Happy New Year everyone!
Ive been writing this post in my head for the better part of the week and finally sat down this morning to finish it up.
There is no way around the fact that 2012 has been challenging. My husband is recovering from his accident, and depsite the ontinued uts to eucation that resulte in his being laid off after 13 years teaching, we have hopes that this year he'll transition back to teahing from being a substitute teacher. Yet Ive reached personal and professional peaks that are the culmination of a lifetime of hard work, dedication, and personal desire. My kids are such a source of inspiration - I look at them and wonder how I got so blessed. And feel the trepidation that the oldest will be off to college net year - how empty the house will be without him. I have a job that I love and I dont mind going to every day because I work with incredible people. My (reserve) military career will hopefully settle in March when I transition to a less demanding job #2. Im surrounded by awesome people who look out for me. And job # 3 is so rewarding - I love teaching college kids, even if it's only one night a week.
Yet, despite my life being continually filled with laughter and heart-warming giggles, this past month has been dark, sad and unhappy. Even the holidays this year had a heavy cloud that was difficult to overcome. The world seems to be crumbling before my eyes. The events that took place in Newtown & West Webster (very close to home), literally destroyed my spirit. I had to stop reading the news after 12/14/12. In fact, I deleted all of my news bookmarks on my Internet browsers. I felt guilty doing that. I felt like a coward. I couldnt face those lost kids and their families. But I needed to get some space from it all.
I avoided Facebook and the links and comments. You see, Im not the type of person who can read something and say how sad and move on. I never, ever say, that wont happen to me, in fact I ask WHEN is it going to happen to me? I obsess and cry and hurt and cant think of anything else. I put on a fake smile for my children and look into their eyes and fill with despair at the thought of anything bad happening to them. I look at strangers and become cynical thinking everyone in the world is evil and hurtful. It seems like death was everywhere and it was all I could think about. I dont know if thats normal or unhealthy, but thats me.
Then, it occurred to me, the fact is we all have to die, but the reality is sometimes we forget to live.
So, I had to stop reading about it and Im glad I did. It worked, I started to feel better and calm.
And then it snowed.
Ive never been so happy to get so much snow. It was soft and calming and pristine and it covered up all of the worlds imperfections that I could see. It was cold and refreshing and it feels like nothing evil could live through such conditions. And so I realized, this world we live in has a way of taking care of itself. Things get bad and dark and dirty and then it snows and freezes and everything is new and clean again. Soon, the sun will shine warm and we will feel the soft breeze and the clocks keep on ticking and time keeps moving forward, so I will too.
News & information has a way of spreading and if something important happens and I want to know, I will find it. I will continue to read what I need to in order to stay current for professional reasons, but I will not patronize the media any longer. I will check in on Facebook, but I will not use it as a political forum or soap box. I will keep the SOCIAL in the social networking aspect of Facebook.
I dont have any clue what to expect for 2013 but I wish you all nothing but the best. I'm starting out the year with the best of intentions. Here they are: First, acountability - through this journal an through a IS group. I also nee "hard" milestones so - 10,000 push ups and 10,000 sit ups (that is only 28 a day)! I am also going to try to log in 1, 000 running miles! Weight wise, I am striving for 5 pounds per month. Slow an steady wins the race, right??
I am also going to be kind, laugh often, love so much, forgive quickly (that last one might be the hardest for me!! )
But this year is the first in a long time where I dont have SOMETHING big going on. Its my first year of my normal life. The life Ive built for myself and have wanted for so long. So in 2013, Im just going to live it and do so with the same passion and drive that I did when I was working toward something. Im going to live every day cherishing my beloved children and husband. Im going to continue to spend time with my dear friends and family. Im going to work hard and be thankful I have a job. Im going to complain less and indulge more. Im going to live MY life; and Im going to live the heck out of it.
Have safe and Happy New Years!
Ive been writing this post in my head for the better part of the week and finally sat down this morning to finish it up.
There is no way around the fact that 2012 has been challenging. My husband is recovering from his accident, and depsite the ontinued uts to eucation that resulte in his being laid off after 13 years teaching, we have hopes that this year he'll transition back to teahing from being a substitute teacher. Yet Ive reached personal and professional peaks that are the culmination of a lifetime of hard work, dedication, and personal desire. My kids are such a source of inspiration - I look at them and wonder how I got so blessed. And feel the trepidation that the oldest will be off to college net year - how empty the house will be without him. I have a job that I love and I dont mind going to every day because I work with incredible people. My (reserve) military career will hopefully settle in March when I transition to a less demanding job #2. Im surrounded by awesome people who look out for me. And job # 3 is so rewarding - I love teaching college kids, even if it's only one night a week.
Yet, despite my life being continually filled with laughter and heart-warming giggles, this past month has been dark, sad and unhappy. Even the holidays this year had a heavy cloud that was difficult to overcome. The world seems to be crumbling before my eyes. The events that took place in Newtown & West Webster (very close to home), literally destroyed my spirit. I had to stop reading the news after 12/14/12. In fact, I deleted all of my news bookmarks on my Internet browsers. I felt guilty doing that. I felt like a coward. I couldnt face those lost kids and their families. But I needed to get some space from it all.
I avoided Facebook and the links and comments. You see, Im not the type of person who can read something and say how sad and move on. I never, ever say, that wont happen to me, in fact I ask WHEN is it going to happen to me? I obsess and cry and hurt and cant think of anything else. I put on a fake smile for my children and look into their eyes and fill with despair at the thought of anything bad happening to them. I look at strangers and become cynical thinking everyone in the world is evil and hurtful. It seems like death was everywhere and it was all I could think about. I dont know if thats normal or unhealthy, but thats me.
Then, it occurred to me, the fact is we all have to die, but the reality is sometimes we forget to live.
So, I had to stop reading about it and Im glad I did. It worked, I started to feel better and calm.
And then it snowed.
Ive never been so happy to get so much snow. It was soft and calming and pristine and it covered up all of the worlds imperfections that I could see. It was cold and refreshing and it feels like nothing evil could live through such conditions. And so I realized, this world we live in has a way of taking care of itself. Things get bad and dark and dirty and then it snows and freezes and everything is new and clean again. Soon, the sun will shine warm and we will feel the soft breeze and the clocks keep on ticking and time keeps moving forward, so I will too.
News & information has a way of spreading and if something important happens and I want to know, I will find it. I will continue to read what I need to in order to stay current for professional reasons, but I will not patronize the media any longer. I will check in on Facebook, but I will not use it as a political forum or soap box. I will keep the SOCIAL in the social networking aspect of Facebook.
I dont have any clue what to expect for 2013 but I wish you all nothing but the best. I'm starting out the year with the best of intentions. Here they are: First, acountability - through this journal an through a IS group. I also nee "hard" milestones so - 10,000 push ups and 10,000 sit ups (that is only 28 a day)! I am also going to try to log in 1, 000 running miles! Weight wise, I am striving for 5 pounds per month. Slow an steady wins the race, right??
I am also going to be kind, laugh often, love so much, forgive quickly (that last one might be the hardest for me!! )
But this year is the first in a long time where I dont have SOMETHING big going on. Its my first year of my normal life. The life Ive built for myself and have wanted for so long. So in 2013, Im just going to live it and do so with the same passion and drive that I did when I was working toward something. Im going to live every day cherishing my beloved children and husband. Im going to continue to spend time with my dear friends and family. Im going to work hard and be thankful I have a job. Im going to complain less and indulge more. Im going to live MY life; and Im going to live the heck out of it.
Have safe and Happy New Years!
