"Mixed" family trip help

[Raenstoirm]

Little background---Dh and I were both essentially raised by single moms and both of mothers felt Disney was a great place to get away, so as children dh and both had "mommy and me" trips multiple times. Each trip was just mother and child. My mom and I did one trip that was not just the two of us (her sister, my cousin and my grandmother joined us in 1998) and although we did have fun, it was a bit of a disaster.

Since dh and I have been together, it has always been just the two of us on our annual WDW trips. Lately dh and I have been toying with the idea of making a mommy and me trip with both of our mothers. We are getting to the "baby phase" in our lives so this might be the only chance we have to take this kind of trip. Although our mothers get along fine, they have only seen each other a handful of times and aren't "friends." Has anyone attempted this feat? Did you survive? As I said, we dont have any children yet to act as a buffer so we are slightly concerned how much mommy time either of us can handle .

We cant afford 3 hotel rooms so they would have to share one. I was thinking maybe renting a 2 bedroom DVC. Although my mother-in-law has plenty of money, my mother does not, so we are planning on paying for all of it.
What do I have to take into consideration here? We would take them in either last sept (for our annual MNSSHP trip) or early December so they can see all the christmas stuff. Either way, it is a low week for crowds, so lines arent really a concern. They are both pretty easy going about food (my mil hates buffets, but I think my mom will get a kick out of a character meal, so she will have to deal with that). My mil is a get-up-at-noon person and my mother is a go-to-bed early person and dh and I are rather commando. I figure in the modern era of cell phones and the fact that they are grown-ups, they can meet up with us or leave us whenever they want to keep their own internal clocks happy. Although dh and I tend to go for 9 or 10 days, we would only go for 5 or so, since we are concerned too much mommy time will make one of us crack

 

[beachclub1011]

you have quite the challenge here considering they are not "friends". however, let us not forget the reason the two of you thought of this trip. both moms found Disney to be a place of joy and comfort and where you could go and be happy and forget about everything else. I think you're smart for doin just 5 days and a DVC rental is probably a good idea...I say go with! I'm a sentimental type and to think of the joy you two would have looking back on pictures from that trip brings almost a tear to my eye haha...now My mother and mil are two totally diff people who in the past didn't rele have the same goals on vacation one wants to see everything while the other rather lay around and jus spend money, that being said I would STILL do the same type of trip.

 

[Crystal824]

My husband and I did this with our families when we were engaged. It wasn't just our mothers. It was my mil, my mom, my stepfather, and my DH's grandfather. Our families did not share rooms. It was the worst trip I have ever been on.

Our families didn't get along at all. They had met before but had not really spent much time together. If I had it to do again, I would plan two separate trips and take them separately. Your trip may be great, but it just seemed like our families expected different things. If my mil got tired, she wanted all of us to go back to the hotel with her instead of just going alone. One day this was within 10 minutes of entering Epcot. My family is more of commando style. That was a big issue. I would try and set these expectation beforehand, which we tried to do but it didn't' work for them.

 

[gracie1]

I wouldn't make them share a room. I personally wouldn't want to share a room with someone that I didn't know.

 

[sassie_kat]

If one mom is an early bird and one mom is a night owl, it makes for an awful room sharing arrangement.

Is there any way that you can split it up completely? You and your mom go on one trip, hubby and his mom go on another? I know that the World has become *your* (meaning you and DH) special vacation place and that you both shared it with your moms when you were growing up. I'd hate to see you plan an amazing trip for your moms and have people not have a good time. I know your moms would both appreciate the trip but it's hard for me to imagine either of them having a good time when they have to be on their best behavior in their hotel room . . . it's hard enough to keep up the nicety during the day, if they have to continue in what should be a down place I think that's a recipe for disaster.

 

[butterfly71076]

I agree with not sharing a room, I would never share a hotel room with someone I really didnt know. And you said your MIL is a late sleeper and your mom is an early to bed person, sharing a room could be cause for disaster.

 

[ghtx]

Definitely a big "NO" to making them share a hotel room.

If you can't afford 3 hotel rooms then you can't afford this trip.

 

[danceintherain]

Extended family trips are all about expectations. Sometimes these are manageable. Other times your full grown mother whines as she argues about waiting in a 2 hour line for Kali River Rapids, when you tell her flat out that you won't do that. (maybe I should have given in and just done it, but come on - 2 hours standing in the July heat just to be soaking wet for the rest of the day...) If she had told me that she wanted to do Kali River Rapids in advance, then I easily could have planned it in (with a 10 minute wait) and braced myself for it (brought my poncho).
I handled that trip really badly, because I thought no one else would take well to me planning the trip out thoroughly, so I didn't plan as much as I would have otherwise. Granted, hardly anyone would discuss the trip with me beforehand, so I couldn't even get a list of expected attractions out of them.

Ultimately, if you think they'll be ok doing their own thing some times, or you'll be ok splitting up Mommy & Me style, then it might be fine. If you're thinking this is going to be a trip for you and DH with them along for the ride, then you'll probably run into problems.

As for the character meal, maybe family style would be a better solution?
Or you use their usual schedule to get you time apart. If MIL doesn't want to wake up for the 8am character meal, then include her in the ADR, but let her know that it's perfectly fine if she meets you later. As far as I know, you're only penalized if no one shows up, but you can show up with less people no problem, as long as it's not a "prepaid" meal.

The one part of our extended family trip that went fine was that I upfront told my family that DH and I would be getting to the parks at Rope Drop and taking a break every day. It kind of a back fired, because EVERYONE pretty much followed us around for the whole trip, but we didn't have to wait for anyone once. If they showed up, they came with us, if they didn't, we went alone.

Definitely plan at least one night out. DH and I got our alone time by resort hopping, which we knew no one else would be interested in doing.
If you give them a list of suggested alternative activities, then they should be fine.

 

[FortForever]

The thought is so sweet of you and your DH.

However, the room sharing is a bad idea. Not only because they are semi-strangers, but because they have very different sleep habits.

Although I like both of my daughters' MILs, there is only one of the two that I would want to spend vacation with. If people feel awkward or uncomfortable, then the trip may cause tensions where they didn't exist before.

Wishing you well with whatever you decide.

 

[JustAKid]

A lot of nay-sayers, but in my opinion, if you guys are footing the bill - make them share! If it comes down to it, MIL with the money can fork over the dough to get her own room. Maybe she'll even offer once you pitch the idea and she hears of the sleeping arrangements.

Have you thought about doing a 3bdrm at Bonnet Creek? I know it's off-site, but it just might be what you need for THIS trip.

I'm of the opinion that there is no better bonding experience than to go to Disney together. My plan of attack to ensure that you guys don't go mommy bonkers is to do the following:

1 day each for both you and DH to spend some 1 on 1 time with each of your mothers. This will be important to them and I think it will give them a break from each other, as well.

Make 1 day be a "split-up" day. Let MIL sleep in, you and DH do your comando day, let mom get to bed early, etc.

1 day of letting MIL pick the activities. Sounds like she's been there a lot so she knows what's up. If that means that everyone kinda lounges around until she can get up and go, plan for that, mentally, and make it okay. Maybe your mom will opt out of this day and decide to do her own thing, be prepared for that and make that okay, too.

1 day of letting Mom pick the activities. Again, account for her personality and make it okay for her to be her. Don't expect that both parents will be able, or WANT to do the same things, etc.

And then, 1 day of being 1 big happy family. I think on this day you and DH should plan and kinda just TELL your parents what's going to be happening so that there is no complaining. Make it special!

IMO this is the best way to tackle the situation. I don't think that because they haven't spent much time together you should take 2 trips. I don't think because they will have to bunk together you shouldn't go. I don't think this trip could be a bad trip. You ARE all adults and with that comes the natural want to control the situation, which you'll be providing, and also compromise!

This is a sweet gesture and I think moms will see it as such. Sure, there may be some head butting, but all in all I think this trip will be a success if you go in with the expectations that it's NOT going to be 1 big happy family. Sounds odd, but it's better to be pleasantly surprised than to be disappointed with how things worked out.

Good luck!

 

[123LuckyMom]

I think the trip is a wonderful idea, but DO NOT have them share a room. If you cannot afford three rooms, either don't go, or you and your DH each share with your respective moms instead of with each other. You also could suggest the trip to your moms (separately) but ask if they would be able to chip in a bit for their hotel rooms. If they will, you can go. If not, you won't, but no one should know that it's because one of the moms wouldn't or couldn't contribute. I wouldn't put either mom in the position of being the one who appears to be the party pooper, and there's no better way to cause friction in their relationship than your current plan of making them roommates!!!

 

[JessM]

While I haven't yet done Disney with both DBFs and I's families we did do a cruise this past Feb with both sets of parents. My DBF parents get along but my DBF does not have a great relationship with them. I on the other hand have a great relationship with my parents. I will admit I was dreading the trip but we had a great time and it all worked out. I think you guys will have a great time. Go with the flow, make sure everyone acts like the adults they are and have a great trip! Our parents became really good friends over the course of the trip I think your Moms will too if you give them the chance.

 

[Caseheidi]

I know that a trip like this would work with my DM & DMil just fine. They aren't friends, but have met several times. It really depends on their personalities. I think before actually inviting them, I would feel them out on it. Just find out if they would be interested. After all, some day the are going to share grand kids, and you may run into them both wanting to come with them. They will probably see each other more often when kids enter the picture.

Also don't count out that people's schedules tend to change on vacation. You may find that you DM stays up later, and Mil gets up earlier so as to not miss out. And both these ladies may enjoy a little alone time in the parks as a solo traveler. It could be fun for all. I would suggest that you all have a planning dinner together and discuss everyone's expectations/desires so you are all on the same page. After all, you are all adults. Your trip will be what you all make of it.

 

[letsgoreds]

If you usually like to go 9-10 days, why not spend 4-5 days with one mom, and then switch? We did this a couple of years ago. Both sets of grandparents wanted to join us (and DS3) at WDW, but felt that was too many poeple. So we booked two rooms, and on one day, MIL/FIL flew home and my mom and brother flew in. It was great!

Or if you want this to be a true mom and me trip, get two rooms, and each of you stay in that room with your moms : )

 

[kidsgobears]

Have you mentioned your ideas to them? They may have great ideas on how to make it work for everybody. MIL may have no problem paying for her own room while you pay for mom's. Who knows, maybe one of them would rather wait and go when there's a little one involved (night out alone while grandma hangs with little one ).

 

[msmama]

I kind of feel like if you are inviting them, you have to take their touring habits into consideration. I mean, I know my mom would NOT be happy if I said, ok this is what I I'm doing and left her to do something on her own.

We are doing a split trip with both sets of grandparents next week. Half with my mom, half with inlaws (ex inlaws to make things even more complicated). Anyway, one leaves the same day the others arrive so we are essentially only paying for one extra room (besides ours).

 

[mom2rtk]

How about taking one on one trip and one on the other? It is entirely possible that trying to make so many different entities happy at the same time could result in nobody being happy.

Bless you for trying, but proceed carefully.

How are you going to feel if your annual trip to the happy place is not so happy?

 

[Annie78]

If this is partly one last "mommy and me" trip for both of you, would you consider splitting up and each of you staying with your mom? Plan a few whole-family activities, and evenings could be for you and DH to have dinner/tour parks alone, but otherwise it would be mom-child time.
Yes, you would be sleeping apart for the vacation, but the alternative of wrangling bickering MILs (if they have to share a room) would also not be conducive to a romantic vacation...

Or you take separate trips with each of them. Or invite Mom1 for the first half of the trip, and Mom2 for the second half. I'm sure my own family is coloring my views, but having the whole trip be combined seems doomed. I feel like everyone will end up resentful that this didn't live up to their memories of mom-child trips past.

 

[JennyDrake]

The thought is so sweet of you and your DH.

However, the room sharing is a bad idea. Not only because they are semi-strangers, but because they have very different sleep habits.

Although I like both of my daughters' MILs, there is only one of the two that I would want to spend vacation with. If people feel awkward or uncomfortable, then the trip may cause tensions where they didn't exist before.

Wishing you well with whatever you decide.

Very well stated.

 

[ZoZo]

I agree with the majority here. It's important to realize that even people who are very good friends don't necessarily make the best travel companions. Whether it's different schedules (night owls vs. early birds) or different dining expectations or different touring styles (commando vs. easygoing), it's hard for a mixed group of people to get along without some hurt feelings and resentments.

I like the idea of you and hubby doing your usual ten-day trip, and splitting it evenly between your moms (one the first five days, the other the last five days). That way, each mom will get special time with her child, and have a chance to get to know the spouse better.

And I also like the idea of getting a three-bedroom suite if you do bring both moms at the same time. It could be uncomfortable for them to spend every single minute together, especially since one is a night owl and one is an early bird and they don't know each other well.

Whatever you decide, good luck and have fun!