Mulan Is Back

[ilovejack02]

Mulan,

You are a very faithful woman. And, you know that sometimes God works in some really weird ways. You have always believed, all along, that He has put you on this journey.

I believe, truly, the judge did not make this order on his own. I think there's some divine intervention going on. I believe this five week visitation order was not done to punish you, it was done to end this whole situation once and for all.

DAMM will not be able to handle the kids for 5 weeks. He's not. It's hot, it's summer, they get bored, no way, no how. And, if he thinks for one moment that you are living the high life and enjoying your summer while he's "babysitting the kids" - he'll put an end to your "fun" real fast.

If you abide by the terms of this agreement and he goes all nutso because he can't do what he wants when he wants, you'll end up with the kids. And, you'll be able to use all that as ammo next time holiday visitation comes up.

You MUST abide by the terms of the contract - that's what it is. A contract. You can't pick and choose which terms, you have to follow all terms.

Remember the wisdom of Solomon. You need to let them go with love and affection. You can make the keepsake books, and set times for them to know you are thinking of them and little "lovies" etc.

You have to follow the orders. Period. You can't call him. You can't discuss this with him. If you do, you are still letting him have control. The judge has spoken. You must abide.

I know this is so much easier said than done. I can't imagine what you are going through, honestly. My heart breaks for your kids and for you. But, every single step you have taken has been one on this journey. You must see it through to the end. What you may think are horrible obstacles may ultimately be hidden gifts meant to be unwrapped when you least expect them.

My best to you and your children.

Wow very well said! I cant add a thing to it, but you know Im always thinking of you.
Smooches to you and the kids.
Jenn

 

[Suzanna1973]

Mulan,

Question...I know you call your children every night while they are away. You call on their cell phone, correct? Does he always pick up and say, "You can't talk to them, they are busy..blah blah blah." Or does it go straight to voicemail? If it goes to voicemail....Leave a message everytime. It will record the day and time of message. Let your children listen to it when they return home. They will know that you called them every night just like you promised.

What would happen if after 3 days in a row without being allowed to speak to them if you contacted the court in county? If you contacted a court clerk could something possibly be done?

You and your children are in my prayers. I do believe that he won't last the 5 weeks and you and your children will be before you know it.

Hang in there!!

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Hi Mulan

under no circumstances call DAMM to do a deal for the holidays, i know you are going to be worried sick but it will backfire BIG TIME and i think you will suffer more in the long run,DAMM isnt a man able to be reasonable at all , and i know its gone to be really hard but i think he will NOT last 5 weeks straight with the kids it will be too hard for him, you mentioned earler that if you dont get to talk to them then you can call the cops and child welfare, i think you will have to bite the bullet and follow this path if you cannot get in touch with them, DAMM isnt a normal human being remember this and if you call him he will only call on his buddy JUDGE TIGHT BREEKS and you will be hauled up infront of him for defying court orders and... maybe thrown in jail again.
Please listen to your friends here first before acting.

love
cheryl
xx

I remember DAMM is not normal. You are absolutely right

I know you have a raw deal in this arrangement but do not call him and try to make a deal. Every time you have called him to do something outside your custody agreement he says no and then he manages to twist it around so that it backfires on you and you get in trouble for it. This has happened over and over again. Doing this just puts him in a position of power over you which he enjoys and then takes advantage of.

That's right, I must mantain control over me. And your right, everytime I have tried to reason with this piece of sh&t it has backfired on me- thanks for the painful reminder

Mulan,

You are a very faithful woman. And, you know that sometimes God works in some really weird ways. You have always believed, all along, that He has put you on this journey.

I believe, truly, the judge did not make this order on his own. I think there's some divine intervention going on. I believe this five week visitation order was not done to punish you, it was done to end this whole situation once and for all.

DAMM will not be able to handle the kids for 5 weeks. He's not. It's hot, it's summer, they get bored, no way, no how. And, if he thinks for one moment that you are living the high life and enjoying your summer while he's "babysitting the kids" - he'll put an end to your "fun" real fast.

If you abide by the terms of this agreement and he goes all nutso because he can't do what he wants when he wants, you'll end up with the kids. And, you'll be able to use all that as ammo next time holiday visitation comes up.

You MUST abide by the terms of the contract - that's what it is. A contract. You can't pick and choose which terms, you have to follow all terms.

Remember the wisdom of Solomon. You need to let them go with love and affection. You can make the keepsake books, and set times for them to know you are thinking of them and little "lovies" etc.

You have to follow the orders. Period. You can't call him. You can't discuss this with him. If you do, you are still letting him have control. The judge has spoken. You must abide.

I know this is so much easier said than done. I can't imagine what you are going through, honestly. My heart breaks for your kids and for you. But, every single step you have taken has been one on this journey. You must see it through to the end. What you may think are horrible obstacles may ultimately be hidden gifts meant to be unwrapped when you least expect them.

My best to you and your children.

Very well said, Thank you! This is why I vent here and talk it through!

Here's a VERY SCARY THOUGHT: My atty is WORRIED that DAMM may try something while the kids are in his custody. She is afraid that DAMM may try to get JTB to change custody CAN HE DO THAT WITHOUT ANY REASON? Surely not

Thanks for helping me!
Mulan

 

[hematite153]

I'm glad you got good advice from your attorney and from everyone here.

Under NO circumstances should you ever contact DA directly to ask for changes--it always backfires.

If your attorney said you should use your old attorney in case of any problems then that is what you should do. I'd recommend that you get in touch with her now, so that she will be up on the case and the potential issues before anything can arise.

I'd also recommend that you contact your attorney (probably the one near county) before calling the cops to ask for a child welfare check. Trust her to tell you when to make that call.

I really like the idea of a special time that you'll all watch for.

 

[momlady]

May I suggest that the day before you bring the kids to drop-off, have them get into their swimsuits (set up the sprinkler on the lawn or play "sunbathing beauties", or something) and take some clear photos of them, making sure to document that they are injury-free before they go. Make sure your camera dates the pictures if you can. Just a suggestion!

And I was thinking, as much as you would like to send a picture of yourself with them (is there one in their little books?) be very careful about this as we know that this sicko could do something nasty to the pic and that would upset the kids. I really like the idea of kissing their hands and then having them hold it to their cheek -- you could teach them to hug themselves too (wrap their own arms around their bodies) and show them it comes from you! Whatever helps them to cope with being away from you! You might want to stitch a row of "kisses" (little x's) on the inside of their pj's too -- momma's goodnight kisses will be with them every night that way! And bonehead won't do anything to their clothes, I mean he'd have to buy new ones right?

 

[crazyforgoofy]

May I suggest that the day before you bring the kids to drop-off, have them get into their swimsuits (set up the sprinkler on the lawn or play "sunbathing beauties", or something) and take some clear photos of them, making sure to document that they are injury-free before they go. Make sure your camera dates the pictures if you can. Just a suggestion!

And I was thinking, as much as you would like to send a picture of yourself with them (is there one in their little books?) be very careful about this as we know that this sicko could do something nasty to the pic and that would upset the kids. I really like the idea of kissing their hands and then having them hold it to their cheek -- you could teach them to hug themselves too (wrap their own arms around their bodies) and show them it comes from you! Whatever helps them to cope with being away from you! You might want to stitch a row of "kisses" (little x's) on the inside of their pj's too -- momma's goodnight kisses will be with them every night that way! And bonehead won't do anything to their clothes, I mean he'd have to buy new ones right?

The photo idea is very wise. You might even consider taking their photos AT the drop off site (get there a little early) so you have the police station as a backdrop and BE VERY SURE your camera records the date. Don't show those pictures to anyone but keep them just in case he tries something.

I think photos are a wonderful idea. A snapfish album is a stroke of genius. Do you have pictures of their rooms, their cats, their toys, their favorite things as well as pictures of you and of the three of you doing things you love - without sharing too much info with DAMM?

My heart breaks for you. Having to be away from them for five weeks and likely unable to talk with them will be horrible but the advice you've gotten from the wise people here along with your prayers and those here who care about you will keep you going.

You can do this.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

Here's a VERY SCARY THOUGHT: My atty is WORRIED that DAMM may try something while the kids are in his custody. She is afraid that DAMM may try to get JTB to change custody CAN HE DO THAT WITHOUT ANY REASON? Surely not

Thanks for helping me!
Mulan

I would think any issues of custody would require you being served. It's not an emergency situation, being he has them for 5 weeks, so he can't claim their lives are in danger or any nonsense like that. I would tell your attorney in your county to get in touch with the attorney in the crappy county and get her up to speed with her concerns. Maybe the attorney in crappy county can keep her eyes and ears open to see if there are any shenanigans going on. I don't know why she's say something like that to you at this late date. That's really kind of stupid. It's not like you're not already stressed out and upset.

 

[2poohbears]

I'm annoyed with your attorney for waiting this late to tell you these things.

Just from the things you've said about DAMM in the past, I can't imagine that he would really want to spend more time with the kids.

I think taking date stamped pics of the kids is a good idea, just to be safe. No need to tell anyone about them unless you need the pics in the future. Just take them as part of a normal day outside playing, so the kids don't think something is up.

You and the kiddos are in my prayers, as always. Stay strong & remember to THINK (count to 20 if you need to) before you react over the next few weeks. This is a very emotional and difficult time for you, & you don't want to do or say anything regarding DAMM & the children that you'll regret later.

 

[cherjp]

Mulan

some great advice here from all your friends, and remember over the next few weeks that we are all here for you, so that you can run your ideas ,feelings and frustrations by us first,

I really dont think he will last 5 weeks looking after your cherubs, you have to keep yourself busy. Make sure your cherubs have all their little love tokens with them and make happy memories for them to take too.

we are all rooting for you Mulan, you have come so far over the past year and as someone said try to plan your summer next year to avoid this issue again.

love cheryl
xx

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Mulan -
In NJ the non-custodial parent can petition for custody due to emergent situations and the custodial parent does not need to be served. My DH's ex tried this at the end of a summer visitation one time (didn't work). Bottom line is that the non-custodial parent needs to show that if sending the children back to the custodial parent they would be in imminent physical danger, then the judge can order a temporary change of custody. The best time to file this would be when the children arrive with him so he can evidence any large bruises as signs of abuse. If he waits until the end of the summer then any bruises would not have come from you. Make sense?

In this case, the children will go to DAMM's house bruise-free. There has been no documented cases of abuse, and they see a counselor regularly. The children will not be physically harmed if they are returned to you (just the opposite). I can't even believe that JTB would change custody in this case. In NJ, it really launches a big investigation. Even JTB is not that crazy.

I love the idea of the pictures. Take a bunch of them at the police station as well (send them in tank tops and shorts if possible). Make sure you chat with the police and take down the officer's name and badge number. They can testify that they didn't see bruises and to the kid's mental health should it ever come to that.

Keep praying and remember that you have a whole big prayer group on the Dis!

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

May I suggest that the day before you bring the kids to drop-off, have them get into their swimsuits (set up the sprinkler on the lawn or play "sunbathing beauties", or something) and take some clear photos of them, making sure to document that they are injury-free before they go. Make sure your camera dates the pictures if you can. Just a suggestion!

And I was thinking, as much as you would like to send a picture of yourself with them (is there one in their little books?) be very careful about this as we know that this sicko could do something nasty to the pic and that would upset the kids. I really like the idea of kissing their hands and then having them hold it to their cheek -- you could teach them to hug themselves too (wrap their own arms around their bodies) and show them it comes from you! Whatever helps them to cope with being away from you! You might want to stitch a row of "kisses" (little x's) on the inside of their pj's too -- momma's goodnight kisses will be with them every night that way! And bonehead won't do anything to their clothes, I mean he'd have to buy new ones right?

Pictures will be taken and also a picture of their weight. Weight? You're thinking, what? Well, since DAMM feeds them chips and pop and nothing good then if they are there for 5 weeks they will both (especially DD) will have a greater weight gain and I might be able to use this down the road- MAYBE
All the pictures of them, me, cats, rooms are all just enough to show DAMM they are happy and living stress free (ie: clean enviornment) nothing that gives an 'secret' info away I even took a few pictures of them in Karate with a picture of Sensai- its enough that they know who it is but not enough that DAMM could find out who he is or where they take the class, you can't really see his face, I double checked all the backgrounds in each picture to make sure.
I like the sewing kisses in their PJ's- I will get started on this.
I finished their journal last night- 35 pages with the day # and a mini note that each page says "I Love you" and then either a drawing of me and them holding hands or a picture of the moon and sun and clouds and letting them know when they see it I'm thinking of them or a picture of a clock with the time 12:34 or a picture of 'the hand' they LOVED that story! I just changed the words in the story from school to their dad's.

Mulan -
In NJ the non-custodial parent can petition for custody due to emergent situations and the custodial parent does not need to be served. My DH's ex tried this at the end of a summer visitation one time (didn't work). Bottom line is that the non-custodial parent needs to show that if sending the children back to the custodial parent they would be in imminent physical danger, then the judge can order a temporary change of custody. The best time to file this would be when the children arrive with him so he can evidence any large bruises as signs of abuse. If he waits until the end of the summer then any bruises would not have come from you. Make sense?

In this case, the children will go to DAMM's house bruise-free. There has been no documented cases of abuse, and they see a counselor regularly. The children will not be physically harmed if they are returned to you (just the opposite). I can't even believe that JTB would change custody in this case. In NJ, it really launches a big investigation. Even JTB is not that crazy.

I love the idea of the pictures. Take a bunch of them at the police station as well (send them in tank tops and shorts if possible). Make sure you chat with the police and take down the officer's name and badge number. They can testify that they didn't see bruises and to the kid's mental health should it ever come to that.

Keep praying and remember that you have a whole big prayer group on the Dis!

This is very helpful- Thanks. I don't know why my atty decided to share this with me now, maybe she is starting to understand how twisted DAMM really is. I will contact my old atty today so that she will be up to date- thats a really great idea.
The 1/2 way police dept is great, but for most things they don't want to get involved since they would have to deal with another county, so trying to get the officer on desk duty for any kind of documentation is a long shot.

Mulan

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I love that you made a journal page for every day. That will definitely help to keep things in perspective, time wise, for them. And how cool that you wrote a note for every day!! The kids will definitely appreciate it.
Stay strong and keep praying.

 

[Momto3Disneyprinces]

Not to sound cynical, but you might want to make copies of the memory books before you send them...DAMM is just twisted enough to take them away, and say you never sent anything....thus making it look like you don't care. Just for your own peace of mind....

 

[crazyforgoofy]

Not to sound cynical, but you might want to make copies of the memory books before you send them...DAMM is just twisted enough to take them away, and say you never sent anything....thus making it look like you don't care. Just for your own peace of mind....

Give them to the children FIRST! Make sure they know they're there. Tell them to tell Daddy they need them to go calmly to sleep at night. Tell them they belong to them, that way if he tries to take them away one or both of them will give him heck and they might get them back.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

Pictures will be taken and also a picture of their weight. Weight? You're thinking, what? Well, since DAMM feeds them chips and pop and nothing good then if they are there for 5 weeks they will both (especially DD) will have a greater weight gain and I might be able to use this down the road- MAYBE
All the pictures of them, me, cats, rooms are all just enough to show DAMM they are happy and living stress free (ie: clean enviornment) nothing that gives an 'secret' info away I even took a few pictures of them in Karate with a picture of Sensai- its enough that they know who it is but not enough that DAMM could find out who he is or where they take the class, you can't really see his face, I double checked all the backgrounds in each picture to make sure.
I like the sewing kisses in their PJ's- I will get started on this.
I finished their journal last night- 35 pages with the day # and a mini note that each page says "I Love you" and then either a drawing of me and them holding hands or a picture of the moon and sun and clouds and letting them know when they see it I'm thinking of them or a picture of a clock with the time 12:34 or a picture of 'the hand' they LOVED that story! I just changed the words in the story from school to their dad's.



This is very helpful- Thanks. I don't know why my atty decided to share this with me now, maybe she is starting to understand how twisted DAMM really is. I will contact my old atty today so that she will be up to date- thats a really great idea.
The 1/2 way police dept is great, but for most things they don't want to get involved since they would have to deal with another county, so trying to get the officer on desk duty for any kind of documentation is a long shot.

Mulan

Your preparation is fantastic! In this specific case the half-way police need to get a little involved. Walk up to one of them with the kids, SMILE. Tell the p.o. your children might be a little nervous around police officer and would he/she please talk with them a little. Make sure you get name and badge # while he/she chats with them. Ask if you can take his/her picture with the children so they'll remember police officers are nice. Being sneaky isn't always a bad thing.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

Your preparation is fantastic! In this specific case the half-way police need to get a little involved. Walk up to one of them with the kids, SMILE. Tell the p.o. your children might be a little nervous around police officer and would he/she please talk with them a little. Make sure you get name and badge # while he/she chats with them. Ask if you can take his/her picture with the children so they'll remember police officers are nice. Being sneaky isn't always a bad thing.

OH!! This just gave me a photo idea!!!!

FLAT STANLEY!

Make a Flat Stanley and get your kids a disposable camera with 36 exposures. Tell them Flat Stanley is going on the adventure with them to their darling father's home (cough cough). Start taking photos on YOUR CAMERA, so they can see the photos on your screen (and so you know for sure you have photos on YOUR CAMERA).

Start with Flat Stanley and the kids doing "somersaults" or cartwheels before they leave - anything so you can get multiple shots of their arms, legs, torsos, what have you.

Then take a photo of Flat Stanley buckled in the car.

When you get to the police station - take another photo of Flat Stanley. Have the kids ask if they can take photos with the police officers with them and Flat Stanley to document Flat Stanley's "summer vacation". Take photos WITH YOUR CAMERA so the kids can see it instantly (and so they get the idea of what they're supposed to do with their disposable cameras).

Then, let them each take a photo of EACH OTHER with their cameras with Flat Stanley and the police officer. Laugh and joke around, so the police officers memory is of you starting off your children's summer vacation to their father's on a positive note.

Tell the kids to only take one or two pictures a day so their cameras will make it through the summer. If DAMM is a mean SOB and "loses" their cameras - you'll still have the photos you took at the beginning.

It's a perfect excuse for taking photos of the police officer - nearly everyone in the civilized world has heard of Flat Stanley - so it wouldn't be odd.

Good luck!!

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

Oh, and take a picture of FLAT Stanley sitting in the back seat of the car, reading THAT DAY'S newspaper - make sure the front page is clearly visible. It's the best way to document that that was the day you took the photo.

That's all.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Great ideas about Flat Stanley and the camera!! Mulan is going to be so prepared.

 

[Frantasmic]

Go to Buildabear at the mall. Let them make a stuffed animal. Get the small heart that goes with the animal and kiss it several times, 35 if you want to (one for each day they will be gone) and then tuck the heart into the animal. Let them take the animals with them to DAMM's house and they will have a kiss from you for each night they are gone, and it can be their little secret.

Also, for the pictures, do it with a disposable camera and get the prints that same day you take them. Then mail the pictures to yourself so that you have a dated means of proof by the US government. Don't open the package unless you absolutely have to.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Not to sound cynical, but you might want to make copies of the memory books before you send them...DAMM is just twisted enough to take them away, and say you never sent anything....thus making it look like you don't care. Just for your own peace of mind....

The children will have the journal and the flipbook given to them befre going to DAMM's. It belongs to them and they understand that. Also, I sewed a heart on the inside of their PJ's- I explained the reason to them.
Hope all in the Ohio area are alright- we are getting some very very dangerous storms.
Because of the threat of storms, I thought I would have the kids call DAMM just to let him know they were fine. (Hoping that it would recipocate) LOL- his cell phone apparently is not working currently maybe he didn't pay his bill and his home phone, the answering machine is off....oh well, at least the call is recorded that I tried.

Never heard of Flat Stanley- Never
Mulan