Taking son out of high school for a week of vacation?

[NotUrsula]

Apologies if I missed something, but what about the week before graduation? Every US high school I know lets the seniors out a week or so before everyone else, and you said that his summer situation starts after commencement. Most college students would also be in interregnum at the end of May.

PS: For those who don't have it in their areas, that's interesting. The reason it is done is so that the seniors' grades can be processed and finalized in time for commencement, which is typically held just after the end of the final day of school, and sometimes even a few days before, so that the diploma they are handed is real, not a placeholder. They don't want any senior walking at commencement and then being told that sorry, you failed a class, so you really didn't graduate after all. Seniors typically take finals the week before underclassmen, so teachers get more time to get all their grades turned in while the underclassmen are still taking their finals, and if anything is missing they have a chance to get it made up before commencement. My high school did this 40 years ago, and my kids' schools are still doing it now.

 

[sam_gordon]

Apologies if I missed something, but what about the week before graduation? Every US high school I know lets the seniors out a week or so before everyone else, and you said that his summer situation starts after commencement. Most college students would also be in interregnum at the end of May.

I didn't have that growing up and my kids' school doesn't do it. A day MAYBE, but not a week.

The answer is VERY simple... find out what your school's policies are. Do they not care? Will they give work in advance? Can work be made up after? Is it "unexcused" and NO work can be made up? Is it during a testing window? Once you know what the consequences are (if any), then decide. Everyone saying "just go" isn't giving fair advice IMO. If going would result in flunking one, if not both of the two classes he needs to graduate, would you still give the same advice?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

As a teacher, I work alongside parents who pull their kids out of school during an instructional week every so often. Have your child communicate well in advance about the absence and ask the teachers if he can get anything done early. I think the best thing parents can do is make sure their child has no missing work before the vacation. Period.

I LOVE that your kid is in band. I’m the band director at my school and I always say the band kids are some of the best kids. Maybe I’m biased.

He’s a senior, and it will be near the back end of the school year. If he was my student, as long as he had everything turned in and made a plan in advance with teachers to catch up before or after the trip, I have zero qualms about him missing school.

On a side note, I think as a whole more schools should adopt a shorter summer and insert more breaks throughout the academic year. I taught in one school that had a super short summer, but every 6-8 weeks we would have a week off of school. No one ever pulled their kids out for Vacation because there were so many options for families to take vacation. Same amount of school days, just more breaks in between. Which I think is great for kids and families and teachers.

Anywho, it’s you and your son’s decision. Personally I loved school and was always a little bummed if I had to miss anything. If you do feel resistance from the school or teachers, usually it’s from a caring place even though it might not feel that way. We just want every kid to succeed (okay, most of us do), and sometimes it just sucks to have kids out, especially since we already see them so little.

I love this post. You sound like a great teacher and kind person.

I'm totally fine with state laws and school rules. They are there for a reason. Generally people talk about it they want leniency or flexibility which is different than saying it should always be a parent's decision. If a parent wants total discretion homeschooling or private school (depending on the private school) or online school (depending on their format) is for you.

I suppose knowing that in my area there are pockets where parents couldn't care less about their kid much less their education truancy laws that spark parental neglect inquiries at least somewhat interact with that.

Kids will survive fine without vacations that remove them from school. They live well adjusted lives even having never taking a vacation during school year or never at all. Of course vacation can be important to families and it's not the end of the world to take them out either but it's good to keep in mind both sides, IMO.

**I do respect your viewpoint though

I was diagnosed with aggressive, invasive cancer when my kids were 5 years old and spent a year in treatment. Post treatment was just watch and wait because of the type of cancer I had; no other treatment was available. Young women in my support groups were dying and leaving their children motherless. I worried that could be the case for me and mine, too. It kept me awake many nights. Our trips became a lifeline for me. They brought me back to living again rather than always worrying about dying, as well as being surrounded with death in my work. We literally created a lifetime of pictures and memories that my kids still love and talk about today. It’s easy to look back now and say things turned out fine, but looking forward, we just didn’t know. We were so fortunate that we had wonderful teachers who understood and supported our taking them out of school when they were in elementary. Sometimes they would give them an assignment (writing about the trip), and sometimes they would just say have a great time. (They were not allowed to pre-assign work.)

We would’ve been happy to go on school vacation weeks, but it just so happened that my DH’s job as a manager in a big vacation area (Cape Cod) dictated that HE could not take vacation himself during holidays, summer, or school vacation weeks! So we had no choice but to vacation at off times If we wanted to have vacation at all. Sometimes these types of things happen. When middle school hit, we realized they couldn’t miss school as much, and as I mentioned in a pp, in HS, a week was definitely too much. But they did miss some days here and there. Both were good students, got decent grades in school, and have managed to graduate HS and college. One is in graduate school. Both are working. So they did ok and I think are pretty well adjusted individuals despite missing some school days for vacations. I think the whole experience helped them understand what’s important in life and how to balance wants and needs.

Everyone has their own life experiences and it affects how they view things. I think the pandemic has made it so that more people appreciate how fragile and unexpected life can be.

That’s a nice thing to teach your children.

I think it could also be thought of as teaching discretion. I work with people of all ages who call out sick when they can’t get a day off, and then post their escapades on social media for all to see. One of our managers actually sent out a strongly worded email saying that if you’re going to call in sick to work, DON’T post pictures of yourself out having fun on social media! It‘s a fact of life that people on occasion call out sick for things other than legitimate reasons, and they lie about it. (I worked with one guy whose grandmother died three times! And he wasn’t shy about joking about it.) I’m not saying I necessarily condone it. Personally, I’d rather be honest about it, or at the very least, not lie about it. But I think if you’re going to do it, you have to be careful about how you handle yourself afterward.

 

[DisneyJamieCA]

Apologies if I missed something, but what about the week before graduation? Every US high school I know lets the seniors out a week or so before everyone else, and you said that his summer situation starts after commencement. Most college students would also be in interregnum at the end of May.

The high schools around here do not do that.

 

[Colleen27]

I think it's important to teach kids that rules are human constructs and some rules, like some humans, are absurd, so yeah, I agree, thanks!

And that some things are worth more than following rules. My youngest is transitioning to public school in the fall, and let me tell you, I really don't care what the school's policy is... she's not going to miss her big sister's college graduation because it is on the other side of the country and happens during the school year. I don't anticipate any problems, based on our past experiences with DS23 attending this same district, but if by some chance the rules have changed in the intervening years and the trip is now in violation? Doesn't matter. That milestone is bigger than a few days' worth of high school classes.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I love this post. You sound like a great teacher and kind person.

I was diagnosed with aggressive, invasive cancer when my kids were 5 years old and spent a year in treatment. Post treatment was just watch and wait because of the type of cancer I had; no other treatment was available. Young women in my support groups were dying and leaving their children motherless. I worried that could be the case for me and mine, too. It kept me awake many nights. Our trips became a lifeline for me. They brought me back to living again rather than always worrying about dying, as well as being surrounded with death in my work. We literally created a lifetime of pictures and memories that my kids still love and talk about today. It’s easy to look back now and say things turned out fine, but looking forward, we just didn’t know. We were so fortunate that we had wonderful teachers who understood and supported our taking them out of school when they were in elementary. Sometimes they would give them an assignment (writing about the trip), and sometimes they would just say have a great time. (They were not allowed to pre-assign work.)

We would’ve been happy to go on school vacation weeks, but it just so happened that my DH’s job as a manager in a big vacation area (Cape Cod) dictated that HE could not take vacation himself during holidays, summer, or school vacation weeks! So we had no choice but to vacation at off times If we wanted to have vacation at all. Sometimes these types of things happen. When middle school hit, we realized they couldn’t miss school as much, and as I mentioned in a pp, in HS, a week was definitely too much. But they did miss some days here and there. Both were good students, got decent grades in school, and have managed to graduate HS and college. One is in graduate school. Both are working. So they did ok and I think are pretty well adjusted individuals despite missing some school days for vacations. I think the whole experience helped them understand what’s important in life and how to balance wants and needs.

Everyone has their own life experiences and it affects how they view things. I think the pandemic has made it so that more people appreciate how fragile and unexpected life can be.

I think it could also be thought of as teaching discretion. I work with people of all ages who call out sick when they can’t get a day off, and then post their escapades on social media for all to see. One of our managers actually sent out a strongly worded email saying that if you’re going to call in sick to work, DON’T post pictures of yourself out having fun on social media! It‘s a fact of life that people on occasion call out sick for things other than legitimate reasons, and they lie about it. (I worked with one guy whose grandmother died three times! And he wasn’t shy about joking about it.) I’m not saying I necessarily condone it. Personally, I’d rather be honest about it, or at the very least, not lie about it. But I think if you’re going to do it, you have to be careful about how you handle yourself afterward.

Often in these discussions people expect the school and employers to bend to them, not how it works IRL. Sometimes you get a place or school that is really flexible sometimes you don't. But you're prepared to adhere to rules whatever they may be. Everyone can make a case for their experience coming into play but when you're talking about school policies generally speaking is about as much as you can do. It doesn't matter what we say anyways. I've already spoke about being taken out of school in the past and for me it was a mixed bag. Some parts I was fine on school work others weren't. I would have been fine not going on the cruise (it was for my sister's belated high school graduation) my life would have carried on. Death and illness (which I spoke at length last year when it came to covid and seeing people) is usually treated differently than a vacation which was the OP's reason given for taking their son out.

The part of my comment you bolded was speaking about both sides. Like I said it's not the end of the world to miss nor to not miss some times people make it out like the kid will forever be affected by not going. Generally speaking (I repeat generally) you're going to be fine if you don't go on vacation during the school year

 

[luvsvacation]

Haven’t gotten a chance to read all the replies but my son is a senior and he’ll be missing 2 weeks this year for vacay. We’re going to Disneyland week after next. He’ll miss W-F so really only 3 days. Then in March I’m taking his to an all inclusive in Mexico for his grad trip (but Mexico is better in spring than summer) And of course I’m off work for a week the week before he has his spring break (I’m a nanny and the family I work for is going on vacay because it’s their kids spring break) So my son will once again miss a week of school and then come home to his own spring break DD is going to Disneyland with us next week, she’s a sophomore in college and doesn’t get a fall break. She’s working to get done stuff done ahead of time and will also have some to make up after.

 

[tvguy]

Apologies if I missed something, but what about the week before graduation? Every US high school I know lets the seniors out a week or so before everyone else, and you said that his summer situation starts after commencement. Most college students would also be in interregnum at the end of May.

PS: For those who don't have it in their areas, that's interesting. The reason it is done is so that the seniors' grades can be processed and finalized in time for commencement, which is typically held just after the end of the final day of school, and sometimes even a few days before, so that the diploma they are handed is real, not a placeholder. They don't want any senior walking at commencement and then being told that sorry, you failed a class, so you really didn't graduate after all. Seniors typically take finals the week before underclassmen, so teachers get more time to get all their grades turned in while the underclassmen are still taking their finals, and if anything is missing they have a chance to get it made up before commencement. My high school did this 40 years ago, and my kids' schools are still doing it now.

This is pretty much how things are here now. 46 years ago when I graduated teachers were expected to turn around grades in 2 days before graduation. As for diplomas, that hasn't changed. Nobody here gets their diploma, they just get the case. The actual diplomas are mailed in September after graduation.

 

[design_mom]

Apologies if I missed something, but what about the week before graduation? Every US high school I know lets the seniors out a week or so before everyone else, and you said that his summer situation starts after commencement. Most college students would also be in interregnum at the end of May.

For my senior, her last day of class is a Tuesday, with graduation the following weekend. Wednesday of that week is a senior picnic (which is optional, but the seniors enjoy.) Friday is a senior breakfast followed by graduation rehearsal. Breakfast is optional, but rehearsal is required if you're participating in the ceremony. The graduation ceremony itself is also optional, but I wouldn't want her to miss her graduation ceremony for her graduation trip.

The kids don't get their actual diploma *during* the ceremony (only a holder), but they do get it immediately after the ceremony, before they leave the premises.

 

[JenBush]

I think everyone else pretty much covered it. Lots to consider: School policy, son’s comfort missing school, etc. In my area it’s not uncommon for families to take their kids out of school for a week for vacation once per year. Problems may arise if parents are taking their kids out of school for multiple week long trips in a single school year.

 

[HopperFan]

Without reading through .... been through the kids on two schedules and currently have one who is a teacher.

I think the most important info to know is what is your school's policy and how they will hold you accountable. School systems have rules often based on what edicts come down from the state - which often deals with money. If we enroll our child, we are expected to work within their structure.

- Will they approve for him to make up work or will he be hit with zeros?
- No matter your class level, will this impact his grade?
- Would grade punishments be an issue for his transcript?
- Schools can lose their funding each day they are out, how do they handle?
- I know some school districts charge the parents for the funds ...
- My DS school 10 absences and the kid is withdrawn from school.
- Yes they have dropped kids from his roll.
- Illnesses to be excused will sometimes require a doctor release.
- Teachers often are okay with you leaving, but admin is not and overrides.
- But some teachers are not and he might pay for it the rest of the year ...
- Where does your son stand on how this will impact his semester?

Some schools are putting tremendous pressure on teachers to maintain attendance so schools don't lose any more funding than they are.

Honestly if it were me in your spot, and my school won't work with me (as it sounds like you are dealing with), I would try to book a trip his freshman year. If their spring breaks are the same then - if not that week mid December when they should be done for semester might work.

 

[AppleDumpling]

OP, sounds like your son’s school has a strict attendance policy. As others have suggested, I’d find out what the ramifications would be for him to miss that week. Granted he has only two academic classes, yet doesn’t want to jeopardize completing all requirements for graduation. And if he would miss any music performances (final ones as a senior?), how does he feel about that?

Have you considered going during your son’s week off (since it is his choice of vacation as the grad), and having your college daughter skip a few days of her classes and meet up with the rest of you for part (or all) of the trip?

BTW, plenty of parents vacation with their adult children, so don’t be so quick to dismiss it as a possibility in the future. But also keep in mind, if your kids attend different colleges next year, their holiday and spring breaks may still be different.

 

[luvsvacation]

I’m always surprised when other people’s schools are so strict about attendance. I guess other people probably find it shocking that our large local suburban district isn’t strict. My kids have always missed for vacations and the attitude from the teachers and the school has always been have a great time on your trip! At various times they miss for other fun reasons like their birthday or a day trip or something similar. Again the attitude is always oh that sounds so fun, I hope he/she has a great day! Make up work is always allowed, with one day to make up for each day gone. So if you miss 5 days you have 5 days after your return to have the work in. School has always come pretty easy to my kids so missing and making up has never been difficult and I can see where if you have a child struggling already you may choose not to have them miss. But that choice should be up to the parents/student, not the school/authorities!

 

[Skippy918]

I’m always surprised when other people’s schools are so strict about attendance. I guess other people probably find it shocking that our large local suburban district isn’t strict. My kids have always missed for vacations and the attitude from the teachers and the school has always been have a great time on your trip! At various times they miss for other fun reasons like their birthday or a day trip or something similar. Again the attitude is always oh that sounds so fun, I hope he/she has a great day! Make up work is always allowed, with one day to make up for each day gone. So if you miss 5 days you have 5 days after your return to have the work in. School has always come pretty easy to my kids so missing and making up has never been difficult and I can see where if you have a child struggling already you may choose not to have them miss. But that choice should be up to the parents/student, not the school/authorities!

Different states have different rules for funding of public schools. Some are based on enrollment, so absent kids don’t hurt funding. Other schools are funded based on average daily attendance so when a kid has an unexcused absence, the school doesn’t get money for that child. That money can add up.

 

[Skippy918]

Would it be easier for your college student to miss a few day? Are their spring breaks back to back so you can do a few days from one and a few days from the other?
Can you go during summer break before college starts? Can your son’s employer work with him so he could get a week off?

 

[luvsvacation]

We never tracked out kids absences, nor did we take them out of school for vacations. So we were surprised when our son graduated from High School when they honored the students who never missed a day in 4 years. It is on his permanent record.
I think for me the lesson of the past 18 months with the pandemic is that things like vacations can wait.

When my kids were in elementary school they would always have an awards assembly at the end if they year. One of the awards they gave out was for perfect attendance and my kids and I would always say we felt so sorry for those kids because all that “award” meant was they never got to miss school for anything fun. I was always very involved with making sure my kids were learning and their education. I taught both of them to read well before they started kindergarten. Education has always been a too priority to me, attendance has absolutely not. We like to travel and have lots of fun!

 

[clori]

I think vacation is fine if you know your school rules and are okay with the potential consequences if there are any. Our high school has a fairly strict rule about missing x days without a drs note or bereavement but it has changed a bit due to covid. Sometimes it is more of bluff but if it isn't will that be an issue based on your school rules.

For us the time after senior finals and graduation has a lot of fun events for seniors such as Senior awards night, senior banquet, and senior prom (no junior prom here). One day is usually graduation practice followed by a bbq and yearbook distribution. Another day at graduation practice caps and gowns may be passed out. Some students may not want to miss those last few days. Students get diplomas on stage.

 

[AppleDumpling]

So we were surprised when our son graduated from High School when they honored the students who never missed a day in 4 years. It is on his permanent record.

When my kids were in elementary school they would always have an awards assembly at the end if they year. One of the awards they gave out was for perfect attendance and my kids and I would always say we felt so sorry for those kids because all that “award” meant was they never got to miss school for anything fun.

At my high school graduation, they gave an award to 2 kids who had perfect attendance for their entire school career. These kids remained in the district the whole time and were never absent for 13 years from Kindergarten through 12th grade! Which is quite an accomplishment, until you realize that means they were never even sick for one day of their childhood (or worse, they were sick but went to school anyway).

 

[mjkacmom]

Haven’t gotten a chance to read all the replies but my son is a senior and he’ll be missing 2 weeks this year for vacay. We’re going to Disneyland week after next. He’ll miss W-F so really only 3 days. Then in March I’m taking his to an all inclusive in Mexico for his grad trip (but Mexico is better in spring than summer) And of course I’m off work for a week the week before he has his spring break (I’m a nanny and the family I work for is going on vacay because it’s their kids spring break) So my son will once again miss a week of school and then come home to his own spring break DD is going to Disneyland with us next week, she’s a sophomore in college and doesn’t get a fall break. She’s working to get done stuff done ahead of time and will also have some to make up after.

You are very brave, you couldn’t pay me to go to an AI in Mexico in March (dd20 is probably going, party time).

 

[Minnesota!]

My son is a senior, too, taking cake classes. And, I still wouldn't do it. He wouldn't want me to, even with as much as he hates school. A week missed adds up to a lot...

He was out for 7 school days in early September...Covid...and is STILL playing catch up...