Question about speech therapy for 22 month old...

[Princesca]

Posting here because this is the 'general' board that seems to get the most traffic... mods, please feel free to move it to a better spot if it's not okay here.

Our son is two years old in October, and his pediatrician has referred him to speech therapy because he doesn't have many words. He talks constantly (just not in English) with tone, emotion, and inflection. He's obviously listening, because he can point to all manner of shapes, colors, objects, parts of the face (though always on others, not himself, save for 'hair' for some reason) and even some letters when we ask him to. He meets or exceeds all the other CDC milestones and has always been very advanced for his age with most motor skills. He's been running full on and walking backwards since about 16 months. We have a list of about 13 things we have heard him say (but many are only once or twice so hard to gauge if it was really a word or a coincidence). He frequently says 'whee' and 'yeah!' and 'mom', but mom is usually 'mom mom mom mom mom' babbling when he's overtired. He doesn't really wave hello or goodbye (he's done it once or twice) and doesn't say either word. He does copy other things we do - he knows to put hats on heads, comb hair, give hugs (sometimes), make faces. He also knows what to do with a fork/spoon but steadfastly refuses to use them. He plays peek a boo. Everyone I talk to says 'oh that's just boys for you' and/or 'the pandemic/quarantine has slowed down verbal development for a lot of kids.' Anecdotally, that seems to be true - we've met so many parents of boys (especially) who are saying their kids aren't really talking as expected. And I know the CDC recently relaxed their guidelines on words. Now that he is at least partially vaccinated, we've been more active in taking him out to playspaces. He also cannot at all be relied upon to stay near us and always makes a rapid beeline for the nearest exit or road. He has started to interact more with other kids, so that has been encouraging for us.

I will admit that we probably provide for/anticipate his needs too often without making him ask, but when we do, he instantly melts down and he is as willful as the day is long (comes by it honest, really) and flat refuses to say anything. I've even tried just getting him to say 'yeah!' which is a word he LOVES to say, when I ask 'would you like a snack' but he refuses to do even that. And obviously, never feeding him isn't an option. I've pushed past the tantrums and continued to press for him to request things, and he just won't.

1) We have our evaluation next week, and I'm just curious how they evaluate a child who doesn't really talk. We're not sure what to expect from the evaluation and would love to hear your experiences if you have them...
2) If any of this resonates with you and you have experiences to share (preferably hopeful ones!) that would be fantastic.
3) Is he possibly just rude? Are we raising a mini-caveman? We do our best to model our values at home - patience, compassion, mindfulness, humor, etc.
4) Suggestions for how to decrease willfulness in a toddler? (Hahahahaha.)

Thank you!

 

[goofyernmost]

Posting here because this is the 'general' board that seems to get the most traffic... mods, please feel free to move it to a better spot if it's not okay here.

Our son is two years old in October, and his pediatrician has referred him to speech therapy because he doesn't have many words. He talks constantly (just not in English) with tone, emotion, and inflection. He's obviously listening, because he can point to all manner of shapes, colors, objects, parts of the face (though always on others, not himself, save for 'hair' for some reason) and even some letters when we ask him to. He meets or exceeds all the other CDC milestones and has always been very advanced for his age with most motor skills. He's been running full on and walking backwards since about 16 months. We have a list of about 13 things we have heard him say (but many are only once or twice so hard to gauge if it was really a word or a coincidence). He frequently says 'whee' and 'yeah!' and 'mom', but mom is usually 'mom mom mom mom mom' babbling when he's overtired. He doesn't really wave hello or goodbye (he's done it once or twice) and doesn't say either word. He does copy other things we do - he knows to put hats on heads, comb hair, give hugs (sometimes), make faces. He also knows what to do with a fork/spoon but steadfastly refuses to use them. He plays peek a boo. Everyone I talk to says 'oh that's just boys for you' and/or 'the pandemic/quarantine has slowed down verbal development for a lot of kids.' Anecdotally, that seems to be true - we've met so many parents of boys (especially) who are saying their kids aren't really talking as expected. And I know the CDC recently relaxed their guidelines on words. Now that he is at least partially vaccinated, we've been more active in taking him out to playspaces. He also cannot at all be relied upon to stay near us and always makes a rapid beeline for the nearest exit or road. He has started to interact more with other kids, so that has been encouraging for us.

I will admit that we probably provide for/anticipate his needs too often without making him ask, but when we do, he instantly melts down and he is as willful as the day is long (comes by it honest, really) and flat refuses to say anything. I've even tried just getting him to say 'yeah!' which is a word he LOVES to say, when I ask 'would you like a snack' but he refuses to do even that. And obviously, never feeding him isn't an option. I've pushed past the tantrums and continued to press for him to request things, and he just won't.

1) We have our evaluation next week, and I'm just curious how they evaluate a child who doesn't really talk. We're not sure what to expect from the evaluation and would love to hear your experiences if you have them...
2) If any of this resonates with you and you have experiences to share (preferably hopeful ones!) that would be fantastic.
3) Is he possibly just rude? Are we raising a mini-caveman? We do our best to model our values at home - patience, compassion, mindfulness, humor, etc.
4) Suggestions for how to decrease willfulness in a toddler? (Hahahahaha.)

Thank you!

Speech therapy would be helpful but it still takes it's time. I had a granddaughter that didn't speak until she was almost five. She developed her own form of sign language. She understood and followed directions and was always angry (from frustration we felt). Then one day she formed a word and heard herself say it and like an explosion within a week she was speaking in full sentences and hasn't shup up since then. We don't know why she took so long to start, but what's important is she did and when she did she had a lot to say. Another positive is that she almost instantly became happy and always smiling.

As for number 4... That would be like emptying the ocean with a teaspoon.

Note: She is 11 now so the Pandemic cannot be blamed. It is just some unknown from of arrested development from the language center of the brain. Nothing and no one to blame it is just something that happens. Therapy might find a trigger and I don't think it would hurt. Just have patience, he's not even two yet.

 

[SC Minnie]

Have you had his hearing checked? DD had a lot of ear infections and a bad ENT. She could hear but everything was muffled. It wasn't until we got her to a good ENT that cleared her ears that she really started talking.

 

[easyas123]

My little brother didn't talk until he was 5, my parents & his Dr. did all kinds of tests and therapies. One day he decided it was time to communicate and he's been talking non-stop ever since! I believe he did do some form of speech therapy in school for a year or two.

 

[disney212]

My son had the same issue at 18 months and was referred for testing and therapy. Turns out his IQ is VERY high and they said his brain was way ahead of his motor skills. What he was trying to say his speech wasn't advanced enough to get it out. It ended up solving its self before he was 3. He's 34 now and working on his phd so they were right (the boy who couldn't convey what he wanted to eat has multiple degrees, speaks several languages and is very smart). I was told it's much more common in boys due to slower motor skill development. We were lucky that we went to a top notch children's hospital therapist for testing and they didn't put him through months of therapy he didn't need as the first place we went wanted to sign him up for speech therapy. I would bring it up during the first therapist visit.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

My son is 6 and has been in speech therapy since age 2. He’s almost totally normal sounding now, just his Rs are a little off. The therapist will listen to him and try to have him say various sounds, using toys, play and whatever else may work. My son was a lot like yours at his age and he’s almost totally normal now, so there is hope.

 

[mjkacmom]

I’m certified in special education and one of my sons had ST starting at 18 months. His issue was weak muscle tone. I have friends who’s kids ended up with autism diagnoses, and others who aged out of ST by 3, and several others with different diagnoses that ended up in speech beyond elementary school. Speech therapy is fun, my son’s twin sister wasn’t happy when miss Janine came to play with her brother. There is no downside to get evaluated.

 

[Princesca]

Have you had his hearing checked? DD had a lot of ear infections and a bad ENT. She could hear but everything was muffled. It wasn't until we got her to a good ENT that cleared her ears that she really started talking.

I considered this, but to our knowledge he's never had an ear infection. That said, there is (ahem) an ear wax issue that runs in my wife's family, so I'm kind of wondering if that might be an issue. But his ears get checked every time he goes to the pediatrician and we've never had any comments.

 

[Her Dotness]

He may just be very intelligent/creative and regards the "name this"/ answer our questions routines as stupid. That he shuts down when you attempt to anticipate his needs and try to get him to answer questions would suggest this may be more the issue.

I once succeeded in getting a 3-year-old whose parents said he didn't talk to reply to questions for about 15-20 minutes. I was an acquaintance the boy had recently met so not a known quantity. His mom told me his usual response to questions was no even if yes would benefit him more; he could say yes but typically wouldn't.

So, I started asking nose-ears-toes questions, getting no consistently, and then threw in a nonsense question like "Do you drink milk with your toes?" or "Do bears eat your mom's hair?" every so often, to which he'd say yes and smile. Eventually, he was answering all of them with yes, because he'd quickly understood it was a game. By that point, he and I were both laughing. The only no I got was to "Do you want to stop now?" His mother was amazed and said he'd never before kept talking for that long.

When she told his dad what had happened, he said to me that he hadn't talked much until he was 4. I asked did he recall why. He said he didn't see the need to because he hadn't anything he really wanted to say. He got his needs met which was good enough and didn't see the point of yammer-yammering so much.

Kids pick up quickly (and young!) when parents are urging them to do things expected of them. This could easily be a bit of "Don't wanna, and you can't make me."

 

[Princesca]

Kids pick up quickly (and young!) when parents are urging them to do things expected of them. This could easily be a bit of "Don't wanna, and you can't make me."

This definitely tracks. He's always been very autonomous and self-directed (he's an only child that has grown up during a pandemic so we have been cautious about doing group stuff) but now that he's entering full toddlerhood, he's been doubling down on that. We are hoping that by socializing him more he'll start to learn that sometimes you have to go along to get along, and that you don't get things all your way.

 

[Gr8t Fan]

In your OP you mention that he talks constantly (just not in English). Is he bilingual? If so, I wouldn't worry about the evaluation.

 

[Princesca]

In your OP you mention that he talks constantly (just not in English). Is he bilingual? If so, I wouldn't worry about the evaluation.

Well, he talks like he's talking in a second language. He isn't bilingual, unless he is speaking some alien dialect from some other galaxy or some special language only toddlers know.

 

[Her Dotness]

Ahhh, that he's an only child explains a good deal, I suspect.

He may be so accustomed to parents trying to find out what he needs/wants and to teach him various things (reasonably so from your perspective!) that he gets easily bored/tired of dealing with you, and shutting down is his only way of resisting your talky-talkiness.

Unfortunately for you, he could be entering the "terrible twos" a bit before the calendar entitles him to. You'll soon find out if that's a contributing factor. If so, I wish you inhuman patience and fortitude. Sounds like you will really need both with a highly self-directed only headed into that phase.

But, yeah, being an only child with little contact with other kids for his life to date could be largely the issue.

I was an only until almost age 6. We also didn't live near any kids close to my age until I was 4. I learned to amuse myself and came to prefer it. Sometimes, I just "vanted to be alone," having been accustomed my whole life to socializing when I felt like it or had little choice, being a kid.

Contrary to Mom's insistence that having a little sister/brother would be fun (to prepare me for the inevitable), it wasn't for the most part. My sister and I relate to each other more as two only children than as sisters to this day.

My DH's coffee mug that says, "You read my mug. That's enough socializing for one day," could easily be my life's motto.

 

[JediBonas]

My twins both started speech therapy around 2 years old. Neither of them really had any words and they didn't start talking until quite a while after starting. My daughter graduated from speech therapy in 1st grade, my son is 10 and is still getting therapy (he still has problems with "r" sounds). Early intervention is the BEST thing you can do for him - it's great that you're getting evaluated.

 

[disneyseniors]

I don't know if this will help you, but my first granddaughter didn't talk until about 3 y/o! When I asked her why she didn't talk, she said, " I didn't want to"!!!!! What! As background, she had 2 older brothers who anticipated her every need, so she didn't have to talk if she didn't want to, LOL. She would just point to something or look at it and big brothers would go get it or do it. That played a big part in it I think. FWIW, she is an intelligent and literate young lady now.

 

[Her Dotness]

Well, he talks like he's talking in a second language. He isn't bilingual, unless he is speaking some alien dialect from some other galaxy or some special language only toddlers know.

Meant to add that I did something similar when alone until about age 5.

Except, I sang nonsense words or hummed however pleased me (but wasn't any song other than my own creation of the moment), which must've been annoying as anything to Mom who was both very conventional and musical.

Now, in my dotage, I've a good excuse for talking to myself and sometimes do, including answering my own questions.

 

[Aimeedyan]

I'm 100% in the no harm in an eval camp. Early intervention is such a good thing.

I insisted on an eval at our 15m ped appt because my son had no words. Ped suggested we wait until 18m but I went for it. Eval was done via Zoom (covid) and was generally just having a conversation with them. Lots and lots of questions about his abilities, routine, developmental milestones, etc. It was not strictly a speech eval but an overall. We were also sent for a hearing test.

He was approved for speech (borderline) and it's been AMAZING. He loves it, it's free for us, and we've seen huge leaps and bounds in his speech, communication, and confidence. Speech with preschoolers is often parenting coaching as well - we have been given new ways to do things that will aid him. She also works in his classroom with him so his teachers can be consistent in it, too.

He ages out at 3 and will be doing an eval with the school district this month to see if he qualifies for speech through them. He is still not up to what would be expected of his age so I am hopeful we can continue speech for a bit longer (either through the school or privately).

 

[Luv Bunnies]

The therapist will likely engage in a lot of play-based interaction with your son. It's amazing what a good therapist can pick up by looking at the child's verbal and non-verbal/physical cues. When I first took my son to a speech therapist at age 3, she pointed out his movements and gestures and said, "He's working really hard to communicate, just not with words." She recommended starting with Occupational Therapy to address his sensory needs and adding speech after his body became more regulated. As the OT got underway, we noticed him using more words and then sentences. His verbal skills grew very quickly after that and he became an early reader with excellent comprehension skills. He started working with the speech therapist at school and his verbal skills and articulation kept improving. I will add that he received an autism diagnosis at age 5, but this is definitely not always the case for late-talkers.

 

[teller80]

My son had the same issue at 18 months and was referred for testing and therapy. Turns out his IQ is VERY high and they said his brain was way ahead of his motor skills. What he was trying to say his speech wasn't advanced enough to get it out. It ended up solving its self before he was 3. He's 34 now and working on his phd so they were right (the boy who couldn't convey what he wanted to eat has multiple degrees, speaks several languages and is very smart). I was told it's much more common in boys due to slower motor skill development. We were lucky that we went to a top notch children's hospital therapist for testing and they didn't put him through months of therapy he didn't need as the first place we went wanted to sign him up for speech therapy. I would bring it up during the first therapist visit.

That's my friends son exactly! Didn't talk till he was 3 and now he's in Mensa.

 

[LSUmiss]

For DS, he didn’t have many words until he was almost 3 & now he never shuts up! I would not have evaluated him that early b/c I knew it was mostly willfulness b/c he was (is) like that with most milestones (and most things ). He’s 4 now & wont pedal a bike or even try for more than a few seconds b/c he’d rather drag his feet. He tells me “I don’t want to do it that way”. But, at 2, although words were sparse, he definitely communicated using “jargon”.