Moving On

BMWTeamLeader

Mouseketeer
Joined
Jul 18, 2012
Sad today. A lot of feelings been bubbling over the past week which has really caused a lot of trouble at home. My wife surrounded by her four children daily and my daughter not in the same way for me - facing a lot of internal jealousy, resentment... like someone flipped a switch. Divorce was brought up... well separation. Our church and parent group have been beneficial in interventions to this option. I honestly don’t want to but the pain has been so intense I just want it to go away. But a huge disconnect has been established. I am glad my daughter is not around the drama. In some ways I am fighting battles that should have been fought many years ago and I’m just trying to let those feelings go. But the anger is just so real it’s frighting, accusatory and not justified towards the Family I love *sob*
 


BMWTeamLeader

Mouseketeer
Joined
Jul 18, 2012
Peace restored. Sort of. The most pertinent piece appropriate to this post is that this past week while blatantly difficult was an eye opener for my wife and I in both directions cumulating with her approaching me two nights ago and initiating a quiet calm - tho at times differed in opinion - conversation. We more than touched base about how my daughter fit (or hasn’t) fit into the equation. We started to clear up misunderstandings and missing information. We discussed expectations going forward and where we saw things a year from now. While this one time does not heal everything, divorce is off the table. Great parent support group last night as my wife came with me after a long hiatus. Hope again slowly but surely.
 
  • moniqueand2

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jun 5, 2012
    Glad to hear things are better. Sounds like you had to determine if the problems you and your wife are having are just a bad patch or insurmountable deal breakers.
     

    BMWTeamLeader

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jul 18, 2012
    Glad to hear things are better. Sounds like you had to determine if the problems you and your wife are having are just a bad patch or insurmountable deal breakers.
    Yes and much easier to do when it’s quiet and calm. Hard to accomplish with a full house and the unexpected (but grateful for) return of of DD to the foreground of our family palate. Step-parenting has been hard on both of us. Made harder by everything that has happened most being out of our control.
     

    BMWTeamLeader

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jul 18, 2012
    *HAPPY DANCE* Visits with my daughter continue to go well. Last month we braved a missed visit just because scheduling is a pain sometimes. But we made it through okay. Not the end of the world where there is still communicating via Facebook and the overall belief in our restored (tho different) relationship. But speaking of relationships, my happy news is DD took it upon herself to reach out to her half sister and youngest stepsister recently. Again one of those moments where as a parent encouranging young ones to grow I have be refined but on the inside my heart jumps up and down with glee. My ADD (her half sister - adopted daughter for those just joining us) has seen her once but then they went quiet and she was unsure how to proceed. My April visit with DD was going to see her in her school musical. DD really was nervous and you could read she wanted a cheering section in the audience. so I invited ADD to go with me and we went out to eat afterwards. It was so fun....two teens poking fun at their old man...lol...Lot of love in that restaurabt that night. The service was slow but we personally didn't care..more time spent with each other.

    My YSD (youngest stepdaughter) is becoming a teen mom in November and has relationship issues, male or female, family or not; but she always had a fondness for DD. My wife and I were united in our uncertainty how they would connect if they ever saw each other again so we just we just remained alert, encouraging, but letting things happen between them on their own. Long story short, YSD's social worker coincidently placed her in a residential home for teen mom's in the same town as DD and I found out this morning they set up a breakfast date!

    It would take too long to explain the impact this fence mending/bridge building has on my family. The best way to describe is that the last tiime all seven of us were together and relatively happy together was almost eight years ago at our wedding......

    There is still much work and I'm still very protective of my heart for a "complete" happy ending, but for now, I think I'll allow a few internal cartwheels and keep on believing.

    DD also stands foe DISNEY DAD!
     

    BMWTeamLeader

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jul 18, 2012
    So many posts ago I lamented or was caught off guard by how to recognize my daughters mom for Mother’s Day. While our divorce was rough and when custody switched over things were more difficult yetcwith my new life full of drama and complications there was some merit to her stepping up until I figured things out. My daughter i believe found herself so much closer to her true self being with her mom it’s hard to think things worked out for the best. With a lot behind us and almost a year since we’ve interacted, my dsughter and I and sometimes with her mom I got to put together a proper mother’s day celebration.....kept simple and low key we (the three of us) went out to lunch of her choosing and we watched a DVD I gave as a gift. Resentment and anger I do not carry well. It felt good to do my part to show my appreciation with no strings attached ultimately modeling good behavior for the next generation.
     
  • BMWTeamLeader

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jul 18, 2012
    Second Chances. They are rare and hard to come by. But first some background:

    SD19, now 21 weeks pregnant, defiantly left her residential program about a week into her stay. Back to living on the streets in denial back with her abusive baby daddy, the family unanimously had to let her go in the most difficult act of tough love yet. Once she was out of resources, the baby daddy left her. With a great deal of thought and effort, my wife and I let her come home. Meanwhilw SD23 and her boyfriend still living with us as well made for a very full house. This is not a blog about their story per say, but the amount of chaos and tension has increased a lot if you can imagine. SD23 and I have a negative history together only compounded as it is with us living under the same roof. SD19 suffers PTSD from multiple sexual abuse encounters as a child. Our relationship is turbulent, but ultimately grounded in a good bonding situation when I first entered the picture. Now living in the shadow of her abusers and her flake of a bio dad, I get targeted pretty often - especially as I try to rein in the chaos to keep the home stable as possible.

    So what does this have to do with second chances? Well, ADD15 has struggled not to get lost in all this drama, very reminiscent of how DD16 felt when she was living us all those many years ago. Somewhere along the line during these long few months I picked up on that, but because of the self-help I have given myself (including starting this blog), I knew how to counter the demons that tore DD16 and I apart in the first place. Its like I stopped dead in my tracks, stopped playing the victim in my own house, be the protector I have really never seen me as until now.

    While I did not have this instinct prior, the one thing I am grateful for is I don't dwell in the regret because circumstances being what they are I have DD16 back in my life again

    Not saying all is perfect. The past few days have been emotionally intensive as I have not only rocked the boat with my standing up for myself and the household as my wife ADD15 and I want to see it, but I've capsized it. Out of the blue it seems I can even communicate to my wife how awful I feel without making it seem like her fault. Her reaction back to her two older daughters were amazing and I must admit very difficult for her to do.

    ADD15 and I have started bi-weekly outings together. I have to admit I have been lax about that as I wrestle with a lot. A few nights ago we had made plans after work. SD19 asked me to drive her somewhere. I refused on the basis that my night was about ADD15 and I wanted to give her my undivided attention (not the words I exactly used). While it resulted in a mess (and there's more to the story that's not pertinent here), ADD15 and I went out and we actually had a meaningful talk beyond the small talk. It was open and honest and not sugar coated in the least. I learned a lot from her and I felt so empowered.

    Tonight ADD15 and I are going on spontaneous visit to see DD16. DD16 got a new cat recently and we are gifting her a cat house we refurbished and has not gotten a lot of use from the household cat here. In my new frame of mind. It will be wonderful to have my two worlds together...Establish a foundation past and present...defying the distance of two separate houses. Even tho all my relationships back home may never be mended fully (there is always hope, but meshed in wth a touch of reality) I can hold on to a little good at a time, nurture that and pray it grows.
     

    BMWTeamLeader

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jul 18, 2012
    I hope you had a good visit and that your DD enjoyed the cat house gift.
    It was very nice. After we dropped off the cat house we went out eat, chatted about a lot of things deep and not so deep and actually closed the restaurant. I enjoyed seeing DD16 before we left on vacation and I get to see her the day after we come home too. Her mom and I have "business" to tend to (code speak for Child support handoff) so we are all meeting for breakfast before DD16 has her band practice (she's in a metal band in case I didn't mention before). Then the weekend after DD15 and SD19 and I are taking DD15 out for belated birthday. Summer visits have been quite frequent and I'm happy about that
     



    Connect

    Disney News and Updates





    SUBSCRIBE TO OUR DAILY EMAIL
    Subscribe and never miss out on Disney News, Deals and Updates.






    Top