"Plus two"?!?!

[WDWsBFF]

I have a few guests who have sent in response cards with a plus two on them! Not a plus one, but two!!!

One guest who is a single friend of my fiance's wants to bring his mom and some guy friend. Some random guy friend I've NEVER even met. The invite was addressed to HIM ONLY.

Another case is with my fiance's aunt and cousin. They too plussed two but I know for a fact his aunt isn't bringing a date (she's being single forever) but his cousin is dating someone new (they're not even serious)who has a 5 year old daughter. Again the invite was specifically addressed to just the two of them only.

This is mainly a rant but good grief do I really HAVE to let them just do this to us?

My parents are kind enough to fund the wedding and it will cost $40 a plate! ....True we have yet to meet our requirement of 90 people so there is room but I'm sitting here thinking, "Do we really have to feed people we don't know nor want there?"

My parents do believe it's rude and are just kinda shrugging their shoulders at it saying it's okay....at least they think so. My fiance just rolls with things as they go.

....I'm the only one who is offended by it and really wants to tell them NO.

Should I shrug it off too and let people in that we don't know? Or should I take the reins back and let em know it ain't gonna happen?

Any advice/experiences on this matter? I really need my Disboard friends on this one! Thank you!

 

[smitch425]

I have a few guests who have sent in response cards with a plus two on them! Not a plus one, but two!!!

One guest who is a single friend of my fiance's wants to bring his mom and some guy friend. Some random guy friend I've NEVER even met. The invite was addressed to HIM ONLY.

Another case is with my fiance's aunt and cousin. They too plussed two but I know for a fact his aunt isn't bringing a date (she's being single forever) but his cousin is dating someone new (they're not even serious)who has a 5 year old daughter. Again the invite was specifically addressed to just the two of them only.

This is mainly a rant but good grief do I really HAVE to let them just do this to us?

My parents are kind enough to fund the wedding and it will cost $40 a plate! ....True we have yet to meet our requirement of 90 people so there is room but I'm sitting here thinking, "Do we really have to feed people we don't know nor want there?"

My parents do believe it's rude and are just kinda shrugging their shoulders at it saying it's okay....at least they think so. My fiance just rolls with things as they go.

....I'm the only one who is offended by it and really wants to tell them NO.

Should I shrug it off too and let people in that we don't know? Or should I take the reins back and let em know it ain't gonna happen?

Any advice/experiences on this matter? I really need my Disboard friends on this one! Thank you!

I would talk to your fiance and get his opinion. Then talk to your parents and get their opinion since they would be paying. If any of those people (including you) are uncomfortable with the extra guests attending, then I would politely inform them that due to limited space, you need to reserve spots for those who are closest to you and your future hubby. This would let them know that you truly want the invited guest to celebrate with you, but also keep the extras out of the mix. Best of luck and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

 

[WDWsBFF]

Thanks for your input! It's appreciated.

Both my parents and fiance are literally just shrugging their shoulders and saying let go of it........

I'm fuming mad though.

Oh and I have an update now: So the plus 2 on my fiance's aunt and cousin are "potential" add ons.........GREAT. One is in case another one of Nathan's cousins "can" make it from Texas to Colorado and the other plus one is for my cousin "in case" she gets a date............. WOW.

UPDATE: Got my fiance's friend to nix the random friend. Turns out his random friend he wanted to invite was a "one for one" deal.

 

[dm1996]

I can't believe the lack of etiquette people have at weddings. I guess until you go through the wedding process (especially an expensive one), you don't really know some of the 'rules' for attending a wedding. We are sending 130 invites out and if someone writes in an extra guest, they will be getting a phone call explaining the situation. Couples spend a lot of time on their invite list and it can very difficult to decide who gets cut.
However, if you have the money and the room, I would say just let it go.

 

[tracey1302]

I agree wth you on this one. I think it's bloody rude! No way should you invite anyone else who is not on the invite. Especially if it's your parents that are paying, that's not to mention that it's your wedding. Why should you have to accommodate some randomer who you don't even know? Especially at a Disney wedding where we all know that an extra person is a lot extra money!

 

[ilovezach33]

I have a few guests who have sent in response cards with a plus two on them! Not a plus one, but two!!!

One guest who is a single friend of my fiance's wants to bring his mom and some guy friend. Some random guy friend I've NEVER even met. The invite was addressed to HIM ONLY.

Another case is with my fiance's aunt and cousin. They too plussed two but I know for a fact his aunt isn't bringing a date (she's being single forever) but his cousin is dating someone new (they're not even serious)who has a 5 year old daughter. Again the invite was specifically addressed to just the two of them only.

This is mainly a rant but good grief do I really HAVE to let them just do this to us?

My parents are kind enough to fund the wedding and it will cost $40 a plate! ....True we have yet to meet our requirement of 90 people so there is room but I'm sitting here thinking, "Do we really have to feed people we don't know nor want there?"

My parents do believe it's rude and are just kinda shrugging their shoulders at it saying it's okay....at least they think so. My fiance just rolls with things as they go.

....I'm the only one who is offended by it and really wants to tell them NO.

Should I shrug it off too and let people in that we don't know? Or should I take the reins back and let em know it ain't gonna happen?

Any advice/experiences on this matter? I really need my Disboard friends on this one! Thank you!

Definitely let them know that you can't have more people then you invited there. That's incredibly rude, and I can't believe your parents/fiance aren't upset about it! I would talk to your fiance and ask him to tell them - since they are his family/friends.

 

[Mommy Of 3]

That is beyond rude. Regardless of who's paying and can afford, etc. I'd find wedding etiquette articles/guideline and show them to your fiancee so he will understand your frustration. I would NEVER NEVER do what they did.

 

[ValDawg]

I think it's rude too. I know people get confused about whether they can bring someone or not...but unless it says "and guest" then you can't! I'm now getting my response cards back for my wedding (not a disney wedding, just a disney honeymoon ) and no one has done this to us yet...well I take that back, someone has asked my parents if they can bring their 15 year old daughter...we're going to let them, but there are going to be no children at my wedding and all of me and my fiances friends are around our age (27). So it will probably just be really boring for her.

I have close friends that just got married and they had a bunch of people adding on as well, they even had a family add on 3 people who weren't invited!! Not ok.

If it bothers you, I would definitely talk to them, especially if more people start doing it, you will not be able to afford it!

Also, who brings their mom to a wedding?! And, if you don't have a date now, you're probably not going to have a date at the wedding...so why should your parents have to spend $40 extra on a "possible date"?? Ridiculous.

 

[WDWsBFF]

Blah. Okay well I think I got it all resolved for the time being. I decided to stand my ground for the most part.

I compromised with my fiance's friend...He can bring his mom as his date but no random friend. DJ (my fiance's friend) said his friend brought him to a wedding, so he told his friend he "owed him one" and that by bringing him to my wedding they would be even. So weird.....But it's all good. I explained that I was uncomfortable with that notion and he compromised. Though I have NO idea why it's SO important for his mom to be there....

THEN...

I told my fiance's cousin that if she doesn't have a confirmed date then she can't bring one (harsh I know but I need solid numbers). Her mom put down the "potential" date for her and I was like "uh....no...". The other addition is "in case" another cousin of my fiance can make it and I said, "well if I don't know for sure then I can't add her, sorry".


Do people not understand deadlines and how final they really are? Good grief.

I hate to go into slight bridezilla mode on this topic but I'm really tired of trying to please EVERYONE ELSE instead of myself and my fiance.

On a side note, we're not having a Disney Wedding...just a Disneymoon. Still, I thought I'd post here to get everyone's input and see if it's happened to anyone else. I'm sure it could still happen to anyone who is having a Disney wedding though.

 

[Jilian]

I think its pretty rude too. Good for you for standing your ground. Weddings are expensive and for some reason people just don't get that.

 

[SWBride]

It's definitely rude!! I was very firm from the beginning that if you weren't married, you weren't bringing a date to the wedding. My one sister balked but she quickly got past it once i explained that we were working on a tight budget and wanted to make it as special an experience for everyone as possible. And that seems to be the destination wedding etiquette I've read in all the magazines as well.

 

[Emily11212]

Yes, it is beyond rude what that person did. Weddings are expensive and you can't just tag people on. My friend at work had someone who did that, but added "plus 6". SIX!!!!!!!!! This couple was trying to bring their three kids and two of their kids friends!!!!! Can you believe it????

In my case, I am inviting people's spouses or engaged-to-be spouses. Luckily, I know all these people and am happy to have them at my wedding. I purposely invited a group of friends who know each other and can make travel plans together, and I'm not giving them a plus one. I'm hearing through the grapevine that one of them wants to bring her new boyfriend. If she responds with a plus one, I will simply call her and tell her politely that unfortunately, due to space and a very tight budget, I can't afford a plus one. Never let other people dictate to you who should be coming to your wedding. This is your day. It is completely okay to tell people who are not in a committed relationship that they can't have a plus one. For a destination wedding, it is a bit trickier, but that's why I purposely invited people who knew each other so they could make travel plans together, and they have pretty much all taken their cues. I literally had one guy on my list who would know NO ONE at my wedding, so I personally offered him a guest if he would like to bring one. He actually turned it down, saying, "How can I mingle with the single girls then?" LOL!

Here's the bottom line: A guest who adds a plus one (or 2, or 19) to an invitation, when it was addressed to only them, is rude. Now, I'm sure the person doesn't mean it to be. They probably just want other people to share in your joy that day and don't realize what you're paying per person for the wedding, so don't hold it against them too harshly. Next, who's paying for the wedding? If your parents are footing the bill and they say, "It's fine, we'll pay for an extra plate." then just let it be. But if it's you who's footing the bill, you have every right to say no. My parents and my fiance's mother are giving us generous contributions, but the money is capped, and we have to pay anything over what they give us. It's actually being pretty evenly split three ways between my parents, my fiance's mom, and my fiance and me. So since my fiance and I are the ones covering everything else, I have decided that I will personally have to tell someone if they can't bring a plus one. And by no means is that rude of you to do. Weddings are expensive, and you invited what you can afford. In these hard economic times, everyone should be able to understand that.

 

[Emily11212]

And to Mommy of 3, yes! There are guidelines on how that is a rude thing no matter what, I completely agree!!

 

[tbscat]

I can't believe the nerve of some people! I swear etiquette is going out the window along with grammar!

We're trying to keep our guest list pretty tight in order to stay as close to the minimum as possible, so I made prelim RSVP cards to go with our Save the Date magnets. That way we can get a prelim head count and I put a line that reads "we've reserved ___ seat(s) for you" - then I wrote in the number of seats for each group invited. This way our perpetually single friends will hopefully know way in advance that they cannot bring their flavor of the week to our wedding!!

 

[Tifa]

We are waiting for our RSVPs to come in so we can have a final count. We took the extra time to make each RSVP specific to whom it was addressed with no room/lines to add additional guests. I wish I had taken a photo of our RSVPs so I'll just type out how it was. So it would say...

Please mark in the appropriate box

Attending Not Attending

[ ] [ ] Cinderella
[ ] [ ] Prince Charming

Due to limited seating we are unable to accommodate additional guests. Thank you for your understanding.



So hopefully no one will try to add people on the non existent line because we really don't have the room or the funds to do so.

 

[ThePrincess&TheJohn]

You are absolutely in the right! I would be super mad too! I haven't yet sent out invites, but I am definitely thinking about how to handle a situation like this in a few months. You totally don't have to seem like a bridezilla, even if that's how you will feel. I would make my fiance and family get on board (nicely) and give out phone calls accordingly. If it was my fiance's friend, and not mine, I would make him call and say something like, "We got your response card and we're so excited you can come. But we aren't paying for the wedding and have to stick to a certain budget. Due to that, we aren't able to have your mom or GF or whoever join us." If someone really cares about you, they will accept that. Always blame money if possible because people seem to get that. Good luck with everything!

 

[robinb]

This thread is almost 2 weeks old. What did you decide? I would personally let it go since your fiance and the people who are paying for the reception don't seem to mind. Yeah, it was rude but it's a waste of energy worrying about rude guests. You have a wedding to enjoy!