I doubt I can remember all your questions but here I go:
1) I think that one of the biggest misconceptions is that gays are all that different. There are agressive gays, shy gays, sweet gays, backstabbing gays, conservative gays etc. I am laughing right now thinking of all the combinations. You know what I am trying to say. Just like all people there are thousands of personalities, ways of thinking, ways of being. We are just people. There might be some like ways of being/thinking but our differences, just like the rest of the world, outweigh those.
2) When did I know?
I didn't. I was older....24. I fell in love/lust exactly like in Brokeback Mountain. Well not in a tent
but you know what I mean!!!!! It was very innoncent in the gist of I had no idea before hand. It was beautiful in its innocence. Some people know very early and know that they are sexually attracted to the same sex way before puberty. And that is great as well. Many...many different stories.
3) How do you find other gays/people to date?
Do you remember what I said about "shy gays"... well I have never been, unfortunately, the personality to go after others sexually. So, male or female, it just happened from the other end. My partner of twelve years had no idea I was gay or vice versa. I truly believe sometimes you are just "drawn". But others have many stories about going to places where there might be a lot of gays. I know there are a lot of lesbians who are athletes. Obviously, not all lesbians but a high percentage.
4) Politics
Well, I have a lot of thoughts on this subject.
First, I believe it's time to say what is great about being gay instead of always focusing on the negative (which there is of course). I mean really it is a wonderful life in many ways. No, I am not recruiting. I am talking about our countries...obviously the threat of death in some countries changes "the great life".
For example, I am white (well pink actually)...my partner is black. No one cares cause there is the bigger issue for some of them!!!
Other pluses of being gay......There is usually no pressure about marriage, children etc. all the pressures of the other side.
You can more easily decide, in my opinion, on how your life will be.
Sometimes, not always, the falling in love/attraction is so natural in the beginning because you don't even think about it.
Okay, I'll say it. Sex. I would think for most gays.....well everyone is fulfilled.
We hear a lot from female straight friends about being frustrated. Not the same for most gays.
So being gay is wonderful in many ways.
5) More politics
Like every "group thinking" in the world..... IMO there can be a lot of crap. Like all gays should think alike. Why should we? People don't. And we are people. Makes no sense to me.
I remember not going to the "**** March" (interesting I wrote the "d" word for lesbian and it got bleeped....weird).... this one year (and many years). We went to my partner's mother's house instead. We got from a gay friend. "But why? This is your day", she says very aggressively.
No, every single day is my day.
6) Do I think that non-gays can't understand?
Sometimes yes...sometimes no. I would never have believed how I felt at first. So I can put myself in other's positions. There is a new condo here in Toronto geared/marketed for gays. My father asked me what we thought of it. (it's just down the street from me). I said, "Why would I want to live in a place where only (mostly) gays live? Does Jean (my partner) want to live where only blacks are? No we are not interested but to each their own". It's a free world.
Then my father said, "Oh I'm glad you said it. I mean gays want equal rights.....you can't have it both ways....have you heard about the push for a gay retirement home?"
Well it was an a-ha moment. My dad just hasn't thought about the "why?". We shouldn't need it. He hadn't really given a thought to it. Just judged it with his friends I am thinking. But he hadn't thought about the stories of partners not allowed to be together in the same room in old age (ie. just married/opposite sex in rooms together). He didn't think that his age group and older might be the most homophobic and that many gays going into assisted homes might not have their entire life respected and celebrated in the same way. I could tell that he, and I'm guessing his "well they can't have it both ways" friends, just hadn't thought about the reasons for wanting the retirement home. I let him know..it made me think and hopefully for him too. So sometimes there are reasons for politics.
7) The gay community
pluses and minuses. Pluses....many. I think, especially when coming to the understanding that they are gay, people need a sense of belonging and being understood. Heck, we all need that.
And of course we all wouldn't be so "free" if all the people wouldn't have spent their time/sometimes entire adult lives fighting and arguing for certain rights. And having courage to just live their lives.
But there are negatives as there are in all "groups" and "labels". I have just come to the conclusion after years of thinking that I'm gay that I'm probably bisexual or who knows. I never had a problem being gay and this realization has been hard for me. Very intereresting but unnerving. Sometimes there is no room for individual lives. The gay community sometimes hates people coming out and saying anything that denotes "choice" at all. Ie. Hey don't tell straight people there is any choice!! I think that this crap has a lot to do with self shame. Some of the most homophobic people are gay.
And I truly believe that sexuality is not static. This is an uncomfortable thought for most. I believe that some people are born gay.....100% and that some people are born straight....100% and there are many many people in between that can change and not be gay or straight. And I believe that some people's sexuality who are in between might sometimes be due to life cirmcumstances. Not all obvioulsly....but some. But you won't hear that a lot because many gays and straights want things to be black and white. But I personally think some people for sure are born gay. For sure. That's just the way it is. But I don't think it is that way for every single person.
Thank God for us/gays. A variety in life in wonderful. You only have to see a gay parade....especially in Toronto ....we are the most multicultural city in the world...so when you see all the races/cultures in the parade you start to realize how natural it is....
So thank you for all your questions tiggeroo13 because I really enjoyed writing that!!! I went way beyond your questions....sorry. What a novel!