when everything in life sucks all at once... you come to the DIS

[alicia1506]

so normally, i'm a pretty even tempered, quiet, happy with life kind of girl. if things go wrong, i develop a plan, and i fix them, or i fix my outlook or whatever it takes to make it good again.

but these last few weeks have just been full of wrong.

i have been sick. really sick. in hospital, doped up on painkillers & morphine, cannot function kind of sick. my body is not working properly and specialists are having fun poking & prodding and sending me for test after procedure after test. i'm weak and sick and worn out.

i have had sick days before. we all have. and i've had a medical certificate for every single absence. each time, it's been something legitimate like laryngitis or a broken leg or a stomach flu where you can't get out of bed for 2 days straight etc. however, with this newfound illness, i have had 10 days off work in the last 3 weeks. medical certificates and specialist letters backing up each incidence, and i have been fully open with my work about what is going on & what is wrong & how it is affecting me.

today my boss's boss calls me into his office. he's concerned that i am bad for morale. it's the busiest season at work for us, from feb - june and i'm not pulling my weight in the team. others are covering for me and that's unacceptable. they know i'm legitimately sick, but they want assurances that i'm not going to get sick again, and i have to commit to being a team player.... or....

yeah. they didn't say it out loud. but it was implied. be here, or find yourself a new job. and i wish i could but i need the regular income. i need the stability of a regular job that i'm fabulous at. i'm highly skilled in my field. hugely experienced and credentialled and i'm not boasting... i'm good. very good. but because of this issue, i've been essentially told that if i have more sick leave, i'm on thin ice...

ugh. i'd think they'd be more understanding of someone experiencing major medical issues, under the care of 2 specialists and a gp who i see almost daily.

but nope. so i had to commit, in writing, to being an effective and responsible team member who is committed to her job and her team mates...

so i'm sick. and now worried for my job. and worried that i'm losing respect and validity in my team due to this issue, despite the fact that i regularly work overtime and time in lieu to help out, that i work for other departments to help out, or that i'm the most productive member of my team, or that i'll happily switch shifts with others when they need the time for family/medical appointments/holidays etc. but these things don't count anymore apparently. i'm seen as a bad employee. and this is heartbreaking to me.

i was feeling horrible because of being really, really sick. now i'm broken down over this work issue. my grandma is being sent to a home due to the alzheimers getting so bad she can no longer spend time unsupervised which is gutwrenching on a whole new level, and we might have to cancel the port adventure that was the whole reason we were going on our disney trip (oh the drama).

why is it when life sucks, it sucks hard, and all at once??? sorry for the angst, fellow DISers. but i needed to vent, and this forum was so handy.

 

[becpee]

OMG rough trot much?

I think what you have experienced in your work place amounts to harrassment and bullying.
If you have medical certificates and you're a permanent employee surely they wouldn't be so stupid to say such things?
I'd be heading to a solicitor, taking with you a copy of the document they made you sign.

Far out!

 

[battymum]

OMG .... is that legal?

Sending hugs your way - I hope things turn around soon for you.

 

[PrincessInOz]

Firstly I wish you a speedy recovery and I hope the doctors find out what's wrong so they can help you get better.


Secondly, I'd be taking this up with a legal eagle myself. The fact that you had to 'commit to something' that is outside the bounds of your normal work contract might not be kosher....particularly when you have medical certificates for each sick leave you take.

Do you know a friendly lawyer? If not, you should find yourself someone to talk to (pro bono if possible). As bec said, if you have a copy, take that document with you. I would also check with your doctor if they can provide you with a printout of all your visits.

And with this meeting at work, was HR in the meeting?

I've seen this happen to a friend of mine and it amounted to work place bullying. He was called into a 'final meeting' with the bosses and he took in his friendly lawyer. He suspected that he was going to be pressured into resigning. They completely backed off; as they weren't expecting the legal eagle to be there.


Alicia - One other thing. I suspect that the clock will be ticking for you at this work place. Unless the 2 up manager moves, you will probably have a target on you no matter how this turns out (unless of course, you don't take any more sick leave...). I would suggest that you stay as long as it take to get well and for any unpaid bonus to come your way and seek employment elsewhere. If you're good, you'll be employed. In the meantime, brush up your resume and get your references and referees in place.

 

[alicia1506]

i'll state 2 things first up. #1. i am a fabulous employee and all previous employers have loved me and it kills me that my current job don't see that and #2. i have had a lot of sick leave in the least year or so for this ongoing issue. more than the 'allocation' of 10 days per 12 months. and this is the only job i've had where that has happened.

i will also say that the boss's boss was very, very careful in what was explicitly said and it sounded very factual and i agreed with what he said. i mean, it does hurt morale during busy times if we have a high level of sick leave. and it does suck that when people are away, others have to pick up the slack. that's all true.

but what i inferred from the comments was that i should commit to being a better employee and i therefore felt like i should put something in writing following the meeting, confirming that i understood what was being said, and so i committed to being a valuable employee and they wouldn't have cause to doubt my work standards or commitment to the company again. also, i really don't want to lose my job. i don't want to be fired for this.

i wrote the above post in the heat of the moment when i got home. i'm still pretty emotional about it, as it has been a rough few months, and i thought they'd be all nice and caring and what can we do for you?

instead... i got called to task. it wasn't like the boss was standing over me with the sword of damocles or anything... he was very nice, understanding and was pretty relaxed in his personal demeanor... i just felt very pressured and very upset by the whole scenario, especially when he started going on about how i was bad for morale and people were covering for me, and not pulling my weight and sharing the busy time etc. kinda implied i was copping out of the hard times, you know what i mean?

the words were totally logical, but the delivery turned it into 'you suck as a human being' kind of thing. again... maybe that's just from my side of the looking glass, through the haze of a rough couple of months, and me taking it all personally.... i don't know. maybe i need some perspective.

 

[PrincessInOz]

Okay. But I still think you might need to start a diary (if you haven't already) and start documenting what you remember of the meeting..who said what.
I'd still collect the records from your doctor....just in case.


Have you checked your performance appraisal/job tasks for this year? If you're meeting every single objective, then you might want to make sure that you document how you're doing achieving each item and what you've delivered by way of 'objective evidence'. I'd start collecting the various bits and pieces as well.


If finances allow, is it possible to see if you could take the 'sick leave without pay'? I don't think that companies are allowed to dictate how much sick leave an employee can take especially if they are really sick. They can negotiate how much 'paid' sick leave they want to pay.


If you think you can manage it, and if the bosses are sympathetic, ask if there is any work you can do from home for those 'unplanned' sicknesses.
But really ---- you should be resting and working on getting better rather than being made to feel like you're not a team player when you're legitimately sick.

 

[becpee]

i'll state 2 things first up. #1. i am a fabulous employee and all previous employers have loved me and it kills me that my current job don't see that and #2. i have had a lot of sick leave in the least year or so for this ongoing issue. more than the 'allocation' of 10 days per 12 months. and this is the only job i've had where that has happened.

i will also say that the boss's boss was very, very careful in what was explicitly said and it sounded very factual and i agreed with what he said. i mean, it does hurt morale during busy times if we have a high level of sick leave. and it does suck that when people are away, others have to pick up the slack. that's all true.

but what i inferred from the comments was that i should commit to being a better employee and i therefore felt like i should put something in writing following the meeting, confirming that i understood what was being said, and so i committed to being a valuable employee and they wouldn't have cause to doubt my work standards or commitment to the company again. also, i really don't want to lose my job. i don't want to be fired for this.

i wrote the above post in the heat of the moment when i got home. i'm still pretty emotional about it, as it has been a rough few months, and i thought they'd be all nice and caring and what can we do for you?

instead... i got called to task. it wasn't like the boss was standing over me with the sword of damocles or anything... he was very nice, understanding and was pretty relaxed in his personal demeanor... i just felt very pressured and very upset by the whole scenario, especially when he started going on about how i was bad for morale and people were covering for me, and not pulling my weight and sharing the busy time etc. kinda implied i was copping out of the hard times, you know what i mean?

the words were totally logical, but the delivery turned it into 'you suck as a human being' kind of thing. again... maybe that's just from my side of the looking glass, through the haze of a rough couple of months, and me taking it all personally.... i don't know. maybe i need some perspective.

I'd be very emotional about it, being a conscientious employee and being treated like dirt is tough.
I don't care how friendly or understanding he seemed when delivering his little spiel, it seems like you're being treated unfairly given the circumstances, if you're providing certificates for your leave I think they can choose not to pay you if you don't have the leave available but they can't treat you like that.
You committed to being a valued employee? Well thats relative, isn't it?
I would still be talking to a workplace lawyer, some will do a free consult before deciding if there is a case and you go from there.
My DH had a workplace issue last year and when we got a lawyer involved they backed right off, I would at least speak to somebody about it, and i'd probably take stress leave as well...

 

[alicia1506]

PIO -- i came home and jumped right on seek!!! lol. i totally feel the whole 'target on the back' issue.

like i said in my previous post (i think i posted just as you posted your reply) one point of clarification... i wasn't forced into signing anything. they were not that horrible. it was just made very clear that the expectation was that i indicate when this issue will be resolved and when i will return to being a proper little employee with no sick leave. after the meeting, mulling it over in my head, and all the unsaid little innuendos, i felt like i had to commit to being a better employee, so i sent an email saying that i got the message, and that i will resolve the issue asap. i felt pressure to commit to that kind of statement. but it could certainly be argued that that was my impression and my interpretation only.

there was no HR there, it was just the 2 of us having a friendly little chat etc.

i really like it there. i like the people. i like the work i do. i'm actually one of the highest performing members of the team. i realise in this day & age, sick leave does affect productivity and team dynamics, and everything they said to me is perfectly valid.

i think i'm going to sleep on this tonight and see which way the wind is blowing when i get to work tomorrow. if i've totally over-reacted, we'll put it down to high doses of pain pills & no food in my system, and just majorly stressed and over-reacting. if they're all pressure-y... then yeah. i'll be keeping my head down and seeing what my options are out there

the other consideration -- they have already given me the ok for my disney trip in nov/dec this year for 3 weeks... if i start a new job... the new employer probably won't give me that kind of leave so soon

 

[alicia1506]

becpee - sounds like you have some experience in the family with things like this...

i'll definitely consider my options.

i do have had a tendency to assume the worst when it comes to bad news, and to react pretty emotionally to issues first, then be cool & rational later on... in this case, i just want to go to work and be recognised for my hard work and do a good day's work, and then come home knowing i achieved something.

if i can get past this by resolving the health issues, getting surgery and then being a perfect employee, then great. if this is going to be the albatross around my neck, not so good.

they did mention that i could go far in the company,if only i didn't have all this pesky sick leave weighing me down... that statement is the one that made me feel like i had to commit to reducing my sick days .. maybe an over-reaction, but i hate knowing that i'm being passed over for promotions and such just because i have an issue i have absolutely no control over...

lol. stress leave. i think that would make me an even worse employee. lol. my first week in training there, i had a workplace injury that had me off work for 3 weeks. for my first year there, i was known as the girl who was on compo before she even finished the training. i got over that. maybe i can get over this

see.. i'm trying to rationalise and make it better already. i can't help it. i can't hold on to being upset for very long, even though it made me sick to my stomach to be in this situation.

 

[alicia1506]

sick leave without pay... lol. that is all of my leave.

basically they pay the first 10 days of leave. then each time you're absent after that, you don't get paid. this last fortnight, i only was paid for 6.5 days, as the other 3.5 days were leave without pay.

having less money is stressful enough. but knowing it's affecting my standing at work is worse, and knowing it's affecting my promotional abilities is just wrenching.

i have all my performance appraisals. i also (in my own OCD way) keep a record of all extra work i perform, feedback i'm given for excellent performance above & beyond, projects i've worked on, systems and policies i've developed or shepherded etc. i have objective evidence issued by them showing i'm a good employee. and like i said, i've got medical certificates for each individual day or even part day (if i've worked and then gone home later in the day).

it costs me more to get to my doctor than it does to work the full day, so it's not as though it's a simple decision to take the day off. i'm actually worse off financially for taking leave, which i explained to them, so it's not like i'm taking extra days to sit at home eating chocolate & watching Ellen re-runs. these are genuine medical situations, which is why i thought i was covered.

i have a friend who works for a personal injury lawyer. maybe i'll run it by her and see what she thinks, although i have a feeling that there's not much i can do aside from either a. taking no more unplanned leave and b. providing medical documentation for all leave taken which i already do anyways...

would be so great to wake up tomorrow healthy i'm gonna wish upon that evening star tonight

 

[PrincessInOz]

PIO -- i came home and jumped right on seek!!! lol. i totally feel the whole 'target on the back' issue.

like i said in my previous post (i think i posted just as you posted your reply) one point of clarification... i wasn't forced into signing anything. they were not that horrible. it was just made very clear that the expectation was that i indicate when this issue will be resolved and when i will return to being a proper little employee with no sick leave. after the meeting, mulling it over in my head, and all the unsaid little innuendos, i felt like i had to commit to being a better employee, so i sent an email saying that i got the message, and that i will resolve the issue asap. i felt pressure to commit to that kind of statement. but it could certainly be argued that that was my impression and my interpretation only.

there was no HR there, it was just the 2 of us having a friendly little chat etc.

i really like it there. i like the people. i like the work i do. i'm actually one of the highest performing members of the team. i realise in this day & age, sick leave does affect productivity and team dynamics, and everything they said to me is perfectly valid.

i think i'm going to sleep on this tonight and see which way the wind is blowing when i get to work tomorrow. if i've totally over-reacted, we'll put it down to high doses of pain pills & no food in my system, and just majorly stressed and over-reacting. if they're all pressure-y... then yeah. i'll be keeping my head down and seeing what my options are out there

the other consideration -- they have already given me the ok for my disney trip in nov/dec this year for 3 weeks... if i start a new job... the new employer probably won't give me that kind of leave so soon

If you were in an interview or close to being offered a job, just mention it. This is a pre-arranged holiday and if you were to start a new job, negotiate for it up front. The new employer would think about whether this would be paid leave or unpaid leave....but at least they would be in a position to work around it.


Good idea to sleep on it. Just remember that if you're sick, you need to get better...not work and be ineffective.

 

[PrincessInOz]

sick leave without pay... lol. that is all of my leave.

basically they pay the first 10 days of leave. then each time you're absent after that, you don't get paid. this last fortnight, i only was paid for 6.5 days, as the other 3.5 days were leave without pay.

having less money is stressful enough. but knowing it's affecting my standing at work is worse, and knowing it's affecting my promotional abilities is just wrenching.

i have all my performance appraisals. i also (in my own OCD way) keep a record of all extra work i perform, feedback i'm given for excellent performance above & beyond, projects i've worked on, systems and policies i've developed or shepherded etc. i have objective evidence issued by them showing i'm a good employee. and like i said, i've got medical certificates for each individual day or even part day (if i've worked and then gone home later in the day).

it costs me more to get to my doctor than it does to work the full day, so it's not as though it's a simple decision to take the day off. i'm actually worse off financially for taking leave, which i explained to them, so it's not like i'm taking extra days to sit at home eating chocolate & watching Ellen re-runs. these are genuine medical situations, which is why i thought i was covered.

i have a friend who works for a personal injury lawyer. maybe i'll run it by her and see what she thinks, although i have a feeling that there's not much i can do aside from either a. taking no more unplanned leave and b. providing medical documentation for all leave taken which i already do anyways...

would be so great to wake up tomorrow healthy i'm gonna wish upon that evening star tonight

I'll wish on the same evening star that you wake up healthy as well.

Run it by your friend...and if you have one that works in HR, run it by them as well.


Good luck with it all....and keep SEEKing.com.

 

[alicia1506]

I'll wish on the same evening star that you wake up healthy as well.

Run it by your friend...and if you have one that works in HR, run it by them as well.


Good luck with it all....and keep SEEKing.com.

awww. you're too good to me. see. i knew the DIS was the place to vent, as i KNEW you would make me feel better!!!

so true that i need to fix this situation. i have notes from the specialist... a request for 23 (!!!!) blood tests for various things/conditions/genetic mutations & what have you, 2 x specialist blood tests, and 3 x more procedures before they'll decide what is wrong. i feel like a saggy, worn out, emotionally down pin cushion.

you know Mrs Jumbo from Dumbo??? that expression she has where she's just down and over it and sad? that's me right now. no energy, and feeling like a giant elephant

so thanks for helping me see the light at the end of the tunnel

 

[PrincessInOz]

I only remember the bit of Mrs Jumbo and Dumbo where she shows so much love when Dumbo was going to sleep...(and it's sad that I know the words)....

"Baby mine don't you cry
Baby mine dry your eye
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine"


I'm pretty sure that in all your blood tests the doctors would have tested for iron, magnesium, vitamin E and other trace metals deficiency? Hope they can diagnose what's wrong and provide you with a means to getting better.

 

[alicia1506]

aww. i remember that scene. so cute. this is me right now:

yup. they're testing all metals, plus things like ALS, thyroid, lupus, diabetes, hormone deficiencies and conversely also too much in the way of hormones, lipids, pigments, chromium, iron, etc.

i'm seeing an endocrinologist, so she is ALL OVER the testing for every possible thing that could be causing all/some/a combination of my symptoms. i'm actually reassured with her levels of thoroughness in getting to the bottom of these issues, rather than just looking for obvious things or dismissing some symptoms. she did a full on medical, with medical history dating back to when i was born, and put together some symptoms that doctors have never connected before. if she figures it out & makes me better, i'm baking her cookies or buying her a statue or something. i have a great deal of faith in her ability to help me out. she has already given me a few pointers to deal with symptoms already that have worked, so i have hope. will update on my PTR once i know more rather than 'mystery illness resulting in cholecystitis with biliary colic' which is what i have at the moment.

the mystery illness part has some fancy medical name i can't remember, but i know the other stuff. basically sludge in my gall bladder/bile duct/digestive system that causes unspeakable pain and vomiting & other wonderful symptoms.

you know the 'cruciatus' curse from harry potter? that's what the pain is like...

wishing for that miracle!! night DISers. thank you for your help & support!!

 

[becpee]

I hope your good health to return.

I am like you, I think the worst and start a contingency plan, because with me the worst usually happens LOL

Go to work, do what you can, but don't kill yourself over it.

 

[WAMUMOF4]

I hope they get some answers for you soon

the other consideration -- they have already given me the ok for my disney trip in nov/dec this year for 3 weeks... if i start a new job... the new employer probably won't give me that kind of leave so soon

DH only started a new job at the end of December he told them about our trip in the interview they still hired him and it turned out as he has to take an extra rotation of he ends up with more time of although most of it ends up being unpaid but that's ok he hasn't had enough leave for our last 2 trips and we still managed.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers

 

[alicia1506]

awwww.

you are all the absolute bestest of the best.

thank you for being so supportive and helping me deal with this all.



i will go in today and have a quick chat about what the expectations are, and we'll see what we see. i've been all night, couldn't sleep just replaying it over and over in my head.

blech. i hate stressing over things. will see what i can do to fix it today!.

but again... thank you, thank you, thank you for being such an amazing group of people

 

[becpee]

Just came in to see you again, try and have a good day, TRY not to stress too much about it, the problem is work takes up so much of your life it can consume you when things aren't right.

If nothing else I hope you got some sleep last night and let your brain have a rest, if you're anything like me yours will just keep ticking over no matter what time it is

Oh, and buy a lotto ticket tonight, you gotta be in it to win it

 

[alicia1506]

awww, bec, you're making me all mushy.

i came into work and decided to do a littler personal follow up. turns out i over-reacted a little. they really just wanted to know what was going on and if there was anything they could do to help... while pointing out the effect that it was having on the other employees.

so i'm a bad employee, but they know it's for a reason, so i'm not a truly bad employee

lol. it makes my head hurt how business works sometimes. they have told me not to stress, and that they just want me better. by that, it means the company's bottom line for meeting levels of service etc they want to be better, and since i am affecting that... lol. they're trying to be nice, but they have a very clear & very obviously pointed motive/investment in me getting better. i get it.

so... it turns out they weren't trying to be malicious. just... direct about the impact so i would keep that in mind next time i am ill. lol. as if i could forget about work while hooked up to machines in hospital. what were they thinking???

so... i'm good with it now. no target. no maliciousness. just... blunt and forthright awareness of the impacts.

turns out being ill scrapes you raw emotionally so that you over-react to even small criticisms