Please...help me to understand Alzheimer's

shadowryter

DISNEYHOLIC
Joined
Feb 28, 2008
Hello…Some of you may know me as a DISigner here on the DIS. I design because I love to add a little magic to peoples trips and celebrations. I design to keep my sanity. I am an adult daughter of a father who has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, though I’ve noticed the gradual changes in him over the last 10 years. For almost a year he has refused to take his meds for his condition or he would say he did and toss them out. I know he’s in denial, who wouldn’t be. He is argumentative, mean and just plain hateful at times. And then the switch is flipped and he is just fine. He steels money from his joint bank account for his lottery tickets, gets lost when driving and by the way blows straight through stops signs.

He and my mom argue every day, her reminding him to take his meds and confronting him about lie after lie. The little things that were so easy for him are now a major production. He leaves every light on in the house, water running, doors unlocked. He lost his wallet one day and we spent hours searching for it just for my husband to find it in the refrigerator. He had a doctors appointment which he insisted on going to on his own and ended out 3 towns over.

Yesterday my mom asked him to trim a couple of branches from the shrubs in the front of the house; a two minute job. He returned 45 minutes later and when I looked outside I saw that he had hacked a good section of the shrubs to the ground. No going back there.
I made him a special lemon cake for his 79th birthday and after the fiasco with his lack of topiary skills he was so mean and hateful to me and my mother that she served the cake without him but only after he told her he didn’t want it in very colorful language. My mom cries a lot.

I’m told that this will only get worse and I’m not sure how to deal with it. I have a lot of things on my mind. I worry about him. I love him…he’s my dad but I don’t like him much at the moment. I worry about my mother because she is not well. She has heart problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, thyroid, not to mention osteoporosis and macular degeneration. She depends on a walker and is almost blind in her left eye. I basically take care of her, her meds and insulin.

My family and I moved in with them when the company my husband and I worked for closed their doors. My husband and dad butt heads constantly. My dad is mean to him, to me and our grown daughter. My husband wants to move out but places are hard to find and though I want to do this, I have such a fear in my gut that tells me my mom will not last once I’m out of the house. I’m afraid if we go and something happens to her I will blame my father, myself and possibly my husband for pushing this move. Also since we pay rent and half of all utilities there’s a good chance they would loose the house with not enough income, especially the way my dad loves to spend money that they don’t have. I don’t know what to do anymore. I know I’m not alone. I’d appreciate any words of advice and wisdom. Thanks so much for reading this.:goodvibes
 
I'm sorry to hear your family is having such a difficult time. :hug: We had something similar happen in my family as well.

I actually spent an hour yesterday writing a post and then lost the whole thing. :headache:

I don't have time today but will leave you this to get you started.

I found these articles by googling Alzheimer's aggression. There were lots more that you will hopefully find helpful.

You need to get some help with this, it's no way to live. Good luck. :flower3:

http://alzheimers.aplaceformom.com/articles/alzheimers-aggression/

http://www.helpguide.org/elder/alzheimers_behavior_problems.htm
 
I am so sorry that your family is going through this. Alzheimer's is a monster. Until people have known someone afflicted with this awful disease, they commonly think that it involves only forgetfulness, but it is so much more than that.

My husband's mother, now 93, has Alzheimer's Disease in addition to some other very serious health problems. She lived with us for 18 years, up until 6 months ago when she was placed in a nursing home. She has had ALZ for about the last 8 years and is entering the last stage of the disease. She can no longer walk, feed herself or do anything at all for herself. She requires 24/7 care, and due to some circumstances in our own family it was just impossible for us to handle her care any more.

Your dad's symptoms, from getting lost to forgetting about his meds to the personality changes, are all classic symptoms of ALZ. I would recommend an excellent article that helped us to understand what was happening with MIL - I do not know if I can post the link, but if you Google "Understanding the Dementia Experience" by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller, you will find the article. I can also recommend a book called "The 36 Hour Day." Both of these were invaluable resources to us when we were caring for MIL. If you, your husband and your mom can read these items, you will all come away with a greater understanding of what you are dealing with and some positive ideas about how to deal with your dad's problems.

You should also Google the local Alzheimer's Association chapter where you live. They have a 24/7 hotline that you may call with questions, or if you just need someone to talk to about the situation.

Your dad should not be driving. In addition to being a danger to himself, he could injure or kill an innocent person. It is very important that you get the car keys away from him. He will be angry about this, no doubt, but he can no longer reason and cannot make decisions about life or death issues. I know of families who have actually mechanically disabled their loved one's car to be sure that they would not drive. His medications should also be managed, since he cannot remember if he has taken them and this symptom will not get better. If he has other conditions, such as high blood pressure or heart disease, it is important that his medications be given as prescribed.

Your dad is not really in denial. One of the symptoms of ALZ is called "anosognosia," which is basically the false belief that everything is fine. The patient truly has no understanding of what is happening to him and basically thinks that everyone else is wrong.

Is your dad being treated by a neurologist, a geriatric psychiatrist or a geriatrician who specializes in ALZ? Sometimes internists/general practitioners are not as well versed as specialists in the medications that can really help these patients. You or your mom should speak to your dad's doctor about some of the symptoms he is experiencing, such as aggression. ALZ patients sometimes can become violent, so his aggression should be managed so that he is not a danger to your mom. Sometimes something as small as a very low dose of an antidepressant can help with these symptoms. If you or your mom do not have proper HIPPA authorization to speak with the doctor, the doctor cannot disclose information about your father's condition. However, the doctor can listen to you. You can make a list of the symptoms that you are observing and either call the doctor or fax the list to the doctor before your dad's next appointment. We did this with MIL's doctor, and it was very helpful as he knew how her symptoms were progressing before each visit.

You are right to be concerned about your mother. She already has health problems and caring for your dad is extremely stressful for her. The ALZ association can also provide you with information about programs such as adult day care that may provide some help and relief to your mother.

I hope that some of the information suggested will be helpful to you. I know that this is a very difficult road for all of you.
 
I am so sorry that your family is going through this. Alzheimer's is a monster. Until people have known someone afflicted with this awful disease, they commonly think that it involves only forgetfulness, but it is so much more than that.

My husband's mother, now 93, has Alzheimer's Disease in addition to some other very serious health problems. She lived with us for 18 years, up until 6 months ago when she was placed in a nursing home. She has had ALZ for about the last 8 years and is entering the last stage of the disease. She can no longer walk, feed herself or do anything at all for herself. She requires 24/7 care, and due to some circumstances in our own family it was just impossible for us to handle her care any more.Your dad's symptoms, from getting lost to forgetting about his meds to the personality changes, are all classic symptoms of ALZ. I would recommend an excellent article that helped us to understand what was happening with MIL - I do not know if I can post the link, but if you Google "Understanding the Dementia Experience" by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller, you will find the article. I can also recommend a book called "The 36 Hour Day." Both of these were invaluable resources to us when we were caring for MIL. If you, your husband and your mom can read these items, you will all come away with a greater understanding of what you are dealing with and some positive ideas about how to deal with your dad's problems.

You should also Google the local Alzheimer's Association chapter where you live. They have a 24/7 hotline that you may call with questions, or if you just need someone to talk to about the situation.

Your dad should not be driving. In addition to being a danger to himself, he could injure or kill an innocent person. It is very important that you get the car keys away from him. He will be angry about this, no doubt, but he can no longer reason and cannot make decisions about life or death issues. I know of families who have actually mechanically disabled their loved one's car to be sure that they would not drive. His medications should also be managed, since he cannot remember if he has taken them and this symptom will not get better. If he has other conditions, such as high blood pressure or heart disease, it is important that his medications be given as prescribed.

Your dad is not really in denial. One of the symptoms of ALZ is called "anosognosia," which is basically the false belief that everything is fine. The patient truly has no understanding of what is happening to him and basically thinks that everyone else is wrong.

Is your dad being treated by a neurologist, a geriatric psychiatrist or a geriatrician who specializes in ALZ? Sometimes internists/general practitioners are not as well versed as specialists in the medications that can really help these patients. You or your mom should speak to your dad's doctor about some of the symptoms he is experiencing, such as aggression. ALZ patients sometimes can become violent, so his aggression should be managed so that he is not a danger to your mom. Sometimes something as small as a very low dose of an antidepressant can help with these symptoms. If you or your mom do not have proper HIPPA authorization to speak with the doctor, the doctor cannot disclose information about your father's condition. However, the doctor can listen to you. You can make a list of the symptoms that you are observing and either call the doctor or fax the list to the doctor before your dad's next appointment. We did this with MIL's doctor, and it was very helpful as he knew how her symptoms were progressing before each visit.

You are right to be concerned about your mother. She already has health problems and caring for your dad is extremely stressful for her. The ALZ association can also provide you with information about programs such as adult day care that may provide some help and relief to your mother.

I hope that some of the information suggested will be helpful to you. I know that this is a very difficult road for all of you.

I think that this PP has given some wonderful advice. I, OP, am in a similar boat... my dad was kinda diagnosed in Feb. He refuses to go in for diagnostic imaging, so his diagnosis is not complete yet. (I think I finally convinced him this last weekend, and his paranoia and aggression are now mostly under control, I think thanks to Aricept.)

Does he have a diagnosis of ALZ? If not, please get him to a GP so that you may get a referral to a neurologist. Then your dad may be prescribed meds to help his condition, such as Aricept or an antidepressant (previously mentioned) that will help his day to day functioning. ALZ patients are rock stars at pretending nothing is wrong, and/or trying to cover for themselves.

I also see my parents bickering a lot. They are young (my dad is only 62) and these were supposed to be their golden years, retired and travelling. I think my mom is bitter, not only about my dad and how much she has to look after him, but also about her own health – already had 2 strokes. Aside from your father’s issues, your mom already has a lot to deal with about her own health… ask her about her feelings, not only about your dad, but about her future as well. I’m sure that losing her mobility and a great deal of her sight is scary. She’s facing a lot of unknowns, and then that is exacerbated by extreme nature of your father’s condition. If your dad can go back to basic daily functioning, it might help ease some stress off of your mom, and the rest of your family, for that matter.

Your DH – understandably, it would be hard to be in his situation, and he is understandably frustrated by it. I’m sure it hurts him to see you under so much stress, and to be “held hostage” by the situation. While on one hand, it’s great that you and your parents are both helping each other out by splitting the bills, try to have boundaries, so that your DH may have his own space that’s free of the happenings in the house. Make sure he can feel relaxed and comfortable in a place he can call his own, even if it’s just a recliner in the bedroom where he can shut the door and do whatever he enjoys. I know I always feel worn out just having to be “on” for my dad (checking that everything is done properly after he does it, etc… actually, it’s very similar to when my DD was just beginning to do things for herself). After a few days, I need a break, whether it’s just a solo trip to the grocery, or a soak in the tub with a good book.

As for driving, did you know that if an ALZ pt is behind the wheel and they get in an accident, the insurance company can deny the claim, saying that the driver was knowingly impaired? Just a little food for thought on that front…

I think in your situation, I would sit down with both of my parents and talk to them about what is going on. I would voice my concerns and have specific incidents that I have noticed. Urge them to seek help from Drs. Contact your local ALZ Assn. chapter. (ALZ.org) My local chapter has been a WEALTH of information, and a pillar of support for me. They provided me with a lot of information through pamphlets, what to expect, things I need to take care of (getting finances in place, Power of attorneys, sheltering assets, what benefits my dad might be eligible for and how to apply for them, etc.).

Most of all, try to keep your patience with your dad. This is not something that he chose for himself. Understand that it is the disease. ALZ is cruel… a torturous cruelty to the loved ones of those who have it. I hope against all hope that a cure is found. So many suffer from this disease… those diagnosed and caregivers alike.
:grouphug: Keep us posted. I'll be thinking about you and hoping for the best.
 


Thanks so much for your reply’s. I know I’m not alone in this situation but sometimes it just feels like that. My dad did see his GP who ran a few cognitive tests which he failed miserably. He suggested that he see a neurologist but of course this has not happened yet. He prescribed Aricept but it took more than 6 months before he finally agreed to take it and this didn’t happen easily even after we found his missing wallet in the fridge or when he got lost a few towns over. He came out one morning and couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t zip up his pants. Well they we’re on backwards and most recently completely inside out. It was such a silly thing but we just smiled and helped him get reorganized.

He has been on Aricept for 67 days and counting. We have this and the rest of his medications in a pill taker and a log that is checked off every time he takes his meds. 9 out of 10 he takes them late. Sometimes as much as several hours but at least he’s taking them. I should also mention that he has to take his pills one at a time every hour or two. He will not mix them…period.

Another concern of mine and my mom’s is his eating habits. He eats so little during the day but tanks up on junk in the evening. You would think that would at least balance his weight but in the last six months or so he has lost 30 plus pounds. He looks so fragile and we worry that something else might be wrong but he won’t go for any kind of diagnostic tests and belittles those of us that do. Also he has turned into a hoarder. We try to keep in hidden but I shudder every time the cable guy comes because he has to crawl over the junk in the basement to check the wiring. If I want to toss something out I have to hurry up and hide it before trash day or he’ll rummage and I’ll find it in the basement. My parents bedroom is a disaster: you can’t even walk through the door without piles of VHS tapes falling over. This is particularly difficult for my mom who gets around with a walker.

My parents argue every day, usually over his meds but mostly when he looses something, and he tells her, it’s all HER fault. No matter what he misplaced. Then a few hours later it’s as if nothing happened at all. My husband is another situation. He’s a great guy but my dad and him have never seen eye to eye. We should have moved out years ago but now I worry that it will never happen. DH works almost 60 hours a week…7 days a week. I only see him a few hours a day and bit longer on the weekends. He can’t really relax because dad is always in his face about something. DH is the kind of guy that works hard and when he has some quiet time he’d like it to be quiet. No chance of that happening. But he reminds me from time to time that he’d rather be at work than at the house. It’s not his home, just a place where he lives. He doesn’t believe that dad is ill, just a bully. So frustrating. (in the past years…yes…dad has always been a bully. When me met my mom until today. That part of him has never changed.)

My mom told me that she wants to make out their will and that she’s leaving me the house and everything in it. If worse comes to worse she wants to give me power of attorney over her affairs but dad would be another question. It is his house and no one is taking over. He’s fought me every step of the way when I replaced the old stove, refrigerator, central air conditioner and wall to wall carpeting. “Their taking over,” he would chant over and over again and this has been it the last ten years. No satisfying him at all.

It was quiet the past few days. Dad was remembering to take his meds, not too much arguing but then yesterday is decided to put air in the tires of the lawn tractor. Around 9 pm last night we felt an explosion that literally rocked the house on it’s foundation. After a search of nearly 45 minutes we discovered that one of the tires completely blew apart. Turns out he put 35 lbs of air in a tire that held only 14! I think he thought he was filling the tires on the car. I’m only glad that this didn’t happen while he was filling it.

Thank you for all the information you have sent my way. I’ve bookmarked the sites and am going to check into my home town to see what info/help can be found. I’ll keep you all updated. It was just so good to hear from you. Thanks again.:goodvibes
 
Besides getting your dad to a neurologist or whatever they're called, you need to consult an elder care lawyer - you may be able to petition the court to become his guardian. Your mother needs to make a will NOW.

In my view there is little point diagnostic tests to find out if he has some other illness going on - you know he has alzheimers - even if he does have something else going on he won't take the meds for it. Do they have long term care insurance?

My mother in law was in the same situation. We ultimately had to put her in a nursing home locked unit. She had become a danger to herself and others.
 
I am so sorry to hear. I am going through similar stuff with my Mom..in fact I came here to post an update...right now my mom is in a mental health hospital...things will be changing once she comes out. You are not alone.
 


I am so sorry you are going through this. DFIL is in a nursing home. It just about killed DMIL. They were best friends. Unfortunately because he still "owns" his home DMIL has to send a huge check to the nursing home every month. It is very expensive for 24 hr. care. As previously mentioned, information on the matter should be sought by a lawyer. You won't want the house to be lost because of long term care medical bills.

As far as your DH, is there someone who could stay with your folks and you and your DH have date nights. Even if it is just out for a cup of tea, or a walk even. My Mom lived with us for years. She was healthy at the time, but it was difficult for DH at times. I just always tried to remind him I love him. In my case I would pick one thing that he ignored that my mom did and I would use that as an example. Sometimes he would be like all macho and say yeah, well next time... But many years later he admitted me noticing he was "the bigger person" gave him strength to do it the next time too.

((hugs)) to you all.
 
Hi everybody...I just wanted to stop by so you don't think that I have dropped off the face of the earth. Dad's had his ups and downs the past couple of weeks. He seems so good one moment and you think..."Yeah...the pills are working," only to slide backwards again. He went to see his GP with my mom and she and him had all kinds of questions. I swear if it were me I'd wring this guys neck. My mom said he sat there with a vague expression only nodding, and making comments like..."Could be...I don't know...that's possible."????? Even when my mom asked about him seeing a neurologists, he agreed but didn't bother to set anything up. And my mom and dad always go to each others appointments so it's not a privacy issue. So I will help her with this and see what can be done on our own. It's so frustrating when your own doctor is so indifferent.
We are in the process of getting things in order. Wills, power of attorney and things like that. Both of my parents are on a fixed income and they own their house. Have for many years now. DH is also up and down but I see him sometimes watching my dad especially when he forgets something and wonders around the house literally in circles. At one point he thought it was all an "act" but now he knows that there is something more serious involved. I'll let you know how things turn out. Thanks for being here.:goodvibes
 
I went through ALZ with both my father & maternal grandmother. My grandmother had lived 1000 miles away from us so we didn't see the signs. I went to visit her and within literally 30 minutes of my arriving she had a seizure and was rushed to the hospital where they found 3 broken vertabrae. apparently she had fallen earlier and didn't tell anyone. We ended making plans to move her to our home which luckily she agreed to. She was diagnoses about 2 months later. I lived with my parents at the time and we managed to care for her for over a year before having to put her in a nursing home. She was very mean to my mom (her daughter) but treated my dad like he was a king. Luckily she didn't want to drive since she didn't kow our city. she died in April and at her funeral my Dad was acting strangly. He kept falling asleep and when spoke at the funeral made a very bizarre speech.

After we returned home from the funeral (the only way my Grandmother agreed to move was if we agreed to take her back to be buried next to my grandfather) my dad began forgetting things like whre he got the oil changed, where the bank was etc. He was all set up to be tested but cancelled it. Several months later he finally had the testing and was diagnosed. We had the family docter tell him he couldn't drive anymore. He didn't like it but accepted it. We got rid of the car as my mom never learned to drive. He had always been a heavy smoker and it was a miracle her never started a fire. We took over his cigarettes and weaned him off. He also had health problems and we managed to keep him home as long as possible. One of my sisters is a nurse and between her and we managed for a while. He died at the age of 65 in a nursing home 8 years ago

My grandmother got very mean but my dad got more loving as time went on. He told us he loved us more times in about a year than he ever had. Both of them made coments that were sexually inappropriate which is apparently a side effect of of some of the meds. My sister is a geriatric psych nurse so she was used to it but I sure wasn't!

to the OP make sure that your mom and you take care of yourselves. My Mom ended up in the hospital with congestive heart failure a few months after my grandmother died and again with sudden cardiac death a few months sfter my Dad died. She survived both but it took its toll on her. I have been her caretaker for about the past 5 years. She is now in a nursing home on hospice care.
 
I am in no way an expert in this field. I have just dealt with many of these issues you have.

My mother in law had many of the same issues after having been diagnosed with Parkinson’s 15 years early. She eventually developed dementia. She was getting very snippy, not taking her meds, calling 911 for odd things, calling at 4am to lifeline to ask the time or to ask to call us. She would leave the stove on; take pills in triplicate and some days not at all. Eventually she had to go to a nursing home. My mother in law had saved a lot of money and had many investments.

My grandfather had Alzheimer’s. He was doing things that would make your hair stand straight up. He also had a farm with lots of land.

The family on both issues had to do what was the best for the person and placed them into a nursing home. My mother in laws money was totally ate up. My grandfather’s farm was sold and the money all went to the nursing home as well. It is unfortunate but a person's well-being has to be looked at first.

No one wants to put a loved one in a nursing home. But hearing your side of things it sounds like everyone is suffering trying to deal with the disease.

It is also very hard to explain this to people when money is involved. They only look at the money side of things instead of what is the best route for the person.

One thing that I would highly recommend is to attend a meeting on dealing with Alzheimer’s. I did. I learned so much on the illness and how to deal it with head on and personally. There are things you will understand better. If you contact your local aging and disability center they can direct you to a meeting. If others in your family wont go with you I still highly recommend you go yourself. After I attended the meeting I saw things so clearly and felt much better about the future. You will be at a better place mentally if you go.
 
Oh Honey, please contact your local AZ group in your area they have all sorts of meetings that will help you cope with this moster of a disease.

If your dad does not need a referral to a neorologist look for one in the phone book and make an appt. Or ask the AZ group for help in located one that that deals with AZ patients.

I know its hard for you so contact your local AZ group.
 
Hi everybody...I just wanted to stop by so you don't think that I have dropped off the face of the earth. Dad's had his ups and downs the past couple of weeks. He seems so good one moment and you think..."Yeah...the pills are working," only to slide backwards again. He went to see his GP with my mom and she and him had all kinds of questions. I swear if it were me I'd wring this guys neck. My mom said he sat there with a vague expression only nodding, and making comments like..."Could be...I don't know...that's possible."????? Even when my mom asked about him seeing a neurologists, he agreed but didn't bother to set anything up. And my mom and dad always go to each others appointments so it's not a privacy issue. So I will help her with this and see what can be done on our own. It's so frustrating when your own doctor is so indifferent.
We are in the process of getting things in order. Wills, power of attorney and things like that. Both of my parents are on a fixed income and they own their house. Have for many years now. DH is also up and down but I see him sometimes watching my dad especially when he forgets something and wonders around the house literally in circles. At one point he thought it was all an "act" but now he knows that there is something more serious involved. I'll let you know how things turn out. Thanks for being here.:goodvibes

I don't know alot about Alzheimer's but it seems to me that the first thing I would do is convince your mother to find a new GP. I know that Alzheimer's is an awful thing. Wishing you and your family the best.
 
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I have spent the last 21 years living with Alzheimer's. I can honestly say I HATE Alzheimer's. My grandmother was diagnosed at 62, and has been in a nursing home since 2004. Her last time recognizing anyone was in 2003. I will never forget the day I walked into her house to visit and she threatened to call the cops because she didn't know me. Unfortunately this disease WILL get worse. I pray when I hear people are diagnosed they pass away naturally before they get into what I have been calling the "zombie" stage of the disease.

This disease literally eats me from the inside. I however decided a year ago that I can't CHANGE the diagnosis, and I know there is no hope for my Grandma, but there are THINGS I can DO! God gave me two legs, a voice and an incredibly stubborn personality. I have used this to raise money for the Alzheimer's Association. I run races for them whenever I can and in the last year have raised $3000+ and more importantly awareness about this disease. Whenever i feel angry I just go for a run and clear my head. Everything happens for a reason and I truly believe that my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's because God knew I would do something and someone else may not.

Reach out to your local branch of the Alzheimer's Association. THey are a great resource and they know EXACTLY what you are going through. Like someone said, you don't understand until you have been through it.
 
wisbucky said:
I am in no way an expert in this field. I have just dealt with many of these issues you have.

My mother in law had many of the same issues after having been diagnosed with Parkinson’s 15 years early. She eventually developed dementia. She was getting very snippy, not taking her meds, calling 911 for odd things, calling at 4am to lifeline to ask the time or to ask to call us. She would leave the stove on; take pills in triplicate and some days not at all. Eventually she had to go to a nursing home. My mother in law had saved a lot of money and had many investments.

My grandfather had Alzheimer’s. He was doing things that would make your hair stand straight up. He also had a farm with lots of land.

The family on both issues had to do what was the best for the person and placed them into a nursing home. My mother in laws money was totally ate up. My grandfather’s farm was sold and the money all went to the nursing home as well. It is unfortunate but a person's well-being has to be looked at first.

No one wants to put a loved one in a nursing home. But hearing your side of things it sounds like everyone is suffering trying to deal with the disease.

It is also very hard to explain this to people when money is involved. They only look at the money side of things instead of what is the best route for the person.

One thing that I would highly recommend is to attend a meeting on dealing with Alzheimer’s. I did. I learned so much on the illness and how to deal it with head on and personally. There are things you will understand better. If you contact your local aging and disability center they can direct you to a meeting. If others in your family wont go with you I still highly recommend you go yourself. After I attended the meeting I saw things so clearly and felt much better about the future. You will be at a better place mentally if you go.




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Hi all, it's been a while since I posted. As you can imagine it isn't easy living with a parent with Alzheimer's. To make matters worse my mom fell off the dining room chair on November 4th and fractured her hip. She's doing great. Has had surgery and has been in rehab and will hopefully be home in a couple of more weeks. Now I'm dealing with him first hand and it isn't easy which brings me to the present.
Tonight he grabbed his car keys and left. No word or mention just out the door. Two hours passed and he still wasn't home. He can't drive well during the day, night time is impossible. I thought maybe he went to see my mother in rehab but when I called her that wasn't it and now she was worried. After another half an hour she begged me to call the police so I did. An hour later there was a knock at the door and there was dad and an officer. The cop asked to talk to him and that's when his license was surrendered. Right now he is not a happy camper. He's been yelling alot but has since calmed down. I have his license and the keys and he won't be getting them back. Let's see what the morning will bring.:rolleyes1
 
I am very sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, it will not get better, only worse. I suggest you prepare for the time when he will need to go to a nursing home. Speak to an elder care attorney and start looking at homes. It will reach a point where you cannot care for him at home, perhaps it has already reached that point . Some people continue to try, and then accidents happen. My FIL fell, hit his head, and died. Other people have set the house on fire. Some people get violent It is a terrible, terrible disease and all you can do is keep him and you safe. He's not going to get better, no matter what medicine he's on. Medicines can slow the disease, make person more stable for a while, but nothing has been discovered yet that reverses or stops it. It is a fatal disease. And when he is in a home you will be able to visit everyday if you choose to see that he is being well cared for. He will be more comfortable because life will be more stable and predictable.

I wish I could give you uplifting news. All I can do is offer a >hug<.
 
I am very sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, it will not get better, only worse. I suggest you prepare for the time when he will need to go to a nursing home. Speak to an elder care attorney and start looking at homes. It will reach a point where you cannot care for him at home, perhaps it has already reached that point . Some people continue to try, and then accidents happen. My FIL fell, hit his head, and died. Other people have set the house on fire. Some people get violent It is a terrible, terrible disease and all you can do is keep him and you safe. He's not going to get better, no matter what medicine he's on. Medicines can slow the disease, make person more stable for a while, but nothing has been discovered yet that reverses or stops it. It is a fatal disease. And when he is in a home you will be able to visit everyday if you choose to see that he is being well cared for. He will be more comfortable because life will be more stable and predictable.

I wish I could give you uplifting news. All I can do is offer a >hug<.
Thanks for the hug. Yes it is worse. It went from "I'm just hurt that they took my license away. I'll have to get over it." to...."You took my license away. You could have stoppped it. Your not my daughter anymore. You're dead to me!" I know it's his illness though he was always a mean man when I was growing up. I left home when I was 17...no college...straight to work. We were estranged for 10 years. I only came back because my younger brother was dying and my mom needed my help. Two open heart surgeries saved him for awhile until too many blood transfusions and the onset of Aids ended his 29 years in '87. I met my future husband the year before while home and my brothers death seemed to soften my dad but today I don't know that man. Even after being brought home by the police he still wandered off yesterday and was brought home by the police again. I went out to move his car yesterday and saw that the tires were flat. Well they did't get that way by themself. Now he's ranting because he says he has a buyer for the car and believes that he can sell it and keep the money regardless that the bank still owns the title for the loan. I can't convince him otherwise and I'm tired of trying.
My mom is in rehab due to a fractured hip 3 1/2 weeks ago. He was mad at her because she insisted that I get the police involved so I called 911. He yelled at her that he didn't love her and never did. Again just words but my parents have had a rough history regardless of their nearly 60 year marriage. Honestly, I don't know how she ever put up with the guy. She even left him for about 2 years but came back when he begged her to. These words stung but she still said, "It's ok...I love you anyway." Now the story is completely twisted, how she broke his heart. He doesn't even remember what he said to her...oh..but he remembers what he said to me. Oh well, I'll keep you posted.:sad2:
 
Remember, you cannot reason with an AZL patient. Their brain is broken. You can spend all day trying to explain it to him an you will just have wasted your day. You need support from the AZL Association and others. There is assistance out there. Since your doctor is not being very helpful, you need to find it on your own.

I'm not there, and I'm not a geriatric professional (although my daughter is) but from what I'm hearing, you cannot take care of him yourself. He's too sick. He wanders off, he is non-compliant with meds, he's combative. You wouldn't try to take care of someone with cancer home alone. You need help.

What area of the country are you in?
 
Remember, you cannot reason with an AZL patient. Their brain is broken. You can spend all day trying to explain it to him an you will just have wasted your day. You need support from the AZL Association and others. There is assistance out there. Since your doctor is not being very helpful, you need to find it on your own.

I'm not there, and I'm not a geriatric professional (although my daughter is) but from what I'm hearing, you cannot take care of him yourself. He's too sick. He wanders off, he is non-compliant with meds, he's combative. You wouldn't try to take care of someone with cancer home alone. You need help.

What area of the country are you in?
I live in Massachusetts...things have gotten so much worse. He was fine last night...talked to my mom on the phone and said how much he missed her and loved her. This morning he screamed at her...said he hated her and me and wished us both dead. He took th eplates off his car and hide them and took the battery out of our land line phone...but I can still use speaker phone. My daughter says she fears for my life....should I be worried???What can I do? My mom called his doctor and he will call me later today. But he has gone down hill so fast. I'm beginning to feel a little scared. I woke up and stared at the ceiling this morning with tears in my eyes. I got up, made a pot of coffee and then went to my bedroom and cried my eyes out. I don't know why...stress I guess. Luckily my DH works nights and was there for me. I'm lost at this point.:sad2:
 

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