I'll pray for you......

[FairestOfThemAll37]

I'm surprised my the number of people who find "I'll pray for you" well meaning. I've almost always heard it used as a way of somebody expressing judgement to let me know how "sinful" I am. It almost always comes across as condescending.

I don't particularly like the expression "I'll pray for you." It's just not me. I usually say, "I'll keep you in my prayers." I hope that's never offended anyone. I generally only say it when someone has told me something where prayer would be a possible response to what they've expressed.

This! I find the difference between "I'll pray for you" and "I'll keep you in my prayers" huge when it comes to the connotation. The second is almost always genuine. When that comes from Someone of the Christian, Muslim, Jewish, etc. faith in a time of ******* for me I always say thank you. To me it's good thoughts in the universe and a sign of genuine care about me. I feel it's a way to say I'll keep you in my thoughts and heart.

It seems to be my experience that it's I'll pray for because you clearly need it, you heathen and I'll keep you in my prayers because there's some struggle you're facing and I care.

 

[because]

The situation you describe in the OP though, sounds like that last 1 out of 10, where the person is not trying to convey best wishes but instead express a "bless your heart" type of condescending sympathy where none is needed or wanted. I'd desire to have a snarky reply ready, but likely wouldn't.

Ah yes, Bless Your Heart. This would be a great time to use it. Offer a strong, sickly sweet, big smile, "Well, bless your heart" right back to her.

I am not normally passive aggressive and welcome all offers of good thoughts, whether it be prayers, Happy Holidays, or anything else, I am thrilled and say a hearty thank you. But when you absolutely know the person is using a prayer statement as an insult, I think I will use the Bless your heart from now on.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, to many people who say that phrase, they think it is well meaning!!!
I think it gives them such a narcissistic ego boost to think that they have the power to pass judgment and save souls.

Which is clearly the situation in the OP's case...
He was merely dropping his young child off at pre-school... Not discussing any situation or problem that might indicate that some additional prayers might be helpful. So, yes, in this situation, this is all about judgement, not somebody trying to be positive or helpful.

Not 'well-meaning' at all.

 

[L&Lfan]

Totally off topic, but it kind of surprises me how many of the disers are atheists. I don't know WHY it surprises me. Maybe because I don't know that many people who identify as atheist in my life. Maybe because these boards reflect a wide diversity of people whereas in my life, I guess I, as a church goer, tend to know other church goers. Bottom line, this is just very interesting to me...

 

[IAHFTPT]

I would have given her a good, "Well, bless your heart", with as much sarcasm as I can muster and moved on.

 

[piccolopat]

My immediate thought while reading the OP was it was said in a "Well, bless your heart" kind of tone. If that were the case my response would probably have been something to the effect of, "Go on ahead if it makes you feel better/sleep at night." I cannot repeat what I'd say if she asked me why I was angry at god. Not Dis friendly but it would probably give her whiplash.

If it's genuine it usually makes me feel...awkward. Saying "thank you" makes me feel like a huge hypocrite. Like Klayfish I just kind of nod.

As to reporting her, yeah, I probably would. The prayer stuff wouldn't even need to enter into it but would help make the case as far as snarky/condescending attitude. Once she implied I wasn't a full participant in my family's well being it would be game on.

Actually, I think a response of "Well, bless your heart" might have been a good choice in the OP's situation.

 

[smiths02]

I'm surprised my the number of people who find "I'll pray for you" well meaning. I've almost always heard it used as a way of somebody expressing judgement to let me know how "sinful" I am. It almost always comes across as condescending.



This! I find the difference between "I'll pray for you" and "I'll keep you in my prayers" huge when it comes to the connotation. The second is almost always genuine. When that comes from Someone of the Christian, Muslim, Jewish, etc. faith in a time of ******* for me I always say thank you. To me it's good thoughts in the universe and a sign of genuine care about me. I feel it's a way to say I'll keep you in my thoughts and heart.

It seems to be my experience that it's I'll pray for because you clearly need it, you heathen and I'll keep you in my prayers because there's some struggle you're facing and I care.

I see what you are saying, but I think the context matters more than the wording of the phrase. I've heard people talk about loved ones dying or getting cancer, and people replying, "I'll pray for you and your family."

On the other hand, I've heard a preacher in a church urge the congregation to "keep a family in their prayers" so that the family "suffers" enough to want to come to church and seek Christ.

 

[shoney]

Totally off topic, but it kind of surprises me how many of the disers are atheists. I don't know WHY it surprises me. Maybe because I don't know that many people who identify as atheist in my life. Maybe because these boards reflect a wide diversity of people whereas in my life, I guess I, as a church goer, tend to know other church goers. Bottom line, this is just very interesting to me...

I really don't know many religious people! Regardless of what faith they identify with (mostly catholic or jewish around here) the majority do not attend official services....maybe on major holidays, weddings or funerals.
On the Dis, I read about "church-centric" communities where church ladies are baking and parties are in church basements, etc, etc. Just not something familiar to me. Sometimes it is nice to see both sides!

I was raised without religion and so are my children. (both my parents came from strict Catholic families)

I don't like when someone says they will pray for me...but I say thank you and move on. Not going to debate politics or religion with anyone.
In the OP's case, I don't think it was just the words but the whole situation. No one needs a prayer said because they have to go to work! This woman was being a judgmental idiot!

 

[justussix]

I usually just ask, "My missing this meeting won't keep her out of Harvard, will it?"

It was a running joke I had with my kids preschool director. But they appreciated the humor. I think. I guess I'll find out when they apply to Harvard.

 

[wenrob]

Actually, I think a response of "Well, bless your heart" might have been a good choice in the OP's situation.

Meh, being a city girl from the Desert Southwest that would just sound silly coming out of my mouth.

I really don't know many religious people! Regardless of what faith they identify with (mostly catholic or jewish around here) the majority do not attend official services....maybe on major holidays, weddings or funerals.
On the Dis, I read about "church-centric" communities where church ladies are baking and parties are in church basements, etc, etc. Just not something familiar to me. Sometimes it is nice to see both sides!

I was raised without religion and so are my children. (both my parents came from strict Catholic families)

I don't like when someone says they will pray for me...but I say thank you and move on. Not going to debate politics or religion with anyone.
In the OP's case, I don't think it was just the words but the whole situation. No one needs a prayer said because they have to go to work! This woman was being a judgmental idiot!

I was raised with which is why I don't have it anymore. My kids have been raised without but I'd support them if they chose to embrace it. Older DD's friends in high school were quite shocked she was given the choice, lol.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I never say I well pray for you unless asked

 

[Wishing on a star]

I never say I well pray for you unless asked

Good call!!!!

 

[osopecoso]

Little update. Brought my daughter again this morning. The wicked witch was not there. The school director was up front instead. She saw me come in and informed me that I have some paperwork to pick up on the way out. On the way out, she pulled me into her office. She apologized for what happened yesterday. Multiple staff members complained about what happened yesterday along with a few other parent complaints led to her dismissal from the school. She was afraid that the lady may tell my daughter something. We are still meeting with the other person on Friday though.

 

[rlk]

I would report her. I would make sure she isn't having any religiously judgmental interactions with the children at school.

 

[osopecoso]

I would report her. I would make sure she isn't having any religiously judgmental interactions with the children at school.

That is what they were afraid of. I can imagine her telling my daughter that I am going to hell and that I am a bad person to her and my wife.

 

[dish rag]

Totally off topic, but it kind of surprises me how many of the disers are atheists. I don't know WHY it surprises me. Maybe because I don't know that many people who identify as atheist in my life. Maybe because these boards reflect a wide diversity of people whereas in my life, I guess I, as a church goer, tend to know other church goers. Bottom line, this is just very interesting to me...

I agree. I was thinking the same and had wondered before. They seem very hostile about the whole thing too and very intolerant.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I agree. I was thinking the same and had wondered before. They seem very hostile about the whole thing too and very intolerant.

What a zinger Art.

 

[osopecoso]

I agree. I was thinking the same and had wondered before. They seem very hostile about the whole thing too and very intolerant.

What???

 

[pryncess527]

I agree. I was thinking the same and had wondered before. They seem very hostile about the whole thing too and very intolerant.

I feel like we are reading different posts . . . almost every atheist I see in here said they would respond with a Thank you and appreciate the good intent the person was trying to convey.

 

[rlk]

Little update. Brought my daughter again this morning. The wicked witch was not there. The school director was up front instead. She saw me come in and informed me that I have some paperwork to pick up on the way out. On the way out, she pulled me into her office. She apologized for what happened yesterday. Multiple staff members complained about what happened yesterday along with a few other parent complaints led to her dismissal from the school. She was afraid that the lady may tell my daughter something. We are still meeting with the other person on Friday though.

It is good to see the school responded so quickly.