Fair warning * Get yourself a cuppa, it's going to be a long one *
Ok, firstly my weight hasn't changed at all since my last blog
Oh well, at least it hasn't gone up
I've joined the Biggest Loser Fall Challenge and am very excited about that! Anyone trying to tackle the winter weight should join.
I went to Ireland on Sunday. My Granny burst into tears when she realised who my Mum was and that we had come to see her, she was so happy. She always thinks she won't live long enough to see her again, bless her heart.
It was a lovely reunion with her, my aunt, and my cousin in particular and a lot of other family members to boot. I also got to meet two new little baby cousins, both boys, who are the children of two of my cousins. They are 8 months and 2 months...so cute!
Monday morning the nurse comes round as usual, she comes 3 or 4 times per week. My Granny's heart is too fast, too slow, then just right. Nurse checks her bedsore on her bottom and is pleased with that and does a few more checks and talks with my aunt. When she leaves she passes her findings onto the Doctor who calls and says that she wants us to take my Granny to hospital for some checks.
At 3pm we leave the house, get everyone in the car and the wheelchair in the boot, go to the Dr and pick up a form then head to the hospital. It turns out she has low sodium and is a little dehydrated, which we could tell as she was having trouble keeping her teeth in...so funny, but not really. They say they are keeping her in overnight to put a drip in and are waiting for a bed. At 10pm we're still waiting.
The coffee shop has been closed all day. Mum gets the nurse to give Granny a cup of tea and something to eat while we head to a nearby shop to find something for ourselves. We're starving and it's been a long, boring, butt-numbing day, plus we had to convince my Granny to stay overnight which is so so difficult. She hates it and she gets confused.
11pm we get a bed so we're taken upstairs and settled in. Granny is not happy and doesn't want to stay. She'd forgotten and it took a lot of convincing that it was just for one night to make her better then we'd take her home in the morning. But the nurse has been told something different...she's been told no drip, they are going to do it slowly over 3 weeks and the calming xanax my Granny takes that we were told would be doubled hasn't been put on her form at all.
Hell is ready to break loose! The nursing staff are lovely, sweet, caring people so we don't want to get mad at them at all, we were just exhausted and messed around by this point. The nurse phones the doctor who agrees that she forgot the xanax so Granny can have that and says she will be up shortly to talk.
At 11:30 the male nurse takes pity on us and brings tea and biscuits. Granny is starting to drift off, thank goodness. By 12:00 the nurse rings her again and she says she isn't able to come...GRRR...she does speak to my aunt over the phone and we have an appointment to see her the next day.
We get home at 1am, have a cuppa and crawl into bed. The next day Granny's doctor is changed to the same lady who looked after her last time she was in, who decides she is going to put her on a sodium drip and is not happy with the other doctor. This means Granny has to stay an extra night. She isn't happy and is so confused that she forgets the conversation constantly so you keep having it. Praying calms her, but she struggles to remember them so you have to say them with her.
The next day she is looking great, the doctor decides that she hasn't had quite enough sodium and is going to give her another drip. All her tests have come back good, healthy heart, lungs, etc.
By the evening Granny is very, very confused getting herself in a complete muddle, doesn't recognise any family members, thinking her son is her dead husband and my Mum, her daughter, is a nurse.
Next day they say she has an infection but her usine came back clear. They are giving her intravenous antibiotics. She had an awful night. They tried to sedate her, but it wasn't taking until suddenly at about 7am she fell into a deep sleep and barely woke all day. She looked like she wasn't going to make the morning. Very pale and waxy looking.
The day after that, actually it is a urine infection. She is awake and sitting up but very dazed and confused. They say the infection is causing the confusion to worsen. Her tummy is very swollen and painful so they take her to x-ray and show that when she is going to the bathroom not enough urine or faeces is coming out, so they put a catheter in and drain over 1 litre of fluid. Her tummy goes down immediately and she feels much better. She doesn't remember she has a catheter and gets upset in the evening that she hasn't been to the bathroom so the nurse brings in a comode for her to do a number 2.
The next day is awful! She've confused when we go in at lunchtime. Granny recently turned 96, she was telling us she was 90...then 50...then 95 and kept talking about her birthday party. Eventually we leave for an hour to get dinner before coming back in the evening. She tells me she is 25 and heartbroken. Then she says she is going to meet my Grandad who is dead 11 years now..it sounded like she meant she was dying. She kept asking about him and i had to leave the room for a little while as i was just in tears.
My cousin sat with her and she was certain he was her husband. She was asking if he was going to take her home and was adamant she was going to be wherever he was. She would only stay if he would, it wasn't fair to leave her here with strangers, etc. She tried to get up so she could leave and my uncle rushed over to help my mum keep her calm. My cousin got up to get out of the way and Granny turned mental in the thought Grandad was leaving her. She punched my Uncle hard enough to make him stumble and was really lashing out. We managed to get her in bed and her voice which previously was very croaky was strong now as she was screaming "I'm going to kill you...and you...and myself" among other things. I got the nurse who decided to give her a sedative. About 45 minutes and 20 prayers later she fell asleep and we left.
That night she didn't sleep particularly well and started scratching and biting the nurses. We flew back home and got a message from my aunt saying that Granny punched her in the chest. The nurses started talking about a Cat scan.
Yesterday we got the call that the infection is resisting any efforts to reduce it and that everyone should come and seen Granny soon as this is it. She will die over the next week.
Her dignity and memory have been taken from her. She's often been in tears from the confusion, hurt and fear of being away from home. We were praying that God would take her instead of letting her suffer through all of this so i'm grateful but all the same, i'm broken hearted that this time has come...I don't know if i will go to the funeral. It means another week from work and my parents don't think i should. They say that the funeral is so sad and isn't important. The important thing is that i was there when it counted and i was there to see her this week. I hope she is taken quickly now and rejoined with my Grandad and her younger sister who she loved dearly.
She was such a wonderful, good woman. They broke the mold with her. She had 7 children and adopted 3 and still managed to cycle the 30 minute car journey into town every Sunday to the hospital to visit with sick patients. She was the first woman in Ireland to recieve redundancy pay. She never raised her voice, her fists or herself to anger and she loved her husband, children, grandchildren and great grandchildren with all her hear. This woman should have never had to suffer and the world would be a better place if there were more like her.
Some of the ladies will understand when i say that i feel uncomfortable about my upper arms and that back fat you can get where your bra strap is...not anymore!!! I was so nervous before we went out, but it's so hot. I felt a little brave and tried it on to test and my bf was like WOW, i love it when you wear a dress, please don't change...so i didn't. I wouldn't be lying or exagerating if i said i felt a kind of euphoria today.
xx
I can't wait to find out where we are going! Only 3 days at work this week. 
