My partner feels isolated - I'm not sure how to help...

[Princesca]

Is she getting therapy and meds? If she's not, you can suggest that -- "look, this seems to be moving into a pattern of depression. I think you need outside help." You can offer to call around and find places that take her insurance. At one point in time, my husband drove me to my therapy appointment a couple of times because I was not able to drive.

I'm not sure you can "enable" depression like you can addiction. It's not something you can "snap out of" or "just get over". It takes hard work, and often medicine. You can be supportive without catering to her every mood swing. If she's had mental health issues for a while, and isn't working on them, then it's a reason to think about your relationship. If she is working on them, then you have to be patient.

I don't think you can enable depression, but I think you CAN enable someone not doing anything ABOUT their depression. That's what I am most worried about. I have suggested therapy and meds, and reassured her that neither of these things mean that I think she's defective or lesser in any way, in fact they are natural corollaries of some of my favorite things about her. I've also given her a heads up about some local resources she didn't know about because she isn't from here. So far, nothing has panned out. Her insurance is really bad, and even the "non-profit" county services is $45 for every fifteen minutes. Right now, we're looking at trying to get there via couples therapy mostly just so it can be covered under my insurance, which is better.

I will say this has been a really eye opening experience for me in terms of healthcare in the US. I have had solid, "corporate-sponsored" insurance since the day I got off my parents' plan. I had no idea how difficult it could be for people who are in that gap of making too much for Medicaid (not hard) yet not on a solid corporate plan. She has looked into ACA, but even those plans are $200-$300 a month for a deductible I don't think she can really afford. We are still looking into options, but it's rough.

One thing I've noticed is you are doing a lot of things together. Does the class have to be the two of you? Does yoga have to be the two of you? Try to balance how much you are doing together and what she is doing on her own. I know you may enjoy yoga but it sounds like she went once by herself. Why not keep letting her go by herself. With the class she seemed interested but you latter said you didn't like the idea of it and your experiences in classes and that is why you tried to steer her away from it.

I personally need yoga, so giving that up isn't really an option, but she is interested in doing some more "intense" exercise classes like cardio shred and stuff like that, so I've been encouraging her to do those - mainly because I have seen the positive effect endorphin release has on her moods and I think it's really good for her. I haven't said anything more to her about classes not being an ideal way to meet people. She can discover for herself if it works for her or not.

 

[cyneswith]

I'm a shy introvert. I don't make friends often, but the friends I do make are close. Classes are a great way for me to meet people because there is not a lot of one-on-one interaction at first - I can observe and get to know people without the social pressure of small talk with a complete stranger. I don't meet someone in every class. But my 2 closest friends I know thanks to classes (dance class friends introduced me to one, had a math class with the other - we worked on it together after class every day.)

Edited: I omitted a key word (not) earlier.