Wedding gift?

I live in upstate NY and high school grad gifts are 50-100

This is the amount I gave my friends for graduation and sweet 16s in NY. I personally wouldn't attend a wedding in NY giving less than $300 for a couple. I would give more if we were closer. But people give what they can afford.
 
I am always amazed by the NY/NJ wedding stories, and also by the 'cover the plate' recommendations. My DD & SIL paid for much of their wedding, but we paid for the reception, and none of that gift money came back to us. So why cover the plate if the bride & groom aren't paying?

That a teen even would have $100 bucks to give a friend for sweet 16 is also incredible to me, but I live in a much less expensive part of the country in all things.

If I had declined the invitation to someone who was not close family, I would not have sent any gift.
 
That a teen even would have $100 bucks to give a friend for sweet 16 is also incredible to me, but I live in a much less expensive part of the country in all things.

My parents paid for the first sweet 16 I went to. After, that all the money I gave my friends came from working. I gave two of my close friends $100. everyone else got $50. I also paid for all my dresses except one. I had about five dresses I would cycle through. Some of my friends requested only certain colors be worn, that was a pain. I only made minimum wage, but worked 24 hours a week and all I paid for was my entertainment and my car.
 


Sweet 16s in my area of the Midwest were simple bonfires or movie nights. Gifts weren’t really a thing either.

It’s interesting to hear about other areas. I think it’s a “know your circle” thing.

Cover-your-plate is not the standard in my circle, which I’m grateful for- I don’t want to have to work out how much you’re paying for food and drinks. (And really, if you’re spending that much money, do you really need me to cover my plate?) On average, we received $50-100 per couple for those that generously gifted us money at our wedding, and usually that’s what we give.

Then again the median wage was around $55k in my home state, and it’s $65k in New York.
 
People have commented on how "close" you are with the couple and then base their gift on that. I agree with that, but not the way they do it. So you're not close to the couple - I still go in with the minimum $150-$200.....THEN if I'm really close with the couple it goes up from there, but NEVER down. If you're not that close - don't go and send $50 is the way I look at it.
Have fun!!
 


I think you are fine with 100.

TBH, nobody gives $100 for 2 people to attend a wedding in northern NJ (I live here). IMO, if you only want to give a minimal amount, I would decline the wedding and send them a card with $50 in it.
 
Some people in Jersey do, my family does.

You or your family may give gifts when they go to a wedding in NJ BUT that is very much the minority. We got 1 gift at our wedding and it was from someone down south, everyone else gave $$$. We had 175 people at our wedding.
 
I’d give between 200-250 as a couple gift.
I’m in the northeast also.
Have a wonderful time at the wedding.
 
Honestly my husband and I recently got married - we had guests from far away travel and we didn't get a gift from them, them coming was gift enough for us. BUT depending on the bride and groom - if you don't know them too well you are okay being in the $50 range, if you know them well but you don't see them enough $100-$150, if you know them or close family it was about 200+. That was the trending we noticed. It is weird nowadays cause like anything goes at weddings. Honestly if you aren't sure $75-$150 is a safe range.
Hope this helps! :)
 
Born in NJ but live in SC for a long time...weddings are still very different between regions...up North - registry gifts are more for showers and wedding gifts are cash. But to answer the question - if you go to the wedding - I would try and give enough to cover the cost of the reception - if not attending then I would do $50.
The Northeast, not North.
 
I am always amazed by the NY/NJ wedding stories, and also by the 'cover the plate' recommendations.

Me too georgina! I got to the NY metro area during HS and my family weddings were never like that at all, so it was all new to me. And we were the first of our college friends to get married, so I really had no idea about it all. When DH said that we would be expected to walk around during the reception with a little silk bag to collect checks and cash in, I said no way am I doing that! It just sounded so rude and tacky to me. He said that otherwise, how would his family give us the money? I said, in a card, on the gift table, like at all normal weddings. He said that is not how it's done here. So we did go around, but only on his side of the reception, because my side would have had no idea what we were doing! We laugh about it now. It's like I married into the mob or something!
 
I think it’s still cover your plate. As I’m in the middle of planning my wedding I can tell you wedding costs have skyrocketed on the east coast. We are in central pa and $100/head is a very cheap wedding so if you are going that’s the bare minimum.
 
Me too georgina! I got to the NY metro area during HS and my family weddings were never like that at all, so it was all new to me. And we were the first of our college friends to get married, so I really had no idea about it all. When DH said that we would be expected to walk around during the reception with a little silk bag to collect checks and cash in, I said no way am I doing that! It just sounded so rude and tacky to me. He said that otherwise, how would his family give us the money? I said, in a card, on the gift table, like at all normal weddings. He said that is not how it's done here. So we did go around, but only on his side of the reception, because my side would have had no idea what we were doing! We laugh about it now. It's like I married into the mob or something!
Lol. They don’t just hand over money. It stills goes in a card. Because we don’t give gifts there isn’t a need for a gift table.
It is actually considered polite to walk around and greet each guest at the table. People use this as an opportunity to get rid of the card. I have seen people line up at the bride/groom table but not a fan to make guests wait on line.
I did go to a wedding this weekend that had a box with a slit next to the cake to put your card in. The groom is from New England and there were a few parents put next to the box.
 
I live in NY and I'd still give $100 to a couple who are basically strangers.
I dont follow the herd, I don't care that "it's NY" for me giving a gift to someone isn't about where I am located geographically or where the couple lives, it's about my relationship with them.
And if they think it's wrong, and word gets around to other "family" and they don't invite me to their weddings, well all the better.
 
I live in NY and I'd still give $100 to a couple who are basically strangers.
I dont follow the herd, I don't care that "it's NY" for me giving a gift to someone isn't about where I am located geographically or where the couple lives, it's about my relationship with them.
And if they think it's wrong, and word gets around to other "family" and they don't invite me to their weddings, well all the better.
It’s not a NY thing, it’s a NYC metro area thing, so it depends where you are in NY.
 
It’s not a NY thing, it’s a NYC metro area thing, so it depends where you are in NY.

Well I'm downstate and close enough to NYC where the people here feel they need to live like the city people.
However my comment was directed at the pp above who mentioned upstate and those who mentioned Northeast (which includes the whole state of NY).
 

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