Lice Part II - How would you feel?

[lmj]

I posted almost two weeks ago about our first encouter with head lice. My daughter picked up lice at school. I treated it and the school nurse said she could go to school. I was going away to Mexico on Tuesday and had made arrangements to keep my kids busy with overnights at friends and grandparents as my DH works late nights. Just to be safe I gave her a second treatment on Sunday night because I thought I saw one or two nits remaining.

On Friday night she goes to sleep at her friend's house whose mom is a good friend of mine. She was there for around 4 hours and then said something about having lice. My friend checked her head and thought she saw some so she brought her home. I get a phone call in Mexico with DD crying and DH not knowing what he is supposed to do with her when he goes to work. I do understand her not wanting DD to sleep over but they had already been playing together for quite a while. If she really felt she had to bring DD home she could have made up some excuse rather than making it clear that she was going home because of the lice. My DD was embarassed and sad and I was too far away to do anything. Would you be upset or am I reading too much into this?

 

[dandave]

I would have told the friend's mother about the lice before asking for my child to sleep over.
If someone sent their child to my home with lice, ringworm, strep throat, or anthing contagious, then I would be upset.

 

[tiggerlover]

Before leaving town I would have told this woman that my DD had lice, that she was being treated and that she was cleared to go back to school and I would then let her decide if your DD could still go over. I think it was unfair not to give your friend a heads up. Sorry, JMHO.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Did your friend know about the lice before hand? If she did, and agreed to let your daughter come over, then I can understand you being upset.

If she didn't know, then I think she was right to take your daughter home.

 

[Katie]

I agree with the previous answers. You should have told the mother prior to leaving your daughter with her.

Last summer, I was in the same boat as you. My DD got lice ( I think from sharing baseball helmets, which we solved we have our OWN baseball helment and NO sharing!). During the summer, like most girls, sleepovers are routine! I did not allow my DD to stay anywhere or anybody stay with us for 10 days. And for the next few weeks after that, when she invited a friend over or was invited over, I always( as hard has it may be at times) told the parents about the situation! Some declined, and some said Okay...but the point is..they had the decision!

Personally, I would be upset if my "friend" did NOT tell me!

 

[becka]

I hate to agree with the others but I would also be upset if I was not told in advance and given the choice to either go ahead with plans or to change them.

I know that lice can be a messy situation which is why I think your friend had every right to be notified and to determine how she felt about it.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Yeah, sorry to say, I would have lambasted you if you'd not told me about the head lice. I would NOT, however, make it seem like it was the child's fault. I've been in the situation before, on both sides. I know enough about it now, that I would have said "no" to having your child come over. It can take soooo long to get rid of every bug in your house, sometimes months, even under the best circumstances. During head lice season, which is right now, our neighborhood moms routinely check all kids head at play dates as they come in the door. I can practically spot those #$%@ things a mile away now. The kids have all been through it, the moms all know the drill, there's no hurt feelings. The main thing is NOT to keep it a secret, let the other folks know what is going on. Simply because; your daughter caught them somewhere and chances are there are many more infected kids at her school and among her friends. Until you get the word out, they will keep spreading and reinfesting.

 

[zurgswife]

I also would have made the friend aware of the DD's lice situation...just the fair thing to do....Sorry your DD felt so sad...

 

[Cindyluwho]

Originally posted by lmj

" Just to be safe I gave her a second treatment on Sunday night because I thought I saw one or two nits remaining. "

IMJ, I just read your post again. I'm guessing there was still a live louse on your daughter and that's where the nits came from. If you used Rid or a similar product, it will not kill all the lice. Also, she could've picked up another one from wherever she got them before, or from the furniture etc. It really helps to keep the hair greased up with coconut oil, at least for a week if not two. I know it's not too pretty to look at but if you braid it or put it into a ponytail, it's not so bad. I wish you all the luck with this, it really is hard and I really feel for you. I know you didn't mean to "hide" it from your friend, you were just being mindful of your daughter's feelings. Keep us posted, we'll be thinking of you.

 

[Serena]

Just as a precaution, I would tell anyone that your daughter comes into contact with. Also, anyone that comes into contact with anything your daughter has come into contact with.

I know it's hard, but always let people know.

 

[jenfur]

My family had to deal with lice when my little brother had it. Just because there were some nits remaining does not mean that there were still living lice in the childs hair- nits are practicaly glued on. OTC brands do a very effective job unless the child comes in contact with the source again. Most also leave a residue so that any nits left alive will die when the louse hatches- some brands are capable of killing the nits as well. Also white vingar disolves the "glue" that attaches the nits to the hair.

I am in disagreement with other posters. I think you should be a peeved that she dropped your child off after agreeing to take her. You had taken care of the lice problem and was no ones business but your (especially because of the stigma that having lice can cause) - as for her thinking she saw some- she would know for sure if she live lice in a child's hair. In fact if I were in the situation and had agreed to keep your child and had found lice- I would have simply called you and treated her with your okay- I mean SHE IS A PARENT, RIGHT?

 

[christinou]

We also dealt with lice picked from sharing the helmets at baseball, and those things are really hard to kill, it took us forever to get rid of them...... I don't think that the shampoo really work well, you have to comb morning and night to get rid of the nits. I also think that you should have told your friend about it.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Originally posted by jenfur

"OTC brands do a very effective job unless the child comes in contact with the source again. Most also leave a residue so that any nits left alive will die when the louse hatches- some brands are capable of killing the nits as well. "

Jenfur, this is absolutely untrue. You can check with the National Pediculosis Assoc or the Center for Disease Control and they state very clearly that not only is the OTC shampoo dangerous, lice have become resistant and it will not kill every lice on the head. There are many, many other ways to treat headlice which are not dangerous to children. The NPA lists them on their website. As far as not telling the other parent, I can't even imagine what kind of "friend" would do that to another, knowing all the facts about head lice.

 

[lmj]

Just to clarify my original post - I had told everyone that my daughter or any other of my 3 children had come in contact with that she had had lice and I did call the school. I had given her the first treatment two weeks before she was due to sleep at her friend's house. None of my children ended up with lice so I believed that the initial treatment had killed all of the live lice. My kids are constantly together and I know they sometimes use the same brush and lie on the same pillows even though I told them not to.

The school nurse has checked my daughter several times since the first treatment and didn't think she was still infested with any live lice. I have combed her hair out with the fine tooth comb day and night and my DH was doing the same when I was gone without any signs of any live lice.

Before I left I wanted to be sure the problem was completely taken care of so I gave her a second treatment. I used NIX which was recommended by her pediatrician. I again combed out her hair and did not see any lice. She has very very fine hair and there may have been a couple of nits left. Per the pediatrician and the school nurse, the nits are not going to be passed on to other children, only live lice.

I had told everyone so I thought I had told the girlfriend she was staying with about the lice back when the problem started. I must not have. I did not think my daughter needed to be blacklisted from playing with friends after one run in with lice two weeks ago after being treated twice and being cleared by the school nurse several times. I had been away for 3 days by the time she had gone to her friend's so I don't know what happened while I was gone but I do know my husband was checking everyone's hair.

My DD told her friend about the whole lice incident because she was really upset by it and her friend told her mom. My girlfriend may have seen a couple of nits, although my husband had a hard time finding anything when he looked.

I don't have a problem with her feeling she needed to bring her home if she felt that strongly about it. I was only upset that she handled it the way she did and made my DD feel even worse than she already did. She is mortified and doesn't want anyone to look in her hair. She did not want to go to school this morning because "What if I still have lice?".

 

[Cindyluwho]

lmj, please don't think that for one moment I would think you are a bad parent. You've done everything you could think of to get rid of the problem. The mother of your daughter's friend, however, could have handled the situation much more tactfully. Without hurting your daughter's feelings. She could have discreetly called your husband and explained the situation to him. She was way out of line. And I know from experience that it's hard to remember exactly who you've told/haven't told, etc. As far as the pediatrician is concerned, I'll let you do your own research on those shampoos. Start with the National Pediculosis Assoc website and the CDC. I wouldn't have allowed your daughter to stay at my house after being treated with NIX but I would never, never tell your daughter why. I'd have just made up some excuse as to why she had to go home (I've forgotten a family appointment, etc) and then talk to your husband about it. Make it seem like it was my fault, not hers. You're doing a great job, MOM, keep up the good work!

 

[jenfur]

Jenfur, this is absolutely untrue. You can check with the National Pediculosis Assoc or the Center for Disease Control and they state very clearly that not only is the OTC shampoo dangerous, lice have become resistant and it will not kill every lice on the head. There are many, many other ways to treat headlice which are not dangerous to children.

Me run-in with lice was over 10 years ago so I may be off a bit. But a lot of doctors still recommend OTC treatment and most people don't second guess their doctor.

I still stand by the second half of my statement.