OT- "Meeting people online" experience needed!

[sand2270]

Can there be plenty of booze on this wall?

Joe - I know that you can not look for these things. And trust me I am the last person who would actually put herself out there looking. But at a certain point in your life (mine) I cant live under a rock anymore and I cant hold out hope that when I am not looking it will come.

Because the last 2 times something just showed up at my doorstep... first one broke my heart and the second is just not that into me.

Full open bar on that wall...come join me.

 

[sand2270]

Can there be plenty of booze on this wall?

Joe - I know that you can not look for these things. And trust me I am the last person who would actually put herself out there looking. But at a certain point in your life (mine) I cant live under a rock anymore and I cant hold out hope that when I am not looking it will come.

Because the last 2 times something just showed up at my doorstep... first one broke my heart and the second is just not that into me.

You know I don't mean to be flippant, so if I was I apologize.

Anyway, Carrie...ultimately it comes down to loving and being comfortable with yourself. If you have that...good things will come. And don't settle just to have someone in your life...it's not worth it. I would rather be alone and happy than in a bad relationship and miserable.

 

[PirateMel]

You make valid points, along with one I always like to point out.

You MUST be happy yourself and you can't look to others for your happiness. Once you are happy inside, that will project outward and the people you meet will be of a better caliber. It sounds simple and maybe it is, but so many people overlook it and think they need someone else to be happy.

One of the happiest persons I know is my cousin...totally single, travels the world (and incredibly wealthy). He found his happiness and may remain single forever...but happy nontheless.

Joe, I can't agree more with you here.

 

[sand2270]

You make valid points, along with one I always like to point out.

You MUST be happy yourself and you can't look to others for your happiness. Once you are happy inside, that will project outward and the people you meet will be of a better caliber. It sounds simple and maybe it is, but so many people overlook it and think they need someone else to be happy.

One of the happiest persons I know is my cousin...totally single, travels the world (and incredibly wealthy). He found his happiness and may remain single forever...but happy nontheless.

You know I don't mean to be flippant, so if I was I apologize.

Anyway, Carrie...ultimately it comes down to loving and being comfortable with yourself. If you have that...good things will come. And don't settle just to have someone in your life...it's not worth it. I would rather be alone and happy than in a bad relationship and miserable.

just realized we basically said the same thing LOL

 

[CinRell]

You MUST be happy yourself and you can't look to others for your happiness. Once you are happy inside, that will project outward and the people you meet will be of a better caliber. It sounds simple and maybe it is, but so many people overlook it and think they need someone else to be happy.

One of the happiest persons I know is my cousin...totally single, travels the world (and incredibly wealthy). He found his happiness and may remain single forever...but happy nontheless.

Yup! That's why I made it a point to say I've reached that. Honestly I"ve never been happier... and that includes when I was with men I thought I loved. I'm happy with ME and I feel that *IF* I end up in another relationship it will be that much better because of it.

Being happy with yourself is so much more important than finding someone else. I've done that. And I was miserable with him too.. therefore making HIM miserable and resentful.... therefore making me MORE miserable and resentful...

it's just an ugly cycle to even start.

Being happy with me makes me realize I deserve better than I was settling for before.

For me it meant taking a break from the internet and from going certain places I used to go. It meant focusing on me and being active in things I enjoyed and finding myself again.. as hoaky as that sounded.... it worked for me.

 

[sand2270]

Yup! That's why I made it a point to say I've reached that. Honestly I"ve never been happier... and that includes when I was with men I thought I loved. I'm happy with ME and I feel that *IF* I end up in another relationship it will be that much better because of it.

Being happy with yourself is so much more important than finding someone else. I've done that. And I was miserable with him too.. therefore making HIM miserable and resentful.... therefore making me MORE miserable and resentful...

it's just an ugly cycle to even start.

Being happy with me makes me realize I deserve better than I was settling for before.

For me it meant taking a break from the internet and from going certain places I used to go. It meant focusing on me and being active in things I enjoyed and finding myself again.. as hoaky as that sounded.... it worked for me.

When I think about it, which I was doing this week...my best, funnest, laughed my butt off till I cried times...were when I wasn't married or dating anyone. Those were the times I was focused on friends and enjoying life. Funny how that works out.

 

[black562]

Yup! That's why I made it a point to say I've reached that. Honestly I"ve never been happier... and that includes when I was with men I thought I loved. I'm happy with ME and I feel that *IF* I end up in another relationship it will be that much better because of it.

Being happy with yourself is so much more important than finding someone else. I've done that. And I was miserable with him too.. therefore making HIM miserable and resentful.... therefore making me MORE miserable and resentful...

it's just an ugly cycle to even start.

Being happy with me makes me realize I deserve better than I was settling for before.

For me it meant taking a break from the internet and from going certain places I used to go. It meant focusing on me and being active in things I enjoyed and finding myself again.. as hoaky as that sounded.... it worked for me.

Yes, and that's the key.

Another key is to also forgive your ex...as strange as it sounds. I've long since forgiven my ex-wife, which is why I'm not a depressed soul now. Given what happened, I should be the saddest person on these boards, but I'm not...forgiveness goes a long way. I didn't do it for her benefit, I did it for mine.

 

[CinRell]

Yes, and that's the key.

Another key is to also forgive your ex...as strange as it sounds. I've long since forgiven my ex-wife, which is why I'm not a depressed soul now. Given what happened, I should be the saddest person on these boards, but I'm not...forgiveness goes a long way. I didn't do it for her benefit, I did it for mine.

Some things are unforgiveable. However, it's important to let things be in the past and know not everyone is the same.


WOW we moved WAY past the topic at hand LOL LOL!

 

[black562]

Some things are unforgiveable. However, it's important to let things be in the past and know not everyone is the same.


WOW we moved WAY past the topic at hand LOL LOL!

Indeed it has.

And remember, the opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference. When you hear someone say "I hate my ex", they still have feelings for that person, almost always.

 

[tsing]

Indeed it has.

And remember, the opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference. When you hear someone say "I hate my ex", they still have feelings for that person, almost always.

Adding my two cents.. I look at my past relationships as learning experiences. I learned not to settle for a relationship that isn't good, just to be in one. That friendship is the basis for everything, because nothing else in a relationship can be as strong. If you're feeling used, confront the person who is using you and resolve it; or get out. Communication is a key part of a friendship and relationship, your friend and partner need to know where you're coming from; don't assume they know. People come into our lives for a reason, try and be open to what is happening; but don't give up your values and morals in the process. And lastly, good things happen in our lives at the right time; don't force it.

 

[starrzone]

Well, to make a long story short...I got sent a text that was not meant for me. Things are not looking good right now. Ugh.....just when I feel ready and let my guard down, THIS happens...

 

[TSBRN]

Well, to make a long story short...I got sent a text that was not meant for me. Things are not looking good right now. Ugh.....just when I feel ready and let my guard down, THIS happens...

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you

Maybe you can laugh about it someday....I know I laugh about the mistaken text I received from another not so great eharmony match.

I had not yet even met this man in person, but plans were all in place for the first date in a few days. Then I receive this text at work "last night was great babe, it was great waking up next to you."

YUCK, YICK, YIKES. I HATE the use of the word babe.....and well, there was the mistaken text....but that was secondary to babe (just kidding, but I do hate the word babe).

Another non-match from eHarmony. I was just thankful I discovered what a jerk he was prior to actually meeting him!

Hang in there....there are lots of us who feel your pain.

 

[feistygalkmc]

A woman I work with has been doing the online dating thing for a while. She has met some doozies! She started at Yahoo personals and has tried just about all of the dating websites including craigs list. I'm not sure how/where she finds real people who aren't interested in 'other' on craigs list since that is what I see most of there! I tried yahoo personals when I first became single again after about 4 years and saw 1 person I was interested in. We met and he is a great guy as a friend but there was just no love connection there for either of us. Our conversations through text and myspace were great but in person that 'spark' just wasn't there.
I might try ok cupid, see how that goes. I took my yahoo personal account down there just weren't many people on there in my area. I looked at plenty of fish but the only kind of fish I saw were the ones interested in 'other' like on craigs list lol

I also understand the whole picture thing, but what someone mentioned previously about co-workers seeing your picture or people you went to high school with. I get that completely as well, I would rather not have them snooping around my personal ad, it wouldn't be so bad if you could make it private like myspace but still show some info. I have made my yahoo profile unsearchable before, but then who is going to find you?

 

[Floydian]

Definition of player from a womans point of view = Man out here on dating site who is NOT looking for serious relationships but says he is when his profile should actually just say looking for dating....(and umm, I know someone that needs to reread his match.com ) He goes from woman to woman , and most of the time he is a real charmer, he does all the right things until someone that looks a little better in his eyes comes along and then he is off to the "next" one.... A player isnt a "bad guy" he's just someone that has no intention of settling down with just one woman because quite honestly that one right woman (in his eyes) would never give him the time of day(but he is too blind to realize that) so obviously he will never find her. So he has his "for this moment" gf, and its not that he treats her bad, but as soon as something new catches his eye and he can "have" it he dumps the old for the new.... A player does not end one relationship until he has someone else in the wings. A player is the guy who knows he isnt interested in a long term relationship with the woman he is currently with but instead of dumping her he strings her along because he hasnt found a new toy yet There are players, both male and female on this site and others, its a part of life. The important thing is to know a player when you see one and either be willing to "play" or dont get involved at all if you are the type to let your heart get involved.

From a guys point of view, and as a former "player wannabe" (I was never very good at it...honesty and respect got in the way too often), I'd say you just about nailed it, with a couple of fixes.

1)

he does all the right things until someone that looks a little better in his eyes comes along and then he is off to the "next" one

I'd say that most commonly, as stupid as it sounds, it's simply someone "new"...a new face, new experiences, new challenges. You even said it yourself...

but as soon as something new catches his eye and he can "have" it he dumps the old for the new

2)

because quite honestly that one right woman (in his eyes) would never give him the time of day(but he is too blind to realize that) so obviously he will never find her

I'd agree that this can be true in some cases. But in most, as in #1, it's usually about the "thrill of the chase". Players don't even consider relationships. They're not even thinking about your feelings. There was a phrase we used during my time that for me, was a very real "craving". Many a night I went out with the feeling that I "needed a fix". Sick, I know, but true.

Other than that, I'd say you're exactly right.

 

[SyracuseWolvrine]

Well, to make a long story short...I got sent a text that was not meant for me. Things are not looking good right now. Ugh.....just when I feel ready and let my guard down, THIS happens...

sorry to hear that ... my advice, forget about him and move on.

 

[nurse.darcy]

Sorry about the "misdirected" text message.

I know that Joe and Cindy were talking about loving yourself first. This is UTMOST. Make sure you know EXACTLY who you are and what you want from a relationship. I have said this before. But also, make sure you are comfortable and happy with YOU. Its MUCH easier to separate positive relationships from negative relationships when you KNOW you don't need a relationship to be happy. I am so comfortable with me that I am almost afraid to give up my independence. I do what makes me happy, go where I want to go, meet who I want to meet and I don't answer to ANYONE but me. I enjoy living my life and being me. Coworkers are jealous of me because I am so happy with my life the way it is. That being said, I find myself wanting someone to share it with now. I don't NEED anyone, but I WANT someone. . .that is the difference.

I am much pickier because I want and don't need. Its been a great adjustment. And wonderfully freeing. . .

 

[Bill Brown]

...I don't NEED anyone, but I WANT someone. . .that is the difference...

Excellent to be able to make a distinction between wanting and needing. Society puts a lot of pressure on people to need someone in order to be complete. What a load of hogwash. Great when someone happens upon a person that perfectly compliments one's life. However, it's equally great to enjoy life solo or to share life with good friends. Who knows, a good friend might turn out to be the perfect life-partner.

 

[feistygalkmc]

I joined a couple of singles sites myself today, and guess what?? One of them was just meh...ok & the other one, I found that a relative of mine was on the site!! I immediately took my profile off the site lol
I haven't spoke to this relative in several years so I would hate to find out that we were checking each other out as a dating prospect online. I don't know whats worse, putting up your picture and just 'running into' a relative on an online dating site or not putting up your picture and when you arrange to meet you find out this wonderful charming guy you have been chatting up is your cousin that you used to play Super Mario with

 

[sand2270]

I joined a couple of singles sites myself today, and guess what?? One of them was just meh...ok & the other one, I found that a relative of mine was on the site!! I immediately took my profile off the site lol
I haven't spoke to this relative in several years so I would hate to find out that we were checking each other out as a dating prospect online. I don't know whats worse, putting up your picture and just 'running into' a relative on an online dating site or not putting up your picture and when you arrange to meet you find out this wonderful charming guy you have been chatting up is your cousin that you used to play Super Mario with

LOL reminds me of the scene in Must Love Dogs where she is on a blind date with her dad! EWWWWW!!!

 

[ttester9612]

LOL reminds me of the scene in Must Love Dogs where she is on a blind date with her dad! EWWWWW!!!

I was just thinking that same thing....