Bad news has turned worse for our family

[minkydog]

...I do know Mom would be angry with us if we denied her grandchildren their trip. She has already told the family that when she dies she will be cremated, no visitation, no service, she wants her ashes placed on top of her husbands casket. (don't know if that is legal)
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First, I''m really sorry for your bad news. I know this must be so hard. And I'm glad you're still going on your trip. I think your MIL would be very upset if you cancelled your trip, especially in light of the fact that *she* doesn't feel like she's dying any time soon. I agree with you that you can allow more hope. When my father was dying from lung cancer--and we all knew he was dying--he was still planning projects and trips for "when I get better." He had a lot of hope and we just had to go along with it. He didn't actually express belief that he was nearing death until 48 hrs before he passed. Like your MIL, he wished for a very simple memorial service after cremation. His dearest wish was to be buried at the feet of his mother, so we did that. His cremains went into a special shoebox-size vault box and they opened her grave just big enough to set the box inside on the end of her casket. Then after the grave-side service we all went back to the house for fried chicken and beer. My brother gave the kids rides on his pony until dark. We played charades and reminisced about old times. I have to say, my dad's funeral was one of the most fun, most memorable funerals I have been to. And he would have loved it.

I know this is a bad time for you all. I wouldn't share too much with the kids just yet. Let her enjoy them and let them enjoy her for as long as they can. Believe me, they'll know when the time comes. Kids just sense these things.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

I apologize, this is just a vent...to get some of this out of my head so maybe some of it I can stop thinking about it over and over and over again,


My Wonderful, Sweet, Cared many hours for my kids, Mother In Law was diagnosed the week before last with probable lung cancer, did a lymph node biopsy and got results this past Monday that it is in the nodes too. (she never smoked, but her late husband did) Doctor sent her for a CT of Brain/Abdomen/Pelvis on Tuesday. On Wednesday I get the call that she has 2 large masses in her brain. He called me and my DH because she was leaving that day for her first trip to Disney with my brother in law and his family.
So....we didn't tell her, and let her go on her trip.
We did have to contact my brother in law 1 hour before they were leaving to go to the airport and let him know the terrible news, and also that the Doctor started her on a seizure med and anti inflammatory to help with swelling in the brain. They had to stop and pick them up on their way. We told her it was pre treatment medications.

So, she is in Disney having the time of her life! She sounds like a little kid when we talk to her on the phone (she is 74). She is so happy and we have been getting emailed pictures of her along the way, which I know will be precious memories someday. All of her immediate family at home know, and our hearts break at the thought of her coming home from vacation to face this. It is wonderful to know she is having such a great time at the happiest place on earth....but....we know that with this type of cancer she may not be around for very long.
The one blessing of all this, is that we have had a week to digest the diagnosis and have a family meeting to decide care options and the potential problems we may have to face. She is not allowed to drive her car anymore, washer and dryer have been moved up to the main floor of the house, boarding off the basement stairs, purchasing a lifeline system for her to wear if she is alone for short periods of time, brother in law who is separated from his wife is going to move in to be there for overnights. Scoured through the will for the health wishes....and they were very clearly laid out. My husband has POA and there are only 2 items he needs to take care of with her.

We have our own family vacation planned in just a couple of weeks with my brother and his family...who have never been to florida or disney...I was really looking forward to spending a great weeks vacation with my family...never had a chance to do that before, as adults. The cousins are excited of course.....

So now we don't really know what to do. We can transfer the Villa reservation into my brothers name (for $100 fee) if we can't go....it's so hard to make that decision and know what we should do.
Just tonight our 4 kids were jabbering away at dinner about everything we were going to be doing, our countdown chain etc....
We have told them that Grandma is sick, not that she is terminally sick....though we did discuss that God has us on earth for specific reason and time to accomplish his good work and then when we are done we go to be with him. Our kids seem to readily accept that, and they have been through the loss of Grandpa too so that may help them understand.

My DH and I are Disney fans to the fullest but, we have lost our enthusiasm for this trip in lieu of concern for Mom. When we went through this with my Father in Law a kind Nurse gave us the advice to continue living. You never can predict the timing of things, you could put your life on hold forever over the what ifs...I do know Mom would be angry with us if we denied her grandchildren their trip. She has already told the family that when she dies she will be cremated, no visitation, no service, she wants her ashes placed on top of her husbands casket. (don't know if that is legal)

So, that's my story...it's been a pretty sureal week that seems like 2 weeks.

They went to Magic Kingdom today after seeing Detroit play Phoenex, and stayed for the electromagic parade and fireworks.

Your thread just made me cry. As posted in just another thread prior to responding to this, I just went through this exact same thing 4 months ago. My now fiance and I had a trip planned for Disneyland when I suddenly found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer, not only that but he had just 1 month to live. We also had a trip planned right around that time.

Nothing can take that hurt and pain away of losing a family member, or expecting it to happen but you need to tell yourself, that the more you can continue on with life every day, the stronger you can be for yourself, therefor for the people around you as well-including her. Making those weekly trip projects to countdown the trip, or those things you want to do down there, and making that trip a special one, is what will keep you motivated to stay strong and see the love and the special moments while you have them.

If you give up on all this now, you are going to end up sinking in a deep depression and you dont want to do that. Feel free to email or pm me anytime. Sending all our love to your family during this difficult time.

6 weeks after my dad passed away(just 4 months ago), we went to Disneyland and I know he was happy for us. I know I am being watched over.

 

[Brenle]

Your thread just made me cry. As posted in just another thread prior to responding to this, I just went through this exact same thing 4 months ago. My now fiance and I had a trip planned for Disneyland when I suddenly found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer, not only that but he had just 1 month to live. We also had a trip planned right around that time.

Nothing can take that hurt and pain away of losing a family member, or expecting it to happen but you need to tell yourself, that the more you can continue on with life every day, the stronger you can be for yourself, therefor for the people around you as well-including her. Making those weekly trip projects to countdown the trip, or those things you want to do down there, and making that trip a special one, is what will keep you motivated to stay strong and see the love and the special moments while you have them.

If you give up on all this now, you are going to end up sinking in a deep depression and you dont want to do that. Feel free to email or pm me anytime. Sending all our love to your family during this difficult time.

6 weeks after my dad passed away(just 4 months ago), we went to Disneyland and I know he was happy for us. I know I am being watched over.

for you.

 

[disney11fan]

prayers are on the way.

 

[Disneyforus]

Your thread just made me cry. As posted in just another thread prior to responding to this, I just went through this exact same thing 4 months ago. My now fiance and I had a trip planned for Disneyland when I suddenly found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer, not only that but he had just 1 month to live. We also had a trip planned right around that time.

Nothing can take that hurt and pain away of losing a family member, or expecting it to happen but you need to tell yourself, that the more you can continue on with life every day, the stronger you can be for yourself, therefor for the people around you as well-including her. Making those weekly trip projects to countdown the trip, or those things you want to do down there, and making that trip a special one, is what will keep you motivated to stay strong and see the love and the special moments while you have them.

If you give up on all this now, you are going to end up sinking in a deep depression and you dont want to do that. Feel free to email or pm me anytime. Sending all our love to your family during this difficult time.

6 weeks after my dad passed away(just 4 months ago), we went to Disneyland and I know he was happy for us. I know I am being watched over.

Long time since I stopped in here, you are so right!

My dear Mother in Law passed away 5/25 at home with a brief episode of difficult breathing and just peacefully went. She had been doing pretty good up until the week before....she was getting so weak (no appetite or desire to eat) and had to rely heavily on her walker and help getting up off of chairs. We did have a beautiful day with her on the Saturday before she died....she saw all her Grand Son's play baseball and our oldest perform in a piano recital. She was beaming the whole day, even when it started raining and we didn't have any umbrellas. Sunday she was whipped from all her activity the previous day, Monday she perked up a bit, but her weakness was getting pretty severe, by Tuesday she was needing much assistance to get around. When I cam on Wed, she told me she was done. She wanted to die, and be put out of her misery. We had a quiet day, lots of internal thoughts on her part and I helped where I could. I did some back/neck rubs and then about 4pm her breathing became labored and by 4:30 she was very short of breath and working hard, gave her a couple hospice meds for anxiety and the breathing...took us until almost 6:30 to get her comfy. Most all of the family had come by that time, her son who is studying massage therapy gave her a great foot massage. I needed to take my 4 kids home now that my husband had arrived, m little 5 year old had been there all day with us and was ready to leave, I said my good byes to Mom and listed off all the people who were there and told her I was so proud to have her for a Mom in law. I walked out, got into my car and my husband rushed out to stop me...she had died. It was 7:55pm.

The last few weeks have been sureal, to have lost both of my inlaws now. That whole piece of the family is gone, only the memories remain.
At her memorial we had a special area with all her Disney stuff/PICS...she had such a great trip. Her one thing she always wanted to do!

Thanks to all you on this board who care and support people...it's such an easy place to come and talk in a non threatening/ non judgemental way.
I hope I can help pay it forward and be an encourager to someone going through a rough time as well.

 

[AnnaS]

:hugI am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Jeniferdwn]

I have been following this since your first post. I'm so sorry to hear that she passed away, but I'm thankful she had her trip and I'm glad she's no longer suffering. I watched my MIL like this with many of the same types of cancer and I can honestly say that I wouldn't like that to drag on for anyone, I'd rather it be quick and let them go peacefully. I hate to see anyone suffer. I will add your family to my prayers.

 

[accarson]

Disneyforus sorry to read this about your MIL.
My family is going through same thing my dad was diagnosed 4/29.
and continued prayers for you and your family

 

[I Run Long]

I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom-in-law was so lucky to have the support of you and your family. And to be able to experience her grandchildren's special events must have been pure joy for her and everyone around her. Hugs to you.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

I am absolutely choked up reading the last post you put up. It's absolutely unbelievable how you guys were able to fit all those great things in for her, how she had such a great few days before passing, and it went so quickly. Hope you are doing well and able to cope.

Make sure to plan another Disney trip to celebrate those great memories you have there as a family.

We send you guys much love from Calgary to your family.

 

[Disneyforus]

Thanks so much to everyone for all the kind and thoughtful words. It allows me to grieve what has been lost, coming here to talk. I realize how differently I view life after losing someone. It's all different now.

When i finish Nursing School next May we will be heading to Disney for a CELEBRATION, and I want to do something special to honor my MIL. The first 2 semesters of nursing school was tough and I honestly couldn't have made it without my MIL being at my house several days a week, running kids, doing laundry, making dinner. We had hoped she would be with us to celebrate, but she won't be so....I need to come up with something to honor her for my self and also for my kids (since we didn't have a funeral service)

If y'all have any suggestions, bring them on!!!

 

[Disneyforus]

Disneyforus sorry to read this about your MIL.
My family is going through same thing my dad was diagnosed 4/29.
and continued prayers for you and your family

I am sorry as well. Will pray for peace for your family and good judgement to know how to proceed for the physicians treating him, and for healing too!

 

[zalansky]

Hugs OP! I am envious of the relationship you had with your MIL. What sweet things you said to her when you said your goodbyes, made me tear up. I think your plan to celebrate her in your own way is great when you go to Disney next year. And way to go on nursing school!