Invited to a Shrimp Boil and Told to Bring the Shrimp

[White Cat]

Invited to SILs and BILs Shrimp Boil dinner in two weeks. Our three adult kids were also invited. We were then told to bring 8 pounds of shrimp.

The dinner is at the lake where we all have houses. Based on last year I would say there will be 25-30 people and about 10 are under the age of 18. I am assuming someone else (maybe the hosts) are also providing some shrimp, but I am sure we are the only guest family brining 8 pounds. Twelve of the attendees are actual family. The rest are all friends who also have homes on the lake.

Everyone brings their own beverages. I also fully expected to bring a food contribution and I am sure the other attendees will also. Last year we brought a charcuterie board (basically everything on it was devoured prior to dinner) and I made cookies and brownies (which were also devoured as the other desserts were store bought nothing special). Between the two it was not cheap, and took a lot of time to make and assemble, but my daughter and I did it together and had fun doing it. It was also what I wanted to bring so I was happy to do it and the cost was my choice.

Not thrilled bringing the shrimp and IMHO 8 pounds is a big ask. I cannot fathom hosting a decent sized dinner party and having someone else basically bring the main dish. While we can afford it, I feel like they are dictating to me how much money I have to spend to attend this party. Kind of like a price of admission.

I will also not be attending the dinner as it conflicts with the Ohio State football game that I want to watch. I may end up over there later in the evening, but it would be well after dinner was over. I told DH this as soon as we received the invite.

And the final kicker, they are having tshirts made for all the adult attendees that they are purchasing. They did this last year also. My tshirt ended up in my rag basket as I will never wear a tshirt with "Smith" family Shrimp Boil 2020 that is a size too big. I truly do not need another shirt with the year 2021 on it and I know they are doing them again.

Just venting, but I feel kind of used in this whole process.

Decline the offer. Or go and be happy.

 

[1GoldenSun]

That's like inviting someone for Thanksgiving and asking them to bring the turkey.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

What the heck is a shrimp boil?

You're choosing to watch some college football game over spending time with family? Can you just ask them to have the game on? But again college football here is not really a thing so I have no idea grown adults watched it unless they were parents of the players.

THIS is a recipe for a shrimp boil. You can do crawfish too.

Then you put it out on the table after draining, just in a long line or pile, and everyone digs in.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

There’s no way I would pay for 8# of shrimp for I dinner that I’m not even going to be going to. They’ll just have to make other arrangements. How rude of them to expect that of you in the first place. Sounds like my family. Nobody else wants to host the holiday dinners so I get stuck with everything from making most of the food, washing all the dishes (no dishwasher), and cleaning up. Nobody offers to help. They just show up at the last minute, sit on their butts, eat, and then leave. Didn’t have a Christmas dinner last year because of covid and I don’t think I’m going to do it this year either. I’m fed up. Time for somebody else to step up.

 

[OhDannyBoy]

I'd bring 8 shrimp and say the instructions were poor.

See if they ask you again next year....lol

 

[tzolkin]

Hosting for a large party is very expensive and sometimes stressful. I know whenever we have large get togethers with family or friends, everyone brings something, the total money spent per person on what they bring may not be equal but we all do our part.

The shirt thing isn't really my thing, but maybe the other guests really like them.

I can certainly see everyone bringing something and that the prices of the items wouldn't be exactly equal, but I can't imagine telling someone that they need to bring an item that costs over $100. Now, if the OP offered to co-host or to pay for the main dish as an act of generosity, that's fine. But to expect that when they did not offer (and even told the host they wouldn't be attending the entire event) seems ridiculous to me.

If it is actually a matter of it being too expensive for the host to afford, then perhaps they should use the money they were planning to spend on the shirts and provide the food instead.

 

[bcla]

What does it have to be? I can get frozen devined shrimp for maybe $5 a lb in 2 lb bags when it's a weekly ad special. Or maybe head to Chinatown and find head on shrimp even cheaper. I certainly wouldn't buy live shrimp for something like this.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Is DH the brother and you are the "in-law", so the request is more "this would really help me out bro" vs "this is a need so it's fair"...

If it's brother/sister, I can totally see the ask - with my allergies, when my sister was hosting out of town family and my local brother was going, too, as the 2 locals, she told him he was handling dessert and she was handling dinner, and that was that - she wasn't gonna ask me or my out of town sis for anything since we bought the plane tickets, paid for hotel rooms, and then were doing an extra drive on vacations. So, he "got told" what he had to bring, which he was fine with b/c it was the cheaper, easier option (b/c he did go buy it vs trying to make it)...

OP is also bringing technically 4 adults "families" - hers and each of her kids (even if each family is a "1")...so, if this is a "4 family" request, 2lbs/shrimp each isn't a big ask, when as PP said, you can get them for $5-8/lb on sale anywhere right now...

That said, if you don't like it, just say no and skip...I do that a lot when my other siblings are now having holiday dinners 2-3 hours away where I can't eat anything - it's not worth the time and effort for me to go and then eat little, but nor would I ask them to make a 2nd complete different holiday meal...

 

[Sinder]

I can certainly see everyone bringing something and that the prices of the items wouldn't be exactly equal, but I can't imagine telling someone that they need to bring an item that costs over $100. Now, if the OP offered to co-host or to pay for the main dish as an act of generosity, that's fine. But to expect that when they did not offer (and even told the host they wouldn't be attending the entire event) seems ridiculous to me.

If it is actually a matter of it being too expensive for the host to afford, then perhaps they should use the money they were planning to spend on the shirts and provide the food instead.

Really that all depends on the relationship and history of the OP and the hosts of the party.
I've often told my SIL (who is usually the host for our large family get togethers) to let me know "whatever she needs" me to bring. So if she told me to bring 8lbs of shrimp it wouldn't be an issue, especially if I was a party of 5 adults.

Also, if it was in issue then we wouldn't have a problem talking to the host about it. I could get mad, and vent and talk about how they do all kinds of things I don't like at their parties, or I could just text back and say- hey that's kind of alot, how I about I bring X instead.

The OP was venting, I know that, but that doesn't mean everyone that posts has to agree with her. I don't see it as a big deal, and it isn't something I'd even blink at.
She's not going to the party, it seems like a simple solution to let her dh and her adult kids decide what they want to do.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

There’s no way I would pay for 8# of shrimp for I dinner that I’m not even going to be going to. They’ll just have to make other arrangements. How rude of them to expect that of you in the first place. Sounds like my family. Nobody else wants to host the holiday dinners so I get stuck with everything from making most of the food, washing all the dishes (no dishwasher), and cleaning up. Nobody offers to help. They just show up at the last minute, sit on their butts, eat, and then leave. Didn’t have a Christmas dinner last year because of covid and I don’t think I’m going to do it this year either. I’m fed up. Time for somebody else to step up.

Make it easy on yourself if you do it again. Paper plates and cups, aluminum trays, plastic silverware > trash can.

 

[neverlandsky]

Depends. If alcohol is provided especially the good stuff, 8 lbs of shrimp isn’t a big ask.

 

[Sinder]

Depends. If alcohol is provided especially the good stuff, 8 lbs of shrimp isn’t a big ask.

LOL right. I've spent a fortune on alcohol to bring to parties, 8lbs of shrimp is a bargain!

 

[TwoMisfits]

There’s no way I would pay for 8# of shrimp for I dinner that I’m not even going to be going to. They’ll just have to make other arrangements. How rude of them to expect that of you in the first place. Sounds like my family. Nobody else wants to host the holiday dinners so I get stuck with everything from making most of the food, washing all the dishes (no dishwasher), and cleaning up. Nobody offers to help. They just show up at the last minute, sit on their butts, eat, and then leave. Didn’t have a Christmas dinner last year because of covid and I don’t think I’m going to do it this year either. I’m fed up. Time for somebody else to step up.

I would actually let your family know that you can't host this year, but you are thankful for all the years they came to your house before. Someone may step up and do the hosting for you, someone may not, but either way, you won't resent the holiday anymore...

When it's no longer a labor of love, but just a labor, it's time to give it up...

 

[Sinder]

Make it easy on yourself if you do it again. Paper plates and cups, aluminum trays, plastic silverware > trash can.

Or you can text everyone and tell them to bring something

 

[mjkacmom]

There’s no way I would pay for 8# of shrimp for I dinner that I’m not even going to be going to. They’ll just have to make other arrangements. How rude of them to expect that of you in the first place. Sounds like my family. Nobody else wants to host the holiday dinners so I get stuck with everything from making most of the food, washing all the dishes (no dishwasher), and cleaning up. Nobody offers to help. They just show up at the last minute, sit on their butts, eat, and then leave. Didn’t have a Christmas dinner last year because of covid and I don’t think I’m going to do it this year either. I’m fed up. Time for somebody else to step up.

I don’t think the situations compare, except for one family member being annoyed. The OP isn’t asked to host anything, clean up anything, cook anything, the SIL/BIL apparently host and organize this yearly event. They even make tshirts (which annoys the OP, but folks seem to love event tshirts since they are so popular).

 

[Disneybuckeye]

I want some of this $5 a pound shrimp. It is about $17 for the size we need here. Alcohol is not provided by the host.
Yes we have 3 adult children, but so does the OP and her kids were not assigned anything.
I am the outlaw and only related to the hosts by marriage. It is DH’s sister and her husband.
DH already bought the shrimp and I am going to eat and watch the game with our next door neighbors when my family goes over. The husband and I went to OSU together but did not know each other. His wife is a UC fan so we will watch that game too. We all will do what we want that evening. I am bringing food and alcohol to the neighbors also.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

They even make tshirts (which annoys the OP, but folks seem to love event tshirts since they are so popular).
[/QUOTE
I would not say they are popular. SIL is the only person I have ever seen wear it again and we see the people who will be there all the time at the lake.
I am more annoyed that they think I am a medium. I work out 4-5 days a week to stay a small.

 

[TwoMisfits]

OP, I know you were venting and that's good b/c if your spouse already was fine buying shrimp to the point he already bought it, and he and the kids are happily going, well, what's done is done...and if what's bothering you now is that he was fine with it and is going, or that they weren't concerned with your feelings and desire for a date (b/c you have other games to watch and they didn't value your preferences as much as theirs), well, that's an issue to tackle for next year, when either you ask for more participation and feedback in the event, or you ask your own family to stand with you and not go...

As for the shirt size, ummm, I wouldn't let that bother you - I'd always suggest someone wore a bigger size until they corrected me, b/c it's WAY more embarrassing for someone to have to ask for something bigger than something smaller, so erring on the side of bigger to be corrected to smaller is the safer path...

 

[mjkacmom]

When I say popular I mean in general, I have a husband who won’t toss anything, he has so many event tshirts! When my kids participated in anything there was always a tshirt. Heck growing up in the 70’s, our street had a block party every year with a T-shirt.

 

[NotUrsula]

What does it have to be? I can get frozen devined shrimp for maybe $5 a lb in 2 lb bags when it's a weekly ad special. Or maybe head to Chinatown and find head on shrimp even cheaper. I certainly wouldn't buy live shrimp for something like this.

Frozen shrimp don't work for a boil; if they are not fresh they turn into mealy goo. Absolutely not worth bothering with. (Unlike crawfish or crabs, shrimp are not boiled live, but you need to keep them fully in the shell and with heads on to cook them properly by this method.)

1.5 lbs per person is the standard portion for a boil, but that measurement is for head-on larges; the size that non-coastal folks think of as about 20 shrimp per lb. raw weight. In practice, most people err on the side of generosity and go for a ratio of 2 lbs pp., since at a boil you usually sit around talking and munching for several hours. I just checked, and local market price for these in Coastal Louisiana was running about $8/lb before the storm; you mostly cannot get them just right now because the dock facilities were hit pretty badly, and a lot of boats are in for repair.

OP, what I would do is call your SIL and ask what the expected per-family contribution is; if yours is abnormally high, then you're really a co-host, and thus get a say in the party planning. Who is covering the price of the other boil components? Stand firm on not spending money on t-shirts since the price of the food is up so much this year; & if necessary, counter with the option of a smaller souvenir instead, like a beer koozie or a water bottle cover, with a limit of 2 per family, plus stickers the kids can put on their shirts if they want to.

(I'm on the committee for a big annual non-coastal boil for a charity. We thankfully just charge all the guests a plate fee, which varies depending on the market price of the shrimp. We normally order 3/4 of a ton for the party, so we get a good price, LOL.)