Mom is seriously ill. I'm losing her and it hurts so bad I can't stand it. I cry at the drop of a hat. I am 56 yrs old, mom is 76. I still have my dad who is also 76. Dad is moms primary caregiver.
Mom was diagnosed at 69 with a blocked basilar artery to the brain. Surgery would be too risky. She has had many strokes, each one leaving her a bit more disabled. However, she had a bleeding stroke in '08 that took her right side pretty bad. She lost her peripheral vision on her right side and sees double, with the help of special lenses in her glasses (prisms), it has helped her double vision somewhat. She has no feeling in her right leg, knee down. She is chronic pain in her upper right leg (thalamic pain). She needs a new shoulder and hips but surgery is out of the question. She is in severe pain every day.
Mom is also in end stage renal disease but not quite in need of dialysis. She is at 14 - 15% kidney function, they want her at 10-12%. She has restless leg syndrome, muscle cramps, decreasing appetite.
She can barely walk with a walker, mostly in a motorized
scooter or wheelchair. She only goes out when she has a doctors appt or church.
She's had breast cancer twice...'89 when she had a lumpectomy and many lymph nodes were taken, cancer in 3. 2001 she was diagnosed with breast cancer again and needed a mastectomy.
Now, she has a nodule on her lung and enlarged lymph nodes in her chest. Found in December. Rescanned last week, still there and the doc thinks it's cancer. Not definitive but that is his thinking. Not sure if they will biopsy or not as she is not a candidate for surgery nor chemo. She has fluid around her heart since December....could be from kidneys or cancer. She had an echocardiogram and back to the cardiologist on Thursday.
My heart is breaking each and every day. I'm losing my mom and why does someone have to go through so much. My heart breaks for her as she was once a vibrant and very active woman. My heart breaks for my dad for what he is going through and how will he be.
Mom and dad have been together since age 15. They married at 19 and had me at 20. We are all only children, as were their parents, so no close family to speak of. We live 2 miles apart, which is a blessing.
I don't know how to cope with any of this and just fall apart at anything. My emotions are right at the surface and even my DS20 going away for the weekend (goes to community college) had me tearing up. He was away at college his freshman year and I handled it but now, everything has me tearing up.
We think our parents will live forever and no matter how old we are, it still is so hard. I have young parents and everyone said to me, it will be years before your dealing with this....nope.
Thanks for listening