Help with issues with my ex-husband--edit

[amberpi]

@MrsCobraBubbles - I want to send you the best wishes. These things aren’t easy. I hope it gets better for you soon. I pray every night for my husband to have a better relationship with his kids mom. I have a few others I include in that. I’d happily include you too.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I feel for you, I'm currently trying my hardest to get finalize a divorce decree with my husband. It's been nearly three years since I filed, he's still fighting me tooth and nail. My kids haven't seen their dad in over two years either. Best of luck to you, it's a difficult thing to go through.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

First, Hugs!! Many, many hugs!!

1. Change your email now! Why is he still able to contact you directly? No good can ever come from that.
2. DO NOT send that email! You will be the direct cause of him escalating from that content. (not that the jerk doesn't deserve it)
3. Contact your lawyer asap! Focus solely on the FACTS with the lawyer. Days, times, dates of last contact. That he blocked you when you tried to send a message from DD. That you have no way to contact him on the kids behalf.
I understand that this is very emotional for you....but the "law" will really only recognize factual information.
Please stay safe!

it is a bit passive aggressive, now that i am reading it again. I won't send it, I'll talk to the lawyer.

He still has my email and phone number because it's a small town, even if I changed them he would still get them if he talked to the right people. It goes both ways--if I needed to contact him I could have, even after he changed his phone number. All I'd have to do is ask around, someone would give it to me.

 

[wenrob]

Letting your lawyer handle it is the smartest thing to do and will be worth the money. He’s trying to rattle you, a response is exactly what he wants. Don’t let him have the satisfaction. Remember, going for custody will cost him lots of money and once the courts know he HAS money it’s going to cost him more. He’s not going to do that. If for some reason he does then Girl, you go after his butt with both barrels.

 

[Lilsia]

If he takes you to court for visitations or custody, he is going to end up paying a bunch of child support, both current and past. Any lawyer will tell him that. Sounds like he is still trying to bully you. Let the lawyer handle it.

 

[focusondisney]

Oh my gosh, disengage. Stop letting him dictate your life. That he has a mental illness is an excuse you are still using to let him control you. Let your lawyer handle it. And please consider counseling to help you find the strength to stand up for your self & get on with your life.

 

[mumto3girls]

I don’t have any answers, but wanted to wish you the best. You come across as a kind and caring mom in your posts and it sounds as if you (and your kids) have been through a lot. I am guessing that the previous posters are correct and you should let your attorney handle the correspondence.

 

[martikus]

I hope you are seeking counseling? A victim of domestic violence, even just verbal, there is no way you are seeing situations clearly. You need strong people in your corner advocating for you!

So what if you don’t respond and he escalates? Get a restraining order. He’s a bully who knows how to push your buttons. Stop giving him the power!

Even if he finds your phone and email. Stop engaging. Block him every time. Do not check his social media. Block him.

I can’t imagine what you’ve been through and how strong you must have been to leave him. But the scars are deep. Let your lawyer handle. Always.

Hugs.

 

[cabanafrau]

Don't send that email. Contacting your lawyer is a good idea, however ignoring his message entirely can cut against you and appear as if you are indeed actively attempting to alienate the children from him. Any response to him should be entirely neutral, i.e. "the kids' phone numbers, emails are exactly the same as they were the last time you were in contact two years ago, you should have no problem contacting them directly." If you prefer arrangements go through you put the ball back in his court asking what plans he would like to make, or letting him know when his scheduled time is or whatever your situation is. Just keep the contact neutral and benign, demonstrating your cooperativeness.

You likely already are aware of this, but obtaining a restraining order isn't simply a matter of requesting it. Restraining orders are serious matters in court and they are difficult to get -- demonstrating good cause with substantial evidence is often a high bar in situations like this. Judges can believe the person petitioning and still be unable to grant the request absent substantial admissible evidence. Your lawyer will be able to guide you as to whether you'll be able to show good cause.

ETA Preserve all emails he sends you, and any you send him. Also preserve any evidence on phones, yours or the kids'. If need be your lawyer can subpoena records from the phone company to prove he has made zero attempt to contact any of you for quite some time.

 

[Allison]

He isn't going to sue you for custody, he doesn't want to spend time with the kids. It is a threat to have power over you.

 

[cabanafrau]

If you want to put your mind at ease about a custody battle google what the criterion is in your state to petition for a change of custody. Here it requires a demonstrable change in circumstances. It's probably fairly similar in most states. The fact that he hasn't seen the kids for so long can be proven to be his doing fairly easily. First up is the fact he let such a long period of time go by without coming into court for the court's assistance. Second, your attorney can bring in official phone records from the phone company for records for yourself and the kids, showing that he has made no contact. Then the shoe is on his foot to provide proof he attempted to make contact and was denied by you. All of the objective evidence cuts in your favor.

 

[RUDisney]

I'm so sorry that you were right about this. Let your lawyer handle this.

 

[Miffy]

Oh, MrsCobraBubbles, You are having a terrible time here. Sending you some support and love.

Meanwhile, I agree with several (all?) of the other posters--do not send the email. Don't engage with him in any way at all. I notice you said something to the effect that he doesn't like to be ignored. This is just one more way he has of manipulating you/your responses. He knows that you know he doesn't like to be ignored, so he's trying to get a response from you. That's what your lawyer is for.

As for what all this is going to cost you--and I realize that I'm not the one paying for it, you are--but in the end, it'll be worth it. Because you have a professional handling this for you. You absolutely cannot do this yourself. You've already let this guy run roughshod over you. Now's the time to stop and take care of yourself and your kids. Unfortunately, right now while money is tight, the expense seems overly burdensome. But later, you'll be glad you spent it.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

OP - I feel terrible for you, this sucks.

It’s time for you to break away from the victim mentality, and stop avoiding making this a legal battle. I get why your lawyer originally recommended you lay low, but that obviously isn’t working now. If your current lawyer won’t fight for your kids tooth and nail, find one who will. And you may have to pay for supervised visits, but I believe that sometimes it is better to deal with the devil you know (scheduled supervised visits) than the devil you don’t (when is he going to show up and ruin my life again.).

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

Send him one response only. "Please direct all communications to my lawyer at [Lawyer's name, firm name, and address]."

Make sure you forward that e-mail to your lawyer so that she has it in your file.

 

[SharonZ]

I would forward the e-mail to your attorney, and let her decide what your response should be.