Ever canceled a trip because kids didn't earn it?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I get that you are of an age where worrying about finances is a regular occurrence; that's commendable to a certain degree. BTDT and was in that age group when I cancelled a vacation for one of my children. Still I knew I had a job to do and like all responsibilities it wasn't always be fun. It's not about you anymore. It's about the entire family, now and in the future.

With all due respect money concern is not age dependent. When I met my in-laws nearly 12 years ago they were in their low-to mid 50s and experiencing such financial issues that they cashed in my husband's life insurance policy that had been existing at that point for over 18 years (I was honestly disappointed that happened). Today they are not in that same financial situation....but they could easily be given how they spend their money these days.

My mom is over 60 and will likely be dead (and I sorta joke but sorta am not) by the time she pays off her mortgage since she's refi so many times.

Money is not easily replaceable; it can take a long time and be of a huge burden depending on the situation.

One's financial situation simply knows no age or life stage--it can always change and as my parents always taught me money doesn't grow on trees

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I’m trying to picture how you calmly and deliberately break a laptop. Close your eyes and concentrate, take a slow deep breath, yell out a ‘hiya,’ and then slam it over your knee? . Somehow, using a hammer doesn’t quite fit the calmly and deliberately description.

Just call the Pai Mei laptop destruction service. He'll come over, put his four fingers on the laptop, and punch right through it from three inches. And if your kids smart back, they'll lose an eyeball. Pai Mei don't play.

What the parents would like to think they're teaching their kids when they break stuff.
Do your chores, do your schoolwork, etc.
What breaking stuff really teaches their kids.
It's ok to smash stuff when you're pissed off.

How can a parent expect a kid to learn self control when the parent can't even control his or her own self to the point where they're breaking stuff?

Before this veers off into ridiculousness let’s be clear that the PP who disposed of the laptop implied absolutely nothing about wanting to physically harm their child.

But the person she quoted did in fact make it a choice between breaking stuff and seriously harming the child. Further, they said that if breaking stuff keeps them from breaking the kid's head (in reality it does not necessarily serve that purpose) go for it. Neither are acceptable behavior.

Should breaking an expensive (or inexpensive) item that the parent paid for keep them from breaking the head of that occasionally bizarre child that they love but now struggle to understand, I say go for it.

 

[DLgal]

I’m trying to picture how you calmly and deliberately break a laptop. Close your eyes and concentrate, take a slow deep breath, yell out a ‘hiya,’ and then slam it over your knee? . Somehow, using a hammer doesn’t quite fit the calmly and deliberately description.

Pour water over it.

 

[pahoben]

Pour water over it.

If you live in a rural area a shotgun and 9 pellets of 00 buckshot would work nicely.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Ah, another parenting thread on the Dis goes slightly off track!

Bringing it back around, I are-read the title:

Ever canceled a trip because kids didn't earn it?

Kids earn the vacation??

OP then goes on to say they are good kids but didn’t pick up and such, as well as that she’s been away for a month.

I’m thinking there was frustration there that may have had little to do with the kids...

Come home from being away for a month and the first thing that happens is getting p’d off at the kids and cancelling a nice few days that would’ve been bonding time with their whole family?

Umm

 

[Southernmiss]

Ah, another parenting thread on the Dis goes slightly off track!

Bringing it back around, I are-read the title:

Ever canceled a trip because kids didn't earn it?

Kids earn the vacation??

OP then goes on to say they are good kids but didn’t pick up and such, as well as that she’s been away for a month.

I’m thinking there was frustration there that may have had little to do with the kids...

Come home from being away for a month and the first thing that happens is getting p’d off at the kids and cancelling a nice few days that would’ve been bonding time with their whole family?

Umm

BINGO we have a winner! I've been thinking these same things since I first posted. What a nice way for dad to come home .

I just realized OP is a dad.

Kids 'earning' vacation did not sit well with me at all.

The kids had not had anyone to tell them to pick up for a month and then were expected to have things back in order by noon.

My other questions are how old are the kids and if they're like mine, summer was a time for staying up late and sleeping in. My 17 year old did that last night and got up at 11 today. School starts Thursday, so I want her to enjoy her last carefree days before the rigor starts.

Also, having to poop can be a response from anxiety. Was someone upset by how this went down?

 

[hereyago]

I wouldn't cancel.

But I know if I would have come home to the house all messed up, everybody (including the grown up at the house who allowed this mess) would be either picking up or picking up their stuff out of the trash.
You wanna be messy?ok, go head first in the trashcan and get your stuff.

In the immortal words of Kevin Hart: You're Gonna Learn Today".

 

[Pea-n-Me]

BINGO we have a winner! I've been thinking these same things since I first posted. What a nice way for mom to come home .

Kids 'earning' vacation did not sit well with me at all.

Right. I mean, I’m assuming their Dad was there with them, or some other responsible adult, but maybe whoever that was has a different parenting/housekeeping style than Mom does, and they weren’t particular about everything being picked up on demand, etc. Ik when I come home from work and DH has been with the kids, the house is a bit messy, but hey, the kids were well taken care of, fed and happy, so I shut up and re-straighten it out to my liking when I have a chance. Not really a big deal in the scheme of things.

But you’re right. What I was thinking during this thread was about the time I had a bucket of water poured on me in bed when I was having a hard time waking up for school one morning. I’m sure some people are saying yeah, go for it, etc. But the bigger picture was that there was a lot of crazy stuff going on in my household at that time and there really was little parenting going on - except for that. Had life been normal I’m sure I would’ve been happily on my way to school with my friends. So doing outrageous things to kids without giving them the skills and support they need to get it right just sucks in my book. Not saying that is the case for anyone here, just sharing that experience.

 

[Southernmiss]

Right. I mean, I’m assuming their Dad was there with them, or some other responsible adult, but maybe whoever that was has a different parenting/housekeeping style than Mom does, and they weren’t particular about everything being picked up on demand, etc. Ik when I come home from work and DH has been with the kids, the house is a bit messy, but hey, the kids were well taken care of, fed and happy, so I shut up and re-straighten it out to my liking when I have a chance. Not really a big deal in the scheme of things.

But you’re right. What I was thinking during this thread was about the time I had a bucket of water poured on me in bed when I was having a hard time waking up for school one morning. I’m sure some people are saying yeah, go for it, etc. But the bigger picture was that there was a lot of crazy stuff going on in my household at that time and there really was little parenting going on - except for that. Had life been normal I’m sure I would’ve been happily on my way to school with my friends. So doing outrageous things to kids without giving them the skills and support they need to get it right just sucks in my book. Not saying that is the case for anyone here, just sharing that experience.

I also just realized that OP is the Dad! Makes a new picture of how it went down.

 

[Keetchino]

My parents did that once with me, and once was all it took to get me to fall in line. I was warned the whole school year that I needed to pull my grades up or else I wouldn't be allowed to come on the family trip that year (it wasn't Disney, it was a certain cottage resort in Canada that we did every year and actually picked over Disney ). I thought it was an idle threat, I never thought they'd go through with it, and decided I was going to call their bluff. Lo and behold departure day came and I got to watch everyone leave from the front porch of my grandparent's house. I was devastated. My mom did come back to pick me up four days later, but warned if it happened again it WOULD be for the whole week. It never happened again.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

Sorry, from info in your post only I would vote GO ON THE TRIP.
Re-read first line.
But who cars what I think, they are YOUR kids. And I am in favor of the no reward for bad behavior. I just won't be punished as well.

 

[Southernmiss]

Good for you. I think we’ll be ok. The kids have daily chores. These chores weren’t randomly sprung on them. In fact, they are written on a board clear as day should they have a memory lapse. They simply neglected to do them for days, thinking there was no consequence. Well, there are.

They finished their chores and we are at the lake for the evening. They aren’t going out robbing any banks.

Why did the other adult in the house not hold the kids to the chores for the month? That's the real issue.

And now you're home and they have to snap back in shape.

 

[disykat]

I think it's really weird that so many people think that the parents were punishing themselves by not going to Disney. Going to Disney with kids that you're ticked off at because they haven't been behaving sounds like punishment to me. This family goes all the time. Since this family hadn't even made their reservations yet, it makes MUCH more sense to me to go when the family is enjoying each other's company.

 

[bethbuchall]

I think that the title and the first post make the situation sound one way and the subsequent posts make it a little clearer. I would never cancel a planned trip over undone chores. For us, a Disney trip is not a hop in the car and go kind of trip either. If, however, I said that we could go somewhere for a couple of days at the last minute as long as certain tasks were done by whatever time they needed to be completed and no one stepped up to the tasks, I would decide that no one really cared about going on that trip. It may or may not be reasonable depending on the ages of the children and the tasks that they were expected to get done, but with the reasonable scenario in my head, it seems justified.

I had three very easy to raise children who made parenting look fairly simple, so I must admit that I don't really have any experience with this.

 

[Southernmiss]

I think that the title and the first post make the situation sound one way and the subsequent posts make it a little clearer. I would never cancel a planned trip over undone chores. For us, a Disney trip is not a hop in the car and go kind of trip either. If, however, I said that we could go somewhere for a couple of days at the last minute as long as certain tasks were done by whatever time they needed to be completed and no one stepped up to the tasks, I would decide that no one really cared about going on that trip. It may or may not be reasonable depending on the ages of the children and the tasks that they were expected to get done, but with the reasonable scenario in my head, it seems justified.

I had three very easy to raise children who made parenting look fairly simple, so I must admit that I don't really have any experience with this.

I could agree with this type situation.

It is not what was initially presented.

 

[Hikergirl]

I think it's really weird that so many people think that the parents were punishing themselves by not going to Disney. Going to Disney with kids that you're ticked off at because they haven't been behaving sounds like punishment to me. This family goes all the time. Since this family hadn't even made their reservations yet, it makes MUCH more sense to me to go when the family is enjoying each other's company.

I don't hold grudges against my kids for, well, being kids.
I am capable of being mad and annoyed at what they did and not being mad at THEM enough to let it ruin a getaway.
We are talking about not cleaning up right, in the grand scheme of things I don't consider that a huge deal.
To me any getaway is important. Now that I have 2 in college and not at home I cherish those getaways and vacations I had with them when they were younger. I am thankful for every one we took, and am even more thankful I parent with a punishment fit the crime attitude. We'd miss a lot of them if I parented the way the OP does.

ETA The op said that it was too bad, that he was looking forward to going away. So yes, I consider that punishing yourself.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I also just realized that OP is the Dad! Makes a new picture of how it went down.

Why did the other adult in the house not hold the kids to the chores for the month? That's the real issue.

And now you're home and they have to snap back in shape.

I'd like to hear the Mom's take on this.

Sounds like things are a little more chill when Dad's away, and there are power struggles when he's home. It would be a shame if the family comes to prefer home life when he's away.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

For us, it's just a few hours on I-75, no big deal. We go several times per year. They aren't missing the trip of a lifetime or anything. We hadn't even booked anything yet. We'll be back in October. This was just a one off. Sucks for me because now I get to "help" someone move tomorrow instead. Kids have to learn they have obligations, in my opinion.

I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that you were planning to leave by noon and you had NO reservations!?!

I get that you are local and go several times a year. We are 1,400 miles away and go 2-3 times a year, but I always have reservations.

We also travel a LOT locally, both in our state and neighboring ones and I, at the very least make reservations the day before.

Had you even packed bags or anything?

To answer your original question though, I never canceled any trips, big or small, because my kids didn't "earn it".

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think it's really weird that so many people think that the parents were punishing themselves by not going to Disney. Going to Disney with kids that you're ticked off at because they haven't been behaving sounds like punishment to me. This family goes all the time. Since this family hadn't even made their reservations yet, it makes MUCH more sense to me to go when the family is enjoying each other's company.

I actually don't think most people were talking about Disney. Most comments seem to be about trips in general.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

[QUOTE="bethbuchall, post: 60915067, member: 52679"

I had three very easy to raise children who made parenting look fairly simple, so I must admit that I don't really have any experience with this.
[/QUOTE]

This was me too!