How to ask your in-laws ...

tinkerbell1991

DIS Veteran
Joined
Apr 12, 2011
Hi All,

I've posted a fair bit recently so sorry if you see my name and think urgh … her again!

Long story short, none of my family can attend our wedding that we're having next October. H2B's parents were thrilled when we asked them to come so it will only be me, my fiancé, and the 2 in-laws for the wedding.

I think it would be nice for my FIL to be the "best man" - my fiancé is his only son so I think it would mean so much if he was asked so that's easy enough to find gifts for that.

I absolutely adore my MIL like my own mum but I don't know if it's a little odd asking her to be my Maid of Honour or basically say "can you walk me down the aisle and hold my bouquet" haha.

Is there any wording on a gift I can perhaps buy her that asks the above but not in a ridiculous way as I really do think MOH for a mother-in-law sounds a little odd.

If I can't think of any particular wording, I'll just buy her some little gifts but it would be nice if something could be worded on it like my FIL will get such as socks, flask etc?
 
Usually if the Maid of Honor is married, she's known as the Matron of Honor, if that makes you feel any better. Or you could call her your Best Woman! It sounds like you two have a great relationship, so there's nothing odd about asking her to "stand up" for you at your wedding! And since it's Memories, both of them are going to be standing already—it'll just be a slight shift from standing in front of you to standing next to you!
 
Generally, guests in small ceremonies understand that the traditional "rules" for guests of honor are off — it's like everybody at the wedding is the wedding party! So if you would like to honor their attendance with a gift, a presentation rose, or involving them in the ceremony in some way, I don't think they would find that odd at all, and I think that would be a very thoughtful gesture. It may actually help them feel less awkward, since they'll have something to "do" instead of just standing there and wondering how exactly to behave.

The only thing I would recommend is to have a plan for how to handle it if your own family changes their mind. I don't know your situation, but next October is a long way away, and sometimes people are funny and once they understand that you really are going to get married at Disney, they suddenly change their minds and can't imagine not being there. I wouldn't plan on them changing their mind, of course, but part of event planning is allowing for the opportunity for people to surprise you. :) If your own family ends up attending, I would plan to honor them in the same way, so that they don't feel slighted. Of course, there's no rule saying you can't have both a Matron of Honor and a Best Woman.
 
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Thank you both.

I can't see my family changing their minds but I agree that anything can happen over 17 months.

I like the idea of involving them on the ceremony somehow - can you suggest anything?

Xxx
 


Maybe instead of bestowing titles on either of them, just ask them if they would both do you the honor of standing with you and holding the rings during the ceremony. That's basically what the matron of honor & best man do, after all, so the job is the same, but you don't need to dole out actual titles for the job if it makes you uncomfortable in any way. You can even say "....like a best man and maid of honor would" or something along those lines when phrasing your request.

I think they would both enjoy getting to fill those rolls for you, whether or not you give them titles or gifts specifically mentioning those titles. :) You can give them each a little gift before or after the ceremony and say it's your way of thanking them for taking part in the ceremony, without ever using the terms best man or maid/matron of honor. :)
 
Maybe instead of bestowing titles on either of them, just ask them if they would both do you the honor of standing with you and holding the rings during the ceremony. That's basically what the matron of honor & best man do, after all, so the job is the same, but you don't need to dole out actual titles for the job if it makes you uncomfortable in any way. You can even say "....like a best man and maid of honor would" or something along those lines when phrasing your request.

I think they would both enjoy getting to fill those rolls for you, whether or not you give them titles or gifts specifically mentioning those titles. :) You can give them each a little gift before or after the ceremony and say it's your way of thanking them for taking part in the ceremony, without ever using the terms best man or maid/matron of honor. :)
I love it, thank you
 

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