May & Mother's Day isn't easy for everyone

[LuvOrlando]

This month can be tough for a lot of people, myself included, so I am going to try to be mindful and speak a little more softly and throw in extra effort towards kindness.

It can be tough, walking by all the displays and the cards. My heart has been known to sink to my feet when I catch a glimpse of someone shopping with their mom so I know what it is to avoid the stores for the first two weeks of May. It's important that you know you aren't alone.

Keeping this in mind I'd like to throw a big hug out there to those who struggle in May for all sorts of reasons
It's ok, you are ok, pick yourself a flower or buy your own flowers, take a walk in a park, watch the flowers bloom and love yourself

 

[Her Dotness]

I find it rather odd that women who chose to remain childless are included. Seems to me to suggest that those who've so chosen must regret being childless or feel left out.

Mother's Day has never been difficult for me. In fact, I'm thankful I chose not to have children and that I live in an era when that is possible. I would not have been a good mother.

If anything, it's a day I simply don't notice or disregard as irrelevant since both my mother and MIL are gone.

I don't care for the commercialism associated with the day either.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

I lost my Mom in May, and Mother's Day was three days later. To say it was tough was is an understatement. I used to make all of her Mother's Day cards, from the time I was a child to the last Mother's Day we celebrated with her. When we went through her things a few weeks after she passed, we found them all. She had kept them. I have them now, stored safely away.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I find it rather odd that women who chose to remain childless are included. Seems to me to suggest that those who've so chosen must regret being childless or feel left out.

Mother's Day has never been difficult for me. In fact, I'm thankful I chose not to have children and that I live in an era when that is possible. I would not have been a good mother.

If anything, it's a day I simply don't notice or disregard as irrelevant since both my mother and MIL are gone.

I don't care for the commercialism associated with the day either.

OK, well, thanks for sharing & have a good one anyway.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I lost my Mom in May, and Mother's Day was three days later. To say it was tough was is an understatement. I used to make all of her Mother's Day cards, from the time I was a child to the last Mother's Day we celebrated with her. When we went through her things a few weeks after she passed, we found them all. She had kept them. I have them now, stored safely away.

That's lovely

 

[CynBeth]

I totally know how you feel I lost my dad unexpectedly as a teenager so Father’s Day is not easy for me. I have bittersweet emotions for Mother’s Day. I am blessed that I still have my mother and can honor her but DH and I were not lucky enough to have kids so I also feel left out. Prior to Covid when we were in an office I had to attend many baby showers and reveal parties at work not only the ones in my immediate
department but for people in other departments we all seemed to get invited to most of the ones in the building and they had them not just for a first child but every child someone had and it was so hard for me. I would go to all of them I knew something would be said by some of my co-workers who are very opinionated, bossy, etc if I didn’t but all of that along with the games people did such as guess due date, weight, etc just made me feel awful.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I totally know how you feel I lost my dad unexpectedly as a teenager so Father’s Day is not easy for me. I have bittersweet emotions for Mother’s Day. I am blessed that I still have my mother and can honor her but DH and I were not lucky enough to have kids so I also feel left out. Prior to Covid when we were in an office I had to attend many baby showers and reveal parties at work not only the ones for my immediate co-workers but for people in other departments we all seemed to get invited to most of the ones in the building and they had them not just for everyone’s first child but every child and it was so hard for me.
I would go to them as I knew something would be said if I didn’t but all of that along with the games people did such as guess due date, weight, etc just made me feel awful.

I hear you, June isn't any easier on me but it's one minefield at a time as I tip toe through spring, first May & then June.

Slow and steady wins the race.

 

[maxaroni]

My mom would be 87 tomorrow and then we get into Mothers Day. It is very difficult but find her birthday harder as I am a mom myself and DS & DIL always have something planned for Mothers Day weekend. I lost my mom 9 years ago.

 

[kymom99]

My dear dad passed away on Mother’s Day 15 years ago. My mom is gone now too so I would be happy to just skip it. But I am a mom myself so I try to focus on that.

 

[E&Cmom]

As a mom who lost my own mother in my 20s before having children so she sadly never got to know them I find Mother’s Day bittersweet. She died a few weeks before Mother’s Day and her birthday was also in May so April and May have always been hard months.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

This month can be tough for a lot of people, myself included, so I am going to try to be mindful and speak a little more softly and throw in extra effort towards kindness.

It can be tough, walking by all the displays and the cards. My heart has been known to sink to my feet when I catch a glimpse of someone shopping with their mom so I know what it is to avoid the stores for the first two weeks of May. It's important that you know you aren't alone.

Keeping this in mind I'd like to throw a big hug out there to those who struggle in May for all sorts of reasons
It's ok, you are ok, pick yourself a flower or buy your own flowers, take a walk in a park, watch the flowers bloom and love yourself

View attachment 757706

Which is it for you, Luv? Did you recently lose your Mom? If so, I‘m sorry, I don’t think I knew that.

I’m sorry for anyone who has difficult feelings around Mother’s or Father’s Day.

The one I could relate to most at one time in my life was the last one, as we struggled to start our family.

I lost my mother not too long ago but I don’t find I’m sad on Mother’s Day. She lived to a ripe old age and had a pretty good run (even though parts of her life were not easy). Things went as well as could be expected for us all at the end. I think we were blessed. But almost every day her picture pops up on my picture feed and I always say, “Hi Mom” and I think of her a lot. I’ve gotten enough signs and had enough nice dreams of her that I’m pretty certain she’s happy in Heaven, so that helps me to not feel sad.

But what means the most to me at this stage of my life is being a mother myself - to two children I adore - and that’s where the focus of my day lies. May is also Nurse’s month, and that holds special meaning for me, too.

If it’s any consolation, I could live without the winter holidays!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

As a mom who lost my own mother in my 20s before having children so she sadly never got to know them I find Mother’s Day bittersweet. She died a few weeks before Mother’s Day and her birthday was also in May so April and May have always been hard months.

This is how it was in my family with my father. He never knew any of his grandchildren, and missed many of the major milestones in my life. It’s sad, but again, as with my mother, I’ve had so many things happen that I feel his spirit is around me, without a doubt, so that helps me feel better about it.

BTW Happy Nurse’s Day (soon)!

 

[nw6675]

Which is it for you, Luv? Did you recently lose your Mom? If so, I‘m sorry, I don’t think I knew that.

I’m sorry for anyone who has difficult feelings around Mother’s or Father’s Day.

The one I could relate to most at one time in my life was the last one, as we struggled to start our family.

It took us 14 years and once I "gave up", it happened. But I know that's not always the case.

As far as including those that choose not to, it may be hard for some around Mother's Day simply because they may get other people in their business. Why don't you have kids? When are you having kids? Your biological clock is ticking. Where they may be put on the spot to defend their choice.

 

[theluckyrabbit]

I find it rather odd that women who chose to remain childless are included. Seems to me to suggest that those who've so chosen must regret being childless or feel left out...

Not every person who is 'childless by choice' wanted to make that choice. The choice may have been made for a variety of reasons, e.g. medical/health, relationship issues, lack of a spouse/partner, etc. I know several women who grieve over their decision (not "regret," but deeply grieve) because in an ideal world, that never would have been their first choice. It is very kind and considerate of the OP to include these women in her list.

@LuvOrlando: Thank you for starting this post. Big hug to you as you go through this challenging time!

 

[E&Cmom]

BTW Happy Nurse’s Day (soon)!

Thanks! You too!

 

[mrsstats79]

Thank you for posting this. You would think by my age I would be over this (72) but having 2 miscarriages, never having a child, losing my mother - Mothers Day is just a day I wish would go away.

This month can be tough for a lot of people, myself included, so I am going to try to be mindful and speak a little more softly and throw in extra effort towards kindness.

It can be tough, walking by all the displays and the cards. My heart has been known to sink to my feet when I catch a glimpse of someone shopping with their mom so I know what it is to avoid the stores for the first two weeks of May. It's important that you know you aren't alone.

Keeping this in mind I'd like to throw a big hug out there to those who struggle in May for all sorts of reasons
It's ok, you are ok, pick yourself a flower or buy your own flowers, take a walk in a park, watch the flowers bloom and love yourself

View attachment 757706

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

Not every person who is 'childless by choice' wanted to make that choice. The choice may have been made for a variety of reasons, e.g. medical/health, relationship issues, lack of a spouse/partner, etc. I know several women who grieve over their decision (not "regret," but deeply grieve) because in an ideal world, that never would have been their first choice. It is very kind and considerate of the OP to include these women in her list.

@LuvOrlando: Thank you for starting this post. Big hug to you as you go through this challenging time!

Thank you for your kindness and sensitivity around this.

I am technically child free by choice, but there were a lot of factors that went into that choice. Without writing a novel, I was not going to bring a child into my first marriage because it was very much not a healthy relationship and that would not have been fair to put a child in the middle of that particular situation. Thankfully that has changed and I am married to my wonderful DH who I would have love to have children with. But on top of that, I had kidney cancer as a child and no doctor could tell me what kind of effects the radiation and chemo I received potentially had on my eggs and therefore the possible health implications or potential developmental delays any future children could have. I know there are no guarantees but literally the answer was "very few kids diagnosed with your cancer in the early 80s survived so we just have no data on what possible after effects there would be". There were also lots of questions about whether I could even carry a healthy child to term. It was not an easy decision, but I felt that for me, the right choice was not to pursue having children no matter how badly my heart wanted to do so. I know there are alternatives but they are quite expensive and weren't an option for me. I have made peace with my decision and I have a full and rich life and a niece and nephew both of whom I adore, but it is a very sensitive and emotional topic and it is amazing the entitlement people feel to ask very rude personal questions or make some pretty unkind assumptions about me because I'm not a mother.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Which is it for you, Luv? Did you recently lose your Mom? If so, I‘m sorry, I don’t think I knew that.

I’m sorry for anyone who has difficult feelings around Mother’s or Father’s Day.

The one I could relate to most at one time in my life was the last one, as we struggled to start our family.

I lost my mother not too long ago but I don’t find I’m sad on Mother’s Day. She lived to a ripe old age and had a pretty good run (even though parts of her life were not easy). Things went as well as could be expected for us all at the end. I think we were blessed. But almost every day her picture pops up on my picture feed and I always say, “Hi Mom” and I think of her a lot. I’ve gotten enough signs and had enough nice dreams of her that I’m pretty certain she’s happy in Heaven, so that helps me to not feel sad.

But what means the most to me at this stage of my life is being a mother myself - to two children I adore - and that’s where the focus of my day lies. May is also Nurse’s month, and that holds special meaning for me, too.

If it’s any consolation, I could live without the winter holidays!

Not recently, lost her such a very long time ago & long before she left this earth. It's a very sad story & some holidays remind me of what I didn't get, I'm not bitter but it hits a nerve.

Life is messy & feelings can be messy too, holidays tend to make things bubble up for me and since I figure I am not at all unique I thought a thread about what May brings could help remind other people to just keep swimming too.

It really is wonderful that you have those nice memories, I like hearing about all the wonderful people who are missed. Of course, it is sad to miss someone, but it is good they were here.

 

[Her Dotness]

The choice may have been made for a variety of reasons, e.g. medical/health, relationship issues, lack of a spouse/partner, etc.

These are an inability, not really a true choice. Had it said "Those unable to have children," I'd agree with you. They might well have reason to grieve.

Which is why I find including women who voluntarily chose not to have children implies they must feel unfulfilled, deprived or excluded at Mother's Day. I do not because it was my choice.

Is it really that difficult to understand someone truly never wanted children and is happy she chose to have none?

 

[LuvOrlando]

These are an inability, not really a true choice. Had it said "Those unable to have children," I'd agree with you. They might well have reason to grieve.

Which is why I find including women who voluntarily chose not to have children implies they must feel unfulfilled, deprived or excluded at Mother's Day. I do not because it was my choice.

Is it really that difficult to understand someone truly never wanted children and is happy she chose to have none?

So you seem to think that there is something here, there is not.

I saw the meme, it struck a chord and I shared it I did not create it, I especially did not pick it with you in mind.

The fact that you keep hovering is perplexing at best.

Why exactly have you chosen to park yourself somewhere that is not intended for you? Do you stop in at AA meetings with wine and cheese and then attempt to hold a wine tasting then complain other people don't want to rate the selections? I don't get it. If this thread does not speak to you should really just be a signal this maybe isn't your space. I have no intention of changing the vibe to a Congratulations for those who are indifferent to May for you, and it seems like that is what you want. I would, however, invite you to create your own thread about YOUR feelings, please do make a thread that celebrates your choices and I promise from the bottom of my heart that I will not show up. It is not my job, nor is it anyone else's, to delete our feelings because you do not share them.

Again, have a good one & best wishes, this was fun.

I will no longer engage & will resume my intended purpose, which is to offer comfort to those for whom this applies.