Go without DH

[Rneighh]

My husband is not as big a fan of WDW as I am. We just returned from a 10 day trip in FEb. and he says he will do a cruise in 2004 but wants to stay away in 2003. My duaghters 13 and 10 want to go next year as well. Should I go without him? We usually travel as family and I am not sure how I will like traveling without him? Any one ever leave their spouse at home and take their kids? Should I consider bringing my Mother ?

Renee

02 CSp
98 off-site
97 DxL
79 off-site as a teenager

 

[SandraC]

I feel for you! I have thought the same thing! I have several friends who easily go on vacation without dh and even without their kids. I wish I could do that, maybe one day I'll get to the point that I feel comfy enough ~ but for now, we like the family thing. My kids are younger than yours dd8 and ds2 so it helps to have dh around. All our past WDW trips, dh and even dd didn't really care that they were in WDW, the only thing they cared about is that they were on vacation and there was a pool. BUT THAT CHANGED! Last April we went to WDW and they all got into it! So they are all very excited about this April 2002 trip. But before their excitement, I thought about just taking the kids to WDW and bring my MIL too. She is the primary care giver of my kids when I need a babysitting and my kids adore her. I am very lucky, MIL and I get along great, even better than my own Mum! I think if my kids were older and dh didn't want to go, I would go without dh ~ we would just make a second family vacation with him later in the year. S

 

[NCRedding]

I went to WDW Dec. 2000 without my DH, and with my DD (then 8) because I wanted at least one trip where I had done all the research, and then wasn't overuled by DH on what he wanted to do, and where he wanted to go. It was great!!!!!! If I could I would take all trips without him and just take my DD--we both love Disney. My next plan is a 2 week trip in June (as DVC member) with DD one week alone, then with DH (if he insists) the next week. I think your children are great ages for doing a solo trip--not a difficult to manage with just one adult. Go for it!

 

[mjenni27]

There is no way that I would go on vacation without my Spouse!!!! When you got married, you ceased to be two separate individuals, and became one team. Would you go with only one of your legs saying "well I don't like that it overrules what this leg wants to do". Heaven forbid! If your DH does not want to go, then find out what he wants to do. When was the last time that you took a vacation where HE wanted to go. Just a thought but maybe he would rather do something else. Rather than just blowing him off as NCRedding would have you do, try to find common ground. Yours is a marriage not some kind of business dealing. It is much like these marriages with his and hers checking accounts. If you cannot even share money, what kind of real intimacy do you have.

Sorry for the vent, but I find vacations to be a time for family to pull together instead of drifting further apart.

 

[Spirit Feather]

We vacation seperatly all of the time. My DH was in the Navy for years and if I wanted to go anywhere, I had to just pack up the kids and go. If we had waited for him to be home we would have never gone anywhere.

The kids and I love to camp and DH is usually working so we just pack up and go. No big deal. I know that seems really strange to a lot of folks. Just the way things work for our family.

Sign me,

Independent Woman (who relies on her hubby's pay check for fun and travel!)

 

[NCRedding]

Spirit Feather: Thank you for your reply. I deleted my first reply that was inappropriate (I've never been personally attacked in a post before--so it really threw me off course); yours fits so much better. I am also lucky enough to be married to a man who is secure enough in our relationship that he doesn't resent these trips without him. Tag me an independent woman (who is also in business with my husband), who uses OUR money to go on vacation to relax.

 

[SandraC]

It's a wonderful thing that I drag dh on vacation he doesn't want to go on because he ends up having a ball!

My kids are little and no one really to leave them with (inlaws are great sitters for a night, but not over night, rest of the family lives very far away). If I had family who I would feel comfy with leaving the kids, I would consider and weekend away with dh. I can't wait until my kids are older and I'll consider vacations with THE GIRLS! I have a great circle of friends with older kids and they go away all the time, just the gals. They have such fun! Right now, the family vacation thing works for us and we love it, but there will be a time when the separate vacation thing will work for us and we'll love that too!

dh's is a cyclist and he's been thinking about a grand biking tour which would require an over night or two. I think it's wonderful that he has interests outside of *the family* When the kids are older, we will all get into the cycling thing. It's all just timing right now.


Renee, GO HAVE FUN WITH YOUR KIDS!

 

[jamsmom]

I think you should go alone. That will allow you to have the quality time with your girls. If money isn't an issue, I think it would be cool to have a yearly mother/daughters trip. You can alwys go on another vacation to your husband's liking. OR..... he can take them some where for a couple of days for father/daughters time.

Go for it and have a great time!

My son and I always go alone. We love WDW. Why should we miss out because Jim doesn't like it like us. It gives him time for himself, too.

 

[ReneeQ]

My husband and I LOVE to vacation together and do at least once a year. BUT he is not a Disney fanatic AND I get a lot more vacation time than he does. I take AT LEAST one Disney vacation a year without him, and usually another vacation in addition to that one without him. I went with my girlfriends to New York in June 2001 AND with the same group of friends to Disney in Jan. 2002. We don't have children, but I have also taken my godchildren to Disney, just me and the kids, and had a blast.

You know the saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder? Well, we've been married 12 years and it works fine for us. We also take trips together (did the 7 day Disney cruise in Oct. 2001) but I think it's a little absurd to think someone should never go a trip without their husband. We enjoy the time apart to do our own things, and our marriage has not suffered or grown apart because of it.

 

[SandraC]

WHEW! I am soooo pleased that this thread stayed *nice*, good Disney fashion! I am thrilled one post didn't spoil the bunch! *Venting* is okay. But this is a nice wholesome family board where we like to support each other! *Vent* away ~ but be nice. Sandra

 

[Rneighh]

Wow I guess I opened a can of worms. Mjenni27 my husband and I have a fantasic marriage in fact I work fulltime in his office. I just adore Disney and he tolerates it every few years. My kids would love a girls only trip. We have the income to take several vacations a year and in fact spend most of summers showing draft horses (hubby's passion) and sheep.

We each to independant things but we spend lots of time together since we work together. I think I will take your advice (at least most everyone's) and plan a girls only trip. We usally go for 8-10 days since this is our first without DH maybe I should plan a shorter trip.

Any suggestions on which hotel. I love to look of AKL.

Renee

 

[*Belle*]

DH is a very experienced skiier and enjoys his time on the mountains. (also not a big Disney fan) I could never ski to his ability and to be honest I don't love to ski. There have been many times DH has gone on a ski trip and I have taken the children to Disney without him.(DH also takes the children skiing and I stay behind) It can be a wonderful bonding time. We have loved everyone of our trips togather as well, I think you should go, as long as your family is happy with the decision.

 

[tjmw2727]

I have done solo mini-vacations with each of my dd's since the age of about 4. I have more vacation time than dh so before the girls were in 1st grade we did long weekend WDW trips. They are some of the best times we have had - 1-1 time with mommy. Sure we missed dh and my other dd and that's why I kept them to about 4 days. I have also extended a family trip to wdw again due to having more vacation time than dh. We did a week together and then the girls and I did 3 more days after he went back to work - they were 6&4 at that time. Dh isn't a big park lover and dosen't do well with crowds so we take it slower with him. Alone the girls and I do what we want when we want. We also do many family things like camping and hiking and ski vacations.

If you think it would work for you and your family then by all means go for it. If your leary about it maybe start with a long weekend!

Enjoy
TJ

 

[tjmw2727]

Glad your considering it! Personally when I am solo with the girls I like either the Monorial or Epcot resort convenience. If you spend alot of time at MGM and Epcot than the Epcot resorts can't be beat. S/D often has some great rates. If you like MK then our fav is the Polynesian followed by the Contemporary. If price is a consideration our fav moderate is CS followed by the CBR.

Check out the resort board here, there are lots of helpful people to answer questions and give more detailed information and suggestions.

TJ

 

[mjenni27]

Sandra said "WHEW! I am soooo pleased that this thread stayed *nice*, good Disney fashion! I am thrilled one ridiculous post didn't spoil the bunch! *Venting* is okay, but save it for the debate boards. This is a nice wholesome family board where was like to support each other! *Vent* away ~ but be nice. Sandra"

I would suggest you reread the thread then. Renee asked an opinion and I gave mine. I never said not to go on trips without the hubby. Nor did I ever say not to spend one on one time with the kids without the spouse. That is an assumption that so many of you have read into my post. And for that, so many of you have lambasted me. Actually quite the opposite is true. I believe you should "date" each of your children at least once a month, one on one. And there isn't a thing wrong with spending time with friends out for the evening or the weekend away. That is healthy. What is not healthy to your marriage is telling him that "since you don't like it there anyway, I will just take the kids and go without you this time and you do whatever you want to do". That is a surefire way to sow ******* into your marriage. It tells the husband that the pecking order places the children above him and he will grow to resent the time you spend with the children. He may tell you that it is fine, but it will not be.


But I have learned something from all of this Sandra, according to what you are saying "on anything but the debate board, don't give an honest answer, give the answer the person wants to hear". Does that about sum up your feelings

 

[SandraC]

Hi Renee, glad you think you'll take the girls to WDW, you'll have a wonderful time. About resorts ~ I see AKL with great rates all the time on mousesavers.com When deals on deluxe resorts pop up, they seem to be with AKL and WL. You stated you are considering a shorter vacation. What about a two resort trip? AKL and perhaps somewhere you've been for *comfort*? It would be like two trips in one! We are touring AKL in three weeks, I'll post what I see ~ I'm sure it'll be great! I have a permanent smile on my face with WDW so close! Your girls are great ages! Have a blast! Sandra

 

[ABCMom]

Just a reminder that this is a family board where opposing opinions are welcome and appreciated. Attacks on other posters are not. Please be respectful of one another and ALL sides and opinions.

I think this is a good topic and both sides have made good points.

 

[klynn]

I've never done a whole vacation without DH. But I have taken the kids alone up to a week before he came. Even though we had fun, it was kind of hard on me because I have 2 young kids and I didn't have a extra pair of hands! Also, for me, it just didn't feel the same. It was like our vacation didn't start until DH arrived. It's always more fun when he is along. However, I would go again with just the kids.

 

[Rneighh]

Mjenni27 --- I think you missed the point of your own post. You were very negative and said I gave up my personal identity when I married -- that we are no longer two but one. And I basically will end up in a divorce if go without him.

My question was aimed more at people who had gone without a spouse and how that affects the whole feel of the trip. I know he does not mind and does not want to deny my kids or me for that matter the thrill of Disney. He just does not get the same thrill.

I wanted to know if single spouses felt safe and not too over stressed with extra pressure of being a single parent for a week.

Renee

 

[SandraC]

Renee, my friend Laura is a single mom of 10 year old twin girls and a 14 year old girl ~ she takes the girls on vacation all the time. They haven't done WDW yet ~ but they are always trekking to places for weekends and week long trip (the girls are into dancing ~ and they go to dance expos all the time). She said she feels very safe. I posted a similar question last year about safety concerns. I was hoping to get out a couple night during last years trip to see Fantasmic and Illuminations alone while dh watched sleeping kids back at the room. I would have taken the WDW bus system and was concerned about doing it alone. I had lots of replies that it's very safe. I think if you keep heads up you'll be just fine! Sandra