Do you think it's appropriate to take children to an alcohol centered event, even if they allow all ages?

[ellbellthomps]

I was always brought to alcohol events as a child, and I turned out fine.

 

[Hikergirl]

This OP asked about alcohol-centred events such as wine-tasting. I don’t imagine your family church events are 100% alcohol focused; simply having a glass of wine or beer at a family event is of course very reasonable.
But if I go to a wine-tasting, I go for adult discussion - not to entertain other people’s kiddies.

Why would you be expected to entertain other people's kids there?

 

[HelsBels16]

Why would you be expected to entertain other people's kids there?

Ok have them running about - that wouldn’t be appropriate at a wine-tasting, which is discussion-based.

 

[luvsJack]

Let's see---yes, I would take my kids (well grandkids now) to an alcohol-centric event, usually. If it was an event that I knew that was going to be so alcohol centered that everyone gets falling down drunk--then no, I wouldn't. Or I would go and leave early.

Do I have a problem with alcohol being served at parties given in honor of someone too young to drink? Not at all. I never served any at my kid's birthday parties but that was in part because we always had these activity parties---laser tag, swimming, slip and slides and water guns--that kind of thing and I expected all adults to be willing and able to help wrangle the kids. But if someone else offers a cooler of beer or wine or whatever at their own kid's birthday party, that is their choice and I don't have an issue with it at all.

And as far as the person who chooses to take their kids to a alcohol centered event and then complain that someone gets tipsy--no, they do not have the right to complain. They could have not gone or not taken their kids or left when people started becoming more inebriated.

 

[Hikergirl]

Ok have them running about - that wouldn’t be appropriate at a wine-tasting, which is discussion-based.

It isn't appropriate for them to be running around anywhere that isn't a playground, gym or other place designed to play.
You said you don't want to entertain other people's kids, I'm asking you what do you mean by you having to entertain them? There isn't any expectation for strangers to entertain other people's kids at any place, whether it be a place that serves alcohol or not.
It's Ok to say you just don't want to see, hear or deal with other people's kids while you are out.

 

[PlainJane]

There’s a vineyard where I went to a wine tasting that I would take my kids (you have to know your kids). They had a tour that my oldest would probably like, it was about a lot more than just wine. My youngest is at the age where he can be entertained anywhere, I don’t know what he would think when he’s older. No one was drunk and politely swishing and spitting was the norm.

 

[fly girl]

Another question for everyone here...if someone brings their children to an alcohol specific event, are they allowed to get mad when other adults (with no children) want to let loose and get a little tipsy? I notice that I often see complaints from parents about other adults getting tipsy, or even drunk, while at these types of events.

No, you can't get mad. You knew you were bringing your children into an environment with alcohol. If the situation is not to your liking, you leave. That simple. You can't have it both ways.

 

[tzolkin]

This OP asked about alcohol-centred events such as wine-tasting. I don’t imagine your family church events are 100% alcohol focused; simply having a glass of wine or beer at a family event is of course very reasonable.

Yes, I understand the OP was talking about "alcohol centered" events, but as the thread has progressed some have commented that they don't drink alcohol in front of children under any circumstances so that was what my comments were regarding. Some would argue that a glass of wine at a family event/dinner is completely inappropriate. I don't understand that belief so I was interested in discussing.

 

[Hikergirl]

Another question for everyone here...if someone brings their children to an alcohol specific event, are they allowed to get mad when other adults (with no children) want to let loose and get a little tipsy? I notice that I often see complaints from parents about other adults getting tipsy, or even drunk, while at these types of events.

Not unless you are being an ******* to me personally or my child, but I'd be angry at you if you were sober in that case too.
While adults can manage drinking in public and keep themselves in check I think it's smart to assume that there will always be one or more that may not. If you choose to bring your children to an even where alcohol is being served then I think you do have to be OK with adults letting loose. If you aren't OK with that then it really is best to keep your kid home.

 

[cobright]

For example, a wine tasting, beer fest, etc. An event where the main purpose is to drink.

Could go either way.
A tasting event that is part of a larger celebration. If the tasting can be worked into your family plans and doesn't strand the kiddos to long stretches of boredom. If it doesn't lead to inebriated parents.

 

[DrummerBoy523]

For example, a wine tasting, beer fest, etc. An event where the main purpose is to drink.

not something where the main purpose is to drink. Nope.

 

[VAfamily1998]

I'm not a fan of bringing kids to alcohol centered events.

I live in Virginia and we have a lot of wineries. Some are very specific that they are "family friendly" and some families will come and bring a picnic and buy a bottle of wine and sit and drink while they watch their kids (usually under age 5) run around.

A (very few) others are specifically 21+ and will not allow children. Dh and I choose to go to those. It's interesting reading the reviews of these "adults only" wineries on Yelp or other sites. Many of the negative reviews focus only on the fact that they don't allow children; "Well I never got to try the wine because they told me I couldn't bring my adorable, well behaved toddler into the tasting room! That's why I'm giving it zero stars!"

 

[mousefan73]

Culturally speaking yes alcohol is one of our taboo type things.

But don't equate that to mean other countries don't have their own issues.

A study in 2015 in Germany "14.1% of the 12– to 17-year-olds surveyed had practiced binge drinking at least once in the preceding 30 days. The school program “Klar bleiben” (“Keep a Clear Head”) was designed for and implemented among 10th graders. The participants committed themselves to abstain from binge drinking for 9 weeks." (Bolding is mine because we're talking about 10th graders!). Additionally "Germany’s Federal Centre for Health Education (Bundeszentrale für gesundheitliche Aufklärung, BZgA) estimates that in 2015 almost 70% of 12– to 17-year-olds in Germany had already drunk alcohol, and that approximately 1 in 7 adolescents had consumed 4 or more alcoholic drinks on at least one of the last 30 days. "

For the U.S. the information I found was from 2018 so not a tit for tat and the ages do include a bit more but close enough " According to the 2018 NSDUH, approximately 4.3 million people (about 11.4 percent) ages 12–20 (11.3 percent of males and 11.4 percent of females) reported binge drinking in the past month."

I think you could also look at drinking ages here. For instance in Germany it's 16 (age 18 for harder liquor). Beer can be given to kids as young as 14 if they are in the presence of their parents/guardians. For the U.S. Federally it's 21 with states having various exceptions allowable. Are the behaviors between the two countries really that different? Binge drinking seems to be a problem amongst the youth in both. Or is it really just a different age bracket/time period in one's life where the binge drinking is more prevalent between the countries?

Here are my observations in Germany. Yes children start drinking much earlier. correct at 16 they can legally start with beer and wine.. Many start earlier. Now I have kids who are 13 and 14 and my DD (13) has shown curiousity of drinking / tasting wine socially with us and I said forget it. My son has no desire to start drinking and sees those who are wasted as "losers".

Anyways… whether a teenager here binge drinks, and I will admit many do, has a lot to do with parental guidance/controls. In my town I know families where the parents just don't want to deal with it. So if their 16 year old comes home wasted they are upset, but no consiquences. Mantra here is if you forbit it, they will do it more, especially for those who are 15. Keep in mind there are less teens driving due to driving license age at 18 ( 17 with work permit)

I have a different opinion. I know I can't police my kids everywhere but I will still uphold my expectations was long as they are in my house. I told my kids yes at 16 you can legally buy beer and wine and I can't stop that. But all hell will break loose if you two are coming home every night wasted. my friend had for her daughter a16 Bday party and parents and kids all got drunk together. Now these guys are the exception to the rule. Most teens do not binge drink. For me that is a NO!

The stat that almost 70% between 12 and 17 have tried alcohol I dont find surprising or shocking. My kids have tried alcohol.. either a tiny glass of champagne on NYE, or a sip of beer or wine, I when I make a punch bowl for parties, they try it, but I always say that it and they accept it. … This Christmas my DD wanted to try a sip of myadult Glühwein at the Xmas market and then compare it to her Kinder punch.. I let her and she preferred the non-alcoholic.. but that is just the culture. If I were to give my kids Nyquil they are drinking more alcohol.

As an American I find this a bit hard to deal with my kids being able to buy alcohol with 16 but I have to accept it. Best I teach my kids how to drink responsibly.
Though when comparing US to Germany overall, from my observations, I would say Americans binge drink much more. Even through adult years. good example are weddings.. for many wedding the focus is the open bar/ let's get wasted… All US weddings I have been to, ( been to many), people get not just tipsy happy/ but S faced drunk where some are carried to their hotel room. In Germany I have never seen this. Sure people get tipsy but not crazy..
For US wedding I think the focus is also mixed drinks ( vodka/cranberry gin/tonic)… open bar items.. Most german weddings serve beer and wine, and then Schnapps afterwards but most people take it easy on the Schnapps.

I also find that in the US, if you choose not to drink at a bar, lounge, club, social event etc... people find that odd, or make stupid comments.. Here I can join friends at a Weinfest and simply drink a diet coke and nobody gives me the wierd eye.

 

[mousefan73]

Not unless you are being an ******* to me personally or my child, but I'd be angry at you if you were sober in that case too.
While adults can manage drinking in public and keep themselves in check I think it's smart to assume that there will always be one or more that may not. If you choose to bring your children to an even where alcohol is being served then I think you do have to be OK with adults letting loose. If you aren't OK with that then it really is best to keep your kid home.

I see this also as a learning lesson for kids. On the rare occasion I see an adult Man/woman acting inappropiate or making a fool of herself I point this out to my DD/DS.. with the statement this is what happens to you when over do it with drinking and you may put yourself in an unsafe situation. It is sad in this day in age, but my DD at 13 already knows about date-rape drugs being snuck into drinks. I have had these adult conversations with my kids.

 

[Moliphino]

I also find that in the US, if you choose not to drink at a bar, lounge, club, social event etc... people find that odd, or make stupid comments.. Here I can join friends at a Weinfest and simply drink a diet coke and nobody gives me the wierd eye.

My sister and I were at a pub in Spain and there was a group of guys there watching soccer and all of them were drinking... Coca Cola. We did find it kind of funny, but definitely didn't say anything to them. Especially odd to us since in Europe a Coke is just about as expensive as a beer, so it's not even a cheaper option.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

I grew up in WI, raised our son in da U.P., and both places are like the line in "Sweet Home Alabama", "A baby....in the bar....". Lots of children in bars playing video games, having fish fry, etc. Not saying it's right, just saying it's not unusual.....

Terri

Another WI Diser here.
My mom (81) loves to tell stories of growing up, going "up north" while my grandparents went to the bars. The kids played in and outside of the bars, it was the way it was. I remember my paternal grandparents walking to the corner bar with me in tow. It wasn't a bad thing, at least not in my family.
I can't fathom the idea now.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Though when comparing US to Germany overall, from my observations, I would say Americans binge drink much more.

I wouldn't disagree with that. You were saying though:

No wonder college kids go nuts once they are out of the house.

And from what I was reading I'm not so sure the much more overall conservative opinion the U.S. has towards alcohol is the full reason as was implied (and I'm not disputing that the U.S. doesn't have a more conservative opinion towards alcohol because as a whole we do).

If German children binge drink and do it at a younger age (I would assume do to the legal drinking age) that's not inherently different than young adults in college participating in binge drinking.

Both binge drink they just do it at different stages of life I guess you would say. Both I suspect has more to do with letting loose without parents/guardians overlording them so to speak (purely my opinion)--something that is found in many different youths around the world.
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I also find that in the US, if you choose not to drink at a bar, lounge, club, social event etc... people find that odd, or make stupid comments..

I've seen these comments from posters on the DIS I just have yet to experience it with exception to my husband's work. But no one is actually judging for not drinking and that seems to be more the experience others have. I've been to countless events where people drink and don't drink and no one cares one bit, I've been to countless happy hours where no one makes any side glances, comments or whatever for not drinking...at a happy hour. Couldn't tell you why others have this experience when others don't.

My personal experience is usually the opposite quite frankly. Those who don't drink tend to express more strong opinions towards those who do drink but I've met non-drinkers who have married drinkers and that non-drinker doesn't seem to be judgy. I've met non-drinkers who are judgy but follow up with "but I know and trust you to not get drunk so if you want to have a drink at my place it's ok". But we all have different experiences that probably play into our viewpoints.

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For US wedding I think the focus is also mixed drinks ( vodka/cranberry gin/tonic)… open bar items.. Most german weddings serve beer and wine, and then Schnapps afterwards but most people take it easy on the Schnapps.

Vast majority of weddings I've been to it's beer and wine and that's it. Open bar doesn't mean types of alcohol. Open bar refers to monetary requirements--open bar would be paid for by the host (and tips may already be accounted for) and cash bar is one where guests would be the ones paying for their own drinks.

I have been to some weddings with the availability of other drinks though it was quite limited--just went to one in October--but beer and wine has always been the main aspect. And I've been to more weddings where beer and wine is the only alcohol available with an open bar though one wedding champagne was provided for all tables for the toast.

for many wedding the focus is the open bar/ let's get wasted… All US weddings I have been to, ( been to many), people get not just tipsy happy/ but S faced drunk where some are carried to their hotel room. In Germany I have never seen this. Sure people get tipsy but not crazy..

I've seen a few people here and there get drunk but I think you find more the wedding party is the one who would be more likely to be seen as drunk. IDK why but it almost seems like that's an expectation--strange I agree. The wedding I went to in October the bride got sick...on her dress though it was after the wedding was over when they were headed out for the casino..and no they did not actually make it to the casino lol.

Neither my husband and I had more than 1 beer at our wedding, we were way too focused on going from table to table engaging in our guests, having our first dance, cutting the cake, dancing in general, etc. We also had a very very early morning flight the next day. We stayed after our wedding was done and helped collect/clean up most stuff with leaving some stuff for people in our wedding party to get the next day. No one got drunk at our wedding (and there were many adult drinkers for sure). None of us have any conservative opinions on alcohol. Our bar had no limit was an open bar with beer and wine and tips were pre-paid by us so guests totally could have gotten a lot of alcohol if they wanted to. No one was falling down drunk, no one was making a ruckus.

I have been to weddings here and there where that has happened but def. not all. Majority no one is drunk despite alcohol always being there so maybe it's just different types of people attending these things, like I said though it almost seems like the expectation is more set on the wedding party.

****Off topic of course for this thread but an interesting discussion none the less

 

[igrsod]

As someone whose parents took her to bars and other drinking events as a child on a regular basis.... I say NO. Kids don't want to be there. Who knows what craziness they are going to see... some of which is very scary to a child. To say, as long as people aren't drunk or there is entertainment, doesn't allow you to make a good decision. You can't control others behaviour. Just keep the kids home... they don't need to go. It's not that hard.

 

[igrsod]

As someone whose parents took her to bars and other drinking events as a child on a regular basis.... I say NO. Kids don't want to be there. Who knows what craziness they are going to see... some of which is very scary to a child. To say, as long as people aren't drunk or there is entertainment, doesn't allow you to make a good decision. You can't control others behaviour. Just keep the kids home... they don't need to go. It's not that hard.

 

[PlainJane]

As far as the “do Americans get trashed at weddings?” I didn’t have an open bar, mostly because I didn’t want people to get fall down drunk. It for the most part worked except for oddly enough the one European in attendance. It was honestly a big point of anxiety for me going into the wedding. Our one drunk guest didn’t cause much of a disruption though. If it were an open bar, I think things would have been more drunkenness.

I realized after I posted that my husband and I do regularly take our kids to a bar. It’s super family friendly. We do not go there in the late evening and I don’t recall ever seeing someone drunk. I’ve seen a baby play date there, kid’s sports teams, etc. Tons of games for the kids are set out. I’ve never actually had a drink there because I’ve always been pregnant or breastfeeding (I’d rather abstain than pump). The owner and his wife are super sweet and almost always come over to chat.

It’s just so situation dependent. I’m honestly more uncomfortable with the thought of my kids around the Epcot drink around the world crowd.