Is it rude - what are my options?

[potterfanatic]

Hi everyone. We are headed down to Disney World in June this year to celebrate my oldest’s high school graduation. Both sets of grandparents will be meeting us down there and are florida residents and retired military. We decided to have a graduation dinner at Shades of Green and I would like to pay for everyone’s meals. However a couple people in our group are heavy drinkers and we would like to keep this a sober event. Would it be rude to state on the invite that we will be covering the cost of the meal but not adult beverages? Should we consider another meal location on property that we can pay upfront for everything and people pay individually if they want to add drinks? If so where would you recommend?

 

[clm10308]

I think it is fine to state that you are not paying for adult beverages; however, that leaves things open for people to buy their own drinks. If you want a dinner with no alcohol consumed at all, you are going to have to be more clear.

 

[lilwendigirl]

It’s your party, your rules. It’s BYOD- buy your own drink!

 

[potterfanatic]

I think it is fine to state that you are not paying for adult beverages; however, that leaves things open for people to buy their own drinks. If you want a dinner with no alcohol consumed at all, you are going to have to be more clear.

Thank you! We don’t mins if they drink, we just don’t want to open it up to an ‘all you can drink cause it’s on their dime’ kind of affair.

 

[potterfanatic]

It’s your party, your rules. It’s BYOD- buy you own drink!

Oh! I like that! Easy enough to put on invites!

 

[TwoMisfits]

Are you setting this up with Shades of Green or doing this independently? If set up with Shades of Green catering, it probably won't even be an issue.

 

[Jess.stw]

"No Host Bar" is the traditional way to phrase that--it means we are hosting dinner, there is a bar but we are not hosting that! it's been the phrasing used on things like wedding invitations forever!

 

[Pumbaa_]

You aren’t hosting a sober event, you are just not paying for any alcohol purchased. This is your family. Simply tell them, and pull your server aside ASAP, and tell them the meal and non-alcoholic beverages are our treat. The server will be able to set up your own tab if you choose to imbibe during OS’s celebration dinner!

 

[FreeCA]

This is sounding a lot like my wedding. My husband and I desired a dry wedding.

my family couldn’t imagine the possibility of such a thing. We ended on the compromise that WE did not provide alcohol, but a couple elders in the family provided wine at the reception.

I think the “no host bar” or “buy your own beverage” route is a good option.

 

[holden]

Personally, I feel that if you are inviting them to dinner, you should pay for everything.

 

[DeeBee3]

Congrats on the graduation! Tell those "old people" to pipe down.

 

[JFDIS]

I have spent many years working in food and beverage. It is absolutely polite and acceptable to state that you will be covering food and non-alcoholic beverages. You don’t need to go into detail that they will have to buy their own, people get it. Be sure to reiterate to your server what you are paying for and that doesn’t include alcoholic beverages.

 

[thanxfornoticin]

Agreed, it is very acceptable to let your guests know you're paying for food and non-alcoholic drinks. We have actually done this a number of times over the years at Disney, and what usually ended up happening was another member of the family told the server to open a separate tab for the drinks and they treated for that. Just be clear what you are offering - should not be a problem.

 

[petrola]

Hi everyone. We are headed down to Disney World in June this year to celebrate my oldest’s high school graduation. Both sets of grandparents will be meeting us down there and are florida residents and retired military. We decided to have a graduation dinner at Shades of Green and I would like to pay for everyone’s meals. However a couple people in our group are heavy drinkers and we would like to keep this a sober event. Would it be rude to state on the invite that we will be covering the cost of the meal but not adult beverages? Should we consider another meal location on property that we can pay upfront for everything and people pay individually if they want to add drinks? If so where would you recommend?

First congratulations on your oldest's high school graduation! I wasn't going to comment on this but here goes. I believe hosting a celebration party and then indicating you're not going to pay for everything is not in good taste. I understand it costs more to pay for alcohol, but so be it. It's your child's graduation. And to celebrate, folks are probably going to want a glass of champagne, or a glass of wine. It would never occur to me to host a party in celebration of my child's milestone (or any party for that matter) where people are bringing graduation gifts and not pay for everything. Or to tell my parents that they can pay for their own glass of wine (or bottle of champagne or whatever). Maybe it's a regional thing, but not something we'd ever consider. Now if there's a concern that some people in your party have a drinking problem, I don't believe a cash bar is going to prevent them from drinking. A good bartender should cut them off as appropriate. Just my two cents.

 

[North of Mouse]

Sorry, @petrola, will have to disagree, and agree with others - yes, it is acceptable not to pay for alchoholic drinks, and make it clear in advance.
It's not just a regional thing, but clearly you can do you.

 

[CaptainAmerica]

Hi everyone. We are headed down to Disney World in June this year to celebrate my oldest’s high school graduation. Both sets of grandparents will be meeting us down there and are florida residents and retired military. We decided to have a graduation dinner at Shades of Green and I would like to pay for everyone’s meals. However a couple people in our group are heavy drinkers and we would like to keep this a sober event. Would it be rude to state on the invite that we will be covering the cost of the meal but not adult beverages? Should we consider another meal location on property that we can pay upfront for everything and people pay individually if they want to add drinks? If so where would you recommend?

It's not really clear from your description what type of event this is. If I were going out to dinner with my immediate family, plus my parents and my wife's parents, I wouldn't be sending out invitations, I would just be calling or texting them and letting them know about it informally. When you describe sending out actual invitations, that makes it sound more like an official "event."

First congratulations on your oldest's high school graduation! I wasn't going to comment on this but here goes. I believe hosting a celebration party and then indicating you're not going to pay for everything is not in good taste. I understand it costs more to pay for alcohol, but so be it. It's your child's graduation. And to celebrate, folks are probably going to want a glass of champagne, or a glass of wine. It would never occur to me to host a party in celebration of my child's milestone (or any party for that matter) where people are bringing graduation gifts and not pay for everything. Or to tell my parents that they can pay for their own glass of wine (or bottle of champagne or whatever). Maybe it's a regional thing, but not something we'd ever consider. Now if there's a concern that some people in your party have a drinking problem, I don't believe a cash bar is going to prevent them from drinking. A good bartender should cut them off as appropriate. Just my two cents.

Yeah, a lot depends on whether this is "hosting a graduation party" or "going out to dinner with grandma and grandpa." I can't figure out which it is.

 

[potterfanatic]

First congratulations on your oldest's high school graduation! I wasn't going to comment on this but here goes. I believe hosting a celebration party and then indicating you're not going to pay for everything is not in good taste. I understand it costs more to pay for alcohol, but so be it. It's your child's graduation. And to celebrate, folks are probably going to want a glass of champagne, or a glass of wine. It would never occur to me to host a party in celebration of my child's milestone (or any party for that matter) where people are bringing graduation gifts and not pay for everything. Or to tell my parents that they can pay for their own glass of wine (or bottle of champagne or whatever). Maybe it's a regional thing, but not something we'd ever consider. Now if there's a concern that some people in your party have a drinking problem, I don't believe a cash bar is going to prevent them from drinking. A good bartender should cut them off as appropriate. Just my two cents.

This is exactly the problem. I was planning on purchasing a couple bottles of wine for the table, but we have a family member with a drinking problem.

 

[CaptainAmerica]

Sorry, @petrola, will have to disagree, and agree with others - yes, it is acceptable not to pay for alchoholic drinks, and make it clear in advance.

"Not paying for alcoholic drinks" and "expecting your guests to pay for alcoholic drinks" are two different things. If I host an event and simply choose not to serve alcohol, that's fine. If I host an event and I do choose to serve alcohol, but tell my guests that they're expected to pay for it, that's gauche.

 

[CaptainAmerica]

This is exactly the problem. I was planning on purchasing a couple bottles of wine for the table, but we have a family member with a drinking problem.

Oh jeeze if someone here is a legit alcoholic, maybe it would be best to skip alcohol entirely.

Your original question made it sound like you were asking us if you were being cheap.

 

[_19disnA]

It's your party and you can choose to pay (or not pay) for whatever you want. It sounds like two different issues to me. Alcohol can be pricey and some people don't drink, so having an 'open bar' will often only benefit some of the participants. If you have a concern about a family member with a drinking problem, not sure who pays for the drinks will solve that issue. Maybe choose a restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol is that is your main concern and then you can avoid any awkwardness.