KennesawNemo
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2008
Seeking suggestions on a matter regarding DD is in 1st grade in a public school.
TLDR version: DD in 1st grade was harassed by a 1st grade boy. The same boy sexually assaulted another girl one week later and DD was a witness to the whole incident. I am concerned about DD's safety now and am seeking advice about how to communicate with school.
Here is the long story:
About a week ago, I got a phone call from the principal. I was told that during lunch that day, a boy pulled down his pants and flashed himself to DD and two of her friends. I would say the school dealt with that incident properly. The boy was immediately pulled to the principal's office. DD and her friends were counseled by teachers and told the proper way to deal with incidents like this. (Informing the adults, not letting other people touching them, etc. etc.). All parents were notified. I specifically asked both the principal and DD if anyone did anything to provoke that behavior. The answer was no. DD was upset after the incident, but that night, we had a talk. We assured her that she did nothing wrong and reemphasized what she was told at school. We thought that was the end of it.
Yesterday, I got a phone call from the mom of a very good friend of DD. The girls are in the same 1st grade class and are really tight. The mom told me that she wanted to thank me for teaching DD the proper way of handling things. She told me a boy sexually assaulted her daughter at school. (Note: The mom did not use the words of sexual assault, but I am not comfortable sharing what the boy did in specifics on a public forum. I am 100% certain if an adult did that, it would be sexual assault without any doubt. ) Anyway, while that happened, no adult saw it and the friend was rather scared and confused. DD was the one who helped stopping the assault and insisted on telling the teacher about it. So the mom wanted to thank me for that. From the mom's description, I thought the school handled the incident again properly and the mom said she would have a follow up call with the principal today.
I had a bad hunch so I asked DD when I picked her up yesterday and indeed it was the same boy from last week. So we went into a little details about this boy. Based on what DD told me, which may not be 100% correct: he was newly transferred to the school. He in general likes to bother her and her friends. He has poked her with a pen at class, pushed her stuff out of her desk space and put his own stuff on it, etc etc. But the two incidents I mentioned here are the only two that landed him in principal office so far. DD is deeply annoyed by him and makes an effort to avoid him. She said she tried to stay away from him as much as possible when it was floor time and they all had to sit on a carpet. About the assault case, she said her friend did nothing wrong and "he was trying to act as if he likes XXXX, but that's not the right way to like someone".
I praised her for doing the right thing protecting herself and her friend. We also discussed what to do if something like that happens to her: trying to get away, immediately getting adult's attention, fight with all her can if she can get away, etc. etc.
End of story.
Here are couple things that concern me deeply:
1) Same boy sexually harassed and assaulted his classmates twice in one week time.
2) The things he did to DD's friends, I don't think a six year old would just came up with the idea on his own and find it fun to try.
3) I was not notified about the incident yesterday by the school. I guess that's because DD was not a victim, but she was witness to the whole thing and she notified the teacher.
4) The same boy is still in the same class with my daughter.
I have no intention of shunning that boy from society forever, but I need to know that my daughter goes to school to a safe environment. I don't want her to make an effort to avoid someone on a daily base. I am giving the friend's mom some space and time to communicate with the school so I don't want to press her for all details.
My questions is what can I do? I plan to send an email to school, but what are some of the reasonable questions I can ask and requirements I can make? It may vary from school to school, but what are standard procedures of dealing with sexual harassment/assault at elementary school and how repeated offenders are treated?
This is new territory to me. Again, my biggest concern is not to punish the boy, but to make sure everything has been done to protect my daughter and I want to be reasonable. So, WWYD?
Thanks for any suggestions.
TLDR version: DD in 1st grade was harassed by a 1st grade boy. The same boy sexually assaulted another girl one week later and DD was a witness to the whole incident. I am concerned about DD's safety now and am seeking advice about how to communicate with school.
Here is the long story:
About a week ago, I got a phone call from the principal. I was told that during lunch that day, a boy pulled down his pants and flashed himself to DD and two of her friends. I would say the school dealt with that incident properly. The boy was immediately pulled to the principal's office. DD and her friends were counseled by teachers and told the proper way to deal with incidents like this. (Informing the adults, not letting other people touching them, etc. etc.). All parents were notified. I specifically asked both the principal and DD if anyone did anything to provoke that behavior. The answer was no. DD was upset after the incident, but that night, we had a talk. We assured her that she did nothing wrong and reemphasized what she was told at school. We thought that was the end of it.
Yesterday, I got a phone call from the mom of a very good friend of DD. The girls are in the same 1st grade class and are really tight. The mom told me that she wanted to thank me for teaching DD the proper way of handling things. She told me a boy sexually assaulted her daughter at school. (Note: The mom did not use the words of sexual assault, but I am not comfortable sharing what the boy did in specifics on a public forum. I am 100% certain if an adult did that, it would be sexual assault without any doubt. ) Anyway, while that happened, no adult saw it and the friend was rather scared and confused. DD was the one who helped stopping the assault and insisted on telling the teacher about it. So the mom wanted to thank me for that. From the mom's description, I thought the school handled the incident again properly and the mom said she would have a follow up call with the principal today.
I had a bad hunch so I asked DD when I picked her up yesterday and indeed it was the same boy from last week. So we went into a little details about this boy. Based on what DD told me, which may not be 100% correct: he was newly transferred to the school. He in general likes to bother her and her friends. He has poked her with a pen at class, pushed her stuff out of her desk space and put his own stuff on it, etc etc. But the two incidents I mentioned here are the only two that landed him in principal office so far. DD is deeply annoyed by him and makes an effort to avoid him. She said she tried to stay away from him as much as possible when it was floor time and they all had to sit on a carpet. About the assault case, she said her friend did nothing wrong and "he was trying to act as if he likes XXXX, but that's not the right way to like someone".
I praised her for doing the right thing protecting herself and her friend. We also discussed what to do if something like that happens to her: trying to get away, immediately getting adult's attention, fight with all her can if she can get away, etc. etc.
End of story.
Here are couple things that concern me deeply:
1) Same boy sexually harassed and assaulted his classmates twice in one week time.
2) The things he did to DD's friends, I don't think a six year old would just came up with the idea on his own and find it fun to try.
3) I was not notified about the incident yesterday by the school. I guess that's because DD was not a victim, but she was witness to the whole thing and she notified the teacher.
4) The same boy is still in the same class with my daughter.
I have no intention of shunning that boy from society forever, but I need to know that my daughter goes to school to a safe environment. I don't want her to make an effort to avoid someone on a daily base. I am giving the friend's mom some space and time to communicate with the school so I don't want to press her for all details.
My questions is what can I do? I plan to send an email to school, but what are some of the reasonable questions I can ask and requirements I can make? It may vary from school to school, but what are standard procedures of dealing with sexual harassment/assault at elementary school and how repeated offenders are treated?
This is new territory to me. Again, my biggest concern is not to punish the boy, but to make sure everything has been done to protect my daughter and I want to be reasonable. So, WWYD?
Thanks for any suggestions.