I Find It Hard to be Friendly with People With Opposing Views....

[cruiser21]

It’s hard to discuss b/c we can’t get into specifics without maybe getting too political. Political views don’t make me think someone is racist. Racist statements/actions or condoning others’ racist statements/actions do. There are some things that I am morally & ethically opposed to. I don’t see this as just “different”. I don’t feel like I’m missing out of being friends with ppl like this.

As a conservative Christian I'm morally and ethically opposed to most things in this day and age. I just try to ignore it and go about my business. It's not my place to judge other people... hate the sin, love the sinner is how I like to look at things. I tend to judge people on how they treat me or how they treat my kids. I could care less about anything else.

 

[Christine]

As a conservative Christian I'm morally and ethically opposed to most things in this day and age. I just try to ignore it and go about my business. It's not my place to judge other people... hate the sin, love the sinner is how I like to look at things. I tend to judge people on how they treat me or how they treat my kids. I could care less about anything else.

I think your statement, though, for me is where I would have to draw the line, so to speak, on being your best friend. I would certainly have zero issues being an acquaintance with you, having you over for dinner, socializing, etc. at arm's length. But my BEST friend and I, at least for me, need to have some common world views. We share everything and if I knew that she believed that one of my children was a sinner because he/she is gay, that would actually kind of devastate me personally. I would never disown my best friend for those views but I think the relationship would change because those views are personally hurtful to the some people.

 

[ArwenMarie]

I don't really want to know people's views on anything anymore. Civility seems to have left the room

 

[cruiser21]

I think your statement, though, for me is where I would have to draw the line, so to speak, on being your best friend. I would certainly have zero issues being an acquaintance with you, having you over for dinner, socializing, etc. at arm's length. But my BEST friend and I, at least for me, need to have some common world views. We share everything and if I knew that she believed that one of my children was a sinner because he/she is gay, that would actually kind of devastate me personally. I would never disown my best friend for those views but I think the relationship would change because those views are personally hurtful to the some people.

The OP stated she could not be friendly to people with oppossing views There's a big difference between best friends and being friendly. I don't know how people can keep a job if their not at least friendly to people that have different religious or political views.
Also I never stated what my views were on any subject. You made an assumption based on my religious beliefs. Therin lies the problem with people.

 

[LSUmiss]

The OP stated she could not be friendly to people with oppossing views There's a big difference between best friends and being friendly. I don't know how people can keep a job if their not at least friendly to people that have different religious or political views.
Also I never stated what my views were on any subject. You made an assumption based on my religious beliefs. Therin lies the problem with people.

I can remain friendly still, but guess my thing would be at work why do I know their beliefs if we aren’t friends? Would seem like it’s b/c their going on about them which is rude & inappropriate.

 

[Christine]

The OP stated she could not be friendly to people with oppossing views There's a big difference between best friends and being friendly. I don't know how people can keep a job if their not at least friendly to people that have different religious or political views.
Also I never stated what my views were on any subject. You made an assumption based on my religious beliefs. Therin lies the problem with people.

Yeah, I suppose she did. I think my first I came back and said that I could be friendly but not true friends with someone who was morally opposed to me. I guess if you can't be cordial to people with different beliefs such as in the workplace then that's an issue.

 

[BrinkofSunshine]

I can remain friendly still, but guess my thing would be at work why do I know their beliefs if we aren’t friends? Would seem like it’s b/c their going on about them which is rude & inappropriate.

I don’t know if it’s the same everywhere (or how it is for different age groups), but I’m friends on Facebook with most of my coworkers and that’s where I’ve learned of their political leanings. It’s also possible to discern these things by small comments they might make, etc.

 

[ronandannette]

I do think there's a big difference between thoughts and actions, though. My grandmother didn't have...shall we say...completely modern ideas about race. She simply grew up in a less-enlightened time. But she tried - she was polite to everyone, and I only found out in her later years some of the stereotypes that popped into her head, and she shoved back down. I loved her anyway.

And one of the things I love about the DIS is the variety of opinions - how I can wholeheartedly agree with someone on one subject, and be completely on the opposite side of another, and still be "friends" with them.


........."It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
.

We all judge there's no way around it, but if you can get past your religious or political differences your may find you actually like the person. I've found that the side that preaches tolerance is only tolerant when you agree with them. I don't know if this is what is what is being taught in schools these days, but it's rather sad if that's the case.

In recent weeks Canada has been plunged into an unbelievably precarious state. A federal program, funded by tax-dollars, has been denied to individuals and organizations who will not sign a "declaration of agreement" with the governing party's official policy on a very polarizing moral issue. Now understand this - it is not excluding based on anything any person or organization actually does - only on what they think and/or profess to believe. The program we're talking about has absolutely nothing to do with the issue itself, nor do the people being denied benefits from the program necessarily have any way whatsoever to influence or interfere with government policy. It is nothing less that thought-policing, pure and simple and it's shocking.

 

[LSUmiss]

I don’t know if it’s the same everywhere (or how it is for different age groups), but I’m friends on Facebook with most of my coworkers and that’s where I’ve learned of their political leanings. It’s also possible to discern these things by small comments they might make, etc.

True. Forgot about Facebook b/c I don’t do it & that’s one of the many reasons. I don’t care to see ppl’s rants. As far as little comments made at work, maybe depending on what they say, but I try not to assume anything b/c you never know.

 

[PollyannaMom]

In recent weeks Canada has been plunged into an unbelievably precarious state. A federal program, funded by tax-dollars, has been denied to individuals and organizations who will not sign a "declaration of agreement" with the governing party's official policy on a very polarizing moral issue. Now understand this - it is not excluding based on anything any person or organization actually does - only on what they think and/or profess to believe. The program we're talking about has absolutely nothing to do with the issue itself, nor do the people being denied benefits from the program necessarily have any way whatsoever to influence or interfere with government policy. It is nothing less that thought-policing, pure and simple and it's shocking.

That's just awful!

 

[mom2rtk]

That's just awful!

Totally agree.

 

[ronandannette]

That's just awful!

It's surreal actually. And as you might imagine, the chilling nature of what's happening is completely escaping those that are in agreement with official policy at issue. They seemingly have no problem with the marginalizing of their family, friends, neighbours and countrymen. One can only assume they are too obtuse to realize they could be next.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I just smile an nod.

 

[jsmla]

DH is a deeply conservative avid horseman and outdoors guy. I'm very much the indoors type and usually vote Democrat. We've been happily married for 37 years so I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I'm okay with people with different viewpoints and opinions.

 

[TLSnell1981]

And? Both can be true. Bigots denying that's what they are and people making false accusations.

Those words are so overused. They no longer have the same impact or meaning...very diluted.

 

[because]

It is a complicated question with complicated answers. I love learning why people have opposing views and why that view is important to them. I believe that it is important to understand where others are coming from. How can anyone ever get along without knowing the "why" of things they do not understand? I firmly believe that people have a right to their own views.

My line in the sand is people forcing their views about certain groups of people on others, particularly by trying to make laws that hurt others. And especially if those laws would not affect their lives at all.

For instance, I am willing to accept people that oppose another group of people as long as they keep their beliefs just that, their beliefs. They have a right to their opinion. They can choose who to surround themselves with, whether or not to attend functions surrounding the group of people, etc.

A game changer for me is if someone is actively campaigning, voting, or using the bully pulpit to hurt a particular community by taking rights away, making public statements that incite violence, or voicing support for someone who is openly hurting people, either verbally or physically. Under those circumstances, we are not going to be friends. I can be civil, but we will not be hanging around each other. It is the old kindergarten rule, you take care of yourself and don't worry what the others are doing. Their views are not right for everyone nor are my views right for everyone. If they try to marginalize a group of people, I cannot be their best buddy although I can remain Facebook friends just to keep in touch with their actions because you should always keep your friends close and your enemies closer

We have a close, very liberal relative marrying into a family with strong beliefs against gay marriage which means the families spend time together. However, we all get along because we respect each other's views. We respect the rights of each family to have those views and do what is right for their family. I do not label them homophobic because their beliefs are valid within their strict religion. I may not agree with them but I agree that they have the right to those views. They do not try to force their views on others just as we don't try to force our views on them.

However, if they were actively campaigning and voting to restrict gay rights or voting on candidates based solely on their stance of gay marriage, our dynamics would change and we could only be civil, not friends. They would be actively trying to hurt a certain group of people by restricting their ability to do what they believe in, rights that would not have any effect on their lives at all. I then absolutely would label them homophobic and would limit our interactions. We could still have family dinners for the kids' sake. It would be civil but strained and conversation would be limited to pretty much the weather and the local sports teams that we both support. We would never get together for ourselves because we enjoyed their company.

 

[because]

In a professional setting, I think being able to get along with anyone is a very important skill. You don’t have to like your boss, coworkers, etc - but you must keep it cordial. The office is not the place for political debate. Play nicely & do your job to the best of your ability without thinking about anyone’s beliefs.

When choosing my personal friends, I don’t mind some political disagreement - how funding ought to be allocated, what’s the best way to deal with national security, etc. I think there are a lot of people presenting well-thought-out ideas on both sides of the aisle and it’s best to listen to one another so that we can (hopefully) learn to meet in the middle.

What I cannot tolerate are those who think their personal beliefs should be a limiting force on other people. When someone says that being gay is a “lifestyle choice” & advocates against marriage equality - when someone believes that a particular race or gender is inferior to another & should be treated as such - when someone feels that they should be allowed an opinion as to what happens to another person’s body, i.e. that they should have a say in what medical care is available to another person - these are views I cannot tolerate and I absolutely will not willingly associate with such selfish people. No thank you!

One good thing about the current climate - people are very quick to say exactly what they are thinking, one way or the other, and it is very easy to decide who you’d like to surround yourself with.

You said exactly what I believe much more eloquently than I did.

 

[ronandannette]

We have a close, very liberal relative marrying into a family with strong beliefs against gay marriage which means the families spend time together. However, we all get along because we respect each other's views. We respect the rights of each family to have those views and do what is right for their family. I do not label them homophobic because their beliefs are valid within their strict religion. I may not agree with them but I agree that they have the right to those views. They do not try to force their views on others just as we don't try to force our views on them. However, if they were actively campaigning and voting to restrict gay rights or voting on candidates based solely on their stance of gay marriage, our dynamics would change and we could only be civil, not friends because they would be actively trying to hurt a certain group of people, rights that would not have any effect on their lives at all. I then absolutely would label them homophobic and would limit our interactions. We could still have family dinners for the kids' sake. It would be civil but strained and conversation would be limited to pretty much the weather and the local sports teams that we both support. We would never get together for ourselves because we enjoyed their company.

I understand what you're saying. But if those types of issues were actually put to a vote, do you really expect people to vote against their own consciences? Now, I don't know if LGBTQ issues are the only things you feel this way about - I'm actually thinking of other things that could be considered moral issues.

 

[because]

I understand what you're saying. But if those types of issues were actually put to a vote, do you really expect people to vote against their own consciences? Now, I don't know if LGBTQ issues are the only things you feel this way about - I'm actually thinking of other things that could be considered moral issues.

Being brutally honest, yes, I do think people should think of others before they vote their conscience. For instance, if I was totally against a medical procedure that I had moral issues against, I would not vote to make it illegal. As long as I could still make the right choice for myself and could refuse the medical procedure that went against my moral conscience, I would not want to force my moral beliefs on others that may limit their choices in deciding whether that procedure is right for them or not. As long as ALL people are able to make the right choice for them, I will not vote on anything to limit someone else's choices even if it goes against my moral beliefs. I abhor when someone tries to force their moral conscience on me, so I am not going to vote forcing my moral conscience on others. That is up to them to make their choices.

 

[Wendy31]

That's just awful!

And scary!!

I understand what you're saying. But if those types of issues were actually put to a vote, do you really expect people to vote against their own consciences? Now, I don't know if LGBTQ issues are the only things you feel this way about - I'm actually thinking of other things that could be considered moral issues.

Right. I have to vote my conscience. I have to vote according to what I believe. And, at the same time, all people have the same freedom to vote according to their beliefs.

And I wouldn't "de-friend" or condemn anyone who voted differently than I did because I realize the person did so for specific reasons (a different set of beliefs, different experiences, different values, different interpretation or understanding of beliefs, something else was more important to the person, etc.), & those reasons are equally valid to the person as mine are to me.

For instance, the issue of abortion is important to me, & I will vote for the candidate whose views align most closely w/ my beliefs. However, I have many friends who would vote opposite me when it came to the issue of abortion. But, we're still friends, & they know, if something happened, I would be right there holding their hands to support them w/ whatever decision they needed to make.