Miffy
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2002
OP: If I didn't drink and didn't want to be with someone who does drink, then my ability to tolerate it would definitely decrease with time. I know from past experience that things one tolerates and pretends to accept in one's spouse-even though you don't really like it--can become a serious relationship breaker. Because tolerating something is the very opposite of acceptance. You don't have to tolerate something that you either like or that doesn't bother you. It's fine. Neutral. But as soon as your efforts are thrown in the direction of toleration, you (not your DH--he has his own problems) are headed for trouble. Because you're denying how you really feel--to yourself. I know this from personal, direct experience.
I guess I'm saying that the most important thing for you is to be 100% honest with yourself. If you don't like something, don't pretend to like it. And you don't have to explain to a bunch of strangers on the DISboard your reasons for it. To yourself? Yes. Although I have to say that it's possible that you just don't like whatever it is that you don't like. Proceed from there, a place of utter honesty with yourself.
I wish you the best and hope that everything works out for you. I was very happy to see that you and your DH talked about this. Keep talking. It's vital.
I guess I'm saying that the most important thing for you is to be 100% honest with yourself. If you don't like something, don't pretend to like it. And you don't have to explain to a bunch of strangers on the DISboard your reasons for it. To yourself? Yes. Although I have to say that it's possible that you just don't like whatever it is that you don't like. Proceed from there, a place of utter honesty with yourself.
I wish you the best and hope that everything works out for you. I was very happy to see that you and your DH talked about this. Keep talking. It's vital.