Don't want to hurt my parents' feeings

[Sonya]

For the last 3 trips we have gone to Disney we have gone with my parents. One year they even paid for the trip! They love to go with their grandkids. However we are planing a new trip with just us, no grandma or grandpa. There are several reasons for this, mostly because my dad has COPD and can't hardly walk. He knows he can't walk without pain anymore, but he pushes it to hard. Mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer so she doesn't need to be around a crowd after chemo.
Anyway, I know they can't go, THEY would know they can't go, but it is going to break their hearts that they can't go. Anyone have any words to help me soften the blow when I tell them?

 

[PrincessShmoo]

For the last 3 trips we have gone to Disney we have gone with my parents. One year they even paid for the trip! They love to go with their grandkids. However we are planing a new trip with just us, no grandma or grandpa. There are several reasons for this, mostly because my dad has COPD and can't hardly walk. He knows he can't walk without pain anymore, but he pushes it to hard. Mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer so she doesn't need to be around a crowd after chemo.
Anyway, I know they can't go, THEY would know they can't go, but it is going to break their hearts that they can't go. Anyone have any words to help me soften the blow when I tell them?

Maybe mention that you're all aware that these sort of outings are very wearing on them and you'd like to make it easier for them. Maybe set up a special "date night" with them (with the kids) so they won't feel like they are losing touch with you. This could be before the trip or after (or both).

 

[Liberty Belle]

I would just say how many good memories you have of going with them in the past and it won't be the same, but you understand that they should stay home for this one, that their health is more important and hopefully you can share the trip again in the future.

I was going to say Facebook/text/email them mini reports and pictures every day, but for some that might make them feel worse. I'm not sure how your parents would like it.

 

[Nancyg56]

Are you sure they will be heartbroken? My DH and I join my dd and family on most Disney vacations, although I do go more often than DH. They planned their own family trip when my dgd was about 8, and I have to say that it took me a minute to realize that I was not sad or hurt. As much as DH and I love sharing vacations with them, we really wanted them to make some memories that were just about them. They are doing this again in 2 weeks and we are thrilled. I admit I will miss them, but as a parent I know how important a family trip with just the nuclear family is.

If you are worried about your parents feelings, then I suggest that you leave their health out of the conversation. They know their limitations, so I would not give them any indication that they may hold you back. I know you don't feel that way, but they may worry.

I would tell them that you want to have a small trip with just you, and that you would like to plan a family vacation that is "relaxing" a little later on.

Your parents may be happy for you, especially if you task them with finding a new experience while you are away.

[GALLERY=][/GALLERY]

 

[King Schultz]

Just tell them you're going hiking on the Appalachian Trail. . .

 

[jevs]

This is really tough but I'm guessing your parents already know this trip would be difficult for them.

I like the idea up-thread about sharing the days activities with your parents - but not on FB, make it a bit more personal. And when you return home do up a photobook or something similar to give to them.

 

[wishesuponastar]

I like the idea of telling them this time you just want your own family to go and hopefully in the future your parents can go another time with you. Your parents may be relieved that you are not expecting them to come because they are probably not up to it.

 

[dotfurio]

I agree with others when you tell them you're going without them, plan a relaxing trip more their speed with them. Maybe hanging out at a beach where they can watch the kids play but not have to be on their feet all day.

 

[jdb in AZ]

OP, if your parents still want to join you, could you find a compromise?

When DMIL no longer had the stamina to enjoy the parks as much as she used to, she still went with us, but relaxed in her hotel room instead of going on the rides, except for Soarin, but joined the rest of the family for meals. That way she was able to visit with the grand kids and great-grands, but didn't wear herself out trying to keep up, and she didn't slow down the commando-style younger relatives. She tried an ECV but her reflexes weren't as quick as they needed to be, so she used a wheel chair instead. There were plenty of strong wheel chair pushers available, and that's definitely a consideration if you have two elderly parents who need your help.

 

[Nancyg56]

OP, if your parents still want to join you, could you find a compromise?

When DMIL no longer had the stamina to enjoy the parks as much as she used to, she still went with us, but relaxed in her hotel room instead of going on the rides, except for Soarin, but joined the rest of the family for meals. That way she was able to visit with the grand kids and great-grands, but didn't wear herself out trying to keep up, and she didn't slow down the commando-style younger relatives. She tried an ECV but her reflexes weren't as quick as they needed to be, so she used a wheel chair instead. There were plenty of strong wheel chair pushers available, and that's definitely a consideration if you have two elderly parents who need your help.

I think that this is a thought as well. OP- if your parents want to come, can you plan a resort that offers plenty of areas for them to relax while the est of you hot the parks. If you chose an Epcot resort they could join you for a while and then relax on all these gorgeous sitting areas and be entertained at the same time. Same thing with a monorail resort. The Poly and the Grand are very lovely, and the Grand Lobby is amazing all afternoon and evening with the Grand Pianist and the Grand Orchestra.

 

[mom2rtk]

OP, if your parents still want to join you, could you find a compromise?

When DMIL no longer had the stamina to enjoy the parks as much as she used to, she still went with us, but relaxed in her hotel room instead of going on the rides, except for Soarin, but joined the rest of the family for meals. That way she was able to visit with the grand kids and great-grands, but didn't wear herself out trying to keep up, and she didn't slow down the commando-style younger relatives. She tried an ECV but her reflexes weren't as quick as they needed to be, so she used a wheel chair instead. There were plenty of strong wheel chair pushers available, and that's definitely a consideration if you have two elderly parents who need your help.

I totally agree. If everyone can be realistic about what they can accomplish, this might be a great idea.

 

[monorailsilver]

OP, if your parents still want to join you, could you find a compromise?

When DMIL no longer had the stamina to enjoy the parks as much as she used to, she still went with us, but relaxed in her hotel room instead of going on the rides, except for Soarin, but joined the rest of the family for meals. That way she was able to visit with the grand kids and great-grands, but didn't wear herself out trying to keep up, and she didn't slow down the commando-style younger relatives. She tried an ECV but her reflexes weren't as quick as they needed to be, so she used a wheel chair instead. There were plenty of strong wheel chair pushers available, and that's definitely a consideration if you have two elderly parents who need your help.

I am thinking the same thing. If they want to go and you want them to go, have them stay at the resort and relax while you do the parks.

Plan some non park character meals that they can join you at.

If they want to go to a park, have them just do 3 days vs 6 and let them have rest days in between.

They don't need to come for the entire trip either.

 

[TCRAIG]

Just tell them you're going hiking on the Appalachian Trail. . .

I see what you did there - but of course - I live in SC

 

[low-key]

A conversation with them giving them your concerns, then a remedy, have them fly down with you but return home after a couple days

 

[Lynne M]

Given their health problems, I don't think I could bring myself to present it to them as "we're going and we're assuming you're not well enough to come." You're right, that's bound to hurt, and they're going to take it as "we don't want you to come because you'll slow us down." In fact, if they felt up to coming at all, I'd arrange a trip that was more manageable for them. There were very good suggestions up-thread about picking a resort they could hang out at during the day, and you could all spend the evenings together. Or, maybe they could come for part of the trip.

I'm trying to think of a pleasanter way to put this, but I can't. I lost my dad a few months ago, and I can't help but think of how you'd feel if you talked them out of coming on a trip they wanted to go on with their grandchildren, and then the unthinkable happened. You don't know how many more trips you have with them, and there will be many years to come when you can take a trip with just your kids.

If they want to go, take 'em.

 

[King Schultz]

Given their health problems, I don't think I could bring myself to present it to them as "we're going and we're assuming you're not well enough to come." You're right, that's bound to hurt, and they're going to take it as "we don't want you to come because you'll slow us down." In fact, if they felt up to coming at all, I'd arrange a trip that was more manageable for them. There were very good suggestions up-thread about picking a resort they could hang out at during the day, and you could all spend the evenings together. Or, maybe they could come for part of the trip.

I'm trying to think of a pleasanter way to put this, but I can't. I lost my dad a few months ago, and I can't help but think of how you'd feel if you talked them out of coming on a trip they wanted to go on with their grandchildren, and then the unthinkable happened. You don't know how many more trips you have with them, and there will be many years to come when you can take a trip with just your kids.

If they want to go, take 'em.

Okay, as much as it pains me to admit this, that's better advice than my 'say your going hiking on the Appalachian Trail' advice.


Darn moderators. . .

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Given their health problems, I don't think I could bring myself to present it to them as "we're going and we're assuming you're not well enough to come." You're right, that's bound to hurt, and they're going to take it as "we don't want you to come because you'll slow us down." In fact, if they felt up to coming at all, I'd arrange a trip that was more manageable for them. There were very good suggestions up-thread about picking a resort they could hang out at during the day, and you could all spend the evenings together. Or, maybe they could come for part of the trip.

I'm trying to think of a pleasanter way to put this, but I can't. I lost my dad a few months ago, and I can't help but think of how you'd feel if you talked them out of coming on a trip they wanted to go on with their grandchildren, and then the unthinkable happened. You don't know how many more trips you have with them, and there will be many years to come when you can take a trip with just your kids.

If they want to go, take 'em.

Excellent thoughts, and excellent advice all around right here.

 

[pocomom]

My folks like to stop by but not spend a whole Disney Vacation with us.
They find most of the parks overwhelming but still like going to the resorts, eating dinner, walking around the less crowded areas. Unless you are firm on them not coming, maybe offer something like this and let them decide?
I also like the idea of making plans with them for something their speed before or after you get back-.given their health concerns it may feel really important to them to spend time with you all.

 

[King Schultz]

My folks like to stop by but not spend a whole Disney Vacation with us.
They find most of the parks overwhelming but still like going to the resorts, eating dinner, walking around the less crowded areas. Unless you are firm on them not coming, maybe offer something like this and let them decide?
I also like the idea of making plans with them for something their speed before or after you get back-.given their health concerns it may feel really important to them to spend time with you all.

I don't think giving old people drugs is the answer. . .

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Perhaps suggest an alternative, local thing to do with grandkids instead of going to WDW with them? That is what I would do.

If they insist then I would have to really rethink it. Tough decision.