Need advice about leaving teenager home during vacation

[CJ]

Not only do I not recommend it, I would have serious reservations even discussing leaving a young woman alone on an open forum such as this..... there are too many strange people out there and no guarantees of which websites they frequent!

Better to err on the side of caution, right?

 

[jakoky]

Well, i can say that at 15, i wouldnt do it( i have a 17 yr dd(almost 18) ,
15 1/2 yr ds, and 13 dd)...It wouldnt be your daughter i wouldnt trust, it is other kids....my 17 yr old BLEW it last summer when she was housesitting for my parents and home alone here...(we were away a week- a 1/2 hour away camping)..she was allowed 1 friend at grandmas and she had a houseful...my parents found a few beer caps....my daughter is a good girl, honour roll, but a normal teenager! We just went away for a weekend for mother in laws 80th bday, and my mom came to stay with the kids...my oldest was ...I would leave her again, but not in charge of her younger brother and sister....

Oh yah, my parents are going away for a few weeks and want my son to housesit...my reply was "not a chance, he's only 15"...i would worry the entire time and he would only be 15 min away...he actually told me he doesnt want to do it...

With cell phones-texting and computers, word gets out WAY too fast nowadays...good luck in your decision...
sharon

 

[Goofy's apprentice]

Tough call. Only you can make it. We vacation without the kids every fall (they come with in the spring). Grandparents usually stay with them but they are getting older and we didn't want to burden them....

So last fall we had planned to leave the two DS16 and DD13 for a week. Family is close by and they are both responsible. Then a few weeks before leaving I really noticed how much the two of them are fighting recently....and then I thought, if we aren't there will they be fighting all the time too?

So...we had one grandfather sleep over a few of the nights...the last few nights my DD slept at her aunts. Everything went ok. We directly talked to their friends parents and let them know we were away. The neighbours knew as well. They did have kids over but no blow out party. When we arrived home, my DS and his two best friends were cleaning the house.

Oh...one more thing...my DH tried the scare tactic of "I have a few friends who I have asked to stop by at random to check on you so you better behave."

My DS replied with...."No problem Dad, I'll keep a cooler of beer by the front door so they can have a drink when they visit!"

 

[damo]

I'd leave her alone for a few nights alone but that is it. I would have a relative come and stay.

 

[pkitty]

I am with my dh here.....don't do it.....he is with the OPP and believe me he see's it every weekened that he works here. You may trust your kid but it's everyone else that you have to worry about. Our dd is 15 also and an only child....she is also 15 going on 35....however I know her friends and have picked them up enough times in various states to know that it probably is not a great idea. I remember when my parents left me alone for 3 weeks to go to Europe...I was 18....I was never home....smart enough to party every night and everywhere other than our house! It was great but I was smart enought to not risk my place or my parents would kill me. Would DD be willing to travel with you if she was able to bring a friend? I would definately have her stay elsewhere....family or friends....it's the safest thing to do.

 

[Sillyminny40]

My adorable niece (now 19) was conceived when her grandparents were out of town. Totally trustworthy gal (or so we thought). We are mighty glad this lovely girl is here today but woah, her mom was a young un.

God bless parental vacations. Don't want to get you worried.......

 

[LSmith]

I OFTEN hear parents refer to their child (mostly girls) as "an old soul", "mature for her age", "6 going on 16", etc. Having 3 kids myself, dh a police officer in downtown TO, a social work background, I'm just wondering if age can ever equal life experience.

Like I said in a previous post, even the most "mature" kids can get into trouble. Our son did not want to be seen with his parents at 17 (hated us) and having younger kids and vacationing 4 or 5 times a year we decided to take the chance and leave the him for a week. We had a neighbour watching and our friend dropping in daily and still the bugger had a party! I didn't even know he had more than 2 friends!

Growing up, we had weekend parties while our parents were at our cottage. They had no idea.

Live and Learn.

 

[redrosesix]

So, if I'm getting this right: she's 15 now and she's going on this trip, but not the next one, and you're trying to prepare her (and yourself) for that time?

I'm just going to assume that you won't leave her alone if she's not ready. I would start working on the idea that she lives in "your" home, that she doesn't own many of the things in it, and therefore you get to set the rules about how your home and things are used. Whether you are there or not. This perspective will give her less feeling of entitlement to having parties, etc.

Second, when you do go away, you can help her plan something that you do approve of, something that will be fun for her eg. shopping and dinner with an older cousin, friend, etc. And make sure family members know that she will be alone, so they can "forget you are away" and call the house. They can also remind her to call them if she needs anything. On the same note, I would let her start helping you with some of the duties you do as a homeowner eg. could you go and check the oil to make sure we have some?, could you call the plumber and set up a time to have xxx fixed? It would be really scary if something went wrong while you were away and she had never called a plumber before.

Third, and most important, is bribery. If she does as you ask while you are away, you can give her money towards a class trip or a shopping trip or something. I got the class trip the first time I was left home alone.

 

[Cdn Gal]

After teaching high school, I can tell you that kids talk and they just show up at other kids houses without an invitation. I have heard too many horror stories from kids about parties that occur. In Carleton Place- a good honest kid told one friend, and 3 hours later 500 kids showed up. The house was destroyed. Very, very sad. Now the lighter side! My DH- he was/is such a loveable brat he and his DS had many parties when their parents were away. Don't rely on neighbours- once they had a party and the neighbours sent over their 15 year old son to tell them to be quiet or his parents were going to call the Military Police ::cop: - my DH sent him home 3 hours later drunk! What a brat!

 

[Reese]

We just got back from Florida and left our 16 year old home for the week that we were gone. He went to his Dad's house for the weekend. During the week he was at home taking care of the animals and working on his schoolwork (he's homeschooled). Usually between 9-10 he would go to my Dad's house (my parents live five houses away). I have the advantage of living on the same street I grew up on so a lot of the same people still live here. Two of my friends parents are still here, my parents, my grandma, my aunt and a couple of cousins so I really had no worries. You are the best judge of your child. Mine is not the most responsible (not irresponsible just not the most responsible) so if all the other factors were not in place than I would have been taking him with us. You could look at it as at 17 she could very well be living on her own in the next year or two so it is almost irresponsible to not prepare her for that. This would be a wonderful testemant to your faith and trust in her as a woman and a wonderful learning experience to prepare her for life.

 

[seashoreCM]

Regarding the preceding examples, we need to make a difference between an untrustworthy teen and lack of security forces.

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