Should I allow almost 18 year old daughter to bring boyfriend?

[NEV2OLD4DIS]

Hi everyone! I must admit that I have been a lurker for about 2 years now, and even after a few trips to WDW, I still applied info learned here to our last trip in 7/08!. Yes, always summer heat trips for this family!

I haven't seen this topic yet, although I bet it has been asked here. Would you allow your daughter who will be an almost 18 year old senior for our July trip to bring her boyfriend of over a year? He is a year younger but in the same grade, and has NEVER been to Disney! My heart wants to see him on his 1st trip so badly, but my gut is saying no, no, NO! I barely let them in her room together, and neither has their license yet, so if Uh-hum you know what I mean and suspect might has gone on, it has not been here! I know his parents would let him go, and he is a good kid.

However, our family dh, ds-7yrs, dd, boyfriend and myself will have to share a deluxe room with each other, as boyfriend would need the daybed. We have stayed and loved POR over the last few years while my older son joined us, but he is a college kid and not a DIS/heat lover and is staying home this time. DD will last maybe 3 hours in the parks, so I know she would be back at the room with him, and I won't leave the parks that soon, so you know what I'm getting at. She says just take the room keys, but I know they'll bug me for swimsuits or whatever else, so that would not work. I'd love opinions on this!

 

[tessieg]

I do not have teenagers yet==my oldest is 11. But my instinct would be to say no. You will want some family time alone with your dd! You have some valid concerns, and if your gut is telling you no I would listen.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

My kids are nowhere near the age to have to make this decision, butI already know the answer would be .....absolutely not!

Too many factors that could happen between now and then , plus the most important thing, IMOP they are way too young to vacation together and seriously would you want to share a room with the boyfriend.

 

[acejka]

Probably, speaking from someone who doesn't have kids yet. but that is only because my grandparents (they raised me) allowed me to drive to Disneyworld with my boyfriend at the time when I was 18. I was responsible, had a job since I was 13, so I paid for the trip myself and just wasn't the kind of kid to get in trouble, and I never broke their trust or gave them a reason not to trust me or give me a little room to grow up on my own. Now if my daughter(or son for that matter) is getting into any kind of trouble or doing things they shouldn't that would impact my decision and I wouldn't let it happen.

And besides, if she is going off to college soon (I'm just assuming because of her age, and the fact that she is a senior) she will be able to have boys in her room whenever... I know you probably don't want to hear that, what parent does, and I don't blame you, I won't want to hear it when I have a teenaged daughter one day, but its the truth.

I'd take him, you say he is a good kid, really wants to go etc. Maybe DD will spend more time in the parks since she'd have him there to ride rides and show around...

Good luck with your decision, whatever you deicde to do will be right for your family, I just wanted to give an opinion from someone who has been on DD's end... well kind of there, in a sense.

 

[djp0630]

My kids are nowhere near the age to have to make this decision, butI already know the answer would be .....absolutely not!

Too many factors that could happen between now and then , plus the most important thing, IMOP they are way too young to vacation together and seriously would you want to share a room with the boyfriend.

I agree...I would not want to share a room with the boyfriend. I would want the family vacation to be just family, especially with it being your daughters' last trip before college (I'm assuming). We took my brother's girlfriend to WDW when my brother was a senior, and it sucked. Changed the whole dynamic, but none of us liked his girlfriend too much. We even got 2 rooms, my brother with my parents, and the girlfriend with me and my sister.

 

[daleswife]

I kinda agree with the No's, but I kinda agree with the yes too. If its his first trip, he may not want to leave the parks at all. You said your dd would want to go back to the room, but he may not. Just put down some ground rules, you are to stay at the parks with us until we leave, you are not allowed in the room alone together. stuff like that. And if they dont like it, then tell them thats the way it is and if you cannot abide by the rules then He cannot go.

Go with your gut, and good luck on your choice....

 

[irisesareblue]

I would say no (and that comes from a mom of a 20 & 22 yo girls). Just for the fact that it could potentially be a real temptation for your daughter and her boyfriend AND if they act on the temptation, then YOUR vacation would be ruined.

 

[Ello Poppet]

Hi I have 5 kids 16,14,8,6 year old girls and 1 5 year old son. I think each situation would be diff. You know what kind of kid your daughter and the boyfriend are. You know how they act back home. My oldest just turned 16 always very responsible always old for her age yes she is still a kid but a very responsible kid. She hangs with a older crowd she in the all school plays heavily involved in the corale and chorus and a kid taking all college classes. The kids she is with may be older but are all very respectful and from great families they have great values and don't get into trouble I;m not dumb I was young once too but I keep my eyes open too. So that all being said she is bringing her boyfriend along this June I am taking all 6 kids with me driving from Pa non the less. I have no problem sharing room with him I have 5 kids whats one more they will not be sleeping together he gets along with our whole family. He has been to Disney before with his family he is also 1 of 5 and with the high when he was involved in chorus. He is older and a great kid she could be with a younger kid who is a jerk and only looking for one thing. Instead she is with someone who likes acting/ chorus doing well in school and has a goals for the future just like her. My advice to you is this you know your daughter you know the boyfriend do what feels right for you. My 2nd daughter is not as mature as my first daughter I'm not sure I'll even let her drive at 16. Every kid is diff. so is every situation good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Lucky'sMom]

I would not bring the boyfriend along. For many reasons, some of which have already been mentioned. Here's another reason: chances are, they will break up at some point. Most people don't end up marrying their high school boyfriend. When that happens and forever afterwards, this vacation will be a bad reminder. You'll have the photos, the memories, etc. When I have a son-in-law, he will be more than welcome on our Disney vacations. Until then, no.

 

[krcit]

Well I'm not there yet but I do have a 15 year old dd and I would say no. This very well may be your last family trip with her for one thing and I may be old school but I really think that vacationing with a boyfriend is an adult privelage. Does that make any sense? I also would be really uncomfortable sharing a room and bathroom with my dd's boyfriend, lol.

 

[brergnat]

If your relationship with your daughter isn't open enough for you to KNOW if she's "doing stuff" with her boyfriend, that boyfriend doesn't belong on a family vacation with you.

 

[NEV2OLD4DIS]

Thanks to those of you who have responded already! I knew I could count on the Disboards for some opinions. I also worry that being teenage love they could break up or be in a fight when we go and then she'd be out having a friend come instead since we will be flying. As you can imagine, if there is any possibility of the boyfriend going, she won't let us know that a friend would be okay (assuming one could go as we aren't able to pay for all their expenses). They ARE both good kids, but I still feel like I am giving them more opportunities than I would like as mentioned in one of the responses. She is a good kid, but the teenage attitude comes out more than I like, and our last trip at Disney my dh said we'd never bring her again!

She is one of those cheerleaders who could be at Disney in late April if their team comes together, but they have a lot of work to do to make it to that point. That would settle everything though, since we would have ventured to Disney then for our area spring break which starts the weekend before, and she could have just stayed with her grandparents and traveled with the team when they came down.

 

[disykat]

I have two teens, and in my mind my job is to encourage them not to get too serious with their girlfriends in high school. There is no way in the world I would include a girlfriend on a family vacation. My oldest just broke up with his girlfriend of two years and I do miss having her around, but she was NOT a member of our family and was not treated as such. Dinner, game night, movie night, great - but family vacation? No way!

 

[grossmansr]

When I was 15 my parents invited my high school boyfriend along on our annual Disney trip (I'm 28 now). No, I'm not still with that boyfriend, but I still have good memories and an amazing respect for my parents for allowing me that privilege. We were both "good kids" and I think that experience helped reinforce the fact that we were growing into responsible adults.

I don't know whether or not your daughter is having sex yet, and what your beliefs are about sex anyway. But the issue of sex is not really the issue here. Your daughter is months away from being an adult and by now she will have internalized any messages you may have taught her on that subject. She will do as she pleases in that regard. The issue really is are you comfortable treating her as an adult? As long as you treat her like a kid she will react that way towards you.

Of course, since you are most likely the one who will be paying for this vacation then you are also perfectly within your rights to make the decision based upon what will be most enjoyable for you. And if her having boyfriend along won't be any fun for you then what's the point?

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

will your daughter be absolutely miserable if he's not there? That might be something to consider, as a miserable teen can quickly ruin the perfect vacation.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I would not bring the boyfriend along. For many reasons, some of which have already been mentioned. Here's another reason: chances are, they will break up at some point. Most people don't end up marrying their high school boyfriend. When that happens and forever afterwards, this vacation will be a bad reminder. You'll have the photos, the memories, etc. When I have a son-in-law, he will be more than welcome on our Disney vacations. Until then, no.

I agree. They are young, and might not even make it until July. Then your trip would still be tainted.

As far as the sex issue, if they want to they have.

And, last but not least, there are only so many times we get to take our kids on vacation. My 2 oldest have their own lives now, and that is how it should be. But I treasure each of their last family trips before college and jobs. I'm glad they were there without trying to figure out when/how to get away from us for a quickie.

 

[hanutedmansionmomma]

no way, no how, not ever.

 

[GoofyFairie]

Absolutely not.

 

[crysplefty]

Just remember, your younger daughter is old enough to remember if you allow him to go. When she is the same age, she may want the same thing, but this time it may not be with a trustworthy, good kid. Your younger daughter is going to want the same treatment and is going to put up a fight if she doesn't get it. I'm not saying don't bring the boy along this time, but just think ahead to the future in your decision and how you will handle things and justify bringing your older daugter's bf, but possibly not bringing your younger daughter's bf when she is the same age. Of course, you could always use the excuse that your older daughter's bf had never been before and you felt bad for him.

 

[Allison]

Never