A long vent.... ***Update Pg. 2***

[Disney Doll]

Dopn't be jealous of the stuff. They are probably in hock up to their eyebrows. You said you were stuck with a lot of debt when you and he divorced...remember, a leopard doesn't change his spots!

As for the child support thing...he is required to pay that by law, and shouldn't be let off so easily. I agree with the other posters who have said look into garnishing his wages so that your support check comes off the top before he even sees the money.I had a friend who did this with her ex-H, and it made a world of difference!

 

[PamOKW]

Just wanted to say that your feelings of hurt/jealousy/anger were perfectly normal and it's great that you realized that you were feeling them. It was wrong for a lot of reasons to take your daughter last minute to participate in their wedding and to have her be the one to tell you. But, it's done with now.

The child support is another matter. That is his legal and moral obligation. It's not something to be put off any more than skipping a utility or rent bill.

I would let the jealousy of their material items go. I think you probably already have. I would not let him get away with missing child support and I would clearly lay out visitation. While your daughter is visiting, they must arrange for her care.

 

[Desiree]

Hey guys.. wanted to give an update.

We're all doing much better now. It had gotten so bad the other day that Ex threatened to take Devyn away. At that point Chris lost it and sent him a really nasty email. We both know he shouldn't have, but he did feel alot better afterwards. Ex, of course, showed his true colors and spewed his venom right back. I managed to get Chris to lay off this issue and not reply again. In the midst of all of this, I get an email from the new wife. She was very supportive and understanding but also gave indication as to why Ex did what he did. (Which there still was no excuse for).

I explained to her all of the issues that we had and why Ex and I agreed on that certain amount of money to begin with. I also explained to her that we rely on the money Ex gives as part of our living expenses. I told her that essentially all I wanted from Ex was to give me a simple explanation as to why I can't have the money then, and when I was to get it. I also told her that I had mailed bills off the day before I was even set to receive the money and that since the money was so late (We did get the money from him a day ago), most of those checks bounced and now I have overdraft fees. She also explained to me that she thought Ex told us about the marriage and surmised that it didnt surprise her that he didnt in the end. She did apologize for that also. She did feel that I had a right to know. She promised that if something ever came up with the money issue again, we would be able to work it out and that she wanted to start getting Devyn every other weekend (as stated in the divorce). She also explained that Ex isn't as bad as this all looks and that he does put Devyn first. I still have my doubts on that. It's obvious that Ex still has alot of the same communication issues that he had during our marraige.

Chris and I still think that we are going to go ahead and just have a lawyer review all this stuff anyways, just to protect ourselves in the future in case this happens again. And he wasn't happy about it, but Chris did send an apology to Ex and his wife. But that was a big step for him and I am proud of him. He just did what came natural and he wanted to protect us.


Desiree'

 

[Rajah]

Sounds like you might actually be able to work things out with the ex's new wife.

I think you're right to get the lawyer to check things out.

 

[kejoda]

Yes get the lawyer. Its sounds like the new wife looks at your ex through rose colored glasses. Good luck Desiree! {{{HUGS}}}

 

[Dan Murphy]

Glad to hear things are a bit more civil, Des, my continued best wishes for you guys.

Dan

 

[Beauty]

I think its really good that his new wife is acting adult and mature. Of course she is going to stand up for your x but at least she does see things your way. Thats a wonderful step! Good luck to you!!

 

[nativetxn]

I'm really glad things are a little better. Hope you can get this settled as amicably as possible.

{{{HUGS}}} for you my friend

 

[Disneymomma]

Try to stay away from those as they can be used against you later if it does go to court, especially if ex threatens to take child away from you. The comunication about the child really should be between you and EX and both of your SO should be on the sideline. Although it is nice the new wife is trying hard to communicate, it is his child and his responsibility. It is such a hard situation and ultimately, it is the child who suffers when/if they become aware of these adult conflicts. I wish you the best of luck, as I know how hard it is. Get specific court orders spelling it all out and CS deducted directly from his check, then you don't have to go through all this aggravation.

 

[skuttle]

Oh Des...I missed this post the first time around.

I am so sorry that you Ex has put you, Chris, and Dev through all of this. {{{Hugs}}} to you all!

I'm glad to hear that it has gotten a little better.

Hang in there, Des!!

 

[ryanpatricksmom]

I just wanted to let you know that most jurisdictions will take care of child support issues for you for a nominal fee. It is in the state's best interest to ensure that all non-custodial parents pay their child support. After all, the additional funds that the custodial parent receives can mean the difference between being in a state funded welfare program or not. Contact your local family court system. They will review the child support payment amount (and increase if necessary), as well as set things in place to have his wages garnished in the future. There is no need in most states to use your hard-earned money to engage an attorney after an order is already in place. The time to spend the dollars on a good attorney is while the agreement is being worked out!

 

[Desiree]

Originally posted by Disneymomma
Try to stay away from those as they can be used against you later if it does go to court, especially if ex threatens to take child away from you. The comunication about the child really should be between you and EX and both of your SO should be on the sideline.

Unfortunatly communication with this man is next to impossible. After my 3rd email to him just asking what was up with the money, I did mention getting another lawyer, only then did he reply and his reply was what really started this whole mess. Other than that it's like talking to a brick wall.

Get specific court orders spelling it all out and CS deducted directly from his check, then you don't have to go through all this aggravation.

I went back to my lawyer initially and asked about direct deposit. He said that unfortunately because it's a courtesy that I'm even given the money (!), I have to get it any way I can. Plus I dont trust a check from him. I'd rather drive the 45 minutes round trip to his bank and have the money in hand than sit through waiting if a check was to come and if it may bounce.