Whould you be responsible for someone else's child?

Other posters please be nice to me in saying this, but I am finding myself extremely surprised at the amount of people who are trying to convince you to do this.

Don't.

My reasons are similar to that of pearlieq's. I notice a LOT of people who responded that you should do it did so by stating that they would be comfortable with such a situation, or think that it's fine that a 17 and an 18-year old can run around together. Of course, I think it's fine for people that age to explore Disney alone also, but that is not the question at hand here.

The fact of the matter is that you aren't much older than these girls... very close in age, in fact, and you're being put in charge of a minor who you did not invite, and no one ever asked your permission to be put in this situation. They will most likely not see you as an authority figure (as has already been pointed out), and perhaps not exactly on a friend level either. It's not about making rules on when to meet you, the whole purpose of the trip was for you and your DH to take her. If she is going to put up attitude (and it's only been a few years since I was that age myself) and be so rude as to invite someone without your consent, then I say don't take either of them and enjoy the time with your DH without having to worry.

Since I'm pretty sure that wasn't the intent of the trip, don't be pressured or bullied into taking both girls. I suggest keeping your foot down, and explain to them your feelings. Say that you didn't appreciate plans being made without asking you first, and any other fears that you have associated with it. "Maybe next time" is always another answer.

Final line: Do what YOU are comfortable with. Obviously, you are not comfortable, and no good outcome will come from that. :cool1:

PS: I don't think I could understand from your last post, but would her family be able to pay for her? If not, that even reinforces it. Even if they can, I find it still rude of them to not help you say no to their daughter themselves (unless she's been telling them that you said yes this whole time)..

EDIT: By bullying and pressuring, I didn't mean by ANYONE on the boards, I meant by the girls themselves by being upset about the matter... I just reread and realized how that might have sounded wrong
 
17 year olds can definitely hang out at the parks by themselves. I would definitely do it. You DSIL will have a buddy and won't feel like the odd man out. At the high school where I teach, they take the softball team to Disney every other year and the girls (some as young as 15 years old) go off in groups by themselves without chaperones. Unless you think your DSIL won't follow the rules, I don't see any problem with it.
 
Other posters please be nice to me in saying this, but I am finding myself extremely surprised at the amount of people who are trying to convince you to do this.

Don't.

My reasons are similar to that of pearlieq's. I notice a LOT of people who responded that you should do it did so by stating that they would be comfortable with such a situation, or think that it's fine that a 17 and an 18-year old can run around together. Of course, I think it's fine for people that age to explore Disney alone also, but that is not the question at hand here.

The fact of the matter is that you aren't much older than these girls... very close in age, in fact, and you're being put in charge of a minor who you did not invite, and no one ever asked your permission to be put in this situation. They will most likely not see you as an authority figure (as has already been pointed out), and perhaps not exactly on a friend level either. It's not about making rules on when to meet you, the whole purpose of the trip was for you and your DH to take her. If she is going to put up attitude (and it's only been a few years since I was that age myself) and be so rude as to invite someone without your consent, then I say don't take either of them and enjoy the time with your DH without having to worry.

Since I'm pretty sure that wasn't the intent of the trip, don't be pressured or bullied into taking both girls. I suggest keeping your foot down, and explain to them your feelings. Say that you didn't appreciate plans being made without asking you first, and any other fears that you have associated with it. "Maybe next time" is always another answer.

Final line: Do what YOU are comfortable with. Obviously, you are not comfortable, and no good outcome will come from that. :cool1:

PS: I don't think I could understand from your last post, but would her family be able to pay for her? If not, that even reinforces it. Even if they can, I find it still rude of them to not help you say no to their daughter themselves (unless she's been telling them that you said yes this whole time)..

EDIT: By bullying and pressuring, I didn't mean by ANYONE on the boards, I meant by the girls themselves by being upset about the matter... I just reread and realized how that might have sounded wrong

You took the words out of my mouth! It seems to me that OP feels very uncomfortable with the idea of bringing the cousin and that's enough for me to say DON'T DO IT!

From my experience whenever I've done something I did want to I always regretted it. Your gut is trying to tell you something, so you should go with your instincts. This is you trip you should be enjoying the time leading up to your trip, not worrying about the added responsibility of bringing this girl along.
 
I agree the poster should do what she feels comfortable with. It is, after all, her (and her husband's) vacation.

But her questions were: would you be responsible for someone else's child? And would you bring the cousin along?

I don't think anyone is trying to talk her into anything ...just answering her question, and giving insight.

If I were SIL. I might feel like the third wheel on a tricycle, accompanying my brother and his wife to the scene of their honeymoon. So I understand a bit why she might want a peer to hang out with. (Although, she should have asked first).

Also, the age difference between a 17 and 18 year old is really nonexistent, and the ages between the poster and her SIL and cousin are 3 and 4 years - really not a babysitting situation. It seems what it comes down to is that the poster really doesn't want the extra stowaway(s) on her vacation...

Personally, I wouldn't want to bring my SIL along either, but that isn't the question she asked.
Like I said, in-law situations can be tricky. I'd probably come up with a decision with my husband that worked for both of us...then let him deal with it.

Good Luck...sounds like a tough situation.
 


It's making you uncomfortable to be put in that position. I think that speaks volumes. I agree with the others that say to put your foot down in this instance. While a 17 year old does NOT need a babysitter, they DO need a responsible adult to report back to, and you do not want to be that responsible adult. I can't blame you at all. If it were your younger sibling or close relative, that's one thing, but this teen is a complete unknown, who will not likely recognize you as an authority figure. Go with your gut. Your instincts are good.
 
I too was married when I was 21 and although I felt that I was pretty mature at that age I would not have wanted the responsibility of "looking out" for an under-aged teen no matter if he/she was only a month away from being legal.

Although I feel that WDW is fairly safe, you just never know and I would not be comfortable with that. Since you ask that question, you must be very comfortable so I would go with your gut feelings rather than taking it on then being on the trip always wondering where they are, what are they doing, are they okay. You will have to decide how comfortable you will be and how it will affect your trip. It would be unfortunate if your DSIL is unhappy about your decision but it IS your decision and only you & DH can decide what is right and comfortable for the two of you.
 
It really depends on whether they're familiar with WDW. If they're noobs then you might want to keep a 'leash' on them (or choose to leave them at home). If they've been before and are familiar with Disney transportation and the layout of the parks, I wouldn't worry about them. I would only worry if they wanted to head over to Pleasure Island....after dark. I don't think I would allow that. Not on MY watch anyway.
 


I think I would discuss your concerns with the cousins parents. Everyone sit down and have a discussion and lay out some ground rules and if the parents are ok with everything then go and have a great time!!!
 
What would bother me about this whole situation would be that they're already upset that they won't be allowed to have their freedom at WDW. That's a red flag right there. :scratchin
 
Oh, I forgot to mention, don't take anyone else with you and enjoy the trip with your husband. Being responsible for someone else when you don't have to will probably create problems between you and your DH.
 
You obviously don't want to do this--so don't I am childless by choice and I have taken as many as three kids at once that belonged to other people. A 17 year old is MORE than capacble of getting themselves around the parks and taking WDW transportation. They drive a car don't they? If this is going to ruin your vacation, don't do it.
 
If you are uncomfortable with it, don't do it! It's not worth the stress. I wouldn't want to do it, either. Don't feel bad about doing what you feel is right on your vacation.:)
 
I thought about the third wheel scenario that PP pointed out. It would be nice for her (and you and your husband) if she could hang out with her cousin while you two had dinner or something equally romantic.

Buuuut...

Did you say your mother in law talked to the parents and invited the cousin? If you decide you can't handle the responsibility, she needs to be the one to break the news since she's the one who extended the (unapproved) invitation.


To answer your other questions: I'm 24 and am taking my five year old niece. So, yes, I would take responsibility for someone else's child and would take the cousin in your situation.

Good luck!!
 
To answer your other questions: I'm 24 and am taking my five year old niece. So, yes, I would take responsibility for someone else's child and would take the cousin in your situation.

Good luck!!

While at age 21 I wouldn't want to be responsible for a 17 year old, a five year old would be with you ALL the time and would not want to roam around their own. I too would have taken a five to nine year old. :)
 
You are only 21. Do you not remember just three years ago and what you would have felt like if someone would have treated you that away at 17? I graduated High School at 17 and had already enrolled in my first semester in college.
Bottom line is--you don't want to do it. It is your vacation. It doesn't sound like you want to take SIL or the cousin. You want your vacation to be yours and yours alone. (I can relate) Don't make yourself or the others miserable by taking them along.
 
Hmmmmm.....

At 12 and 13, my parents took a friend and me to Six Flags and turned us loose all day without supervision. We were fine. At that same age, a friend's parents took 4 of us to AstroWorld and let the 4 of us loose all day. Also fine. That was us, however. I might add that one of "us" would have gone hog wild at every opportunity had the others not been there to rein her in. :rotfl2:

As I read this thread, I thought about something that happened my senior year of high school. The legal drinking age was 18. I must have been 17 because it was icy that night....maybe New Year's....and my birthday would have been after that. My friend (also a senior and 17) was driving us to a big dance/party, so she was not going to drink. There wasn't going to be any booze at the party anyway and it was too icy to drive away from the dance to get any. Texans don't like to drive on ice, not even for the promise of liquor. :scared:

A few hours before we left, the mother of a freshman girl we went to school with, called my friend and begged her to drive said freshman and her freshman friend to the party with us. We didn't want to haul two freshman girls with us, as we had cool reputations to think of :lmao: and they would be the youngest things there, but her mother was buddies with my friend's mother and she was guilted into saying yes. The two girls had stellar good girl reps, so we figured we'd let them ride with us, go our separate ways at the dance and meet them when it was time to go home.

Maybe an hour or two into the dance, we get an alert to go check out what's happening in the bathroom. We go in and one of them is in her underwear and is washing her clothes in the sink, because she has drunkenly barfed on them. :crazy2: The other is sprawled on the floor, sans barf, but tres drunk. They must have been working on it since we had arrived. We later found out they'd brought the booze from home. :rolleyes2 There was NO sobering those two up. Not a chance. And when midnight passed, they refused to go home with us. It has been so many years that I cannot clearly remember HOW they got home, but I do know we saw to it they got home.

The kicker is, we knew that if the parents blew a gasket, WE would get blamed for "not taking care of those girls." Crap, all we wanted to do was dance with hot guys! :cool1: Not babysit Lindsay and Paris. We would have never expected it out of those two goody-goodies.

So maybe the 17 year old (whom you really don't even want to come) will act just fine. Or maybe she will be a thorn in your side for the whole trip and you'll curse the day you ever let her accompany you, as you mentally add up how much this misery is costing you and wondering WHY you ever left your driveway. :sad:

Your gut seems to be telling you that taking her is more trouble than it's worth. Why are you doubting it? :confused3 If she and the 18 y.o. merely whine and complain that you're not letting them do this or that, etc., that would be enough to work my one last nerve. Who needs it? Let your oh-so-willing MIL take the girls! :rotfl:
 
Oh relatives! Sometimes they can be so annoying, but still lovable!

I've taken nieces, nephews and my older daughters friends to WDW many times. Depending on the child or teen, it can be no problem at all or it can be a real pain. You really need to know the person involved at least a little. Sounds like the cousin is a stranger to you?

I started allowing my daughter go to different park or DD at age 15 with her 17 yr old boyfriend, but they are both dependable and trustworthy, have cell phones and know how to get around using the transportation (look at signs, read maps, ask employees for directions, etc.)

Speaking as a parent of a teen, I would allow my 17 year old to go to WDW with a 23 year old cousin, his wife, and an 18 year cousin as long as I was reasonably sure there would be no drink or drugs offered to my teen and a shared room would be for sleeping only. I wouldn't expect the 23 and 21 year old adults to be with my teen the entire time, just to set a good example and help my teen if she needed help. And I would get my 'reasonable sure' feeling by talking directly about my expectations to all involved :)

Sounds like maybe your SIL and MIL got excited and rushed into inviting the the cousin? Only you can decide if they were rude or excited. I can really understand why your SIL wants her cousin to come, most rides are for 2, etc. If all that's planned is good clean fun it shouldn't be a problem for them to have some freedom. You and your husband should talk to the cousins parents. If you're still uncomfortable, or SIL and MIL were rude, maybe you can change the plan for the 4 of you to go when everyone is over 18?

Good luck!
 
While at age 21 I wouldn't want to be responsible for a 17 year old, a five year old would be with you ALL the time and would not want to roam around their own. I too would have taken a five to nine year old. :)

I don't know...sometimes my niece has the attitude of a 17 year old! :rotfl:

I've also taken my cousin (now 16) on an annual roadtrip since the death of her mother a few years back. A couple times she brought our other cousin (a year younger, so she's now 15). It really depends on the girls. I've never had a problem with my cousins. They're very responsible. As an older teen (17, 18, 19), I invited them to spend as much time as possible with me, as we live about 2 hours apart. I've always been very comfortable with kids of any age. If you're not...you're not. Don't compromise your vacation to satisfy others.
 
I've gone countless years (or it seems countless) as a teenager where we were allowed to go out on our own. Some of the rules we had to face:

1. Carry cell phones on us at all times and check-in every 2 hours, if we were about to go on a ride conflicting with the every 2 hours, just call before.
2. No park switching unless you let one of the adults know.
3. For the most part, the entire party (of 6-19, varied each trip) would meet somewhere for lunch or dinner, usually dinner.
4. Everyone had to have a buddy and someone in the pair had to be at least 16.

There were other rules but a 17 and 18 year old, they're old enough to do a lot worse things so I wouldn't sweat it.

***If you really want to keep a watchful eye but still let them be on their own, when I went to DL on a field trip one year, they let us roam about the park doing whatever they just took our park tickets so we couldn't leave and come back so they at least knew we were in the same park as them. At 15, we got freedom and they got peace...

again, cell phones are key for communication!
 
Oh no this just got met thinking about my own trip. I am taking My 2 DS ages 5 and 15 and my DS friend age 15 I am planning to attend PPP with my younger son and had told DS and friend they could go to Hollywood Studios during day and then make their own way back to resort in evening and wait for me to return after the party. They also will both have their cell phones with them. I was thinking this was going to be no problem as they are very mature and responsible young men and we do live in a huge city so I figured they would be smart enough to take the buses from in WDW with no problem. I also was believing WDW had awesome security and I would not have to be too concerned about them too much but now after reading a few post I feel I may not be doing the right thing here. Any thoughts????
 

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