. She was one step away from losing her job. Thankfully she had employers who got it. Sometimes that water bottle has no water in it, sometimes that Sprite bottle has no tonic in it. Addiction is insidious, sneaky & devious, you can think your fine then BOOM!! There you are.

I am now starting school again to become an addiction counselor. I have seen so many lives destroyed by "maybe I have a problem?"

 

[GreatLakes]

OP here. I really appreciate all of the thoughtful, kind responses. Just the fact that I felt compelled to post this shows me that it’s on my mind too much, and it is indeed a problem.

This really is not like me. I’m very healthy and I watch what I eat. I love to exercise. I should not let alcohol derail my health, mental or physical.

There is a situation in my life right now that is incredibly difficult, and it probably won’t end. It will be my new normal and I need help getting through it. I started seeing a counselor last year but it wasn’t a good fit. I need to find a new one.

I like what a previous poster said about it being more about the ritual. Soda water with lime in a fancy glass would be a great alternative. A hot cup of herbal tea and diffusing essential oils could be a Friday night routine that I look forward to.

I’m going to quit. I’m also going to ask my husband to help me. He is very supportive and loving- I’m sorry if I gave the impression that he’s not. If there is no alcohol in the house, it will be much easier for me to stop. He can have his beer in the fridge. Beer doesn’t tempt me in the least.

Thanks again everyone. Some things are hard to hear but very necessary.

I'm not sure what the difficult situation in your life is but I had a close friend who sounds a lot like you. They used alcohol to get through stress but it was starting to become a problem. You sound pretty self-aware and so was this friend. I think that is an important thing to be. They knew themselves and knew it was more the ritual of something they really used to de-stress, not the ritual specifically of alcohol. They started running and now they use that as their stress control.

It could be anything really, an exercise, hobby, activity, anything that is your "new ritual".