Loss of DH

[Snowysmom]

This is such a great place for comfort and support. I lost my DH of 45 years on Sept. 29. He passed suddenly at home, no known health issues. I couldn't wake him up in the morning. So horrific! He was only 67.

My 2 sons have been wonderful but I am so lost and lonely without DH. I am staying with my older DS and family for now. I don't know if I can go back to living in the house. We have been to the house getting pictures and clothes etc but I just keep thinking of him and crying. DS says I can stay as long as I want. I am helping out so I am not a burden but it is not my home with my DH. We are going to clean out the house as DH was a pack rat and then see what the best solution is for me and the kids.

We had a wonderful life celebration with slide show, pictures, music, and the boys talked about their Dad. DH was a wonderful Husband, Dad, and Grandpa/Papa.

We always traveled and were supposed to do our annual foliage trip to NH next week. We both loved this trip as it was relaxing and we had alot of fun. Plus we had a Disney trip planned for Nov which we were both looking forward to. We always had such a great time together and I grieve that we won't have that closeness and fun any more. We were supposed to grow old together.

Now I have the daunting task of calls and appointments, changing health care, dealing with his work benefits. I am taking time off from work to deal with it all but it is so stressful and anxiety provoking. I miss him so much.

 

[RogueX]

I offer my deepest condolences on the passing of your husband. The grief will be hard, just hold tight to those happy memories you have and the closeness of your family.

 

[Dan Murphy]

DH was a wonderful Husband, Dad, and Grandpa/Papa.

Snowysmom, the so often said cliché, 'I'm so very sorry', seems so pale here and whenever it is said. However, I say it here. I'm so very sorry to hear this about your loving husband, Snowysmom. 's

Your thought, quoted from you above, is what any man, myself included, would so love to be remembered for, he 'was a wonderful Husband, Dad, and Grandpa/Papa'. Hard to beat those memories of your hubby, Snowysmom.

Life can be so very unpredictable. We see that so often in life, day in, day out. Trying to deal with your sadness, your adjustments, certainly in the short term, can and will seem/be daunting. Thankfully, you have your boys and families to give you the very needed support, now and in future days and time ahead. Forever really. From your thoughts here, they are already demonstrating that.

Try to maintain your plans, if possible, that you were looking forward to doing together. Memories of past joys can be very cathartic to our inner selves. Your boys are there to see you through.

Blessings for you, Snowysmom, today, in the days and time ahead and in the future. Treasure your memories, they will see you though for a lifetime. God speed for your hubby.

 

[mommasita]

My heart hurts for you. Words can’t be enough, I send you love.

I know it isn’t the same, I lost my daughter in this house. At first I thought we had to sell immediately, now after four years I am not so sure. I still treasure so many memories.

When they say not to make any rash decisions for a few months, it is so true. But really, only you know what you can handle, and what you want to do.

it is a lot of paperwork, along with the heartbreak. There is no rush, and get lots of copies of everything, you will need them.

Please, feel free to come here anytime. We are all friends. Sending you a lot of love

 

[AnnaS]

I am so sorry for your loss. You were one unit for so many years. A part of you is gone now .

Right now I am not sure what words will bring you any comfort.

You will go through so many emotions. Take your time, keep a list, take notes but most of all do not rush to make any decisions. I have also heard not to make any changes for at least a year when going through any life changing event.

Feel free to come here anytime.

 

[DisneyFansInNYC]

I am so so sorry for your loss. I have tears in my eyes as I write to you. Glad that you came to share your sorrow and maybe get some comfort from the lovely people on this board. Take time to read them all as often as you like knowing that we are all thinking about you.

As others have said - take your time to adjust to the new norm. I am sure you are not a burden to your family - this is what families do for each other.

Where do you live? Do you live near your kids? Maybe when you feel comfortable you can stay a few nights at home. This happened to my friends parents and for the first 6 months the mom lived with them and now she sleeps at her house about 3-4 nights a week. The most important thing is that everyone goes through loss differently and there is no right or wrong answer.

Know that our family from NYC will be praying for you and your family. Come back anytime to let us know how you are doing.

--Christine

 

[Planogirl]

I am very sorry. I also lost my DH very suddenly. It is shocking and terrifying all at once. I suggest setting your own pace when it comes to getting things done. It can become very overwhelming.

Also, grieve how you want to. Go to WDW if it feels right or don't - you call it. There is no easier way to get through this and all you can really do is forge ahead. Its hard to imagine but you will get through it.

 

[puppawuppa]

So very sorry for your loss.

 

[Jennasis]

I am so so sorry.

 

[Snowysmom]

Thank you all so much. It helps to read the words of comfort and encouragement. I know it is best to just grieve right now with my family. Thankfully my sons live within one hour of each other and the family home. I am with my older DS now as he has the room. He told me I can stay at least 22 years as that is how long he stayed with mom and dad. I won't take him up on that offer but it is nice to hear. It is so hard and right now I cannot imagine it getting any better. I do like the idea of waiting awhile and then trying to stay at the house for a night to see how it goes. I have actually been thinking about that down the road. Have a nice evening.

 

[FQLover]

I am newer to the Community Board and don't have a long history with anyone here. But I can imagine the pain and loss and real shock you must be going through in this sad time. I am so very sorry. Please be patient with yourself as you grieve--there is no time table.

Your sons sound like wonderful people; they may be holding you up now, but the time will come when they need some comfort from their mom about their loss, and I am sure you will hold and support them then, just as they are doing for you now.

Gentle hugs to you, @Snowysmom

 

[Southernmiss]

I am so sorry . Sounds like you have great sons and family to help you in these difficult days.

May the pain ease and your memories bring you only smiles and warm memories of your time together.

 

[antmaril]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my DH (age 55) 13 years ago after an eight month battle with pancreatic cancer. I know it is a devastating loss. My heart breaks for you.

Just take one day at a time. It‘s not something you ever get over. You just get used to it and learn to live with the loss. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but I promise you that it will get a little easier. But, it takes time. Right now, just take care of yourself.

All the best to you. You now belong to a club that nobody wants to join. I‘m so sorry.

 

[LuvOrlando]

So sorry for your loss. My MIL lost my FIL a month ago after nearly 50 years of marriage and she doesn't want to be/can't be in the home anymore either, so I totally understand that home can stop being a comfort. No such thing as a right or wrong way to move ahead, it's whatever is ok for you. I hope your moments of peace begin to increase soon.

 

[mom2rtk]

Hugs and prayers to you from across the miles. I'm so very sorry for your enormous and life changing loss.

 

[Micca]

A big hug from me. Try & hang in there!

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I think one of the hardest things there is in life is having to say goodbye to the ones we love. You were together so long and losing your husband so unexpectedly is a shock to your heart. You have my deepest condolences, and please know that I'm thinking of you. There are no rules for grieving, and in time you'll find more comfort in the memories that you have than pain. It'll take time, and with the love and support of your sons you'll make it. We are here for you whenever you feel like venting or sharing a story or two about your husband.

​

 

[dznymemories]

My heart hurts for you. This is all so recent and fresh that you cannot possibly handle all that has happened. There is nothing I can say or do that will take any of the pain away now. Please do not expect too much from yourself. Right now you will be doing well each day if you can just put one foot in front of the other and truly that is all you need to do. But that is enough to start and someday it will be easier to do that. Don't let anyone tell you how to morn your beloved husband. His love for you will always be with you. Sending caring hugs and prayers for strength and healing in time.

 

[loveshak22]

It is so hard to know the right words to say to someone who has just lost so much and so unexpectedly. There are already so many beautiful words and thoughts here that I don't know that I have anything to add other than to also say I am so sorry for your loss. It has to be devestating. But I am glad your kids are surrounding you with love and support! Everyone grieves differently so try to focus on what it is you need in any given moment without judging yourself for whatever that may be - cry, or laugh at happy memories, or scream, or drive to NH or WDW. I've been with so many people managing grief who apologize for crying too much, or talking too much about the past, or feeling like they weren't crying enough. Do what you need for yourself and know that is what is most important, and what your DH would want - it sounds like he was a lovely man. Sending lots of hugs ❤

 

[Kimkimba]

I’m so sorry. I’m not sure there is anything I can say, but I am praying for you.