Gitts2008
Mouseketeer
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2008
I fear that we are in over our heads with this situation and I want to do what it right. I am looking for some advice or guidance. Last Friday, my daughter’s friend ran away from home/got kicked out/left home. Background information: Friend is 19 years old, lives a few houses away from us, works about 30 hours a week, and wants to join the military. We have known the family for 12 years. She comes from a strict family with a mom who I view to be a bit controlling. I will do my best to make this short and easy to understand. I will use “friend” as the person who ran away to my house.
So last Friday “friend” knocks on our door because “left” her house and needs a place to stay, because her mom found out that she has a twitter account. Friend is not allowed to have social media accounts. Also, mom read the twitter posts and found out that friend is gay. Mom proceeded to yell at friend and said some VERY inappropriate things that I view to be verbal and emotional abuse. Friends’ family is very religious. We are not religious. I reassure friend that she is safe here. I have her try to calm down, so that she can go to work. Friend tells me that she wrote a 2-page letter apologizing to her family for being this way and for being a disappointment and that, she is leaving. Friend states that her father will “put her through a wall” and I ask for clarification. It appears that friend is not using metaphors, that the father will literally physically hurt her. I take friend to her work. She calls me an hour later that her mom and grandma showed up at work and started to cause a scene. Security is called. Grandma tells friend to come home or she will kill friend’s dogs. Customer hears mom say, “I am going to kill friend for being a XXXXXXXXXX.” It is decided that friend will leave work early and go with my daughter to another friend’s home.
My daughter works 2 jobs, is an athlete and does high school. During this past week, I have been the primary care giver of friend. And, I am terrified of what I have come to find out. Friend’s mom handled all of the finances for friend. Friend did not know the amount of her paychecks, (Mom lied and told her that her checks were $100-$200 less), how to use a bank for deposits and withdrawals, use an ATM, use the washer and dryer, prepare more than a simple meal and pay bills…..Please understand that our daughter does her own laundry, will make food if she is hungry, uses a cell phone. I feel that our daughter does age appropriate tasks. Friend has been sheltered/forbidden to mature or learn age appropriate life skills???
On Thanksgiving, friend reached out to her family by text and it turned into a (my opinion here) a manipulative abusive texting rant from her mother. “You betrayed us, lied to us, I thought that you were my friend, you are making a fool of yourself, I gave away ALL of your dresses, you are embarrassing yourself, people die and I do not want you to in the military, if you join the military I will never see you..” Friend’s father said, “Do not contact me without your mother knowing.” From what friend had me read and it was difficult to read such hurtful and hateful statements, I can only wonder what is wrong with this woman that she would not see or hear or know that she is being a 100% wack-a-doodle. Yesterday, friend’s mom writes her a bunch of texts, which contain information that could only have come from friend’s brother’s telling the mom stuff. And, it was like a bad game of telephone…misinformation all around. Friend is going to church on Sunday to do her job of setting up for Mass and she will see her family there. Friend says that she cannot tell the priest that she is gay because it is a sin and she will lose her job at the church.
So, what have we gotten ourselves into!!! We will help friend as best as we can. But, I do not know how to help her. People in my life say that she should go to the police and file an abuse report. Have the police escort her to her house to get her belongings. On Monday, I plan to locate a therapist for friend to talk to about what is happening. Also, friend was not born in the USA. Friend only found out 2 years ago that she is adopted. Friend needs to get her birth certificate, so that she can get her social security card, a replacement passport (or the passport that the family has), so that she can take a test to join the military. Any advice or wisdom would be greatly appreciated. I have tried to not give my opinion, but WOW this is a hot mess.
So last Friday “friend” knocks on our door because “left” her house and needs a place to stay, because her mom found out that she has a twitter account. Friend is not allowed to have social media accounts. Also, mom read the twitter posts and found out that friend is gay. Mom proceeded to yell at friend and said some VERY inappropriate things that I view to be verbal and emotional abuse. Friends’ family is very religious. We are not religious. I reassure friend that she is safe here. I have her try to calm down, so that she can go to work. Friend tells me that she wrote a 2-page letter apologizing to her family for being this way and for being a disappointment and that, she is leaving. Friend states that her father will “put her through a wall” and I ask for clarification. It appears that friend is not using metaphors, that the father will literally physically hurt her. I take friend to her work. She calls me an hour later that her mom and grandma showed up at work and started to cause a scene. Security is called. Grandma tells friend to come home or she will kill friend’s dogs. Customer hears mom say, “I am going to kill friend for being a XXXXXXXXXX.” It is decided that friend will leave work early and go with my daughter to another friend’s home.
My daughter works 2 jobs, is an athlete and does high school. During this past week, I have been the primary care giver of friend. And, I am terrified of what I have come to find out. Friend’s mom handled all of the finances for friend. Friend did not know the amount of her paychecks, (Mom lied and told her that her checks were $100-$200 less), how to use a bank for deposits and withdrawals, use an ATM, use the washer and dryer, prepare more than a simple meal and pay bills…..Please understand that our daughter does her own laundry, will make food if she is hungry, uses a cell phone. I feel that our daughter does age appropriate tasks. Friend has been sheltered/forbidden to mature or learn age appropriate life skills???
On Thanksgiving, friend reached out to her family by text and it turned into a (my opinion here) a manipulative abusive texting rant from her mother. “You betrayed us, lied to us, I thought that you were my friend, you are making a fool of yourself, I gave away ALL of your dresses, you are embarrassing yourself, people die and I do not want you to in the military, if you join the military I will never see you..” Friend’s father said, “Do not contact me without your mother knowing.” From what friend had me read and it was difficult to read such hurtful and hateful statements, I can only wonder what is wrong with this woman that she would not see or hear or know that she is being a 100% wack-a-doodle. Yesterday, friend’s mom writes her a bunch of texts, which contain information that could only have come from friend’s brother’s telling the mom stuff. And, it was like a bad game of telephone…misinformation all around. Friend is going to church on Sunday to do her job of setting up for Mass and she will see her family there. Friend says that she cannot tell the priest that she is gay because it is a sin and she will lose her job at the church.
So, what have we gotten ourselves into!!! We will help friend as best as we can. But, I do not know how to help her. People in my life say that she should go to the police and file an abuse report. Have the police escort her to her house to get her belongings. On Monday, I plan to locate a therapist for friend to talk to about what is happening. Also, friend was not born in the USA. Friend only found out 2 years ago that she is adopted. Friend needs to get her birth certificate, so that she can get her social security card, a replacement passport (or the passport that the family has), so that she can take a test to join the military. Any advice or wisdom would be greatly appreciated. I have tried to not give my opinion, but WOW this is a hot mess.