Did your Middle or HS kid ever move or change schools ?

[VandVsmama]

How is your daughter now? Did she make friends?

She’s ok now but only has 1 or 2 friends at school.

 

[mefordis]

She’s ok now but only has 1 or 2 friends at school.

That's all you need! Does she hang out with them outside of school?

 

[fly girl]

Do you mind elaborating on your 8th grade experience? Sounds like it might be similar to our situation. Entertaining moving or a private school.

If it’s a private school, I would be shocked if they don’t have shadow days. I’d look into it ASAP as this is the key time for shadowing.

ETA: is the private school 9-12, or K-12? Some private schools are really small. I’d be more apt to go for a school that is strictly a high school so you have an entirely new 9th grade student body.

Idk if it’s a catholic hs you’re considering, but if it is they’ll take a placement exam, usually sometime in November or December on a Saturday. I even think the school out of state held theirs the end of this month. It’s the same test across catholic schools in the nation.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

I think that with most kids, the saying that water rises to its own level fits pretty well. My daughter moved in the middle of 9th grade from a traditional public high school to an all honors IB high school. She had many friends, was already a member of student council & a starter on the JV volleyball team when she was offered the spot at the new school. After a few days of deliberations, she chose to leave her comfort zone & give the new school a shot. She was fine with the curriculum, but leaving her old friends behind was tough, & quite a few tears were shed that freshman year. Fast forward 4 years, she’s completely involved with numerous clubs & student government, has tons of friends & is incredibly proud of the move she made. The way I see it, if your child had only a handful of friends at their old school, they’ll probably find their small group at the new school. If they were very involved at the old, they’ll eventually be involved at the new. Important thing in the beginning is, don’t rush or force her to do too much, because that has the potential to backfire. She’ll find her way, it’s sometimes just takes a little time

 

[DisneyOma]

We moved a few times when I was a kid; the worst was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. I was miserable, never had good friends in high school, and it changed the vision I had for my life for quite a while.

 

[mefordis]

If it’s a private school, I would be shocked if they don’t have shadow days. I’d look into it ASAP as this is the key time for shadowing.

ETA: is the private school 9-12, or K-12? Some private schools are really small. I’d be more apt to go for a school that is strictly a high school so you have an entirely new 9th grade student body.

Idk if it’s a catholic hs you’re considering, but if it is they’ll take a placement exam, usually sometime in November or December on a Saturday. I even think the school out of state held theirs the end of this month. It’s the same test across catholic schools in the nation.

She's in a public school now. Just now looking into private schools in the area. Yeah, it's a whole thing to get in - application, visit, test, interview, essay...ugh.

 

[mefordis]

We moved a few times when I was a kid; the worst was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. I was miserable, never had good friends in high school, and it changed the vision I had for my life for quite a while.

I am learning this and it is so disappointing to hear. The fresh start at a new school didn't work out for you making new friends? In this case, at private school in 9th grade a lot of people are new. I'm hoping that will work in my kid's favor.

 

[RedAngie]

I didn't move, but I did change from public to a private church run school my Freshman year. Just didn't work out. The private schools class schedules were way out of wack with the public schools. I had to take summer school to catch back up. Because I didn't move, that was the only impact, as my friends were still around, I just didn't go to the same school as them for a year.

I went to a Catholic Archdiocese school from K to 6. In the later 60s/early 70s, it was the norm for a “public” kid transferring to Catholic school to have to repeat the grade they just finished. Supposedly the Catholic schools had higher standards than Philadelphia public schools and the Archdiocese didn’t want publics to fall behind.

To a large extent this was true, but maybe the Archdiocese just wanted an extra year of tuition money.

As for the Catholic high schools at the time, entrance exams were required and you were assigned a school based on the test results.

 

[Tattylou]

We didn’t move, but my son just started high school at the regional vocational technical school and it’s in another town. He really wanted to go there and it is pretty competitive to get into- he only knows 4 other boys from our town who go there - he’s loving it so far. I am sure it helped that the freshman all came from different towns in the region. So he wasn’t the “new” kid bc they were all new to that school. He does still see his friends who went to the local high school pretty consistently bc they still play town and AAU sports together.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

She's in a public school now. Just now looking into private schools in the area. Yeah, it's a whole thing to get in - application, visit, test, interview, essay...ugh.

My daughter's school/shadow visit is actually what moved her opinion of making the switch to the new school. She met a few really nice kids (the ones who sign up for shadowing always are), realized they were pretty much just like her & she decided to leave her old school & friends behind. As far your/her frustrations with the application, visit, test, interview essay, etc process? It's good practice for when she applies for college. Ours is in the midst of applying for 10 schools she really wants to go to (lol) & it's a slog & a half

 

[RedAngie]

We moved just before DDs entered 8th and 11th grades. Older DD handled it very well. She joined the soccer team and several other clubs and found new friends easily.

Younger DD had a tougher time. She’s more of an introvert and had a difficult time adjusting. She never did find her groove here. After HS, she went to community college for a year then decided she’d rather move back to California with her father. It took a while to adjust there too but she finally did and is happy.

 

[mrodgers]

I went to 3 different HS's in the late '70's. Would have been 4 but my mom out here foot down and my dad didn't transfer and stayed put. 3000,, 350, and 3500 students each.

It wasn't too bad, It allowed me to reinvent myself each time and get more and more weird, in a good way. Remains a high performing student, all honor courses, as well as lots of extracurricular activities.

Only down side was I ended up becoming one of those undesirable Legacy Fans.

Curious, was that 3000, 350, and 3500 school size (9-12 or 7-12) or was that class size? I didn't move, but my school size was over 2000 but our schools are all only 2 classes. So I moved 5 school buildings, but only once in 3rd grade from one location to another. The rest were the same kids moving to different school buildings after all the elementary once combined for Jr. high school.

When my brother was in kindergarten 3 years younger than I am was the only year we were in the same school together.

 

[abdmom]

I have 3 kids. Two of them attended 2 different middle schools. These changes were due to moves. Both of them went to a different middle school for 8th grade only and both liked the new middle school better than the old one. They're adults now and both would still say that the change in schools was a positive experience. The third child moved from being a day student at a private school to a different private school as a boarding student 5000 miles away after 9th grade. This was their choice. Like their older siblings, they preferred the new school and would make the same choice again.

 

[MICKIMINI]

Our son was offered the opportunity to attend a classic New England prep school for 8th grade. We held our breath and let him make the decision and he chose to attend which guaranteed him a spot through high school.

He was so far ahead of his classmates he really had to push forward. Two of his former classmates were best man and an usher at his wedding. He spent some summers in college working out west with lots of his prep school buddies. I'm sure the transition was much more difficult than he let on, however the experience, he admits, changed his life.

 

[mickeyboat]

I did not move my kids, and it was because I moved a lot growing up. It was REALLY hard and we committed to not moving our kids unless it was absolutely necessary.

I found that if the other kids knew I was new, they were pretty welcoming and friendly. When they did not know I was new, like when I started a new high school where several junior highs were merging, it was really tough to make friends. Also moving from a very small private school to a very large public one was very difficult.

I managed fine, but my younger brother did not.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

We moved from California to Georgia when daughter was entering 5th grade. She went from a private school in California to a public school in GA. Though she didn't mind the switch from private to pubic. Moved to a very highly rated school district with a ranked high school. Believe it or not, class work was harder in public school than private. She struggled at first and it eventually got better. Friends/socialization has been difficult, still is. My daughter said kids already had their set groups, especially the "popular kids"...they were very harsh. She did make some friends but nothing lasted. One by one they were treating her badly and using her. They say things, "I only went with you because I felt bad for you" and "I only asked you go to because such and such wasn't available." Not nice and not true friends. That part has been most difficult and still is. She's a junior in HS now with excellent grades and honor roll. But it does way heavy on me that no one her age calls her or is really friends with her. She does speak to other kids in her classes, but that's it.

 

[peabody58]

Curious, was that 3000, 350, and 3500 school size (9-12 or 7-12) or was that class size?

Grades 9-12. Class size. Oak Park, IL (73); Reedsburg, WI (74); Downers Grove, IL (75-76)

 

[mrodgers]

Grades 9-12. Class size. Oak Park, IL (73); Reedsburg, WI (74); Downers Grove, IL (75-76)

Wow, I had a lot of kids in my class at near 1000. 3500 kids is insane.

When my wife was always asking me if I knew him or her in the wedding announcements in the paper, I finally had to tell her, I had more kids fail 12th grade than she had in her entire class. I don't know all of them.

 

[fly girl]

She's in a public school now. Just now looking into private schools in the area. Yeah, it's a whole thing to get in - application, visit, test, interview, essay...ugh.

If you’re looking at catholic schools, like PP said it is a small nuisance but good prep for later. (I only know catholic schools from experience, but I’m sure other private schools are similar.)

Get a shadow visit set up ASAP. She will really get a glimpse of a day as a student there. That will tell you how to move forward. (FWIW, my daughter shadowed 3 high schools to see which one would be the best fit.)

 

[VandVsmama]

That's all you need! Does she hang out with them outside of school?

She chats regularly outside of school w/her friends, but they don't really hang out. It's a charter school, so everybody lives sort of all over the place. None of her friends live in our neighborhood, for example.