Another dating/relationship hypothetical

[amberpi]

Would you date/get into a relationship with someone who made much, much more money or much, much less than you do?

Personal note: I'm not even dating until I decide where I want to be, but I'm seeing some interesting situations arise around me and love the varying positions of the Dis.

 

[dish rag]

My wife has way way more money than most people could ever want to have. She stopped working many years ago. Makes more money on interest income than most people could earn in a year. I earn good money but much less than what she takes out of her holding company. So yes I could. My name is on her accounts and I know roughly what's there but really don't care or concern my self with it. The biggest issue it causes for us is that she wants me to stop working. But I won't. I love what I do and can't wait for the morning to come so I can go do what I do.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Yea sure but I don't share accounts. Not even when I was married and I highly doubt I'll ever get married again.

 

[justussix]

Depends on what the driver of the situation is. In general, is the person motivated, ethical, and do they have integrity? Then sure.

Do they make much less because they aren't money motivated and focus on charity / non-profit work? Do they make much more because of a chosen profession that they are successful at? Both of those are winners.

Do they make much less because they never grew up, live in their parents basement, and have no path in their life? Do they make much more because they scam people successfully? Then no.

Looking for someone you can control with money, or looking to be taken care of, generally don't strike me as recipe's for relationship success.

 

[littlejimmy]

this reminds me of a good joke:

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take a chick with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's chick."

so I say yes...

 

[amberpi]

My wife has way way more money than most people could ever want to have. She stopped working many years ago. Makes more money on interest income than most people could earn in a year. I earn good money but much less than what she takes out of her holding company. So yes I could. My name is on her accounts and I know roughly what's there but really don't care or concern my self with it. The biggest issue it causes for us is that she wants me to stop working. But I won't. I love what I do and can't wait for the morning to come so I can go do what I do.

That's why I want to go back to work. I've found myself missing it! Now that I'm as better as I'm going to get, its time to get back to what I love.

That's a cool perspective on it too! Thanks for the real world account.

 

[Klayfish]

My wife has way way more money than most people could ever want to have. She stopped working many years ago. Makes more money on interest income than most people could earn in a year. I earn good money but much less than what she takes out of her holding company. So yes I could. My name is on her accounts and I know roughly what's there but really don't care or concern my self with it. The biggest issue it causes for us is that she wants me to stop working. But I won't. I love what I do and can't wait for the morning to come so I can go do what I do.

Not that you're bragging or anything...LOL

Sure, it wouldn't bother me. When I met DW, she made a lot more than I did, about double. But then again, I was in social work, so that wasn't saying much. Didn't really care one way or the other. I mean, sure, I was aware of it, but it wasn't THE factor and I would have dated her if she worked at Wal-Mart. Even 20 years together, we still do have separate accounts, outside of our joint account. She knows what's in mine and I know what's in hers, but we enjoy having them.

 

[Hikergirl]

It really depends on the individual. Before I met dh I dated a rich kid (He was in his 20's but it was his mother's money) and he was an arrogant SOB who thought he was better than everyone because he was rich. Needless to say we didn't date long.
Then I met dh, who was as broke as me and I was much happier. He was a student pursuing a career that would pay very well so I knew going into the relationship that one day he would definitely be making way more than me, and any of our family or friends were making. He wasn't an ******* about it like the other guy was though.

 

[soccerdad72]

Hard to say - my wife and I met when we were both broke college students, so it's never been an issue. Through our 20 years of marriage, there have been times when I made more and times when she made more. She now makes a lot more than I do, but it really doesn't bother me at all - heck, I even did a stint as a SAHD when she first made partner, because it made the most sense for our family at the time.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

My husband has always made way more than I do. We share an account and all of our shared expenses and wants are payed out of it. It's never caused an issue for us. He doesn't hang things over my head and I don't have to ask buy things that are over any amount I've deposited.

Then again we're not talking crazy money either.

 

[amberpi]

Depends on what the driver of the situation is. In general, is the person motivated, ethical, and do they have integrity? Then sure.

Do they make much less because they aren't money motivated and focus on charity / non-profit work? Do they make much more because of a chosen profession that they are successful at? Both of those are winners.

Do they make much less because they never grew up, live in their parents basement, and have no path in their life? Do they make much more because they scam people successfully? Then no.

Looking for someone you can control with money, or looking to be taken care of, generally don't strike me as recipe's for relationship success.

That's not dissimilar to my thoughts on it overall. If you want to be and excel at being the best hedge fund manager in the world is no different than wanting to be and excel at being a teacher, the pay just differs. Both of those are perfectly acceptable and worthy fields - the hedge fund guy probably less so.

I was wondering how I'd feel if I was involved with someone that wanted to travel at a level I'd feel uncomfortable paying for myself. Or if someone couldn't travel the way I do.

 

[dish rag]

Not that you're bragging or anything...LOL

Sure, it wouldn't bother me. When I met DW, she made a lot more than I did, about double. But then again, I was in social work, so that wasn't saying much. Didn't really care one way or the other. I mean, sure, I was aware of it, but it wasn't THE factor and I would have dated her if she worked at Wal-Mart. Even 20 years together, we still do have separate accounts, outside of our joint account. She knows what's in mine and I know what's in hers, but we enjoy having them.

No, just replying about a real life situation. It's her money not mine and I'm very proud of her, she's a smart woman. Money like that is a big responsibility to handle properly. I couldn't do it.

 

[dish rag]

That's not dissimilar to my thoughts on it overall. If you want to be and excel at being the best hedge fund manager in the world is no different than wanting to be and excel at being a teacher, the pay just differs. Both of those are perfectly acceptable and worth fields - the hedge fund guy probable less so.

I was wondering how I'd feel if I was involved with someone that wanted to travel at a level I'd feel uncomfortable paying for myself. Or if someone couldn't travel the way I do.

I can't travel like she does nor do I care to. So what we do is I'll fly into where ever she is and spend a long weekend. That's when she goes somewhere for extended time. It works well for us. She going to Maine this fall for a month. I would be bored silly. So I'll go up there for a few long weekends.

 

[amberpi]

I can't travel like she does nor do I care to. So what we do is I'll fly into where ever she is and spend a long weekend. That's when she goes somewhere for extended time. It works well for us. She going to Maine this fall for a month. I would be bored silly. So I'll go up there for a few long weekends.

Basically - you make it work.

 

[prprincess]

Depends on what the driver of the situation is. In general, is the person motivated, ethical, and do they have integrity? Then sure.

Do they make much less because they aren't money motivated and focus on charity / non-profit work? Do they make much more because of a chosen profession that they are successful at? Both of those are winners.

Do they make much less because they never grew up, live in their parents basement, and have no path in their life? Do they make much more because they scam people successfully? Then no.

I agree with this. I've been in relationships with people who didn't make much money, but worked jobs that they loved and they were passionate about. So the fact that they made less was a non-issue--they were driven and generous with their time.

On the flipside, I've been with guys who made a ton and guys who made nothing, but were lazy and I really couldn't deal. The one who made a ton was lazy and barely helped around the house, yet refused to hire someone to come and housekeep or mow the lawn for us. The one who made nothing had no drive and seemed to be fine never doing anything with their life, which made me lose patience since I was working on my degree at the time.

 

[justussix]

I was wondering how I'd feel if I was involved with someone that wanted to travel at a level I'd feel uncomfortable paying for myself. Or if someone couldn't travel the way I do.

In my mind, it's hard to have a successful relationship when one is caught up in keeping score. If one is not okay picking up the tab without thinking about it, or likewise, letting someone pick up the tab without thinking about it... I guess it just seems like unnecessary stress.

We've co-mingled finances for years without issue. My money is the families money. Her money is the families money. We celebrate individual success as success for us. A few months ago I received a decent raise and added outside income as well. We were both happy. A while before that, she took a pay cut to go to a much better, fulfilling work environment. We were both happy. She was able to do something she enjoyed with a much lower stress level.

Maybe it's just easier when you both start from scratch out of college.

 

[superme80]

Nope. When I met my husband he was still getting his life together financially. It was perfect. I wasn't all there and neither was he. I dated a few guys with more money than me and it just made me uncomfortable. I was fine that they were there in life, but I wasn't. DH and I have grown together in our nearly 10 years of marriage so it works great.

 

[Bilberry]

I think in theory, either situation would not be a problem for me. It depends on how the relation was worked out I suppose. All have their own dynamics. I've been fortunate to be around financially successful people in my lifetime. In those circumstances I didn't find myself being jealous of what the person made. I'd typically be interested in hearing their story and having a good time. Equally I've been with less financially successful and had a wonderful time in their company.

 

[amberpi]

In my mind, it's hard to have a successful relationship when one is caught up in keeping score. If one is not okay picking up the tab without thinking about it, or likewise, letting someone pick up the tab without thinking about it... I guess it just seems like unnecessary stress.

We've co-mingled finances for years without issue. My money is the families money. Her money is the families money. We celebrate individual success as success for us. A few months ago I received a decent raise and added outside income as well. We were both happy. A while before that, she took a pay cut to go to a much better, fulfilling work environment. We were both happy. She was able to do something she enjoyed with a much lower stress level.

Maybe it's just easier when you both start from scratch out of college.

The question was more about when you're just dating, not long term relationship type situation.

 

[Disneylover99]

I would date anyone I liked.