I am so very sorry Colleen.
I hesitate to say more, as you have wonderful advice. But just the other day I thought of a choice I made that still gives me comfort to this day, four years in.
I struggled in mourning and planning with the fear of not honouring her enough. It sat with me hour by hour - day by day. Sometimes left me in tears, the fear felt debilitating.
I took some time, closed my eyes and visualized what honouring would look like for her. My mother could grace a table like no other a la the dressing of it all, as well as the food. And documented every moment of our lives, and hers before us.
So I concentrated on those two things.
I went to Staples and blew up poster boards of my mother and her life and with us. Some fun ones like my parents in one of those old time carnival cut outs. And I went to a dollar store and bought about fifty frames, to house a myriad of copied pictures - some sized to 5x7 some 8x10. It was strangely comforting to do the tedious work of filling so many frames, while aching for her. And gracing the tables and ledges with memories of her life. It felt more *at home* and comforting to see.
And I told those there to take anything they wanted home. And they did. .A lot left with a picture/photo frame in hand. My uncle, before I even said it, walked around with a poster board in his arms the entire time. And explained the beach holiday from the 50s to his children and anyone else that he could get to listen. It gave him such comfort.
I sometimes see these pictures, gracing others' homes.
I did it to honour her but I could not have realized how much joy and comfort it would bring others to share memories from pictures. Tangible in their hands. And talk and smile together and sometimes shed a tear.
Although I would have been fine with any food, we spent the money on exquisite catering. Because she made us all - the extended family and friends as well - feel loved that exact
way with her own food. The displaying of food and desserts was just as important as the item in her life.
Rambling it all out, but my suggestion is simply take a quiet moment to think of what you truly want for your mother. Your wants and thoughts, not other voices.
These very simple things brought a lot of peace for me, then and now. And peace is so important.
Please look after yourself. I am so very sorry.
------
And Colleen, if you need or want time and the religion allows for it - take it. There is no rule book on timing.