tvguy
Question anything the facts don't support.
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2003
But they are in my experience flat fees, not a percentage.And? They have been approved. They exist, right now.
But they are in my experience flat fees, not a percentage.And? They have been approved. They exist, right now.
I have a follow-up question, for those of you who are helping your adult children out--do you have an exit strategy? A date certain or possibly a salary or education goal, at which point you'll pull back from the support? I'm not asking to be snarky, I'm just curious. I can understand helping with some things, like health insurance or a cell phone, maybe car insurance. But at some point, the bird's gotta fly, right? They're going to need to figure out how to live within their means, even if they aren't in their dream job. What happens when they get married? Have a child? Do you continue to throw support their way, because housing is expensive, child care is expensive, cars are expensive... On a side note, will they be expected to help YOU if you can't afford retirement, or get a debilitating disease?
P.S. I'm talking about neurotypical adult children here--some of us have special needs adults, which changes the calculus. Some may never fly solo, but the goal is to get them as close as reasonable (for them).
I think this is a sign of the times. I saw it too in my older family members when the 2008 recession hit.I just have to say I am amazed at the number of posters who help their adult children out financially. Not just the keeping on the family cell phone and insurance but actually giving money to help pay expenses.
My son has paid his cell phone bill since age 18 with a part time job. I don’t see this as a sign of the times at all.I think this is a sign of the times. I saw it too in my older family members when the 2008 recession hit.
That being said, I also don't expect much either and have often told my parents if I ever get married, most if not all ( I know they'd want to pay for my dress) of the contributions for the wedding would go towards the down payment on a house. I would rather have a simple laid back wedding then a big one (most of my friends are also like this), and be able to start fresh with a new house.
Every child(even if an adult) is different and requires different ways to get them off on their own. I have one that has always been financially responsible and paid most of her college tuition herself and just bought a $50k car on her own, while my other daughter still requires a little “guidance” …and I’m perfectly fine with that. Better that than having them tell me they owe $50k in credit card debt. In the end, I’m sure they’ll both be near the same level later in their lives.I’ve always been a bit put off by adults who continue to take an allowance (monthly payments) from their parents. I’m also put off by parents who try to control their adult children. I figure I had 18 years to give them advice and ever increasing experience and now it’s time for them to take over control of their life, both choices and consequences.
DD is 20 and while we do pay the majority of her college costs she is responsible for everything else. She works and pays for her car payment, insurance, phone (she’s on our plan but pays is her portion each month), groceries (no dining plan, but her dorm room has a full kitchen), gas, personal expenses, clothes, fun money, etc. she also pays us 300 a month towards her schooling. That comes out to only 3,600 per year for school which I felt was fair. We pay all the rest of the tuition/fees/dorm. She’ll graduate debt free. She also pays for her extra activities like sorority and cheer team. She budgets very well. She has a checking and savings account and her own credit card that she pays off in full every month. She is blown away by other friends at school who are given everything and have no idea how to budget or plan. She’s also shocked by how many of the parents still try to tell their kids what they can and can’t do! Some that even force their kids into a particular major or career since it’s their money. Now while she’s home from school over the summer if I’m picking up take out for dinner I buy her some too and whenever we go out to eat together I pay. When we go on family trips I pay for the trip itself and she just pays for extras that she wants. I’m saving right now because when she graduates in 2 years we’re planning to do 4-5 weeeks in Europe just the 2 of us. I’ll be paying for that as her grad gift. She’s saving for her wardrobe for the trip I don’t mind at all helping out with something from time to time or just doing something unexpected. When I help her move back into the dorm in a couple of weeks I’ll surprise her with a 150 giftcard to the grocery store to help her get set up for the beginning of the year. But giving monthly allowances or paying for her expenses is a hard no for me.
TBH I find this above statement at odds with the below statements (well the comment in general but pulled these ones out).I’ve always been a bit put off by adults who continue to take an allowance (monthly payments) from their parents.
I figure I had 18 years to give them advice and ever increasing experience and now it’s time for them to take over control of their life, both choices and consequences.
DD is 20 and while we do pay the majority of her college costs she is responsible for everything else.
She’ll graduate debt free.
I don’t mind at all helping out with something from time to time or just doing something unexpected.
My sister’s ex had college and graduate school paid for by his wealthy parents (notre dame/university of Chicago). He ended up starting his own business, made a ton of money, decided to sell and retire at 45, but part of the sale was he needed to be an employee of the company he sold it to for a year (million dollar salary). My sister and her ex do not need to work ever again. There are many successful people who had it easy.I'm closer to your kids' age than your own, so I'll answer for myself.
I graduated in May of 2011, got married in July of 2011, started my full-time job in August of 2011, and bought my first house in December 2011. My parents gave me zero dollars, but my wife came to the marriage with about $25,000 of unspent college fund money since she had earned scholarships and didn't end up needing it. I had about $30,000 of student loans and needed a car, which I bought myself.
I am now miles ahead of my peers. If you don't let your kids struggle, they'll never learn how to succeed.