How close are you to your breaking point?

[Dole_whip_doll]

Personally—I’m doing fine. I go to the grocery store about once a week and buy needed items for myself, parents, relatives. I’ve been trying new recipes and infusing vodkas. Reading more and trying to watch tv less. I’m not an exercise person, so no changes there. I was able to take a road trip. Some relatives a few hours away were repeatedly not finding things they need and I found them and vice versa, so we did a ice chest on he porch switch off.

professionally—I’m sure you’ve seen my posts all over the boards about working taking its toll on me. It’s not working from home, higher ups, workload or anything like that, it’s the constant attacks from parents that seems to have really hit a high level. That’s where I’m at my breaking point.

 

[Searc]

My youngest is struggling with on-line classes too. He is definitely the type of kid/learner that needs to go to class. He needs to ask his classmates and teachers questions face to face. On-line learning is a disaster for him.

He was due to graduate in May, but its not going to happen. He already knows that he is not going to be able to pass one of his classes. Before the shut down he was doing great in all of his classes. But, this one has done him in. None of us are stressed about it though. We are just hoping that he can re-take it this Fall and graduate in December.

Best of luck to your son!

Don't give up on him graduating in May. Please have him contact his prof and explain what's been going on. I think there will be a lot of leeway given, especially with students due to graduate.

 

[mmouse37]

We are good....I have only been to the grocery store twice in the last 6 weeks. Went to CVS 2 times as well. Been to our local form stand for some veggies but food wise we are OK. I froze a bunch of meals when this started. Family members have been picking up things for us here and there when they are out like milk and TP.

We are content. Luckily we have a fairly large yard where we can go and hang out when the weather is nice (which is hasn't been). We talk with family all the time.

Looking forward to when things open up again but we can get through it for another month or so if that is what it takes. After that who knows!!! Ask me at the end of May. I could be pulling my hair out by then.

MJ

 

[Colleen27]

My house is, frankly, a zoo right now. We went from just having gotten used to being a household of three (and modifying common spaces accordingly, which in hindsight was a mistake) to having all four kids at home again, practically overnight, and it had the effect of an earthquake on our routines and habits. Both of my young-adult sons were off work (one went back this past week but it looks like it'll only last a few more days unless the UAW signs off on the Big Three restarting, the other still doesn't have a restart date from his plant) and have gone full-out nocturnal gamer geek. DD18 is still on California time because of Zoom calls for classes and clubs and study groups. DH has been working right along and is up at the crack of dawn. And both girls are trying to do school from home. I'm an introvert, and I think I went about three weeks without ever being completely alone except in the bathroom before I really started climbing the walls. The wacky weather and garden center closures weren't helping anything - usually my gardens are my escape when the activity level in the house gets to be too much for me.

But I took the girls and went up north the minute it was not expressly prohibited, and now I'm doing fine. Hiked 5 miles this morning on sand dunes and the whole lower half of my body hurts, in the best of ways, and then had coffee on the deck watching the deer graze by the pond. I think we're staying until DD18 is done with her finals so she can work in the peace and quiet here instead of fighting to get a quiet corner at home for a few hours at a stretch. I packed in enough groceries for two weeks and I don't anticipate having to see another human being other than in passing at the parks for at least that long.

ETA: I do worry about my mom. I think she's getting to the point where she's just done being home alone, though it seems to depend on the day and how she's feeling when I walk to her. She and a friend have been getting together for backyard chats, from a distance, on nice days and I know that's helping, but I also know she really wants to see the kids. She keeps telling me that at her age it isn't so easy to say "We'll get together when this ends", as though the wait is nothing more than an inconvenience, and I know she consumes way too much pessimistic media because she's mentioned things like the possibility of this not being over before DD graduates (she's class of 2023, maybe 2024 if she decides to take a year off to avoid taking her labs online next school year).

 

[Searc]

I’m surprised at how many anti social people enjoy Disney so much. I don’t say that to be a smart *** either. It’s just surprising. I work with a lot of people who aren’t social at all and really aren’t “people persons” and they all despise Disney or any places that have lots of people. I would think if you don’t like socializing and would rather stay home than be around people that you would hate Disney or any type of theme park or places with large groups of people.

Introvert does not equal anti-social.

 

[mom2rtk]

When it’s your job, you don’t have the choice to up and leave whenever you feel like it. Even if the boss said to take a vacation in the middle of an emergency (which would never happen), most in this situation wouldn’t because it would be extremely unfair to our co-workers and patients.

People have been told many times over the course of the last 6 weeks or so that a job isn't that important.

 

[Searc]

It's been interesting here. My husband owns a small electrical contracting business which has taken us on a roller coaster ride. Everytime he assures me that no more jobs are coming in and he might have to let his two employees go and shutter the business for awhile he gets a call and more work appears. We were sure we would lose our wonderful employees a few weeks ago and now he's booked through next Friday for sure.

I'm an ESL teacher and am working from home doing online learning. It is challenging and a break all in one. I miss my students so much and it's much more difficult trying to do online learning with kids that speak very little English. My position is new for me and this year has been stressful so I will say this has been a bit of a break career wise. I still work from 7-4 most days and definitely put in hours over the weekend but not having the pressure of looking good, wearing the right clothes, having nails/hair done, getting up at 5:30, working out after work and having only an hour or two after that before having to go to bed again, etc. has been nice.

My son, 22, is home from college and that has some problems associated bc my husband (his stepdad) can be critical and nitpicking with him. I feel like I'm in the middle and constantly walking on eggshells. On the other side I've loved having him home and we have had lots of quality time. I'm still wrapping my head around him being here all summer since he was supposed to do an internship that got cancelled. And I really feel for him bc he certainly didn't want to be a 22 year old young man at home for months with his mom and stepdad. Hopefully he will still graduate in December and the job market will be better.

My husband has very firm ideas about how things should happen. He feels like he has to give me "projects" or tasks bc he doesn't feel I'm using my time wisely if I'm just working on the computer or reading a book or doing a jigsaw puzzle. For example, he felt the back of the house needed painting so I was asked (required) to go out after I worked 8 hours and paint for 4 hours. If I refuse he wouldn't do anything serious but just be highly unkind about my choices, work ethic, laziness, etc. It is stressful being an adult and feeling stuck in another person's narrative. I do love my husband, he just isn't easy to live with 24/7.

My mom is 78 and we lost my dad last July. She is about 1.5 hours away and I haven't seen her since this all started. We talk every other day but I worry about her. She was very social and I know misses her church family and all her friends. She definitely has a busier social life than me. I might break down next weekend and go see her just to sit in the backyard and talk. She seems ok but I know she's lonely.

I miss my friends so much. We Zoom and text constantly but I need a hug from my besties. And some fun.

I feel so grateful to have a job and food and a roof over our head. Such conflicting emotions throughout each day and the anxiety that comes with them are exhausting. I absolutely cannot complain though, I'm just ready to live life again instead of making it through the day or existing.

Your husband sounds like an ******* who contributes nothing positive to your or your child's life.

 

[texaslover]

Your husband sounds like an ******* who contributes nothing positive to your or your child's life.

I'm not oblivious to this. A pandemic highlights flaws that were already there. I'm surviving not making big decisions. And believe me, I can stand up for myself and my son as needed. My son is shielded from most of it as the nitpicking is usually comments or discussions directed at me. Honestly, who knows what will happen in the future.

I feel like my experience is indicative of many people's but most won't admit to it. It's not fun to say that being with your loved one 24/7 isn't always wonderful. Who knows, I'm doing the best I can right now and will make big decisions as this comes to an end and I have more options.

 

[Pink Partridge]

Don't give up on him graduating in May. Please have him contact his prof and explain what's been going on. I think there will be a lot of leeway given, especially with students due to graduate.

If ever a university was dedicated to pushing its seniors through!! NOW is the time!

 

[mimijudy1975]

I'm not oblivious to this. A pandemic highlights flaws that were already there. I'm surviving not making big decisions. And believe me, I can stand up for myself and my son as needed. My son is shielded from most of it as the nitpicking is usually comments or discussions directed at me. Honestly, who knows what will happen in the future.

I feel like my experience is indicative of many people's but most won't admit to it. It's not fun to say that being with your loved one 24/7 isn't always wonderful. Who knows, I'm doing the best I can right now and will make big decisions as this comes to an end and I have more options.

I will pray for you that you and your son will
have peace and good times with each other. You are a very caring mother.

 

[smmco]

I'm good, but I'm working and I live in a state with relaxed restrictions. If I wasn't working I wouldn't be OK financially or mentally. I'm looking forward to my Summer vacations. I don't know if my current plans will be cancelled, but I'm definitely flying somewhere and doing something fun. I worry a lot about the economy and where this all headed. I fear it's going to get really bad, but I"m not at my breaking point.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I'm not oblivious to this. A pandemic highlights flaws that were already there. I'm surviving not making big decisions. And believe me, I can stand up for myself and my son as needed. My son is shielded from most of it as the nitpicking is usually comments or discussions directed at me. Honestly, who knows what will happen in the future.

I feel like my experience is indicative of many people's but most won't admit to it. It's not fun to say that being with your loved one 24/7 isn't always wonderful. Who knows, I'm doing the best I can right now and will make big decisions as this comes to an end and I have more options.

I truly admire your ability to see his behavior for what is and talk about it objectively instead of getting defensive and making excuses for him. No one should feel they have to walk on eggshells in a relationship. I’m sorry for your situation and I wish you the best.

 

[Pink Partridge]

My son, 22, is home from college and that has some problems associated bc my husband (his stepdad) can be critical and nitpicking with him. I feel like I'm in the middle and constantly walking on eggshells. On the other side I've loved having him home and we have had lots of quality time. I'm still wrapping my head around him being here all summer since he was supposed to do an internship that got cancelled. And I really feel for him bc he certainly didn't want to be a 22 year old young man at home for months with his mom and stepdad. Hopefully he will still graduate in December and the job market will be better.

My husband has very firm ideas about how things should happen. He feels like he has to give me "projects" or tasks bc he doesn't feel I'm using my time wisely if I'm just working on the computer or reading a book or doing a jigsaw puzzle. For example, he felt the back of the house needed painting so I was asked (required) to go out after I worked 8 hours and paint for 4 hours. If I refuse he wouldn't do anything serious but just be highly unkind about my choices, work ethic, laziness, etc. It is stressful being an adult and feeling stuck in another person's narrative. I do love my husband, he just isn't easy to live with 24/7.

So, now is not the best time to present this. But I feel I must. My child is home from college and having the time of their life. Breakfast in bed. Gourmet dinners. I even cleaned their bathroom. The gratitude is thanks enough for me. I know classes are still going on. I will pamper. How lucky am I to have my child back home!

But their are reports of bitter parents. Parents that are less than happy to have young adults return home. Charging them rent. Charging them water use. It is so detrimental to students that are trying to adjust to life at home, vs. life on college campus. It makes me sick.

Please choose your son. Your husband is not a good person. I know that you know that because you are to the "walking on eggshells" point. He has assigned you projects. He is assigning you chores. You are grown. You should not be assigned chores by a spouse. You know that. He is exuding abusive behaviors. You do not have to live this life even though you love him.

And I know it's not the time. But always (ALWAYS) remember how he treated your child in his time of need. Pay attention to that.

I wish you the best. I wish your son better.

 

[Pink Partridge]

I'm not oblivious to this. A pandemic highlights flaws that were already there. I'm surviving not making big decisions. And believe me, I can stand up for myself and my son as needed. My son is shielded from most of it as the nitpicking is usually comments or discussions directed at me. Honestly, who knows what will happen in the future.

I feel like my experience is indicative of many people's but most won't admit to it. It's not fun to say that being with your loved one 24/7 isn't always wonderful. Who knows, I'm doing the best I can right now and will make big decisions as this comes to an end and I have more options.

You are an honest person. I admire that.

 

[cobright]

Not even close!!! You have a choice I & other doctors, nurses, emts, Leo do not have the luck of your choice You get to stay home with family. Do actually realize most of us are sleeping far away from family so we don’t infect them so poor you for being safe.
How many are your colleagues are on respirators? How many are in protocols? You have to stay in your couch omg!!!!

Not a single person here has suggested that those of us affected by stay at home orders or self-isolation are going through anything comparable to that of a first responder or medical worker. Nor is it comparable to the risk and stress felt by those who don't have the choice to stay at home. If there was a single thing I could do to reduce the burden you face, I would do it and so would most of us here.

But you don't get to set the bar. You don't get to decide that the stress the rest of us feel isn't real and worthy of empathy and fellowship. You've got co-workers on ventilators, would you be less stressed by this locked in your home? We are all here watching the death toll rise. We, all of us, are worried that someday it might touch us as closely as you feel now; our friends, coworkers, parents, children, ourselves. Counterintuitively the anxiety is compounded by being penned up; we feel powerless and that can be terrifying.

You don't get to gatekeep coronavirus anxiety. Your profession and your sacrifice has earned you my greatest respect, but it does not excuse cruelty.

 

[LSUmiss]

We did “break” & haD ppl over yesterday for DS’ bday. It was only ppl we have seen recently who live near us & none of us goes anywhere else. But technically we shouldn’t have, but we all kinda agreed we just didn’t care anymore. Two relatives who are police officers stayed away though b/c of their daily exposure. We still kinda social distanced...no hugs hello/goodbye etc.

 

[Nox]

Honestly, I'm having a hard time. The loss of normalcy is threatening my ability to be okay.

I am starting to struggle getting out of bed. Yesterday, I woke up at 8:00am, crawled to the couch, and slept there until 2:30. I have many things I could do, things that I usually enjoy doing, here at home - I have two baby quilts to work on. I have paintings I could work on. I have stories I could write. I don't want to do any of it. None of these things that I usually enjoy are making me happy. I have no appetite. I'm not interested in food or eating whatsoever. I've managed to make myself drink a nutritional shake and have a few crackers each day, but even that feels like a chore. I don't even really feel like chatting with friends online anymore. I just sort of sit and watch them talk at me. I sit on here and scroll up and down just to feel like I'm doing something more than staring at a screen.

I am fortunate to still be working. I don't see it as a burden. But my patients rely on me being okay. And I'm not really okay anymore. I don't need a break; work is one of the few things I am able to pull myself out of bed for. My position was always high stakes and high stress, and it will be after this is over, too. It's the loss of everything else.

No amount of being told "it could be worse," or "everyone else is handling this just fine" is going to fix what I'm experiencing. My brain is saying scary things I can usually deal with. Losing my routine, losing my outside coping mechanisms, losing the things that make me feel normal is very difficult for me. I'm not going stir-crazy. I'm empty and hopeless.

Sorry to be a downer. But it seems no one wants to hear about how hard this is - and some of us can't help the reasons that it's hard.

 

[cobright]

what makes you think the poster can easily take time off? Or that there’s a choice?

Right now, and for the foreseeable future, EMT job security is at an all time high.

Honestly, I'm having a hard time. The loss of normalcy is threatening my ability to be okay.

I wish there was something to say that would make you feel better. This major change in how the world works is a kind of trauma. I watched something horrible happen once and it took me a long time to accept that just being there as an observer damaged me inside.

I can only suggest that you call your physician and tell them exactly what you just wrote. If your doc prescribes you something, take it, they really do help.

 

[Carol_]

So just an FYI for those who may need it...”There’s an app for that...”
Betterhelp and Talkspace (among other) apps connect you to an online therapist who can help if you’re losing it. No need to leave the house.

 

[texaslover]

So, now is not the best time to present this. But I feel I must. My child is home from college and having the time of their life. Breakfast in bed. Gourmet dinners. I even cleaned their bathroom. The gratitude is thanks enough for me. I know classes are still going on. I will pamper. How lucky am I to have my child back home!

But their are reports of bitter parents. Parents that are less than happy to have young adults return home. Charging them rent. Charging them water use. It is so detrimental to students that are trying to adjust to life at home, vs. life on college campus. It makes me sick.

Please choose your son. Your husband is not a good person. I know that you know that because you are to the "walking on eggshells" point. He has assigned you projects. He is assigning you chores. You are grown. You should not be assigned chores by a spouse. You know that. He is exuding abusive behaviors. You do not have to live this life even though you love him.

And I know it's not the time. But always (ALWAYS) remember how he treated your child in his time of need. Pay attention to that.

I wish you the best. I wish your son better.

Thank you! I do the same for my son. I make breakfast and lunch and dinner. We are vegetarians but I make two meals 3 times per day bc my son eats meat. I buy his favorite treats at the store. I listen to his music with him in the backyard even though I don't like much of it. I play weird Playstation games with him when he seems like he wants company. I listen to his opinions on this pandemic and validate them even if they don't match my own thinking. I've bought him a bass guitar and equipment for him to make music on his Macbook bc he enjoys that and can't afford it. I'm a pretty damn good mom and his life is easy at this point. It's me who is in the middle and has anxiety - I've shielded him from most of that.